(68) I wanted to live. (4)
Ariana realized her emotions were running wild.
I can't do this. I need to come to my senses. I can't show my ugly side.
Even as she thought that, she couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
"It's my fault."
A hoarse voice landed on Ariana's head.
"It's my fault."
Ariana shook her head.
"No, it's not your fault, Dad. Ultimately, it was my choice, and my foolishness."
"The child..."
Russell strode over and hugged Ariana. Ariana felt her father's hand tremble on her back.
"It's a parent's responsibility, Ariana. No matter what choice you made, it was ultimately because I couldn't be there for you. It's my fault, Ariana. It wasn't your fault at all."
It was all my fault.
The pain, the failure to do well, Helena falling, Victoria's hat flying off—it was all Ariana's fault.
Even the Emperor had stepped in to sever Ariana's ties with the Bronte family. A sixteen-year-old girl burning with vengeance over a relationship already severed would undoubtedly seem strange.
That's why Ariana needed a close confidant with no ties to the White family.
"A strong man would be ideal. A strong woman would be nice, too. A gladiator slave would be nice, but gladiator slaves are expensive, so I can't afford one with my current budget. They need to be educated enough to read and write, and they need to be smart. I don't have time to teach them from the beginning."
Ariana realized her emotions were running wild.
I can't do this. I need to come to my senses. I can't show my ugly side.
Even as she thought that, she couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
"It's my fault."
A hoarse voice landed on Ariana's head.
"It's my fault."
Ariana shook her head.
"No, it's not your fault, Dad. Ultimately, it was my choice, and my foolishness."
"The child..."
Russell strode over and hugged Ariana. Ariana felt her father's hand tremble on her back.
"It's a parent's responsibility, Ariana. No matter what choice you made, it was ultimately because I couldn't be there for you. It's my fault, Ariana. It wasn't your fault at all."
It was all my fault.
The pain, the failure to do well, Helena falling, Victoria's hat flying off—it was all Ariana's fault.
Rachel always said.
"You should have seen it better."
"You were there!"
"Can't you do it right? Why can't you do anything right?"
That's why she thought it was all her fault.
Even after returning to time, she couldn't escape the chain Rachel had placed around her neck.
It was the first time she heard someone say it wasn't her fault.
A grown man, a King sitting high above, her own flesh and blood, her father, carefully holding her with trembling hands and saying it was all his fault.
Even though it wasn't really his fault.
Her broken, shattered heart began to heal, little by little, and Ariana broke the chains Rachel had strangled around her neck. Her father's low sobs and warm body heat comforted the wound that seemed like it would never heal.
The heart that had been so cruelly torn apart over 28 years wouldn't completely heal in a single moment. But Ariana knew.
Someday, she would be able to accept this man as her true father. And it wouldn't take long.
After she was returned to the prison, no one wanted to buy her at the first slave market she went to. The host tried to sell her, adding countless sweet nothings, but everyone just whispered ominously.
She was taken back to the slave dealer's warehouse, and the slave dealer looked at her with a troubled look.
"It won't sell even for cheap. Even if I give it to you for free, I don't know if anyone will take it."
The slave dealer's servant said.
"Master, how about just selling her eyeballs? I heard that golden eyeballs are highly prized among collectors."
"That might be better than selling them for cheap. There are more valuable people at the midnight market. If it doesn't work, we should try selling them then, and if it doesn't work, we should at least pluck out her eyeballs."
Because she could hear and feel, she knew that her life was running out.
After the slave dealer left, an old slave in the next cage said,
“You’re going to die now. Yes, someone like you should die. More than 20 people died because of you, right? Even if you live, you’ll only add to the number of poor victims.”
She sat helplessly in the corner of the cage, recalling something she had once heard from another slave:
“The weather was really nice earlier. When I lived with my mother, we used to go on picnics on days like this.”
Having been locked in cages since birth and never left for a moment, she couldn’t understand the words “good weather” or “picnic.”
But she could feel that it was something very good.
So she thought,
“It would be nice to see really nice weather before I die.”
Dinner was a little awkward.
Ariana couldn’t raise her head because she had unexpectedly burst into tears when she visited Russell earlier.
'I'm crying like a little child.'
If she were a real child, it might be different, but what was inside the body of a 16-year-old girl was the soul of a woman who had died at the age of 28. He was too young to be hugged by his father and whining, and he couldn't stand the embarrassment of doing something like that.
Unlike Ariana, Russell was beaming. Theodore, seeing his son smiling for the first time, asked,
"Is something good happening?"
"Yes."
"What's wrong?"
Russell and Ariana's eyes met as they were about to answer. When Ariana forced her gaze, Russell said,
"It's a secret."
Ariana was relieved that the words "My daughter called me 'Dad' and cried in my arms" didn't come out.
Carradine, guessing what had happened from Ariana's attitude and Russell's smile, smiled happily. Theodore grumbled when even his wife seemed happy.
"Why is everyone having fun but me?"
After dinner, Ariana fled back to her room.
She'd resolved not to be too sharp on the Whites, but the atmosphere still felt awkward.
She sat down on the sofa and checked her watch.
"It's already nine o'clock."
The reason she'd visited Russell earlier was to tell him she'd explore the streets before dinner if she had time. But she'd missed the opportunity because of an unexpected conversation.
"If there's no problem, it'll be open at midnight."
Ariana and her group were currently in Conyvale, the last city on the border between the Empire and the Eastern Territory. Its canal drew many traders.
Consequently, the shopping district prospered until late, gambling dens of all sizes were plentiful, and slave markets operated in secret locations.
The founding Emperor of the Cameria Empire had banned slavery, but over two hundred years later, slaves were now bought and sold. While the slave trade wasn't openly practiced, everyone knew about it and turned a blind eye.
"I'm not in favor of slavery, but..."
Ariana needed someone truly "herself."
Someone who lived in a world where only Ariana existed. Someone who would do whatever Ariana asked without ever revealing it. Someone who would pretend not to notice the poison Ariana harbored.
Russell had assigned Ariana a knight named Lanster as her personal escort, and Carradine had sent Catherine as her personal maid. But neither of them was truly Ariana's.
It wasn't that she didn't trust Russell and Carradine, but because she wanted to trust them now, she didn't want to show them her ugly side.
"Rachel, Victoria, and the Third Prince. My family doesn't understand my hatred for them. And they won't ever understand."
"You should have seen it better."
"You were there!"
"Can't you do it right? Why can't you do anything right?"
That's why she thought it was all her fault.
Even after returning to time, she couldn't escape the chain Rachel had placed around her neck.
It was the first time she heard someone say it wasn't her fault.
A grown man, a King sitting high above, her own flesh and blood, her father, carefully holding her with trembling hands and saying it was all his fault.
Even though it wasn't really his fault.
Her broken, shattered heart began to heal, little by little, and Ariana broke the chains Rachel had strangled around her neck. Her father's low sobs and warm body heat comforted the wound that seemed like it would never heal.
The heart that had been so cruelly torn apart over 28 years wouldn't completely heal in a single moment. But Ariana knew.
Someday, she would be able to accept this man as her true father. And it wouldn't take long.
***
After she was returned to the prison, no one wanted to buy her at the first slave market she went to. The host tried to sell her, adding countless sweet nothings, but everyone just whispered ominously.
She was taken back to the slave dealer's warehouse, and the slave dealer looked at her with a troubled look.
"It won't sell even for cheap. Even if I give it to you for free, I don't know if anyone will take it."
The slave dealer's servant said.
"Master, how about just selling her eyeballs? I heard that golden eyeballs are highly prized among collectors."
"That might be better than selling them for cheap. There are more valuable people at the midnight market. If it doesn't work, we should try selling them then, and if it doesn't work, we should at least pluck out her eyeballs."
Because she could hear and feel, she knew that her life was running out.
After the slave dealer left, an old slave in the next cage said,
“You’re going to die now. Yes, someone like you should die. More than 20 people died because of you, right? Even if you live, you’ll only add to the number of poor victims.”
She sat helplessly in the corner of the cage, recalling something she had once heard from another slave:
“The weather was really nice earlier. When I lived with my mother, we used to go on picnics on days like this.”
Having been locked in cages since birth and never left for a moment, she couldn’t understand the words “good weather” or “picnic.”
But she could feel that it was something very good.
So she thought,
“It would be nice to see really nice weather before I die.”
***
Dinner was a little awkward.
Ariana couldn’t raise her head because she had unexpectedly burst into tears when she visited Russell earlier.
'I'm crying like a little child.'
If she were a real child, it might be different, but what was inside the body of a 16-year-old girl was the soul of a woman who had died at the age of 28. He was too young to be hugged by his father and whining, and he couldn't stand the embarrassment of doing something like that.
Unlike Ariana, Russell was beaming. Theodore, seeing his son smiling for the first time, asked,
"Is something good happening?"
"Yes."
"What's wrong?"
Russell and Ariana's eyes met as they were about to answer. When Ariana forced her gaze, Russell said,
"It's a secret."
Ariana was relieved that the words "My daughter called me 'Dad' and cried in my arms" didn't come out.
Carradine, guessing what had happened from Ariana's attitude and Russell's smile, smiled happily. Theodore grumbled when even his wife seemed happy.
"Why is everyone having fun but me?"
After dinner, Ariana fled back to her room.
She'd resolved not to be too sharp on the Whites, but the atmosphere still felt awkward.
She sat down on the sofa and checked her watch.
"It's already nine o'clock."
The reason she'd visited Russell earlier was to tell him she'd explore the streets before dinner if she had time. But she'd missed the opportunity because of an unexpected conversation.
"If there's no problem, it'll be open at midnight."
Ariana and her group were currently in Conyvale, the last city on the border between the Empire and the Eastern Territory. Its canal drew many traders.
Consequently, the shopping district prospered until late, gambling dens of all sizes were plentiful, and slave markets operated in secret locations.
The founding Emperor of the Cameria Empire had banned slavery, but over two hundred years later, slaves were now bought and sold. While the slave trade wasn't openly practiced, everyone knew about it and turned a blind eye.
"I'm not in favor of slavery, but..."
Ariana needed someone truly "herself."
Someone who lived in a world where only Ariana existed. Someone who would do whatever Ariana asked without ever revealing it. Someone who would pretend not to notice the poison Ariana harbored.
Russell had assigned Ariana a knight named Lanster as her personal escort, and Carradine had sent Catherine as her personal maid. But neither of them was truly Ariana's.
It wasn't that she didn't trust Russell and Carradine, but because she wanted to trust them now, she didn't want to show them her ugly side.
"Rachel, Victoria, and the Third Prince. My family doesn't understand my hatred for them. And they won't ever understand."
These were events that had yet to pass. Things that existed only in Ariana's memories and past.
No one could believe such a nightmarish truth.
'My family will think my problems ended with my victory in the custody battle. And that's true. I'm an abused sixteen-year-old girl, and now that I've escaped my abusive mother, I need to live a safe and recovering life.'
No one could believe such a nightmarish truth.
'My family will think my problems ended with my victory in the custody battle. And that's true. I'm an abused sixteen-year-old girl, and now that I've escaped my abusive mother, I need to live a safe and recovering life.'
Even the Emperor had stepped in to sever Ariana's ties with the Bronte family. A sixteen-year-old girl burning with vengeance over a relationship already severed would undoubtedly seem strange.
That's why Ariana needed a close confidant with no ties to the White family.
"A strong man would be ideal. A strong woman would be nice, too. A gladiator slave would be nice, but gladiator slaves are expensive, so I can't afford one with my current budget. They need to be educated enough to read and write, and they need to be smart. I don't have time to teach them from the beginning."
She wasn't necessarily looking to buy a slave this time. Even if she found one that looked similar to what she wanted, if the price wasn't right, she couldn't bring them home.
Even if she were lucky enough to find the perfect slave, the White family's reaction would be a problem.
Judging by the fact that there weren't any slaves at Chase Castle, the White family was clearly reluctant to buy or sell slaves. If Ariana brought a slave, she'd be met with disapproving looks.
'I'll just say I brought him here out of pity and want to help him. He'll be genuinely kind to me, too.'
If she brought a slave, she had no intention of treating him rudely. 'He's my person,' she thought, 'and I'll treat him the way I never could as a slave. That way, he won't think about leaving me.'
Ariana bided her time.
She'd originally planned to pretend she'd stumbled upon a slave market while wandering around, but she'd missed the 6 o'clock market, so that was out of the question.
Going into the downtown area at this hour would undoubtedly be met with opposition. So she'd have to sneak out.
'The midnight slave market is more dangerous than the evening one. First, if I go downtown, I'll need to find shabby clothes. I'll buy a hooded cloak. Oh, I don't have any weapons right now. I'll need to buy some daggers, too.'
When the time came, Ariana quietly opened the door. Fortunately, the inn hallway was empty.
'Everyone must be exhausted from their journey and asleep early. I have to leave early tomorrow too...’
Ariana walked briskly, feeling relieved. She almost ran to the end of the hallway and was about to go down the stairs when a voice came from below.
“Princess, where are you going?”
Lanster was standing in the middle of the stairs.
Ariana stopped dead in her tracks and looked down at Lanster.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
“I’m resting.”
“You should rest in your room.”
“This is my room. It’s late. Where are you going?”
Lanster seemed like he wouldn’t let Ariana go out alone. Ariana hesitated and then decided to use the plan she had made for the 6 o’clock slave market.
"My grandmother said there were many interesting things to do in this city. But I was too tired to look around earlier. I heard the shops were open late, so I thought I'd go and look around."
"Were you planning to go alone?"
"No, I was planning to come with you."
Lanster didn't seem to believe her, but he quickly straightened up.
"I'll escort you."
Fortunately, he didn't stop her from leaving.
Ariana left the inn with Lanster.
Lanster didn't ask where she was going. He followed a step behind Ariana, so silent that she almost forgot he was there. Only when she occasionally glanced back to confirm his presence did she realize he was still behind her.
With Lanster's silent escort, Ariana hurried to the downtown area.
Conyvale's downtown area was even more dazzling at night than during the day.
The shops were lit up everywhere, people were coming and going, and voices were hawking.
With Lanster, there was no need to buy a dagger or a cloak. Ariana pretended to browse the shops and headed toward her destination.
"It must have been around here."
A small alleyway between an arms dealer and a butcher shop.
Ariana remembered the slave market taking place in a vast space beneath a shabby bar at the end of the alley.
Discovering the alleyway, Ariana attempted to enter, but Lanster, who had been following behind, hurriedly blocked her path.
"It's dangerous here, Princess."
Even if she were lucky enough to find the perfect slave, the White family's reaction would be a problem.
Judging by the fact that there weren't any slaves at Chase Castle, the White family was clearly reluctant to buy or sell slaves. If Ariana brought a slave, she'd be met with disapproving looks.
'I'll just say I brought him here out of pity and want to help him. He'll be genuinely kind to me, too.'
If she brought a slave, she had no intention of treating him rudely. 'He's my person,' she thought, 'and I'll treat him the way I never could as a slave. That way, he won't think about leaving me.'
Ariana bided her time.
She'd originally planned to pretend she'd stumbled upon a slave market while wandering around, but she'd missed the 6 o'clock market, so that was out of the question.
Going into the downtown area at this hour would undoubtedly be met with opposition. So she'd have to sneak out.
'The midnight slave market is more dangerous than the evening one. First, if I go downtown, I'll need to find shabby clothes. I'll buy a hooded cloak. Oh, I don't have any weapons right now. I'll need to buy some daggers, too.'
When the time came, Ariana quietly opened the door. Fortunately, the inn hallway was empty.
'Everyone must be exhausted from their journey and asleep early. I have to leave early tomorrow too...’
Ariana walked briskly, feeling relieved. She almost ran to the end of the hallway and was about to go down the stairs when a voice came from below.
“Princess, where are you going?”
Lanster was standing in the middle of the stairs.
Ariana stopped dead in her tracks and looked down at Lanster.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
“I’m resting.”
“You should rest in your room.”
“This is my room. It’s late. Where are you going?”
Lanster seemed like he wouldn’t let Ariana go out alone. Ariana hesitated and then decided to use the plan she had made for the 6 o’clock slave market.
"My grandmother said there were many interesting things to do in this city. But I was too tired to look around earlier. I heard the shops were open late, so I thought I'd go and look around."
"Were you planning to go alone?"
"No, I was planning to come with you."
Lanster didn't seem to believe her, but he quickly straightened up.
"I'll escort you."
Fortunately, he didn't stop her from leaving.
Ariana left the inn with Lanster.
Lanster didn't ask where she was going. He followed a step behind Ariana, so silent that she almost forgot he was there. Only when she occasionally glanced back to confirm his presence did she realize he was still behind her.
With Lanster's silent escort, Ariana hurried to the downtown area.
Conyvale's downtown area was even more dazzling at night than during the day.
The shops were lit up everywhere, people were coming and going, and voices were hawking.
With Lanster, there was no need to buy a dagger or a cloak. Ariana pretended to browse the shops and headed toward her destination.
"It must have been around here."
A small alleyway between an arms dealer and a butcher shop.
Ariana remembered the slave market taking place in a vast space beneath a shabby bar at the end of the alley.
Discovering the alleyway, Ariana attempted to enter, but Lanster, who had been following behind, hurriedly blocked her path.
"It's dangerous here, Princess."
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