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That evening, Annette opened her eyes.
Her body felt heavy, like water-soaked cotton. A dull pain rose from her stomach. Annette groaned softly and curled up slightly.
A dark shadow appeared at the edge of her half-blurred vision. She blinked her squinted eyes several times. Slowly, it came into focus. It was Heiner.
Heiner looked down at her with a face as if he'd seen a ghost. It was so uncharacteristic of him that Annette momentarily assumed it was a dream.
As soon as Heiner confirmed she was conscious, he immediately called a doctor. A doctor arrived shortly after and assessed her condition.
The gunshot wound wasn't that deep, they said. It was a minor diagnosis compared to the excruciating pain she'd felt. Annette was momentarily puzzled, but soon understood.
Arnold had said she was oversensitive, overreacting to even the slightest inconvenience. Judging by his words, she was sure she was being oversensitive this time, too.
The doctor, after giving Annette some precautions regarding the gunshot wound, hesitated for a moment and then told her she would have bleeding for the next three or four days. Annette assumed it was her period.
Her periods were usually extremely irregular, sometimes skipping for months. She assumed this was the case again.
But the doctor said it was because she had a miscarriage.
Here, Annette doubted her ears.
The doctor's voice was half-glassed. Blue veins were visible on the back of Annette's hand, which was gripping the blanket tightly.
The doctor, with a deeply apologetic expression, told her that future pregnancies would be difficult. Annette was still half-astonished.
“Then get some rest.”
The doctor bowed politely and left the room. Annette sat there blankly, not even bothering to say goodbye.
She absentmindedly placed her hand on her stomach. She felt the tight bandage wrapped beneath her hospital gown.
'Pregnant...? When? Why?'
She hasn't been feeling particularly well lately, but she thought it was just stress and never dreamed she was pregnant.
A strange chill rose. Annette's shoulders trembled slightly. She had never known the child existed, yet a profound sense of loss welled up in her stomach.
A child who never came when she desperately wanted him.
“...The fact of the miscarriage was kept secret from the outside.”
Heiner opened his mouth quietly.
“I’ll take care of everything regarding the article, so don’t worry about that.”
Annette slowly turned her head to look at him. His words sounded terribly strange.
'He's taking care of it?'
There was no way Heiner would handle things in her favor. He was a man who had simply stood by while reporters bit him on the back of the neck. He was sick of newspaper articles.
"The perpetrator was reportedly arrested at the scene. The motive and whether there was a mastermind are currently being investigated."
“...”
“Currently, the use of firearms in the private sector is restricted, and since you are pregnant, he will be punished under the strictest penalty of attempted murder...”
“The child.”
Annette's voice cracked. She ignored it and continued.
“How many weeks old is the baby?”
Heiner stared at her stomach for a moment, then looked up.
“They say it was 11 weeks.”
It was almost exactly the same time as when her period stopped. Annette closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them. Her mind was a blur.
“Annette, the child is...”
Heiner, who had been hesitating for a moment, added heavily.
“...If you want, you can adopt a child.”
“Adoption?”
Annette muttered softly and looked up at him. Heiner's face, as usual, was difficult to read.
“What are you talking about all of a sudden?”
“So, if you really want to raise the child.”
“No, I don’t need it. It’s better this way.”
Heiner's eyebrows furrowed slightly at that. Annette lowered her hand from her stomach and spoke.
“It would have been better if he had never been born.”
“What does that mean?”
"It must have been a misfortune to be born. Born into a loveless home, he would have had to live with the stigma of his mother. I took a lot of medication during pregnancy, so who knows what would have happened to him..."
“Didn’t you want a child?”
"Not anymore. And you didn't want it, did you? Aren't you secretly glad it turned out this way?"
Annette truly believed so. Heiner had no reason to want children, and countless reasons not to.
But Heiner shook his head defensively, looking as if he'd been taken by surprise.
“What on earth... why do you think that?”
“So, have you ever thought about having a child with me? No.”
“Annette, I just...”
Heiner pursed his lips, looking as if he didn't know what to say.
“I just... never thought about children. The doctors said you had a hard time getting pregnant... and there was no news for four years.”
“Whatever the circumstances, it’s good for you, Heiner.”
Annette raised her lips slightly.
“Politically, my child is no good either.”
Superficial issues aside, it was clearly a blessing for Heiner. A child born to a woman he hated. He couldn't possibly love her child.
The legacy was a blessing in disguise in many ways.
To Heiner, to the unborn child, and to the people outside.
“But you.”
Heiner's words were cut off. His low, resonant voice was tightly held. He let out a slightly trembling breath and struggled to continue.
“You wanted a child, didn’t you?”
“...But?”
"Why not now? Because you found out about my betrayal? After all, things between us haven't changed much since then."
Heiner's eyes were dark and sunken. Sitting on his chair, his head half-bowed, he looked like a gigantic shadow.
“What does it have to do with you whether I want it or not?”
“Annette, I’m not here to discuss your superiors.”
“Then what exactly are you trying to discuss?”
“Just because you wanted it in the past, you might consider adoption.”
“I don’t want it anymore!”
Annette's voice rose. She spoke in a half-outburst.
"I don't want it anymore. I don't need children. So it's all for the best! I said so, so why do you keep...!"
The last words came out almost like a scream. Annette's lips trembled with intense emotion. The atmosphere became as fragile as cracked glass.
Heiner sat stiffly, like a startled animal. A heavy silence descended. In the silence, only Annette's breathing rose and fell unsteadily.
For a while, neither of them said anything. After a moment of silence, Annette turned her head away from him.
“Please leave. I want to be alone.”
Heiner stared at her without answering. The ticking of the clock filled the hospital room with a chilling sound. Annette's fingertips, draped over the sheets, twitched briefly.
Finally, he quietly rose from his seat. The sound of footsteps faded away. The door opened and closed again.
Annette rolled onto her side. The cold air pressed against her body. Even though she was awake and conscious, nothing felt real.
In hindsight, perhaps pregnancy was a selfish desire. If she truly cared about the child, she shouldn't have brought him into the world.
The world the child born into will face will be infinitely cold and harsh. Because it is their child. Because it is of Rosenberg blood.
Perhaps growing up, he might have come to resent his mother. She's used to being hated, but if it were her own child... well, how would that feel?
Annette curled up tightly. Despite being covered with a thick blanket, she shivered. The chill that seemed to surge from the pit of her stomach was excruciating.
“You wanted a child, didn’t you?”
Did you want a child?
Yeah, I wanted to.
She didn't know whether it was loneliness, desperation, or some other impure desire. Whatever the reason, she wanted it.
Annette lost the child she longed for so desperately, but strangely enough, she didn't cry. She didn't feel guilty for not being able to protect him, nor did she feel a heartbreaking pain.
It was just too cold.
It was so cold that it felt like there was a big hole inside her body.
While in the hospital, Annette underwent additional tests. She also underwent psychological counseling, at the semi-coercive urging of her doctor and Heiner.
It seemed like he was worried about the shock of the miscarriage, but Annette didn't think the counseling was particularly necessary. She wasn't particularly shocked. She was just a little dazed.
“How are you feeling today?”
“Not bad.”
“Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, I slept well.”
“That’s good. Who did you talk to yesterday?”
“The doctor, the nurse, and my husband...”
“May I ask what you talked about with your husband?”
“I don’t remember very well.”
“I heard you had a bit of a fight last time about adoption.”
“We weren’t arguing, I was just... sensitive.”
"It's just a difference of opinion. Why don't you want to adopt, ma'am?"
Annette looked down at her clasped hands, resting on her thighs, for a moment. Her lips moved slowly.
"I am..."
There were many reasons. She didn't have the confidence to love her child completely. She felt sorry for the child growing up in such a household. She knew people would gossip about her struggles to avoid divorcing her husband.
And adoption itself is meaningless anyway.
“...It hasn’t been that long since the miscarriage. It’s a bit... difficult to think about another child right now.”
“Oh, I see. I completely understand how you feel, madam.”
Annette lied repeatedly during her consultations. Her truthful remarks were practically superficial, and any conversation that got even slightly intimate would be met with fabricated answers.
Annette fundamentally distrusted the confidentiality of her counseling sessions. She expected that even the slightest misunderstanding would be the subject of gossip the next morning.
Even if that wasn't the case, all the consultation details would have been relayed to Heiner.
The counselor seemed convinced by the answer and didn't ask any further questions. Annette, exhausted by even the light conversation, closed her eyes. A familiar darkness crept into her eyelids.
She just wanted to be alone.
Her body felt heavy, like water-soaked cotton. A dull pain rose from her stomach. Annette groaned softly and curled up slightly.
A dark shadow appeared at the edge of her half-blurred vision. She blinked her squinted eyes several times. Slowly, it came into focus. It was Heiner.
Heiner looked down at her with a face as if he'd seen a ghost. It was so uncharacteristic of him that Annette momentarily assumed it was a dream.
As soon as Heiner confirmed she was conscious, he immediately called a doctor. A doctor arrived shortly after and assessed her condition.
The gunshot wound wasn't that deep, they said. It was a minor diagnosis compared to the excruciating pain she'd felt. Annette was momentarily puzzled, but soon understood.
Arnold had said she was oversensitive, overreacting to even the slightest inconvenience. Judging by his words, she was sure she was being oversensitive this time, too.
The doctor, after giving Annette some precautions regarding the gunshot wound, hesitated for a moment and then told her she would have bleeding for the next three or four days. Annette assumed it was her period.
Her periods were usually extremely irregular, sometimes skipping for months. She assumed this was the case again.
But the doctor said it was because she had a miscarriage.
Here, Annette doubted her ears.
It's normal for residual products of conception, including the placenta, to pass out of the uterus, so there's no need to be alarmed. If bleeding persists, surgery may be necessary. She may experience abdominal pain as the uterus contracts...
The doctor, with a deeply apologetic expression, told her that future pregnancies would be difficult. Annette was still half-astonished.
“Then get some rest.”
The doctor bowed politely and left the room. Annette sat there blankly, not even bothering to say goodbye.
She absentmindedly placed her hand on her stomach. She felt the tight bandage wrapped beneath her hospital gown.
'Pregnant...? When? Why?'
She hasn't been feeling particularly well lately, but she thought it was just stress and never dreamed she was pregnant.
A strange chill rose. Annette's shoulders trembled slightly. She had never known the child existed, yet a profound sense of loss welled up in her stomach.
A child who never came when she desperately wanted him.
“...The fact of the miscarriage was kept secret from the outside.”
Heiner opened his mouth quietly.
“I’ll take care of everything regarding the article, so don’t worry about that.”
Annette slowly turned her head to look at him. His words sounded terribly strange.
'He's taking care of it?'
There was no way Heiner would handle things in her favor. He was a man who had simply stood by while reporters bit him on the back of the neck. He was sick of newspaper articles.
"The perpetrator was reportedly arrested at the scene. The motive and whether there was a mastermind are currently being investigated."
“...”
“Currently, the use of firearms in the private sector is restricted, and since you are pregnant, he will be punished under the strictest penalty of attempted murder...”
“The child.”
Annette's voice cracked. She ignored it and continued.
“How many weeks old is the baby?”
Heiner stared at her stomach for a moment, then looked up.
“They say it was 11 weeks.”
It was almost exactly the same time as when her period stopped. Annette closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them. Her mind was a blur.
“Annette, the child is...”
Heiner, who had been hesitating for a moment, added heavily.
“...If you want, you can adopt a child.”
“Adoption?”
Annette muttered softly and looked up at him. Heiner's face, as usual, was difficult to read.
“What are you talking about all of a sudden?”
“So, if you really want to raise the child.”
“No, I don’t need it. It’s better this way.”
Heiner's eyebrows furrowed slightly at that. Annette lowered her hand from her stomach and spoke.
“It would have been better if he had never been born.”
“What does that mean?”
"It must have been a misfortune to be born. Born into a loveless home, he would have had to live with the stigma of his mother. I took a lot of medication during pregnancy, so who knows what would have happened to him..."
“Didn’t you want a child?”
"Not anymore. And you didn't want it, did you? Aren't you secretly glad it turned out this way?"
Annette truly believed so. Heiner had no reason to want children, and countless reasons not to.
But Heiner shook his head defensively, looking as if he'd been taken by surprise.
“What on earth... why do you think that?”
“So, have you ever thought about having a child with me? No.”
“Annette, I just...”
Heiner pursed his lips, looking as if he didn't know what to say.
“I just... never thought about children. The doctors said you had a hard time getting pregnant... and there was no news for four years.”
“Whatever the circumstances, it’s good for you, Heiner.”
Annette raised her lips slightly.
“Politically, my child is no good either.”
Superficial issues aside, it was clearly a blessing for Heiner. A child born to a woman he hated. He couldn't possibly love her child.
The legacy was a blessing in disguise in many ways.
To Heiner, to the unborn child, and to the people outside.
“But you.”
Heiner's words were cut off. His low, resonant voice was tightly held. He let out a slightly trembling breath and struggled to continue.
“You wanted a child, didn’t you?”
“...But?”
"Why not now? Because you found out about my betrayal? After all, things between us haven't changed much since then."
Heiner's eyes were dark and sunken. Sitting on his chair, his head half-bowed, he looked like a gigantic shadow.
“What does it have to do with you whether I want it or not?”
“Annette, I’m not here to discuss your superiors.”
“Then what exactly are you trying to discuss?”
“Just because you wanted it in the past, you might consider adoption.”
“I don’t want it anymore!”
Annette's voice rose. She spoke in a half-outburst.
"I don't want it anymore. I don't need children. So it's all for the best! I said so, so why do you keep...!"
The last words came out almost like a scream. Annette's lips trembled with intense emotion. The atmosphere became as fragile as cracked glass.
Heiner sat stiffly, like a startled animal. A heavy silence descended. In the silence, only Annette's breathing rose and fell unsteadily.
For a while, neither of them said anything. After a moment of silence, Annette turned her head away from him.
“Please leave. I want to be alone.”
Heiner stared at her without answering. The ticking of the clock filled the hospital room with a chilling sound. Annette's fingertips, draped over the sheets, twitched briefly.
Finally, he quietly rose from his seat. The sound of footsteps faded away. The door opened and closed again.
Annette rolled onto her side. The cold air pressed against her body. Even though she was awake and conscious, nothing felt real.
In hindsight, perhaps pregnancy was a selfish desire. If she truly cared about the child, she shouldn't have brought him into the world.
The world the child born into will face will be infinitely cold and harsh. Because it is their child. Because it is of Rosenberg blood.
Perhaps growing up, he might have come to resent his mother. She's used to being hated, but if it were her own child... well, how would that feel?
Annette curled up tightly. Despite being covered with a thick blanket, she shivered. The chill that seemed to surge from the pit of her stomach was excruciating.
“You wanted a child, didn’t you?”
Did you want a child?
Yeah, I wanted to.
She didn't know whether it was loneliness, desperation, or some other impure desire. Whatever the reason, she wanted it.
Annette lost the child she longed for so desperately, but strangely enough, she didn't cry. She didn't feel guilty for not being able to protect him, nor did she feel a heartbreaking pain.
It was just too cold.
It was so cold that it felt like there was a big hole inside her body.
***
While in the hospital, Annette underwent additional tests. She also underwent psychological counseling, at the semi-coercive urging of her doctor and Heiner.
It seemed like he was worried about the shock of the miscarriage, but Annette didn't think the counseling was particularly necessary. She wasn't particularly shocked. She was just a little dazed.
“How are you feeling today?”
“Not bad.”
“Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, I slept well.”
“That’s good. Who did you talk to yesterday?”
“The doctor, the nurse, and my husband...”
“May I ask what you talked about with your husband?”
“I don’t remember very well.”
“I heard you had a bit of a fight last time about adoption.”
“We weren’t arguing, I was just... sensitive.”
"It's just a difference of opinion. Why don't you want to adopt, ma'am?"
Annette looked down at her clasped hands, resting on her thighs, for a moment. Her lips moved slowly.
"I am..."
There were many reasons. She didn't have the confidence to love her child completely. She felt sorry for the child growing up in such a household. She knew people would gossip about her struggles to avoid divorcing her husband.
And adoption itself is meaningless anyway.
“...It hasn’t been that long since the miscarriage. It’s a bit... difficult to think about another child right now.”
“Oh, I see. I completely understand how you feel, madam.”
Annette lied repeatedly during her consultations. Her truthful remarks were practically superficial, and any conversation that got even slightly intimate would be met with fabricated answers.
Annette fundamentally distrusted the confidentiality of her counseling sessions. She expected that even the slightest misunderstanding would be the subject of gossip the next morning.
Even if that wasn't the case, all the consultation details would have been relayed to Heiner.
The counselor seemed convinced by the answer and didn't ask any further questions. Annette, exhausted by even the light conversation, closed her eyes. A familiar darkness crept into her eyelids.
She just wanted to be alone.
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