“Daughter, are you still sleeping?”
I woke up in bed at the sound of my mother's voice.
“I woke up.”
My mother came and sat down next to me.
“Aren’t you hungry? You didn’t eat breakfast or lunch, so you need to eat dinner.”
“I’ll eat later.”
I knew this was just an excuse that had been going on for days, but my mom didn't criticize me.
“Yes, there’s food, so eat whenever you want. Got it?”
"Yes."
After Mom left, I lay back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
“No more fancy, wide beds, no more canopies, no more gilded cabinets.”
There are no men who sleep on my right side on purpose, no animals, big or small, who hug my body and rub their lower bodies against me.
“This is my room.”
No more sharing a room with someone or having someone come and lie down next to me while I'm sleeping.
But this situation was so unfamiliar that I spread my arms wide.
There is nothing at my fingertips.
Even priests who seem to have sold their souls to gain knowledge.
I should feel relieved, but why do I feel like I'm sinking into a bottomless pit?
“One, two, three, four...”
As I counted the numbers against the white wallpaper, I felt as if I were lying in a monastery in some secluded place.
This is the priest's room where he will observe one part of my body each day.
I haven't observed everything about myself yet, so I'll just leave it at that when I sleep.
I fell asleep with peace of mind.
When I barely manage to fall asleep, I inevitably dream.
- Author, author. Look at me.
A muscular, hulking knight clutches my lower body, panting. Tired, I pretend not to notice and close my eyes, but the blue-haired knight grabs me and shakes me.
- I know you're not sleeping.
This is like some fucking human detector.
When I opened my eyes, cursing inwardly, the man lowered his pants as if he had been waiting for me.
- Come and see.
At this point, I'm starting to suspect that this guy has exhibitionism.
- Me too! Me too!
A cute man with bright golden hair appears and raises his hand.
- Look at me, too, Lily. It's even better if you touch it!
And then, as if he couldn't lose to the blue-haired man, he grabbed the hem of his pants...Ah, please stop.
I shake my head and roll my body sideways to get out of bed.
I left the room with the two men and went into another room, where I lay down on the pure white sheets.
Finally, a man with red hair appeared.
A man with a breathtakingly pretty face who smiles faintly.
Shish Milan.
The stronger my favorite scent becomes, the closer I can tell he is getting to me.
- Master, are you okay?
I was lying on my side with my eyes tightly closed.
- If you don't answer, I will do something bad.
Oh my goodness, how bad can it be for Shish to announce that he's going to do something bad?
As I continued to pretend to sleep, Shish's hand slipped inside my shirt. I pretended not to notice, saying I wasn't flustered by his hand pressing against my chest anymore.
Then, the soft palm moved more boldly, and I finally opened my eyes.
- Why! Why why!
- Why didn't you answer if you weren't sleeping?
The gentle voice sent a shiver down my spine, but I didn't show it.
- I'm not sleeping, so stop, ugh. Stop touching me.
- You don't like it when I touch you?
Shish tilted his head to the side and asked, and I was speechless for a moment because he was so pretty.
Actually, it's good.
I wish you'd touch me more. I wish you'd kiss me with your soft lips.
I want to have a deeper relationship with you.
But I'm not the heroine. So if you do what I want, it'll be over in that moment.
Because, Shish Milan, you are the kind of man who, when he loses interest, abandons you without looking back.
No, since I got out of there in the first place, none of them will remember me.
This won't happen. Yeah, it's a dream, so they know me.
- ...Stop it because I don’t like it.
- You're late with my reply. Do you really hate it?
- Yes.
Even I could hear the tone of his voice as a derogatory remark. But the other person didn't let go, and I had no choice but to straighten my posture and shake off Shish's hand.
It was definitely like that, but there was nothing to grab onto.
- Am I dreaming right now?
I chuckled and turned to the side, but there was still no one there. Only the clean white wallpaper greeted me.
"Ah."
Only then do I realize that this is reality.
It's not strange.
Not once have I ever recognized 'that place' as the foundation of my life.
I acknowledged that it wasn't a virtual space, but I didn't think it was a place I should live.
It wasn't until the very last moment that I finally acknowledged that the people there weren't paper dolls, but they held no value to me.
But for me now, lying in my room felt like a dream.
“Where is reality...?”
Was I dreaming of Retri, or was Retri dreaming of me?
I was confused.
So I tried to figure out if this situation was a dream or not, but I couldn't come to a conclusion.
I've been repeating this life for a month since I came back.
A month ago, I was reported for lying on the street wearing strange clothes.
The police arrived and questioned me, but they couldn't verify my identity because I didn't have any identification. I didn't have a weapon, but the police said they had responded to a report and couldn't just let me go.
I was told to contact my guardian, but the problem is that I forgot my parents' contact information.
After many twists and turns, it was confirmed that I was the person reported missing, and my parents came and took me away.
My mother was thinner than I had seen in my dreams, and it broke my heart.
“What happened? Huh?”
“Yeah, what the hell happened?”
I didn't answer the questions from my crying mother and my serious-looking father.
No, I couldn't.
I can't say I went into a 19+ rated, filthy, and outrageous novel I wrote, right?
Then, they would surely think I had really lost my mind, so I chose to remain silent, and my family thought I had been kidnapped and then rescued.
Of course, I know it's not really like that since I disappeared from home, in a closed room, but it means that they were very anxious and cautious.
Almost two months had passed while I was gone.
Fortunately, with the help of the department head, I was granted a special leave of absence, and I became an ordinary student. I simply had to take a leave of absence due to family circumstances.
My close friends must have noticed something strange because I suddenly lost contact with them.
The only silver lining was that vacation had started, and I could stay home without worrying about anything.
But as word spread through the department, even people I rarely spoke to started getting calls.
“You went to a club and got kidnapped... What the hell is this?”
At first glance, it seemed like a lot of strange speculations, but to me, they didn't seem important.
There was just one person, someone whose contact I was deeply concerned about, but I ignored. Or rather, I tried to pretend not to notice.
In the end, I ignored all contact and just stayed locked in my room.
It was a home and a world I had longed for, but it was so unfamiliar that I couldn't dare to leave.
I feel like if I leave the room, I'll have to admit I'm back.
This has been going on for another week.
My parents were aware of me, but the other blood relatives at home were not at all.
One day, my younger brother suddenly opened the door and came in. He looked at me and frowned.
“Wow, the pig has become a mummy?”
“You’re still a pig.”
Actually, my younger brother, who had originally intended to go to a physical education college but ended up in the liberal arts department, was a sports fanatic, and his body was covered in muscles.
"Yes, my senior wants to see you. He said you weren't answering his calls and asked what was wrong."
Why do my younger brother and my senior keep in touch?
I can't understand.
“Why is my senior your senior?”
“We go to the same school, so he’s my senior.”
That's right. But why are you being so cocky when you talk about your senior?
“Stop worrying about your senior. Yes?”
Seeing that damn brother really brings me back to reality.
"Hey. You should be worrying about me now, not your senior. Who are your family and blood relatives?"
“Anyway! If you don’t go out, I’ll tell my senior to come over to my house.”
The younger brother slammed the door shut and left.
Is that a brother or an enemy?
I was confused for a moment and stood there blankly, then stood up.
“You punk, how many times do I have to tell you to close the door gently!”
Following my mother's scream, a cheerful slap was heard.
“Ah!”
I stared into space for a moment, listening to my cheerful younger brother's scream. With a sigh, I stood up and stared at the stack of printouts on my desk.
"Let's all live together."
When I got home, this was still sitting on my desk.
I couldn't even unfold it or put it away.
The result of a struggle between wanting to bury it somewhere unseen and wondering if what I experienced was real.
I reached out, hoping this time would be different, and my fingertips touched the dry paper.
I tried to turn the page, but it was as if my hands were frozen, unable to do anything more than grab the paper.
"Gasp."
I quickly stepped back as if someone was strangling me.
The self that whispered that the place I had been to was just a dream and the self that said that place was real fought, and I shook my head, pretending not to hear anything.
I picked up the cell phone that had been placed on the headboard.
I ignored all the missed calls that had piled up and only scanned through messages from one person.
In the near future, only the one person I need to meet.
“Yes, we have to decide which one is the dream.”
I closed my eyes for a long time, opened them, and then pressed the keys on my phone.
I woke up in bed at the sound of my mother's voice.
“I woke up.”
My mother came and sat down next to me.
“Aren’t you hungry? You didn’t eat breakfast or lunch, so you need to eat dinner.”
“I’ll eat later.”
I knew this was just an excuse that had been going on for days, but my mom didn't criticize me.
“Yes, there’s food, so eat whenever you want. Got it?”
"Yes."
After Mom left, I lay back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
“No more fancy, wide beds, no more canopies, no more gilded cabinets.”
There are no men who sleep on my right side on purpose, no animals, big or small, who hug my body and rub their lower bodies against me.
“This is my room.”
No more sharing a room with someone or having someone come and lie down next to me while I'm sleeping.
But this situation was so unfamiliar that I spread my arms wide.
There is nothing at my fingertips.
Even priests who seem to have sold their souls to gain knowledge.
I should feel relieved, but why do I feel like I'm sinking into a bottomless pit?
“One, two, three, four...”
As I counted the numbers against the white wallpaper, I felt as if I were lying in a monastery in some secluded place.
This is the priest's room where he will observe one part of my body each day.
I haven't observed everything about myself yet, so I'll just leave it at that when I sleep.
I fell asleep with peace of mind.
When I barely manage to fall asleep, I inevitably dream.
- Author, author. Look at me.
A muscular, hulking knight clutches my lower body, panting. Tired, I pretend not to notice and close my eyes, but the blue-haired knight grabs me and shakes me.
- I know you're not sleeping.
This is like some fucking human detector.
When I opened my eyes, cursing inwardly, the man lowered his pants as if he had been waiting for me.
- Come and see.
At this point, I'm starting to suspect that this guy has exhibitionism.
- Me too! Me too!
A cute man with bright golden hair appears and raises his hand.
- Look at me, too, Lily. It's even better if you touch it!
And then, as if he couldn't lose to the blue-haired man, he grabbed the hem of his pants...Ah, please stop.
I shake my head and roll my body sideways to get out of bed.
I left the room with the two men and went into another room, where I lay down on the pure white sheets.
Finally, a man with red hair appeared.
A man with a breathtakingly pretty face who smiles faintly.
Shish Milan.
The stronger my favorite scent becomes, the closer I can tell he is getting to me.
- Master, are you okay?
I was lying on my side with my eyes tightly closed.
- If you don't answer, I will do something bad.
Oh my goodness, how bad can it be for Shish to announce that he's going to do something bad?
As I continued to pretend to sleep, Shish's hand slipped inside my shirt. I pretended not to notice, saying I wasn't flustered by his hand pressing against my chest anymore.
Then, the soft palm moved more boldly, and I finally opened my eyes.
- Why! Why why!
- Why didn't you answer if you weren't sleeping?
The gentle voice sent a shiver down my spine, but I didn't show it.
- I'm not sleeping, so stop, ugh. Stop touching me.
- You don't like it when I touch you?
Shish tilted his head to the side and asked, and I was speechless for a moment because he was so pretty.
Actually, it's good.
I wish you'd touch me more. I wish you'd kiss me with your soft lips.
I want to have a deeper relationship with you.
But I'm not the heroine. So if you do what I want, it'll be over in that moment.
Because, Shish Milan, you are the kind of man who, when he loses interest, abandons you without looking back.
No, since I got out of there in the first place, none of them will remember me.
This won't happen. Yeah, it's a dream, so they know me.
- ...Stop it because I don’t like it.
- You're late with my reply. Do you really hate it?
- Yes.
Even I could hear the tone of his voice as a derogatory remark. But the other person didn't let go, and I had no choice but to straighten my posture and shake off Shish's hand.
It was definitely like that, but there was nothing to grab onto.
- Am I dreaming right now?
I chuckled and turned to the side, but there was still no one there. Only the clean white wallpaper greeted me.
"Ah."
Only then do I realize that this is reality.
It's not strange.
Not once have I ever recognized 'that place' as the foundation of my life.
I acknowledged that it wasn't a virtual space, but I didn't think it was a place I should live.
It wasn't until the very last moment that I finally acknowledged that the people there weren't paper dolls, but they held no value to me.
But for me now, lying in my room felt like a dream.
“Where is reality...?”
Was I dreaming of Retri, or was Retri dreaming of me?
I was confused.
So I tried to figure out if this situation was a dream or not, but I couldn't come to a conclusion.
I've been repeating this life for a month since I came back.
***
A month ago, I was reported for lying on the street wearing strange clothes.
The police arrived and questioned me, but they couldn't verify my identity because I didn't have any identification. I didn't have a weapon, but the police said they had responded to a report and couldn't just let me go.
I was told to contact my guardian, but the problem is that I forgot my parents' contact information.
After many twists and turns, it was confirmed that I was the person reported missing, and my parents came and took me away.
My mother was thinner than I had seen in my dreams, and it broke my heart.
“What happened? Huh?”
“Yeah, what the hell happened?”
I didn't answer the questions from my crying mother and my serious-looking father.
No, I couldn't.
I can't say I went into a 19+ rated, filthy, and outrageous novel I wrote, right?
Then, they would surely think I had really lost my mind, so I chose to remain silent, and my family thought I had been kidnapped and then rescued.
Of course, I know it's not really like that since I disappeared from home, in a closed room, but it means that they were very anxious and cautious.
Almost two months had passed while I was gone.
Fortunately, with the help of the department head, I was granted a special leave of absence, and I became an ordinary student. I simply had to take a leave of absence due to family circumstances.
My close friends must have noticed something strange because I suddenly lost contact with them.
The only silver lining was that vacation had started, and I could stay home without worrying about anything.
But as word spread through the department, even people I rarely spoke to started getting calls.
“You went to a club and got kidnapped... What the hell is this?”
At first glance, it seemed like a lot of strange speculations, but to me, they didn't seem important.
There was just one person, someone whose contact I was deeply concerned about, but I ignored. Or rather, I tried to pretend not to notice.
In the end, I ignored all contact and just stayed locked in my room.
It was a home and a world I had longed for, but it was so unfamiliar that I couldn't dare to leave.
I feel like if I leave the room, I'll have to admit I'm back.
This has been going on for another week.
My parents were aware of me, but the other blood relatives at home were not at all.
One day, my younger brother suddenly opened the door and came in. He looked at me and frowned.
“Wow, the pig has become a mummy?”
“You’re still a pig.”
Actually, my younger brother, who had originally intended to go to a physical education college but ended up in the liberal arts department, was a sports fanatic, and his body was covered in muscles.
"Yes, my senior wants to see you. He said you weren't answering his calls and asked what was wrong."
Why do my younger brother and my senior keep in touch?
I can't understand.
“Why is my senior your senior?”
“We go to the same school, so he’s my senior.”
That's right. But why are you being so cocky when you talk about your senior?
“Stop worrying about your senior. Yes?”
Seeing that damn brother really brings me back to reality.
"Hey. You should be worrying about me now, not your senior. Who are your family and blood relatives?"
“Anyway! If you don’t go out, I’ll tell my senior to come over to my house.”
The younger brother slammed the door shut and left.
Is that a brother or an enemy?
I was confused for a moment and stood there blankly, then stood up.
“You punk, how many times do I have to tell you to close the door gently!”
Following my mother's scream, a cheerful slap was heard.
“Ah!”
I stared into space for a moment, listening to my cheerful younger brother's scream. With a sigh, I stood up and stared at the stack of printouts on my desk.
"Let's all live together."
When I got home, this was still sitting on my desk.
I couldn't even unfold it or put it away.
The result of a struggle between wanting to bury it somewhere unseen and wondering if what I experienced was real.
I reached out, hoping this time would be different, and my fingertips touched the dry paper.
I tried to turn the page, but it was as if my hands were frozen, unable to do anything more than grab the paper.
"Gasp."
I quickly stepped back as if someone was strangling me.
The self that whispered that the place I had been to was just a dream and the self that said that place was real fought, and I shook my head, pretending not to hear anything.
I picked up the cell phone that had been placed on the headboard.
I ignored all the missed calls that had piled up and only scanned through messages from one person.
In the near future, only the one person I need to meet.
“Yes, we have to decide which one is the dream.”
I closed my eyes for a long time, opened them, and then pressed the keys on my phone.
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