Noah's sweet, gentle voice sounded like a kind of threat. A chill ran down my spine as I remembered being held in Lieutenant Colonel Groenendaal's arms by a campfire in the dark forest.
“I told you I didn’t sleep with him.”
"Yeah, yeah. The lieutenant colonel's been annoying me for a while now. He's been quiet lately, so I just let it be."
This man wasn't listening to me again. He seemed to be just thinking about how to get rid of the lieutenant colonel.
“Are you thinking of killing him?”
Noah raised the corners of his mouth at my question. Just thinking about it made him feel relieved, and he smiled with satisfaction.
“I must be the only one who can protect the Princess.”
“Yes. There is only you.”
“You don’t want me to kill the lieutenant colonel?”
He put me at a crossroads. He seemed to want to know what I thought of the lieutenant colonel. I didn't have the nerve to calmly tell him to kill someone, and if I told him to do as he pleased, he might actually kill him.
If I told him not to kill the lieutenant colonel, he'd think he meant a lot to me and would run away right now. The more I explained my reasons, the more fiercely those eyes would become.
This man, who has become accustomed to the thought of life due to the long war, will surely take any answer as a command to kill.
He was born with that inclination in an era where saying things like "You shouldn't kill people!" didn't make sense. I tried to sound as sad as possible and put on a pitiful expression.
"I'd rather talk about what we're going to do on our date tomorrow than about killing or saving someone. I don't understand why we should be at odds over a few words from the Princess. If that was her intention, then she succeeded."
Noah's eyes, which had been lost in thought and looking elsewhere, slowly turned towards me.
“Intention?”
To be honest, I wanted to avoid this awkward situation, but I also felt sad, so I nodded vigorously.
“You don’t trust me.”
"I see."
Noah slowly released my wrist. A red mark remained on my pale wrist. He didn't know my wrist was hurting. That made me feel a little sad.
I suddenly became afraid that one day, when his heart grew cold, this man's attitude would suddenly turn cold and his gaze would turn cold. Even if I trusted and believed in him now, there was no guarantee that his current feelings and emotions would last a lifetime.
Even if you love someone with your life on the line, you break up, and even if you marry someone with a lifelong promise, you change your mind and break up. That's human nature.
When I told him we were breaking up, Noah could have held on to me as long as he wanted, but I couldn't. Obsession and lingering attachment require a certain amount of power and money.
Given my personality, I can't be so squeamish and clingy. If I find out his feelings have cooled, I'll consider leaving before I get hurt any further.
He had a gloomy expression on his face, thinking that leaving trust behind was too disadvantageous.
"You only think about me leaving, but that can't happen. I have no one else but you."
I, too, have my own insecurities. Rather, I'm the one who should be fearing a breakup.
Realistically, I'd be in a far more dire situation, and my path to survival would be bleak. I'd be thrown defenselessly into a hell teeming with people desperate to kill me.
There must be limits to Medea's protection. I tried to justify myself by coming up with realistic solutions, but the conclusion was the same.
I've come to fear loneliness. Yeah, well, the deeper I get, the more anxious and lonely I feel.
The throbbing in my chest hurts more than my wrist. He's already deeply involved in my heart, so much so that he doesn't even need to be special.
That's why I didn't want to let anyone into my heart.
Noah's breath and refreshing scent came closer to my anguished face. His warm lips pressed against mine, as if melting away my anxiety.
A beautiful man, his lips parted, and he faces me.
“I want that.”
"Yes."
Noah smiles prettily. That's the uniqueness he's been emphasizing so far, the meaning of "there has to be only me." Of course, it's possible. I don't like expanding my network either.
But what if, after that, you get satisfied and bored and leave me? You're so selfish, yet so affectionate.
A normal person would have shown everything to gain his unwavering trust, but I decided to keep my distance. Of course, as a rational person, I wasn't trying to provoke jealousy with a dangerous provocation.
The strategy was based on the assumption that this man was unusual. While the expression "I like you" might be the same, the underlying meaning is different. The message he conveyed was closer to desperation and possessiveness.
A moderate amount of anxiety can make the other person anxious, so a proper push and pull that leaves them feeling disappointed is necessary. My experience over the past twenty years is that you shouldn't completely satisfy someone's desires and curiosity.
Trust is important, but if you give everything, it becomes arrogant, like "He'll never leave me." The moment you gain the upper hand in a relationship, you lose the longing and excitement. This is especially true when the other person has the upper hand in every aspect.
So, it's impossible. So, from now on, keep being impatient and interested in me, you pitiful man.
“I don’t like that.”
I answered firmly. Noah tilted his head at the word "no." His expression was one of incomprehension. A chilling air hung around him; his smile drained from his face.
“I don’t like it.”
I almost said, 'That expression won't work.'
“Yes. You know a lot of people and have people helping you.”
“Isn’t that enough for you?”
“Of course, you are the only person I like as a member of the opposite sex, but I also want to make friends with you...”
I didn't really need friends, but I deliberately put on a solemn expression. I wanted to make it seem like I was determined to make friends. He seemed to have changed his strategy, and his face became pitiful and his voice hoarse.
"I'll do it all for you, whether you know someone, help someone, or be a friend. I'll even have tea with you."
What are you talking about! I felt absurd at the bizarre compromise, but I tried to calmly explain my reasoning.
"Everyone has a role to play, right? I need to have friends of the same sex, too. While you're at work, I meet up with friends, have tea, and spend time with them."
Noah was often away during the day on business.
That business seems to be the work of the lieutenant colonel's older brother, a shadowy money laundering bank president. It also seems like he's working with his secretary, Vincent Ford, but he won't tell me, so I don't know.
“While I’m in Medea, I want to become friends with the women here.”
“Then I’ll be with you all day.”
"No way. You said you wanted to become rich again? I'll help you out by being social."
Noah glanced at me with a look of resentment, then nodded helplessly. He had been emphasizing this repeatedly.
“They shouldn’t be more precious than me.”
"Yes."
The rain that had been falling all day finally stopped in the evening.
The clear, clear sky was dyed crimson, and droplets of water dripped down the branches of the trees near the window.
Even during dinner, Noah insisted that he be the most important. It all started with the basic question: who would you save first if you were in danger?
If Noah was in danger, I thought I needed to be rescued too, but I gave him the answer he wanted to hear: "Of course I should save you first."
Actually, I had no intention of actively engaging in socializing. It was just for show, but as luck would have it, Baroness Mason, who stopped by the villa where we were staying on her way home from work, invited me to the Queen's afternoon tea party the next day.
It is a message to attend as it is a gathering of the queen, upper-class women, and women of noble families.
"I thought you were just teasing me, but it was true. I thought you liked being alone."
Noah looked at me with eyes that asked how I could do that to him.
...It’s just a coincidence.
The next morning, I woke up early and began getting ready to attend the Queen's tea party Baroness Mason had mentioned. My hair was short, so I didn't need to touch it, and I didn't wear much makeup, so I didn't need the maid's help.
The only problem was that, out of courtesy, I was required to wear a corset to support my dress, but I hadn't brought a corset to tie it in front. Even with a chemise underneath, I felt the need to keep my body a secret, so leaving it to the maids here was a bit of a hassle.
I eventually called Noah over to the Chamber of Commerce in the square.
“Noah, can you help me?”
“Yeah. What is it?”
I was blushing at the sight of his handsome face since morning, but I forced myself to keep my mouth shut.
“I have to wear a corset, but I only brought the one that ties in the back.”
"Is it so?"
I put on a loose corset over a cotton chemise and gave him my back.
“Point here.”
He approached the vanity, nodding. A tingling sensation crept up my spine. I bent down and rested my hand on the vanity. The mirror, of all places, was starkly reflecting our reflections. The pose felt a bit awkward. Noah looked down, as if he were concentrating.
“Should I make it harder for you?”
"Yes?"
My voice rose in confusion at the unspoken words. He looked unfazed.
“You don’t have to tie it so tightly. Your waist is thin.”
“Yes, yes. Please do it in moderation.”
A warm breath settled on the back of my neck. It felt like a feather was gently tickling me, making it quite difficult to control my expression.
"Ah!"
And he was strong.
My body was yanked back by a powerful force, and I fell flat on my face into his arms. While the maids were using all their strength to hold me in place, stomping on my back with their feet, he seemed capable of crushing my ribs with just his arm strength. He was much stronger than Molly.
Noah, who had been holding me back as I rolled over, made an apologetic expression.
“Were you hurt?”
“I’m okay. I just think my ribs are a little broken.”
“I was just being gentle. I’m sorry.”
He relaxed and looked at me in the mirror. It felt strangely provocative, so I held my flushed face down.
Noah skillfully tightened the corset with quick movements and then kissed me on the edge of my eye.
“Have a nice trip. I’ll be back before dinner.”
The man with the beautiful smile left the room. Left alone, I gazed at the corset knot in the mirror, unable to stop admiring it.
He's faster than a skilled maid, but he's not sloppy either. He's neatly tied. He's a man with good hands. He's attractive.
“No wonder I can’t help but like it...”
I kept my mouth shut. I banged my fist on the vanity table with an exaggeratedly violent thud.
“Get a grip! If I start liking him more, I’m finished!”
No one ever said it would end, but I've seen and felt something over the past twenty years: the relationships women prefer are unhappy. Of course, this is a very subjective view, but about 80% of the time, it's true.
It is human nature to bow down and please those who give us everything, both materially and emotionally, but the feeling of love is different.
It's not that I don't appreciate it, but I feel like I can't help it since I came here with nothing and no luck.
I can be a little shameless now because I plan to make him a world-class oil tycoon by buying up land with lots of coal reserves later.
I practiced my social smile a few times in the mirror and then headed to the garden tea room, where the afternoon tea party was being held.
“I told you I didn’t sleep with him.”
"Yeah, yeah. The lieutenant colonel's been annoying me for a while now. He's been quiet lately, so I just let it be."
This man wasn't listening to me again. He seemed to be just thinking about how to get rid of the lieutenant colonel.
“Are you thinking of killing him?”
Noah raised the corners of his mouth at my question. Just thinking about it made him feel relieved, and he smiled with satisfaction.
“I must be the only one who can protect the Princess.”
“Yes. There is only you.”
“You don’t want me to kill the lieutenant colonel?”
He put me at a crossroads. He seemed to want to know what I thought of the lieutenant colonel. I didn't have the nerve to calmly tell him to kill someone, and if I told him to do as he pleased, he might actually kill him.
If I told him not to kill the lieutenant colonel, he'd think he meant a lot to me and would run away right now. The more I explained my reasons, the more fiercely those eyes would become.
This man, who has become accustomed to the thought of life due to the long war, will surely take any answer as a command to kill.
He was born with that inclination in an era where saying things like "You shouldn't kill people!" didn't make sense. I tried to sound as sad as possible and put on a pitiful expression.
"I'd rather talk about what we're going to do on our date tomorrow than about killing or saving someone. I don't understand why we should be at odds over a few words from the Princess. If that was her intention, then she succeeded."
Noah's eyes, which had been lost in thought and looking elsewhere, slowly turned towards me.
“Intention?”
To be honest, I wanted to avoid this awkward situation, but I also felt sad, so I nodded vigorously.
“You don’t trust me.”
"I see."
Noah slowly released my wrist. A red mark remained on my pale wrist. He didn't know my wrist was hurting. That made me feel a little sad.
I suddenly became afraid that one day, when his heart grew cold, this man's attitude would suddenly turn cold and his gaze would turn cold. Even if I trusted and believed in him now, there was no guarantee that his current feelings and emotions would last a lifetime.
Even if you love someone with your life on the line, you break up, and even if you marry someone with a lifelong promise, you change your mind and break up. That's human nature.
When I told him we were breaking up, Noah could have held on to me as long as he wanted, but I couldn't. Obsession and lingering attachment require a certain amount of power and money.
Given my personality, I can't be so squeamish and clingy. If I find out his feelings have cooled, I'll consider leaving before I get hurt any further.
He had a gloomy expression on his face, thinking that leaving trust behind was too disadvantageous.
"You only think about me leaving, but that can't happen. I have no one else but you."
I, too, have my own insecurities. Rather, I'm the one who should be fearing a breakup.
Realistically, I'd be in a far more dire situation, and my path to survival would be bleak. I'd be thrown defenselessly into a hell teeming with people desperate to kill me.
There must be limits to Medea's protection. I tried to justify myself by coming up with realistic solutions, but the conclusion was the same.
I've come to fear loneliness. Yeah, well, the deeper I get, the more anxious and lonely I feel.
The throbbing in my chest hurts more than my wrist. He's already deeply involved in my heart, so much so that he doesn't even need to be special.
That's why I didn't want to let anyone into my heart.
Noah's breath and refreshing scent came closer to my anguished face. His warm lips pressed against mine, as if melting away my anxiety.
A beautiful man, his lips parted, and he faces me.
“I want that.”
“Is there no one around me?”
Noah smiles prettily. That's the uniqueness he's been emphasizing so far, the meaning of "there has to be only me." Of course, it's possible. I don't like expanding my network either.
But what if, after that, you get satisfied and bored and leave me? You're so selfish, yet so affectionate.
A normal person would have shown everything to gain his unwavering trust, but I decided to keep my distance. Of course, as a rational person, I wasn't trying to provoke jealousy with a dangerous provocation.
The strategy was based on the assumption that this man was unusual. While the expression "I like you" might be the same, the underlying meaning is different. The message he conveyed was closer to desperation and possessiveness.
A moderate amount of anxiety can make the other person anxious, so a proper push and pull that leaves them feeling disappointed is necessary. My experience over the past twenty years is that you shouldn't completely satisfy someone's desires and curiosity.
Trust is important, but if you give everything, it becomes arrogant, like "He'll never leave me." The moment you gain the upper hand in a relationship, you lose the longing and excitement. This is especially true when the other person has the upper hand in every aspect.
So, it's impossible. So, from now on, keep being impatient and interested in me, you pitiful man.
“I don’t like that.”
I answered firmly. Noah tilted his head at the word "no." His expression was one of incomprehension. A chilling air hung around him; his smile drained from his face.
“I don’t like it.”
I almost said, 'That expression won't work.'
“Yes. You know a lot of people and have people helping you.”
“Isn’t that enough for you?”
“Of course, you are the only person I like as a member of the opposite sex, but I also want to make friends with you...”
I didn't really need friends, but I deliberately put on a solemn expression. I wanted to make it seem like I was determined to make friends. He seemed to have changed his strategy, and his face became pitiful and his voice hoarse.
"I'll do it all for you, whether you know someone, help someone, or be a friend. I'll even have tea with you."
What are you talking about! I felt absurd at the bizarre compromise, but I tried to calmly explain my reasoning.
"Everyone has a role to play, right? I need to have friends of the same sex, too. While you're at work, I meet up with friends, have tea, and spend time with them."
Noah was often away during the day on business.
That business seems to be the work of the lieutenant colonel's older brother, a shadowy money laundering bank president. It also seems like he's working with his secretary, Vincent Ford, but he won't tell me, so I don't know.
“While I’m in Medea, I want to become friends with the women here.”
“Then I’ll be with you all day.”
"No way. You said you wanted to become rich again? I'll help you out by being social."
Noah glanced at me with a look of resentment, then nodded helplessly. He had been emphasizing this repeatedly.
“They shouldn’t be more precious than me.”
"Yes."
The rain that had been falling all day finally stopped in the evening.
The clear, clear sky was dyed crimson, and droplets of water dripped down the branches of the trees near the window.
Even during dinner, Noah insisted that he be the most important. It all started with the basic question: who would you save first if you were in danger?
If Noah was in danger, I thought I needed to be rescued too, but I gave him the answer he wanted to hear: "Of course I should save you first."
Actually, I had no intention of actively engaging in socializing. It was just for show, but as luck would have it, Baroness Mason, who stopped by the villa where we were staying on her way home from work, invited me to the Queen's afternoon tea party the next day.
It is a message to attend as it is a gathering of the queen, upper-class women, and women of noble families.
"I thought you were just teasing me, but it was true. I thought you liked being alone."
Noah looked at me with eyes that asked how I could do that to him.
...It’s just a coincidence.
The next morning, I woke up early and began getting ready to attend the Queen's tea party Baroness Mason had mentioned. My hair was short, so I didn't need to touch it, and I didn't wear much makeup, so I didn't need the maid's help.
The only problem was that, out of courtesy, I was required to wear a corset to support my dress, but I hadn't brought a corset to tie it in front. Even with a chemise underneath, I felt the need to keep my body a secret, so leaving it to the maids here was a bit of a hassle.
I eventually called Noah over to the Chamber of Commerce in the square.
“Noah, can you help me?”
“Yeah. What is it?”
I was blushing at the sight of his handsome face since morning, but I forced myself to keep my mouth shut.
“I have to wear a corset, but I only brought the one that ties in the back.”
"Is it so?"
I put on a loose corset over a cotton chemise and gave him my back.
“Point here.”
He approached the vanity, nodding. A tingling sensation crept up my spine. I bent down and rested my hand on the vanity. The mirror, of all places, was starkly reflecting our reflections. The pose felt a bit awkward. Noah looked down, as if he were concentrating.
“Should I make it harder for you?”
"Yes?"
My voice rose in confusion at the unspoken words. He looked unfazed.
“You don’t have to tie it so tightly. Your waist is thin.”
“Yes, yes. Please do it in moderation.”
A warm breath settled on the back of my neck. It felt like a feather was gently tickling me, making it quite difficult to control my expression.
"Ah!"
And he was strong.
My body was yanked back by a powerful force, and I fell flat on my face into his arms. While the maids were using all their strength to hold me in place, stomping on my back with their feet, he seemed capable of crushing my ribs with just his arm strength. He was much stronger than Molly.
Noah, who had been holding me back as I rolled over, made an apologetic expression.
“Were you hurt?”
“I’m okay. I just think my ribs are a little broken.”
“I was just being gentle. I’m sorry.”
He relaxed and looked at me in the mirror. It felt strangely provocative, so I held my flushed face down.
Noah skillfully tightened the corset with quick movements and then kissed me on the edge of my eye.
“Have a nice trip. I’ll be back before dinner.”
The man with the beautiful smile left the room. Left alone, I gazed at the corset knot in the mirror, unable to stop admiring it.
He's faster than a skilled maid, but he's not sloppy either. He's neatly tied. He's a man with good hands. He's attractive.
“No wonder I can’t help but like it...”
I kept my mouth shut. I banged my fist on the vanity table with an exaggeratedly violent thud.
“Get a grip! If I start liking him more, I’m finished!”
No one ever said it would end, but I've seen and felt something over the past twenty years: the relationships women prefer are unhappy. Of course, this is a very subjective view, but about 80% of the time, it's true.
It is human nature to bow down and please those who give us everything, both materially and emotionally, but the feeling of love is different.
It's not that I don't appreciate it, but I feel like I can't help it since I came here with nothing and no luck.
I can be a little shameless now because I plan to make him a world-class oil tycoon by buying up land with lots of coal reserves later.
I practiced my social smile a few times in the mirror and then headed to the garden tea room, where the afternoon tea party was being held.
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