Before going to bed, Celine, lying in bed, smiled kindly at her father, who was reading a book to her.
“I love it when my dad reads to me.”
“You’re all grown up, yet you still act like a child.”
The admiral closed the book he was reading and looked down at his daughter with affectionate eyes, giving her a goodnight kiss on the forehead.
“Sleep well, my princess.”
The admiral, who was about to get up and leave the room, suddenly stopped when Celine's slender hand tugged at his sleeve.
"Dad."
“So, you can’t sleep?”
“I’m nineteen now, and I’m an adult.”
“Are you offended because I called you a tantrum?”
Celine nodded at his apologetic and soothing tone and looked at him with moist eyes.
“Dad, I don’t want you to have to handle all the hard work by yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“Now tell me the truth. Is Diana really your biological daughter?”
The admiral's gentle face hardened, almost cracking, at the sudden question. He clenched his jaw and answered with difficulty.
"Right."
"I'm on your side, Dad, no matter what. You're the only person in the world I'm on my side, the only person I love and rely on. That's why I want to hear your honest opinion."
"I know. I would do anything for you, and you are my only pride and precious person."
“Are you really saying that Diana is your biological daughter?”
"Ues."
Celine was confused by the admiral's firm answer.
“Genetically, there’s no way a child with blonde parents would have black hair... right? Even if it did, it’s rare...”
Celine, her forehead pressed against hers as if worried, lowered her eyes. She closed her mouth, swallowed, and continued speaking.
“If she were your own daughter, there would be no reason to hate her so much that you would kill her.”
"Even though she's my biological daughter, I don't think that way. I always said she was the one who killed your mother."
"I believed it when I was young, but it feels strange. Whatever the reason, please tell me the truth. Now, I want to help you on your side."
The admiral sat on the edge of the bed, pressing his fingers down his eyelids. Watching him, who seemed to have lost his words, Celine finally burst into tears.
She just wanted to have a frank conversation. She wiped away pearly tears and looked at her father through her tear-filled green eyes.
“Is Diana perhaps a member of Medea’s royal family?”
He didn't answer. Instead, he asked a completely different question.
“Do you still like the lieutenant colonel?”
"Yes."
The admiral sighed deeply as he looked at Celine's foolish face.
"If you have power, the second son of the Duke, a lieutenant colonel, might accept you. Unless he's the eldest son, he's bound to have ambitions."
“Power?”
Her shiny platinum blonde hair swayed as she tilted her head.
"Don't worry, Daddy will take care of everything. One day, you'll be treated like a true princess, without anyone else's envy."
It must be done before Frogen's mad machinations engulf the Medea United Kingdom. The Admiral had long been determined to do so.
He vowed to steal the Queen's precious possession. He recalled the encounter with her long ago and relived it.
For the Queen, who was once a Princess, he risked danger, death, and even inhumane acts. He sacrificed everything, even to the point of self-destruction. He believed it was his love, but all he received in return was betrayal.
In fact, this is the subjective opinion of a man who is narrow-minded and sticks to his own position.
To put it plausibly, he loved her because she filled his deficiencies.
In a realistic sense, he longed for and loved her because she had power and strength.
It's a similar expression, but it differs depending on how you interpret it. The young Queen took it as a plausible meaning, and only after learning the truth did she become an adult and become Queen of a country.
The streetlights lining the garden path split the darkness, illuminating some of the white camellias, the neat gravel path, and the bench where we sat.
When asked if he loved me, Noah denied it with a blank expression. He studied my face, then turned his head to look straight ahead.
I didn't take my eyes off that profile.
"I don't know that feeling. The people who taught me about it left early, and I never learned it anywhere."
His voice sank, like a sigh, a loneliness. Something frozen in his heart felt like it was melting.
My stomach felt a warm, aching warmth. It wasn't anger, resentment, or disappointment. It was the realization that, like me, he hadn't been adequately protected or loved.
It was a feeling of understanding that could only be felt when I took a step back and looked at it. In fact, I don't really understand the feeling of love either.
Unlike distinct emotions like sadness, anger, and joy, it's a complex and ambiguous emotion that defies precise definition. Its expression varies greatly depending on one's actions and attitude.
Because each person has different desires and thoughts, it appears in many different forms, and the word 'love' is attached to things that are crooked and wrong.
It can be easily spit out depending on one's mood, or it can be taken lightly because it is used indiscriminately for profit and purpose, or it can be considered the most noble and heavy because it is sacrificed even at the risk of death.
“Do you know?”
At his soft question, the light that had been dispelling the darkness seemed to flicker faintly. No, it was Noah's hair, reflecting the streetlight, swaying and facing me.
When I couldn't answer readily, he smiled kindly. A shadow fell over his face, making it appear as clear as if it were seen in sunlight.
He asked again.
“What was the love you spoke of that day, Princess? I know it was a lie, though.”
I lowered my eyes as if fleeing, fixing my gaze on the regularly laid landscaping beneath my feet. It was just a lie, a lie I'd told in pursuit of a comfortable life and a reprieve.
“I meant I needed you in my life, huh? No...”
When I put it nicely, it sounded plausible. I felt like this was being framed as an excuse, so I quickly added the truth and confessed.
"That's not what people usually mean by love. It was just a lie. I was trying to survive comfortably. I'm sorry."
Instead of getting angry at my confession, Noah smirked. A hint of satisfaction hung on his curved lips.
“So you needed me anyway?”
“Why are you asking again when you already know...?”
“I wondered if you needed me so much that you had to lie and say you loved me.”
I looked at him with a dumbfounded expression, insisting on hearing exactly what he wanted to hear.
“Anyway, I find it difficult to define love in a specific way.”
“Yeah. Back when I was in the military, I was about to get promoted.”
I listened to him, resting my chin on my elbows. He leaned back leisurely on the bench and continued speaking.
"I heard a lieutenant fell in love. So I observed what he did with her. He gave her gifts and flowers, and they even went on dates. After arriving at the Delta front, they exchanged letters regularly, expressing their love for each other."
"Yes."
"One day, while reading a letter in the barracks, the second lieutenant's face turned pale and he began to cry. He looked as if he might faint at any moment. It was a mixture of sadness, anger, and loss."
Noah's expression became strangely unpleasant as he continued speaking.
“The letter said that the woman was going to marry another man.”
“That happens a lot.”
"That's right. It was common. People would go on deployments abroad with a partner and fall in love with another woman, or they'd leave their partner behind and start dating someone else, but they all said it was love. So I dismissed it as meaningless, like the streetlight over there."
It's common for youthful love to flare up and then fade. It can sway like a reed in the wind. So, it's love that leaves the deepest memories of unhappiness, leaving deep scars that last a lifetime.
I think that was probably the source of Noah's anxiety: "A change of heart." It was the same for me.
He grabbed both my hands.
"My heart isn't like that. It's different. I don't know what it is, but my parents were different, too. I wanted to know what it was."
"The people you saw weren't true love, I suppose. Neither you nor I know for sure, so we'll just have to figure it out. As we live, won't there come a day when we suddenly realize it? I'll teach you when I finally do."
It felt like a childish, far-fetched adventure, like "finding the treasure at the end of the rainbow?" But for us, who have lived with a lack of understanding, it was an important undertaking.
I had to grow up quickly, and I lived without even such childish thoughts. He, too, lacking emotions, must have felt the same way. Only after becoming a fully grown adult do we regress, searching for the pure emotions of a child.
We were hastily created, unfinished adults. Noah, with a serious expression on his face, squeezed my cheek with one hand.
“But more than I love you, I like you so much I’m out of my mind.”
What does that mean? Well, he's not in his right mind since he abandoned everything (but he still has money left to spend).
I was being passionately confessed to, my lips pouting like a duck's, my cheeks held high. When I made a pitiful expression, he, who had been looking at me in such a ridiculous state, laughed as if he found it amusing and released his grip on my cheek.
I said what I thought.
“Isn’t it true that everyone dates to confirm their love?”
“Really? If you still don’t know, I’ll have to find out until I get married and die of old age.”
A hint of amusement crept into his voice as he answered. For now, we decided not to dwell on the fact that neither of us knew anything about love. A man who sees everything with a uniform perspective finds me special.
Noah is far more sincere than any man I've ever met. The object of his love was ambiguous. Was it me, or something I possessed? The love he spoke of seemed out of the blue. It was so strange that I didn't believe it when he suddenly fell in love with me.
"I don't know right now, but I think it's not bad. Thank you for being honest."
Noah smiled at my words. He adjusted his tie, stood up, and took my hand to help me up.
“I’m going back now.”
I lifted Noah's rumpled coat from under my butt and examined it, then gave him a sheepish expression. Before entering the ballroom and greeting the Queen, my eyes were drawn to the plump pudding on the dessert table.
“Can’t I just eat that one and leave?”
As I gently pulled on his sleeve, Noah nodded and led me to where I was headed.
“Isn’t it pretty?”
I blushed involuntarily as I held up the moist, ruby-colored strawberry pudding. It was because I loved pudding.
“Yeah. It’s red and pretty.”
He glanced at the pudding in my hand with disinterested eyes, but he responded eagerly in his own way.
“Do you like it better than meat?”
“It’s different from meat. This is dessert.”
“Diana.”
"Yes?"
Noah, who had been watching me happily savoring strawberry pudding with a small spoon, smiled loosely.
“Why is your expression the same when you eat something delicious and when you kiss?”
In a panic, I swallowed the piece of pudding I'd just scooped up. If it had been anything else, it would have gotten stuck in my throat. I clutched my throat for a moment and coughed.
“What was so delicious?”
He asked again, his eyes languid and whispering. What should I do with that pitiful man?
“It’s sweet... no, I mean pudding.”
I tried to change the subject, but he was already enjoying my reaction. He covered his mouth with one hand, narrowed his eyes, and chuckled.
“You’re cute.”
He's looking at me with a face that's so cute it's almost insignificant.
“Do you like pudding or do you like me?”
“You’re the one who bought me pudding.”
"Hmm. Then I'll be the perfect man. From now on, only eat what I buy you."
There was a hint of regret in Noah's eyes as he glared at the innocent pudding.
“You’re cute.”
Watching the man jealous of the pudding, I thought to myself, "He's cute and insignificant." It was telepathy. Contrary to my promise to only eat one, I devoured three before approaching the Queen and telling her I was going home.
The words the smiling Queen said to me were unexpected.
“Lady Diana, how about staying at Tempshire Palace for the time being?”
Noah's face hardened slightly at her words. I felt his grip tighten around my hand. Could it be the Queen? Was this the beginning of a love triangle? I steadied my expression and glanced at him and the Queen.
That's how my misunderstanding of the Queen began.
“I love it when my dad reads to me.”
“You’re all grown up, yet you still act like a child.”
The admiral closed the book he was reading and looked down at his daughter with affectionate eyes, giving her a goodnight kiss on the forehead.
“Sleep well, my princess.”
The admiral, who was about to get up and leave the room, suddenly stopped when Celine's slender hand tugged at his sleeve.
"Dad."
“So, you can’t sleep?”
“I’m nineteen now, and I’m an adult.”
“Are you offended because I called you a tantrum?”
Celine nodded at his apologetic and soothing tone and looked at him with moist eyes.
“Dad, I don’t want you to have to handle all the hard work by yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“Now tell me the truth. Is Diana really your biological daughter?”
The admiral's gentle face hardened, almost cracking, at the sudden question. He clenched his jaw and answered with difficulty.
"Right."
"I'm on your side, Dad, no matter what. You're the only person in the world I'm on my side, the only person I love and rely on. That's why I want to hear your honest opinion."
"I know. I would do anything for you, and you are my only pride and precious person."
“Are you really saying that Diana is your biological daughter?”
"Ues."
Celine was confused by the admiral's firm answer.
“Genetically, there’s no way a child with blonde parents would have black hair... right? Even if it did, it’s rare...”
Celine, her forehead pressed against hers as if worried, lowered her eyes. She closed her mouth, swallowed, and continued speaking.
“If she were your own daughter, there would be no reason to hate her so much that you would kill her.”
"Even though she's my biological daughter, I don't think that way. I always said she was the one who killed your mother."
"I believed it when I was young, but it feels strange. Whatever the reason, please tell me the truth. Now, I want to help you on your side."
The admiral sat on the edge of the bed, pressing his fingers down his eyelids. Watching him, who seemed to have lost his words, Celine finally burst into tears.
She just wanted to have a frank conversation. She wiped away pearly tears and looked at her father through her tear-filled green eyes.
“Is Diana perhaps a member of Medea’s royal family?”
He didn't answer. Instead, he asked a completely different question.
“Do you still like the lieutenant colonel?”
"Yes."
The admiral sighed deeply as he looked at Celine's foolish face.
"If you have power, the second son of the Duke, a lieutenant colonel, might accept you. Unless he's the eldest son, he's bound to have ambitions."
“Power?”
Her shiny platinum blonde hair swayed as she tilted her head.
"Don't worry, Daddy will take care of everything. One day, you'll be treated like a true princess, without anyone else's envy."
It must be done before Frogen's mad machinations engulf the Medea United Kingdom. The Admiral had long been determined to do so.
He vowed to steal the Queen's precious possession. He recalled the encounter with her long ago and relived it.
For the Queen, who was once a Princess, he risked danger, death, and even inhumane acts. He sacrificed everything, even to the point of self-destruction. He believed it was his love, but all he received in return was betrayal.
In fact, this is the subjective opinion of a man who is narrow-minded and sticks to his own position.
To put it plausibly, he loved her because she filled his deficiencies.
In a realistic sense, he longed for and loved her because she had power and strength.
It's a similar expression, but it differs depending on how you interpret it. The young Queen took it as a plausible meaning, and only after learning the truth did she become an adult and become Queen of a country.
***
The streetlights lining the garden path split the darkness, illuminating some of the white camellias, the neat gravel path, and the bench where we sat.
When asked if he loved me, Noah denied it with a blank expression. He studied my face, then turned his head to look straight ahead.
I didn't take my eyes off that profile.
"I don't know that feeling. The people who taught me about it left early, and I never learned it anywhere."
His voice sank, like a sigh, a loneliness. Something frozen in his heart felt like it was melting.
My stomach felt a warm, aching warmth. It wasn't anger, resentment, or disappointment. It was the realization that, like me, he hadn't been adequately protected or loved.
It was a feeling of understanding that could only be felt when I took a step back and looked at it. In fact, I don't really understand the feeling of love either.
Unlike distinct emotions like sadness, anger, and joy, it's a complex and ambiguous emotion that defies precise definition. Its expression varies greatly depending on one's actions and attitude.
Because each person has different desires and thoughts, it appears in many different forms, and the word 'love' is attached to things that are crooked and wrong.
It can be easily spit out depending on one's mood, or it can be taken lightly because it is used indiscriminately for profit and purpose, or it can be considered the most noble and heavy because it is sacrificed even at the risk of death.
“Do you know?”
At his soft question, the light that had been dispelling the darkness seemed to flicker faintly. No, it was Noah's hair, reflecting the streetlight, swaying and facing me.
When I couldn't answer readily, he smiled kindly. A shadow fell over his face, making it appear as clear as if it were seen in sunlight.
He asked again.
“What was the love you spoke of that day, Princess? I know it was a lie, though.”
I lowered my eyes as if fleeing, fixing my gaze on the regularly laid landscaping beneath my feet. It was just a lie, a lie I'd told in pursuit of a comfortable life and a reprieve.
“I meant I needed you in my life, huh? No...”
When I put it nicely, it sounded plausible. I felt like this was being framed as an excuse, so I quickly added the truth and confessed.
"That's not what people usually mean by love. It was just a lie. I was trying to survive comfortably. I'm sorry."
Instead of getting angry at my confession, Noah smirked. A hint of satisfaction hung on his curved lips.
“So you needed me anyway?”
“Why are you asking again when you already know...?”
“I wondered if you needed me so much that you had to lie and say you loved me.”
I looked at him with a dumbfounded expression, insisting on hearing exactly what he wanted to hear.
“Anyway, I find it difficult to define love in a specific way.”
“Yeah. Back when I was in the military, I was about to get promoted.”
I listened to him, resting my chin on my elbows. He leaned back leisurely on the bench and continued speaking.
"I heard a lieutenant fell in love. So I observed what he did with her. He gave her gifts and flowers, and they even went on dates. After arriving at the Delta front, they exchanged letters regularly, expressing their love for each other."
"Yes."
"One day, while reading a letter in the barracks, the second lieutenant's face turned pale and he began to cry. He looked as if he might faint at any moment. It was a mixture of sadness, anger, and loss."
Noah's expression became strangely unpleasant as he continued speaking.
“The letter said that the woman was going to marry another man.”
“That happens a lot.”
"That's right. It was common. People would go on deployments abroad with a partner and fall in love with another woman, or they'd leave their partner behind and start dating someone else, but they all said it was love. So I dismissed it as meaningless, like the streetlight over there."
It's common for youthful love to flare up and then fade. It can sway like a reed in the wind. So, it's love that leaves the deepest memories of unhappiness, leaving deep scars that last a lifetime.
I think that was probably the source of Noah's anxiety: "A change of heart." It was the same for me.
He grabbed both my hands.
"My heart isn't like that. It's different. I don't know what it is, but my parents were different, too. I wanted to know what it was."
"The people you saw weren't true love, I suppose. Neither you nor I know for sure, so we'll just have to figure it out. As we live, won't there come a day when we suddenly realize it? I'll teach you when I finally do."
It felt like a childish, far-fetched adventure, like "finding the treasure at the end of the rainbow?" But for us, who have lived with a lack of understanding, it was an important undertaking.
I had to grow up quickly, and I lived without even such childish thoughts. He, too, lacking emotions, must have felt the same way. Only after becoming a fully grown adult do we regress, searching for the pure emotions of a child.
We were hastily created, unfinished adults. Noah, with a serious expression on his face, squeezed my cheek with one hand.
“But more than I love you, I like you so much I’m out of my mind.”
What does that mean? Well, he's not in his right mind since he abandoned everything (but he still has money left to spend).
I was being passionately confessed to, my lips pouting like a duck's, my cheeks held high. When I made a pitiful expression, he, who had been looking at me in such a ridiculous state, laughed as if he found it amusing and released his grip on my cheek.
I said what I thought.
“Isn’t it true that everyone dates to confirm their love?”
“Really? If you still don’t know, I’ll have to find out until I get married and die of old age.”
A hint of amusement crept into his voice as he answered. For now, we decided not to dwell on the fact that neither of us knew anything about love. A man who sees everything with a uniform perspective finds me special.
Noah is far more sincere than any man I've ever met. The object of his love was ambiguous. Was it me, or something I possessed? The love he spoke of seemed out of the blue. It was so strange that I didn't believe it when he suddenly fell in love with me.
"I don't know right now, but I think it's not bad. Thank you for being honest."
Noah smiled at my words. He adjusted his tie, stood up, and took my hand to help me up.
“I’m going back now.”
I lifted Noah's rumpled coat from under my butt and examined it, then gave him a sheepish expression. Before entering the ballroom and greeting the Queen, my eyes were drawn to the plump pudding on the dessert table.
“Can’t I just eat that one and leave?”
As I gently pulled on his sleeve, Noah nodded and led me to where I was headed.
“Isn’t it pretty?”
I blushed involuntarily as I held up the moist, ruby-colored strawberry pudding. It was because I loved pudding.
“Yeah. It’s red and pretty.”
He glanced at the pudding in my hand with disinterested eyes, but he responded eagerly in his own way.
“Do you like it better than meat?”
“It’s different from meat. This is dessert.”
“Diana.”
"Yes?"
Noah, who had been watching me happily savoring strawberry pudding with a small spoon, smiled loosely.
“Why is your expression the same when you eat something delicious and when you kiss?”
In a panic, I swallowed the piece of pudding I'd just scooped up. If it had been anything else, it would have gotten stuck in my throat. I clutched my throat for a moment and coughed.
“What was so delicious?”
He asked again, his eyes languid and whispering. What should I do with that pitiful man?
“It’s sweet... no, I mean pudding.”
I tried to change the subject, but he was already enjoying my reaction. He covered his mouth with one hand, narrowed his eyes, and chuckled.
“You’re cute.”
He's looking at me with a face that's so cute it's almost insignificant.
“Do you like pudding or do you like me?”
“You’re the one who bought me pudding.”
"Hmm. Then I'll be the perfect man. From now on, only eat what I buy you."
There was a hint of regret in Noah's eyes as he glared at the innocent pudding.
“You’re cute.”
Watching the man jealous of the pudding, I thought to myself, "He's cute and insignificant." It was telepathy. Contrary to my promise to only eat one, I devoured three before approaching the Queen and telling her I was going home.
The words the smiling Queen said to me were unexpected.
“Lady Diana, how about staying at Tempshire Palace for the time being?”
Noah's face hardened slightly at her words. I felt his grip tighten around my hand. Could it be the Queen? Was this the beginning of a love triangle? I steadied my expression and glanced at him and the Queen.
That's how my misunderstanding of the Queen began.
Comments
Post a Comment