I set aside the half-empty bowl and got up from the bed.
As I approached the window, I saw a dozen knights clad in golden armor lined up in the castle courtyard. They were the Roem Knights.
Judging by the fact that they had dispatched an entire unit, not just one or two knights, it seemed that they had not come simply to deliver a message from the imperial family.
Are you here to take me away?
I, who had been absentmindedly thinking about that, soon shook my head.
Even the Emperor couldn't forcibly take the Grand Duchess from the East. In fact, there was no reason to do so. Perhaps the conflict with the North had intensified.
I, too, felt that war was imminent and that Barcas was under pressure from all sides.
If a war of independence broke out in the North, the East would also suffer significant damage, both militarily and economically. Therefore, the eastern nobility would likely feel the need to quickly suppress the northern rebellion. The lords of the regions bordering the North, in particular, would be gripped by a sense of crisis.
The conservative nobles were also likely to be watching Barcas's movements closely. Hadn't his political standing already been weakened by his marriage to me?
Everything was pushing him to abandon me. So why did he cling to me?
In my hazy mind, the image of the man quietly embracing me under the moonlight came to mind.
The way he placed me on his lap and gently stroked my stomach.
Moments that felt like carriage love tried to rekindle the spark in my heart that was left with only ashes.
'No.'
I muttered, gripped by a strong sense of crisis. If time continued like this, I would surely harbor vain hopes again. Perhaps I would forget my present pain and dream of happiness. And then, time and again, I would fall into the abyss of despair.
No. I don't want to be in that much pain.
"Your Highness, are you feeling unwell? Should I call a healer?"
As I leaned my dizzy head against the cold glass window, the maid asked me a cautious question.
I stared at them with a thoughtful expression, then slowly walked into the room. Then, the sleeping pills on the desk came into view.
I, who had been watching it quietly, blurted out somewhat impulsively.
"I'm thirsty, can you bring me some wine?"
The maids exchanged glances at my request. Soon, one of them quietly stepped out.
I instructed the remaining one to light the fire, then snatched the vial as I turned and hid it under my sleeve.
After a while, the maid returned carrying a jug of wine.
I uncorked the vial from under the covers, then grabbed the jug of wine with my other hand.
The maid gave me a puzzled look. I pretended not to notice, opened the lid of the pitcher, and tilted my head over it. Then, dipping my fingertips in the wine, I pretended to taste it before pouring out the sleeping pills I had hidden in my dangling sleeve.
Fortunately, my long hair and sleeves, draped like a veil, seemed to perfectly conceal my actions. I hid the empty vial under the blanket and cast a feigned, suspicious glance at the two maids.
"You two drink too."
The maids looked at me with their eyes wide open.
I gave a grumpy look.
"Why? Did you catch something strange here?"
The maids, whose faces had been clouded, soon poured wine into their glasses and took turns taking sips. They seemed to have gotten used to my nitpicking and didn't seem to suspect anything.
I insisted they were just pretending to drink, and pressured them to drink more. Eventually, the maids had to down each glass of strong wine.
I, who had been observing the scene closely, suddenly changed my mind, put the kettle aside, emptied a cup of water, and lay down on the bed.
I couldn't figure out what was driving me to do this. I simply followed a vague impulse and lay there, hiding under the covers, for how long. As the room began to darken, I slowly raised my head. Then, I saw the maids sitting on the floor, their backs against the wall.
They both seemed to have almost fainted, as they had recently developed a resistance to sleep grass and had prepared the medicine in a strong concentration.
After getting out of bed and observing their breathing, I generously covered them with a blanket. Then, through a side door next to the bedroom, I peered into the waiting room used by the maids.
Fortunately, the healer had gone to the pharmacy, and the team was empty.
I went inside without hesitation and rummaged through the books lying next to the small bed.
Soon after, I was able to find a rag of undyed gray-brown wool tunic and leather shoes.
I took off my nightgown, put on a loose tunic, and put on stiff shoes. Then I carefully pulled my hair down, found a shabby outer garment, and draped it over my body.
With a tangled scarf wrapped around my head and the hood pulled down low, I looked like a commoner woman.
I, who had been carefully examining the situation, soon went out into the hallway through a small side door next to the waiting room.
The hallway was deserted, as most of the servants had gone to the kitchen to greet the guests who had suddenly arrived.
I took the passage usually used by maids and headed to my long-vacant room. Fortunately, the bedroom was empty.
I approached the chest of drawers next to the bed, unlocking it and searching through it carefully to see if there was anything I could take. Since most of my precious possessions were stored separately in a safe, I was unable to find any gems.
I, who had managed to find a few gold rings and pearl hairpins, stuffed them into my pocket and took out the jewelry box I had brought from the palace.
When I opened the lid, I saw a moonstone that resembled Barcas's eyes, a handkerchief he had bought me, and a gold button engraved with the emblem of the Roem Knights.
I shoved it into my leather pouch as if it were nothing, then stopped and froze.
Why am I packing this when I'm about to leave everything behind?
Looking down at the traces of my tattered, foolish desires with my eyes stilled, I quickly placed them back in the jewelry box and locked it tightly. Then I pushed it deep into the dresser and stood up.
Before I knew it, the sun was visibly setting.
I stepped cautiously into the dark hallway. Descending the narrow stairs leading to the back door, I caught sight of servants busily carrying bath water.
Everyone seemed to be on edge, trying to accommodate the unexpected guests. Thanks to this, I was able to escape the building without attracting the workers' attention.
'...Maybe it’s better now?'
I walked along the deserted path and looked up at the cloudy sky with a sense of desolation.
Even though I was ignorant of the world, I knew how difficult the world was.
If you wander aimlessly without even a single escort, you will probably not last more than a few days before being robbed or becoming prey to demons.
Even if I arrive safely at the destination thanks to the astronomy, there's no way I can make a living since I don't know how to do anything.
I could easily imagine my own miserable end, perhaps begging on the streets and starving to death.
'Still...'
There's no way I'd ever show him that messed up.
I limped forward slowly.
Continuing south from Kalmor, I'll come across the Velamen Monastery. Renowned as a sanctuary for the homeless, it's likely they'll be more than willing to accept at least one unidentified woman.
If God takes pity on me and miraculously lets me get there safely, I'll live a little longer.
But if He doesn't do that...
I stopped thinking at that point. I didn't want to think about anything else. I walked mechanically, my legs moving for a while, until finally, through the trees, I saw a towering wall and a gate with an iron frame. Fortunately, it was unnoticed.
I approached the door, taking care to look as natural as possible. I pulled the doorknob and saw three or four carts lined up along the path. Apparently, they had urgently summoned a peddler.
I glanced at the merchant talking to the sentry not far away, then cautiously passed through the door.
Just then, someone grabbed my shoulder.
I turned my head in surprise, spotting a knight in a surcoat embroidered with the Sheerkan family crest. I quickly pulled down my hood. I sensed the man was scrutinizing me suspiciously.
"Who are you? You don't look like a maid of the castle..."
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