The sun was already setting.
How many hours have passed since he left the bedroom?
Barcas looked up at the dark sky outside the window and measured the time, then hurried along the corridor where the torches were lit.
He knew they would treat him like a jailer, so he tried not to be impatient, but he was as nervous as someone who had left behind a captive who might escape at any moment.
Barcas went straight out of the hallway and stepped onto the stairs.
At that moment, Darren, who had been chasing after him with a stomping foot, hurriedly called out to him.
"Your Excellency, 1 understand your frustration... Is it really okay to say that to His Majesty's messenger like that? What if he conveys what the lord said as it is..."
"Did you listen to me in vain?"
Barcas kept his gaze fixed in front of him and replied dryly
"Even if the messenger doesn't tell His Majesty, I think I'll do it myself."
"...His Majesty must have made such a proposal to do you a favor."
As he was descending the stairs, Barcas stopped and looked back at Darren.
The man continued as if persuasively.
"Isn't it a marriage that was forced to push through the Empress's urging in the first place? His Majesty must have taken this opportunity to correct His mistakes. I guessed that it would be difficult for you to ask for it first, so he brought up the story first out of consideration..."
"Consideration?"
Barcas, who had climbed one flight of stairs, let out a slow exhale, meeting the man's eye level.
"Do you think the suggestion to put a woman who almost died while giving birth to my child in a monastery is considerate?"
The man, who swallowed his dry saliva with a thick throat, showed discomfort and turned his gaze to the side.
"I also regret this incident. But..."
"If you feel sorry..."
Barcas, who was close to his face in front of the man, spat out softly.
"Shut up. You carelessly teased your tongue, and where in the world are there one or two knights who died at the hands of their lord? Don't add your name to that long list."
"Your Excellency..."
As he turned around and was about to go down the stairs again, the man hurriedly grabbed his shoulder.
Barcas glared at him with cold eyes. Darren flinched as if he was about to be stabbed by the gaze, and then let out a tired sigh.
"Negative words about Her Highness the Grand Duchess are coming and going among the vassals. If Your Excellency continues to deal with it as it is now, soon the League of Eastern Nobles will also demand the same thing as His Majesty the Emperor. Are you going to hang all the vassals who are worried about the future of the Grand Duke and give advice?"
When Barcas didn't say anything, the man continued in a tougher tone.
"Your Excellency, it has been less than a year since you took over your position. Now is the time to demonstrate your leadership skills. How long can the ruler of the East be in the footsteps of a woman who has lost her soul..."
"Darren."
Barcas interrupted his aide in a soft voice. What he saw in his eyes, the man's cheeks tightened.
Barcas, who was staring at the bloody face quietly, continued calmly.
"It's only been a little over a month since something tragic happened to us."
"..."
"So stop whining like a baby. I can't stand your whining, and even in the midst of this, I am still taking care of all the essential tasks that I should do as a Grand Duke. It's because you can't help at all."
When the man couldn't find anything to refute, he kept his mouth shut. Barcas slowly turned around.
After passing through the passage leading to the main castle and reaching the door of his bedroom, a soldier standing in the hallway bowed with a nervous face.
Barcas walked past him and opened the door straight.
For a moment, his eyes became blurry. As he breathed in the dense air mixed with the thick smoke and sweet aroma, his vision seemed to be submerged in water.
Come to think of it, when was the last time he closed his eyes?
It seemed like it had been a day or two. He only slept for about an hour; he thought that his body might have reached its limit.
Barkas, who was numbly diagnosing his physical condition, closed the door behind his back and entered the room when his vision became clear.
"Did Her Highness do anything?"
When Barcas asked the maid who was waiting by the fireplace, the frozen girl spat out a crawling voice.
"Oh, nothing happened."
"What about the meal?"
"Oh, she emptied a bowl of porridge a while ago. After that, she took the medicine prepared by the healer and fell sleeping."
He approached the bedside and looked down at his wife, who was buried in the blanket.
Like someone who had never received light in her life, her face was pale, and her hair, like gold threads, was stuck to the nape of her neck like a spider's web. He reached out to remove it and then lowered his arm again.
She was a woman who had been unable to sleep deeply lately. Fearing that he might disturb her sleep, he instructed the maid to go out only with a nod. The woman, who was watching him with a nervous face, carefully left the bedroom.
Barcas walked to the fireplace and placed a magic stone on top of the flickering flames. Then he took off his jacket and threw it casually, then washed his hands with water in a basin when he heard a faint voice behind him.
"Since when...."
Turning his head over his shoulder, Barcas spotted his wife looking at him from a distance, and furrowed his eyebrows.
The woman, who was pressing her lips with dry blood, spat out a dry voice that seemed to crumble.
"How long are you going to stay by my side?"
Barcas had to spend seconds trying to figure out the meaning of those words.
He picked up a towel and responded calmly, as if he had been asked a trivial question.
"Until you are okay."
The woman, who was staring at him blankly, a sigh of relief coming out of her mouth.
"Do you want me to be okay?"
Noticing the cynicism in those words, Barcas looked down at her. The woman who cut the corner of her mouth with a slight smile sent her eyes like a broken piece of glass. However, because of her wet eyes, she only looked empty and pitiful.
Without even realizing what kind of face she had, the woman poured out harsh words.
"But what should I do? As long as you're by my side, I don't think I'll ever be okay..."
A prickly voice scratched somewhere inside his body. However, the tingling sensation does not reach the condensed consciousness and disperses like smoke.
Barcas, who was chasing that sad sense, closed his eyes and opened them.
There is no need to dwell on the words that are poured out as much as they can.
This woman just needs an outlet to vent her feelings.
As he pondered to himself, he turned around and tried to change his clothes as if nothing had happened, but his lips, which were out of the control of reason, spat out a dry question.
"Why..."
The woman looked at him blankly. He pursed his lips without realizing what he was asking.
"Why can't you be okay with me?"
The woman's face, which seemed to have forgotten what to say for a moment, was faintly distorted. Soon after, he heard a painful breathing sound as if she was vomiting something from her throat.
"It's painful to look at you."
In an instant, all the accidents stopped moving.
The deep blue eyes that had dominated a corner of his consciousness for so many years seemed to drive him into a deep, dark place.
"So let's stop now."
She continued as if she were stunned.
"I like it anywhere. Send me to a place where I can't see you. I... I want to forget everything now."
He tugged at his collar like a strangled man.
It is the lips that have always been making sounds that are not in the heart. It's not worth listening to.
"You can't go anywhere."
A voice like the north wind echoed in the room.
Barcas could see fear running across her face at a glance. If it were normal, he might have thought of a way to erase it. But now, he didn't feel like he wanted to soothe her.
He wanted this woman to be afraid. So he hoped that she would never be able to make such a request again.
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