At that moment, the crying that had subsided for a while was heard again.
My face was distorted in horror. The squealing sound was getting more and more overwhelming. I wanted to stop it somehow, but the fact that there was nothing I could do was like my intestines were breaking.
I grabbed my belly like a knife and groped the flat belly skin.
At that moment, a crazy thought suddenly lifted its head from somewhere in my messed-up mind.
'...You can start over from the beginning.'
I vaguely felt that my thinking was going in an abnormal direction, but my reason had already melted halfway away.
I looked down blankly at the man's face surrounded by dim light, and then slowly reached out my hand.
When the crumpled tunic was pulled up, a tight waist like a rope and a firm abdomen were exposed. I put my finger down on it and slowly slid it over.
When I grabbed the loose-fitting trousers the Easterners like to wear and pulled them a little. I saw the taut tendons leading to the groin and the hardened iliac bones. But the tightly cinched leather straps prevented me from sliding any further down.
I fumbled with the leather straps. The knot was tightened even tighter with a clumsy touch. I felt that I was getting more and more nervous, and I pulled the string a little nervously.
At that moment, a large, veiny hand grabbed my wrist as if it were snatching it.
I lifted my head. Unfocused blue eyes were staring at me.
"Now... What are you doing?"
There was a faint confusion in his heavily sunken voice.
I replied bluntly without showing any signs of embarrassment.
"I... I want to have a baby again."
The sleepiness disappeared from his eyes.
I looked away from his suspicious face and reached out to his pants again. Then he muttered as if he were on something.
"Give it to me again. This time I'll give birth healthy."
Then my baby will stop crying sadly.
In desperation, I thrust my finger into his slightly loose clothes. Then Barcas, who had been stiff like a stone, jumped up and slammed my wrists like a noose.
Something in my head snapped as I tried to pull myself away.
Talia exclaimed in a voice that seemed to boil in her intestines.
"Why... Why are you refusing?"
The man's eyes slowly distorted. His darkly dilated pupils were seen twitching slightly.
Everything is blurry, so why is this man so clear?
I twisted his gisnts wrist, feeling something to crumble in his eyes.
"You said you would do whatever I wanted! You said you would grant me whatever I wanted! Give me my baby back! My baby that you didn't even let me hold...!"
At that moment, I saw something collapse in his eyes.
The man, mumbling incomprehensible words, snatched the sheet and wrapped it around me.
I writhed even more violently, like a fish caught in a net.
"Liar! You're a liar who only lives with your mouth! You said you would protect my baby, but you didn't even look at me, did you? You gave away the promise you made to me like an old shoe!"
A scream-like voice that sounded terrible to my ears kept erupting. It was as if I were possessed by an evil spirit.
Unable to overcome the anger that came up, I beat and scratched his body
The man hugged me tightly and did not move. As if to take all the filth I poured out, he hugged my flailing body tightly with both arms and gasped heavily.
As a result, I become even more despicable and miserable.
I'd rather he blame me. Just like I do.
I tried to have a baby with this body, and I couldn't protect the child.
I know that. That's why I say that. They say it's all my fault, that I brought it upon myself.
Fall into this abyss with me and roll around in the mud. Mess it up.
I looked up at him with a desire and a curse.
A miserably distorted face was captured in my vision, burning with tears. However, he was an existence that could never fall to the bottom of where I was.
I am always the only one who becomes shabby and miserable. A man who makes me infinitely ugly and insignificant...
Finally, I lost all my will and limp.
A dry wind blows through my chest, which has been burned down, and only ashes remain. I forced the thick dust swirling in my stomach out of her mouth.
"...Now I will never trust you again."
I felt his body stiffen as we were in close contact. However, he never said a word. He just leaned against the back of the bed as if exhausted, with the arms that wrapped me.
A ruined silence fell over our heads.
Before I knew it, the baby's crying had stopped, but I couldn't feel any relief.
***
Soon after, rumors began to circulate in Raedgo Castle that the Grand Duchess was suffering from madness.
The steely maid of honor blocked the maids' mouths with fierce eyes, but the murmuring did not subside.
It was because the woman, who had been sleeping like a person who had been in a daze since she regained consciousness, began to use all kinds of evil things against the Grand Duke one day.
There were more than one or two times when her words of desperate resentment and curses echoed through the door and into the hallway.
Sometimes they could hear the sound of things breaking and pieces of fabric being torn apart.
After such a commotion, when they were called and ran into the room, they saw a fainting Grand Duchess and a messy scene unfolding in front of them.
It seemed that the only thing that was intact in it was the Grand Duke.
The man, who looked as if nothing had happened, called for the priest in a cold voice. The maids, who had been stiffened, immediately obeyed the order.
This happened many times.
The Grand Duke did not budge, and the woman's fury became more and more severe day by day. The voices of sympathy for the Grand Duchess gradually subsided.
Many people criticized the fact that it was not a bad thing to lose her first child so futilely, but that it was too much to pour out her resentment on the Grand Duke.
However, even those who had been talking behind her had no choice but to keep their mouths shut when they encountered her desolate face.
This is because the woman who had been wandering through the garden with a dreamy expression and flushed cheeks last fall lost all vitality and transformed into a ghost.
Those who saw her occasionally escaping from the room and wandering around the castle through the Grand Duke's ironclad surveillance could not help but understand the feelings of the Grand Duke, who calmly endured all the troubles.
The woman, who continued her precarious steps as if looking for something with an eerily beautiful face and an empty expression, seemed to be scattered like smoke at any moment. There will be no one who will not sympathize with her miserable appearance.
However, apart from the sympathy of the servants of nature for the Grand Duchess, the dissatisfaction of the vassals seemed to grow day by day.
"Is the Grand Duchess still alive?"
Brisa, a maid who was passing through the hallway with a laundry basket in her arms, spotted Darren Drew Sheerkan climbing the stairs and hurriedly shook her head.
The man who led the knights to her asked angrily.
"I asked about the condition of His Highness the Grand Duchess."
"...Her Highness... She is currently taking medication and resting."
Even though she knew that what he was asking was the state of mind of the Grand Duchess, Brisa was confused.
After a moment of cold glance, the man let out a heavy sigh and held out a scroll of parchment with red wax stamped on it.
"Please convey this to Your Excellency, the Grand Duke."
Brisa coldly put the basket down on the floor and accepted it. As if that was the end of his business, the man went straight up the stairs.
Brisa, who glanced at his back, turned to the Grand Duke's bedroom to carry out the instructions she had been entrusted with.
"Your Excellency, may I go in?"
She knocked on the door carefully, and permission was given to come in soon. Brisa walked into the dark bedroom, careful not to make a sound.
It seemed that the Grand Duke was changing his messed-up clothes to deal with his wife's rampage.
The man who was folding the cuffs of his black velvet tunic cast an insensitive glance over his shoulder.
"What's going on?"
"On the way through the hallway... I have been ordered to convey this to Your Excellency..."
Brista bowed politely and held out a scroll of parchment paper in her hand. The man who took it tore off the wax and unfolded it for a long time.
Brisa could see that what was written in the document made the Grand Duke very unhappy.
The man, who was wrinkling his eyebrows and moving his eyes quickly, crumpled up the parchment paper and threw it into the fireplace.
Soon after, a sad voice rang out.
"I'll be away for a while. Don't take your eyes off her."
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