I kept my gaze fixed on Barcas's eyes and pressed down hard.
I felt as if a rock was crushing my pelvis. The sweat glands all over my body opened, and cold sweat flowed down my body.
I even gathered the strength to suckle. However, I didn't feel like something was progressing.
It felt like I was about to burst into tears. How much do I have to do this? Just as I wanted to let go of everything in unbearable pain, someone screamed in one word.
I lifted my eyelids, which were soaked with sweat and tears. The priestess sat down under my bed, covered with linen, and looked between my knees with a serious expression.
I struggled to open my burst lips.
"Why... Why?
"Blood, blood..."
The maid standing by the bed muttered with a frightened face.
The maid grabbed her with a fierce hand and pushed her back.
The pains that had subsided without even questioning the scene began again.
I clung to the nape of Barcas' neck again.
How long did the pain last, as if bones were opening and organs and nerve bundles in the body were crushed?
The front of my eyes turned white, and something that was blocking my pelvis slipped out.
The sensation was so intense that the nape of my neck snapped, and a sharp scream erupted from my vocal cords.
I struggled to breathe in Barcas's arms, limp like a corpse, up to my chin. My eardrums were blocked as if I had fallen into water, and my vision was blurred.
I also felt like my body was seriously torn somewhere. However, the intense pain that seemed to burn my brain was no longer felt.
Is it all over now?
I was thinking about it in a daze, but suddenly a strange sense of incongruity struck me. The room was strangely quiet.
I struggled to lift my heavily lowered eyelids.
The spine of his neck, which was in a taut and protruding form in his out-of-focus vision, was caught. I pulled the hem of the man's shirt, who seemed to be distracted by something, with trembling hands.
"Barcas... Why..."
Barcas finally saw me.
I strained my eyes to take a closer look at his expression. However, the focus was not well focused.
I stared at the man, who looked like a pale ghost, as if I was clinging to him, and barely managed to utter the rest of my words.
"Why... Baby... Don't you cry?"
"..."
"Barcas, why the baby..."
He didn't say anything.
Maybe my ears were broken?
I looked around the room with confused eyes. The maids were gathered in one place and wrapped something in a swaddling bag.
I tried to raise my upper body to take a closer look, but Barcas tightened his arms around me.
"You can't move yet."
It was a rough voice that I didn't expect to hear from him.
I blinked blankly.
Barcas, who clutched my head tightly with his cold tendons as if trying to prevent me from turning my head, let out a frighteningly thin voice.
"Has the blood stopped?"
"Not yet..."
"Then what are you doing without taking action?"
"...Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do."
I could feel the flesh that surrounded me tightly hardened like stone.
I could tell that he was mad at something, but I couldn't figure out why.
A voice mixed with the sound of metal echoed fiercely from the bedside.
"Where is the high priest doing something? Bring him right away!"
"No, that's a ridiculous request! A male priest can never enter the birth chamber. It is strictly forbidden for them to see the primitive appearance of women..."
At that moment, I heard something cracking.
I barely managed to get a sense of fading. It was only a beat later that I realized that he had picked up something and thrown it.
"Go and tell him right away. If he doesn't run right now and treat my wife, I'll lock him in the chapel and burn him."
Only after hearing these words did I realize that my situation was serious enough to require treatment. However, I did not feel any fear about him. It was as if all my senses were paralyzed.
I, staring blankly at the stiff chin of Barcas, was pulled by a strong impulse to pull at his sleeve.
"Barcas... I'm fine... My baby..."
I struggled to purse my lips without clearly understanding what he was talking about.
"My baby... Please help me."
Barcas did not answer.
I could tell he was looking at me, but I couldn't see what kind of expression he was still making. Tears kept welling up.
"Me, with me... You promised..."
I glared at him critically for not moving, and then turned my eyes to find the baby again. However, Barcas was hugging my head tightly, and I couldn't move forward.
I tried my best to push him away, but he didn't move as if his arm was as rigid as a lead. I trembled with helplessness.
"It's okay. Nothing will happen."
The man hugged my upper body painfully, bringing his cold lips to my temples and muttering.
Lie.
I muttered.
It's all a lie. Nothing was fine. It won't get better in the future.
I could feel my body getting colder and colder. It felt as if it was slowly sinking into the icy water. I was very cold and tired.
Why did you find yourself in this situation?
A faint question spread in my white-emptied mind.
Obviously, I was happy even during the day. I did. It was very painful and difficult, but I was still happy. I don't think I've ever been so happy in my life.
I remembered what had made me so happy. And I squeezed the last of my strength and begged.
"Barcas... Baby... Give it to me."
It was a voice that could be heard faintly, like a candle going out to my ears.
Thinking that he would not be able to hear properly, I lifted my heavy fingers like a tendon and pulled at his cold coat.
"I... I want to hug him. My baby..."
Barcas hugged me tightly, not flinching.
At that moment, resentment filled to the marrow. I wanted to shout if I could.
You said you would grant me whatever I wanted. Why don't you keep the promise you made to me?
I sobbed.
"I... I beg you like this. Please..."
At that time, I felt that the surroundings were in commotion. However, all the sounds were unclear, as if a thick wall was blocking all sides.
Barcas's head turned sharply. I could hear him shouting, but I couldn't understand what he was saying. I soon lost all my strength, and my limbs sagged.
My vision became darker and darker. I couldn't even tell if I had closed my eyes or opened them.
Will I never wake up again like this? Then I wanted to see him one last time.
I desperately tried to squeeze the corners of my eyes. But all I could see was a dark darkness.
Tears welled up in my eyes. I felt like I could drown in those tears.
I opened my mouth to say something. But even that didn't go my way. It wasn't until I swallowed my shattered breath that I realized it was his name that I hadn't spat out yet.
After that sad realization, I sank as if sinking into a cold and dark place.
***
The rain that had been pouring down since dawn gradually subsided little by little by noon.
Lucas, who was leaning on the wall and drinking wine from his mouth, let out a confused sigh when he found three or four women laying flowers down by a small grave that had just been built a few days ago.
The child who had come into the world was buried in the wet soil without even taking his first breath properly. And only after the condition of the Grand Duchess, who had been wandering around the temple, improved, a small funeral ceremony was held for the stillborn child.
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