Barcas tickled my lips with his thumb, leaning against the straight edge of my nose near my temples.
"I'll keep the room dark that day."
I, my eyes rolling back and forth with ny shoulders resting on his chest, nodded slowly.
He wrapped his arms around the tip of my chin and stared into my eyes.
Just as I felt like running away from the unknown shame, he lowered his lips again. This time, it was a light kiss like a bird rubbing its beak.
That feather-like touch broke deep in my heart. I closed my eyes tightly, as if denying the fact.
***
From that day on, I began to stay in his bed as if it were a matter of course. I made an excuse that it was to keep an eye on the healer.
However, even after the treatment was over, I did not leave the room.
I pretended not to be able to resist the request to give him medicine, and then fell asleep in his bed. It was a change that occurred just a month after I made a fuss about going back to my room, even if I died soon.
Although I was fed up with myself, I rationalized myself by pulling out all sorts of reasons.
This is only a temporary change.
Because he's hurt, and I can't bear to shake him off when he's hurt. I just have to compromise for a while.
Once Barcas was fully recovered, I planned to step back outside the line I had drawn.
Therefore, my anger at Barcas for not taking proper care of his body was justified. The slower his recovery becomes, the longer this ambiguous state will be.
I, who had been working hard all day, lashed out at Barcas, who returned to his room only at a late hour.
"You don't deserve to nag me about my health."
As he entered the room, Barcas gave me a puzzled look.
I, who had thrown down the book on my lap, slipped down from his bed and raised my voice.
"You're working like a cow every day with that body! You even had a fever at dawn..."
"My body was fine."
Barcas took off his coat and retorted bluntly.
I raised the corners of my eyes.
"No. It was hotter than usual."
"If so, it probably wasn't because of the fever."
After a moment of bewilderment, I immediately blushed.
I couldn't understand how he could say such a thing without changing his expression. It seemed to him that the concept of shame did not exist.
I gritted my teeth and said.
"The poison of the monster is flowing through your body, but it can't be okay. You need to rest properly until the detoxification is done."
"Still, lately I've been finishing work earlier than usual."
Barcas, who responded in a dry tone, untied the sword and placed it on the stand.
I laughed in vain.
His routine, which I found out about the butler today, was almost punishing. I wondered if even the most ascetic monk could live like this.
Every morning, before the sun rose, Barcas would get up from bed and head to the training ground. After training in martial arts, he moved to a military base to check the training status of each unit, the status of recruiting new soldiers, and the management of military supplies in detail, and then processed various approval documents.
After that, he performed official duties such as reviewing complaints from all over the East, meeting with city council members to discuss policies, and sometimes attending events hosted by the Great Temple and meetings of the League of Nobles.
It was unbelievable how one person could handle so many things at once.
I spat out somewhat nervously.
"Even a healthy person will die soon if he lives like you."
"I've been trained since I was eight years old to be able to digest the same schedule as I do now. Don't worry, you won't become a widow because of me."
In response, I clenched my fists. If he had been fine, I would have picked up the pillow and thrown it at that insensitive face.
"How can you be sure of that? Everyone who dies from overwork is overconfident in their health, like you, and one day they get so exhausted that they will never open their eyes again! Wait and see. You've lived to that point, too."
"Is that a worry or a curse?"
Barkas, who was unbuttoning the doublet, looked back at me as if he were puzzled.
I smiled like a poisoned cat.
"Which one do you think?"
Barcas, who had narrowed his eyes, let out a small sigh, took off his shirt, and threw it on the chair.
Seeing his naked body exposed in the light, my lips hardened. Last night, the new bandage I had changed was removed.
I walked up to him and looked over his shoulder. Only a small trace remained in the place where the wound was.
"What happened? You said you have to have one more day to be completely cured."
"I listened to the ointment made by the healer, better than I thought. As soon as I confirmed that the symptoms of poisoning were gone, I was treated by the priest."
I swallowed my dry saliva.
"Well, that's good."
I took a step back with an awkward face, but his gloved fingers touched my face.
"Are you relieved now?"
Barcas asked, looking down at me.
Somehow, I felt like I had been bitten by a strong hunting dog that was rubbing at will
I turned my head to the side as if shaking off his hand, and retorted bluntly.
"Yes, I don't have to worry about it anymore."
There was an awkward silence.
I, who was looking down at his shadow on the carpet, quietly lifted my eyes. His thoughtful eyes were looking down at me right in front of me.
He asked, sweeping his hair from his forehead.
What do you want me to do?"
I clutched the hem of my skirt tightly. It felt like my lips were burning.
"I..."
I didn't know why I was so foolish. Wasn't I trying to recover in order to have a relationship with him? Now, as planned, I had to ask him to sleep.
I clutched the hem of my clothes and wiped my dry lips. At that moment, a soothing voice poured out over the top of my head.
"If you don't want to, I'll wait longer."
However, as if he would not allow me to leave the room, a big hand wrapped around my waist.
I looked up at him with trembling eyes.
If you're not going to mix your body, there's no reason to be here. But why can't I shake off this hand? And why do you want me to be by your side?
Even if you don't do anything, it's enough just to be together.
Isn't it like love?
At that moment, a feeling close to fear swept through my back. It was as if I were standing naked on a field.
I clasped my trembling hands tightly.
Don't expect anything. I obsessively muttered and struggled to spit out my tight voice.
"Turn off all the lights."
I could suffocate and die, so I just wanted to hide in the dark right away.
I scolded in an anxious voice.
"Now, right now."
"...Are you really okay?"
"What's the reason why I'm not okay?"
I said sneeringly.
"That's all I want from you. I don't want anything else."
A subtle expression crossed his face. I didn't want to know what it was.
I endured the blade-like silence with my eyes fixed on the floor.
Finally, he turned around and turned off all the lights in the room one after another. However, the moonlight pouring down through the window was illuminating the room.
I urged in a muffled voice.
"Draw the curtains."
The man approached the window at a slow pace that made my stomach burn. However, he didn't lower the curtain and just looked up at the bright moon.
I stared at his straight back, filled with unknown fear.
At that moment, the man, who had been motionless as if he was thinking about something, strode back to me.
I took a step back with a puzzled expression. Barcas stretched out his arms and hugged me in a flash, then went straight to the bed. I struggled instinctively.
"I don't like it! I told you to draw the curtains!"
"I won't see anything you don't want to show."
Barcas, who had put me down on the bed, whispered in my ear.
I looked up at him with frightened eyes. Barcas bent over me and wrapped our bodies in a blanket.
Comments
Post a Comment