The priest blocking my path was polite, yet utterly firm. Sarah, holding an umbrella beside me, spoke rudely.
“Madam is not someone who can just block the way.”
"Madam, we don't mean to be rude. However, the person inside seems reluctant to interact with others, so we ask for your understanding."
“Oh, if the priest knew what kind of person Madam was...”
"Sarah."
I lightly interrupted Sarah. Judging by the priest's attitude, I knew I couldn't enter the temple without revealing who I was. I could have just turned back, but if not today, I didn't know when I'd have the time to visit again. I spoke softly to the priest.
“I’m thinking of going in for a moment, saying a prayer, and then leaving. Will that be difficult?”
“I’m sorry, but it seems like it will be difficult.”
“Can you tell me who is inside and why they are blocking the believers like this?”
The priest thought for a moment, then opened his mouth, as if he was sure he could speak.
“His Highness the Grand Duke of Duchzan.”
I opened my eyes wide in surprise at those words. Fortunately, I was wearing a veil, so he couldn't see me. I could sense Sarah staring at me, unsure of what to do.
Was Julian's reason for coming to the capital to visit the temple? If so, perhaps it would be best not to interfere.
To be honest, I still haven't figured out what to say to Julian when we meet. Just imagining myself stumbling around in front of him makes me want to hide in a hole.
But when I heard that Julian was inside the temple, my heart started pounding like crazy, and I wanted to go inside.
I put my hand to my heart. It had been a long time since I felt so alive.
“Madam, I’m really sorry, but...”
The priest tried to ask for understanding once more. I waved my hand and spoke through the veil.
“I am the wife of His Royal Highness the Duke of Duchzan.”
The priest swallowed deeply, seemingly taken aback. It was understandable, as the Grand Duke's visit must have been a significant event for them. And then, the Grand Duchess's sudden appearance, without a word, was understandably disconcerting.
“Is it okay if I come in?”
Despite repeated questions, the priest hesitated. After all, there was no way to prove I was the Grand Duchess with words alone. And it must have been embarrassing for them to even ask, "Are you really the Grand Duchess?" I helped them through their predicament.
"Check the carriage I rode in. It should bear the emblem of the Duchzan."
“Yes, Your Highness.”
The priest gestured to the junior priest to confirm and then return. My heart continued to pound rapidly until the junior priest left and returned. After the junior priest returned and whispered in the priest's ear, the priest became even more polite to me.
“Your Highness, please enter.”
“Thank you.”
“May the radiance of the goddess shine upon you.”
“May the radiance of the goddess shine upon you.”
I repeated the same words the priest had said, then looked back at Sarah, who was folding her umbrella.
“Sarah, you wait here.”
“Yes, Ma’am. Please call if you need anything.”
I nodded and stepped inside. The temple's interior was too dim to be considered the goddess's radiance. The atmosphere was comfortable, perfect for sleep. As I took each step, the sound of heels echoed through the vast space.
“Who is it?”
In the center of the temple, a man stood beneath a statue of a goddess. He warned me in a voice laced with caution.
“If you came in without the priests knowing, it would be best to leave now.”
I was so nervous that my mouth was dry, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut forever.
“It’s me.”
Julian raised his head slightly, which had been bowed.
This was my second time meeting him here, though I'm the only one who remembers that encounter.
“Didn’t the priest stop you?”
Julian asked without even turning around. His voice was lower and darker than usual. He seemed still angry with me. Talking to him like that was a little scary.
“I’ll go out again if you want.”
I never dreamed I was such a coward, running away so easily. A cowardly coward who didn't want to show his fear...
A wave of self-loathing washed over me, and I took a step back without realizing it. The hollow clack of heels echoed again.
“Layla.”
Julian's voice seemed to grab my ankles. I was entangled in it, unable to move.
“If you came here to pray, then do it.”
I didn't come here to pray; I came here to meet someone.
Instead of saying that, I walked back toward him. As I approached the statue, Julian closed his eyes and bowed his head. I watched him pray.
Julian seemed like the kind of man who wouldn't believe in a goddess. He'd built a solid world of his own, and only believed in what was contained within it. What would such a man pray for?
When Julian opened his eyes, I couldn't help but ask.
“What did you wish for?”
Julian didn't answer, just staring down at me. After waiting for a while, I sighed and looked away from him.
"If you don't want to tell, you don't have to. I'm not qualified to hear your secrets."
“Madam, you always run away like that.”
"That's right."
I frowned and answered. I wanted to have a more constructive conversation with him when we met. But what I ended up saying was truly trivial.
“I’m sorry. As always, please forgive me.”
I felt my face flush at my shamelessness. I was truly glad I was wearing a veil. What would the goddess think of me like this? Would she regret saving such a worthless woman?
Julian's face couldn't be seen clearly beyond the veil. As always, only his blunt silhouette was visible.
“Does Madam need my forgiveness because I am the Grand Duke?”
"...is it so."
A sigh spread through the temple. It was Julian's.
“I always cursed this body, but after meeting you, I thought this life wasn’t so bad.”
“I’m not that good of a person.”
“I see.”
Julian's reply was again a sigh. He raised his head and looked up at the statue of the goddess, which towered over him. His deep sigh simply sank to the floor, never reaching the goddess.
“If you had an ordinary body, would you have been an ordinary wife to me?”
I smiled bitterly at Julian's question.
“No. A Countess would never dare become your wife.”
“My tragedy brought us together.”
Yes. We're a couple who met through tragedy. We'll never be able to enjoy ordinary happiness. I'm another curse to you.
If I could whisper those words, would this profound guilt ease even a little? But I had so much to protect. To do so, I had to give up only one thing: my trust in Julian.
“Layla.”
Julian reached out. I tried to back away, but he gently grabbed my shoulder, stopping me. His hand lifted my veil. The light pouring into my face dazzled my eyes. Why? Even with the veil lifted, Julian's face remained unclear.
“If you are such a cold-hearted person, why are you crying?”
I wiped my eyes with my hand. My cheeks were soaked. I couldn't be this pathetic. Confusion made my legs weak. Julian desperately helped me up. The veil fell back down, covering my face. It was a relief. It was truly a relief.
“Layla.”
“This is, well, it doesn’t mean anything...”
I wanted to make some excuse, but nothing came out. I just muttered like an idiot. Julian called out to me forcefully.
“Layla.”
He embraced me. I pressed my forehead against his chest and squeezed my eyes shut. As I was held in his warm, firm embrace, the words I'd been holding back spilled out without me realizing it.
“Why are you so kind to me?”
I asked, confused. Even as I did so, tears kept flowing. Despite the shame and embarrassment I felt, I couldn't stop the tears.
“It’s painful to keep things hidden from you.”
My throat was choked up, and I couldn't find the words. Julian hugged me even tighter. This was the only way he knew how to offer comfort, and he seemed to be doing his best to offer it.
“You don’t have to say anything.”
His warmth made me burst into tears even louder.
In the nearly sunless sanctuary, I held Julian close and cried for a long time. My first tears since being granted this life ruined Julian's clothes.
We rode back together in the carriage, our hands clasped in the middle of the carriage. I turned to Julian, lifted my veil, and wiped away my tears.
“I think all my makeup has come off.”
“Don’t meet anyone today and rest.”
“Yes. Is your hotel nearby?”
"Yes."
“...Let’s go back together.”
“Yes.”
Julian remained silent for a long time. He was usually reserved, and I was always the one doing the talking, but this time I was at a loss for words. We rode in silence for a long time.
As we were arriving at the hotel, Julian's fingertips seemed to tighten, and he called me.
"Ma'am."
I turned around only after I had straightened my veil with one hand, because I didn't want him to see me looking like a fool with all my makeup washed off.
“Make sure to see a doctor when you get back.”
“Madam is not someone who can just block the way.”
"Madam, we don't mean to be rude. However, the person inside seems reluctant to interact with others, so we ask for your understanding."
“Oh, if the priest knew what kind of person Madam was...”
"Sarah."
I lightly interrupted Sarah. Judging by the priest's attitude, I knew I couldn't enter the temple without revealing who I was. I could have just turned back, but if not today, I didn't know when I'd have the time to visit again. I spoke softly to the priest.
“I’m thinking of going in for a moment, saying a prayer, and then leaving. Will that be difficult?”
“I’m sorry, but it seems like it will be difficult.”
“Can you tell me who is inside and why they are blocking the believers like this?”
The priest thought for a moment, then opened his mouth, as if he was sure he could speak.
“His Highness the Grand Duke of Duchzan.”
I opened my eyes wide in surprise at those words. Fortunately, I was wearing a veil, so he couldn't see me. I could sense Sarah staring at me, unsure of what to do.
Was Julian's reason for coming to the capital to visit the temple? If so, perhaps it would be best not to interfere.
To be honest, I still haven't figured out what to say to Julian when we meet. Just imagining myself stumbling around in front of him makes me want to hide in a hole.
But when I heard that Julian was inside the temple, my heart started pounding like crazy, and I wanted to go inside.
I put my hand to my heart. It had been a long time since I felt so alive.
“Madam, I’m really sorry, but...”
The priest tried to ask for understanding once more. I waved my hand and spoke through the veil.
“I am the wife of His Royal Highness the Duke of Duchzan.”
The priest swallowed deeply, seemingly taken aback. It was understandable, as the Grand Duke's visit must have been a significant event for them. And then, the Grand Duchess's sudden appearance, without a word, was understandably disconcerting.
“Is it okay if I come in?”
Despite repeated questions, the priest hesitated. After all, there was no way to prove I was the Grand Duchess with words alone. And it must have been embarrassing for them to even ask, "Are you really the Grand Duchess?" I helped them through their predicament.
"Check the carriage I rode in. It should bear the emblem of the Duchzan."
“Yes, Your Highness.”
The priest gestured to the junior priest to confirm and then return. My heart continued to pound rapidly until the junior priest left and returned. After the junior priest returned and whispered in the priest's ear, the priest became even more polite to me.
“Your Highness, please enter.”
“Thank you.”
“May the radiance of the goddess shine upon you.”
“May the radiance of the goddess shine upon you.”
I repeated the same words the priest had said, then looked back at Sarah, who was folding her umbrella.
“Sarah, you wait here.”
“Yes, Ma’am. Please call if you need anything.”
I nodded and stepped inside. The temple's interior was too dim to be considered the goddess's radiance. The atmosphere was comfortable, perfect for sleep. As I took each step, the sound of heels echoed through the vast space.
“Who is it?”
In the center of the temple, a man stood beneath a statue of a goddess. He warned me in a voice laced with caution.
“If you came in without the priests knowing, it would be best to leave now.”
I was so nervous that my mouth was dry, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut forever.
“It’s me.”
Julian raised his head slightly, which had been bowed.
This was my second time meeting him here, though I'm the only one who remembers that encounter.
“Didn’t the priest stop you?”
Julian asked without even turning around. His voice was lower and darker than usual. He seemed still angry with me. Talking to him like that was a little scary.
“I’ll go out again if you want.”
I never dreamed I was such a coward, running away so easily. A cowardly coward who didn't want to show his fear...
A wave of self-loathing washed over me, and I took a step back without realizing it. The hollow clack of heels echoed again.
“Layla.”
Julian's voice seemed to grab my ankles. I was entangled in it, unable to move.
“If you came here to pray, then do it.”
I didn't come here to pray; I came here to meet someone.
Instead of saying that, I walked back toward him. As I approached the statue, Julian closed his eyes and bowed his head. I watched him pray.
Julian seemed like the kind of man who wouldn't believe in a goddess. He'd built a solid world of his own, and only believed in what was contained within it. What would such a man pray for?
When Julian opened his eyes, I couldn't help but ask.
“What did you wish for?”
Julian didn't answer, just staring down at me. After waiting for a while, I sighed and looked away from him.
"If you don't want to tell, you don't have to. I'm not qualified to hear your secrets."
“Madam, you always run away like that.”
"That's right."
I frowned and answered. I wanted to have a more constructive conversation with him when we met. But what I ended up saying was truly trivial.
“I’m sorry. As always, please forgive me.”
I felt my face flush at my shamelessness. I was truly glad I was wearing a veil. What would the goddess think of me like this? Would she regret saving such a worthless woman?
Julian's face couldn't be seen clearly beyond the veil. As always, only his blunt silhouette was visible.
“Does Madam need my forgiveness because I am the Grand Duke?”
"...is it so."
A sigh spread through the temple. It was Julian's.
“I always cursed this body, but after meeting you, I thought this life wasn’t so bad.”
“I’m not that good of a person.”
“I see.”
Julian's reply was again a sigh. He raised his head and looked up at the statue of the goddess, which towered over him. His deep sigh simply sank to the floor, never reaching the goddess.
“If you had an ordinary body, would you have been an ordinary wife to me?”
I smiled bitterly at Julian's question.
“No. A Countess would never dare become your wife.”
“My tragedy brought us together.”
Yes. We're a couple who met through tragedy. We'll never be able to enjoy ordinary happiness. I'm another curse to you.
If I could whisper those words, would this profound guilt ease even a little? But I had so much to protect. To do so, I had to give up only one thing: my trust in Julian.
“Layla.”
Julian reached out. I tried to back away, but he gently grabbed my shoulder, stopping me. His hand lifted my veil. The light pouring into my face dazzled my eyes. Why? Even with the veil lifted, Julian's face remained unclear.
“If you are such a cold-hearted person, why are you crying?”
I wiped my eyes with my hand. My cheeks were soaked. I couldn't be this pathetic. Confusion made my legs weak. Julian desperately helped me up. The veil fell back down, covering my face. It was a relief. It was truly a relief.
“Layla.”
“This is, well, it doesn’t mean anything...”
I wanted to make some excuse, but nothing came out. I just muttered like an idiot. Julian called out to me forcefully.
“Layla.”
He embraced me. I pressed my forehead against his chest and squeezed my eyes shut. As I was held in his warm, firm embrace, the words I'd been holding back spilled out without me realizing it.
“Why are you so kind to me?”
I asked, confused. Even as I did so, tears kept flowing. Despite the shame and embarrassment I felt, I couldn't stop the tears.
“It’s painful to keep things hidden from you.”
My throat was choked up, and I couldn't find the words. Julian hugged me even tighter. This was the only way he knew how to offer comfort, and he seemed to be doing his best to offer it.
“You don’t have to say anything.”
His warmth made me burst into tears even louder.
In the nearly sunless sanctuary, I held Julian close and cried for a long time. My first tears since being granted this life ruined Julian's clothes.
***
We rode back together in the carriage, our hands clasped in the middle of the carriage. I turned to Julian, lifted my veil, and wiped away my tears.
“I think all my makeup has come off.”
“Don’t meet anyone today and rest.”
“Yes. Is your hotel nearby?”
"Yes."
“...Let’s go back together.”
“Yes.”
Julian remained silent for a long time. He was usually reserved, and I was always the one doing the talking, but this time I was at a loss for words. We rode in silence for a long time.
As we were arriving at the hotel, Julian's fingertips seemed to tighten, and he called me.
"Ma'am."
I turned around only after I had straightened my veil with one hand, because I didn't want him to see me looking like a fool with all my makeup washed off.
“Make sure to see a doctor when you get back.”
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