Who did you meet? There was no way Julian didn't know. Before the party, hadn't I told him I wanted to invite Ari Eriant? I said calmly, as if it were obvious.
“Who could it be? I saw Lethe for a moment.”
"Lethe?"
"Yes. Young Lady Ariant didn't attend the party. I had some questions about her."
Even after I'd given him a sufficient answer, Julian didn't take his eyes off me. Whether Viscount Lesa passed by or the attendants tidied up the carriage, it seemed completely unrelated to him. Even when the attendant approached to inquire about his master's intentions, Julian remained fixed on me.
“Couldn’t you have asked by letter?”
"You can't read every thought between the lines. I was curious about Lethe's true feelings."
“I mean it.”
Julian was particularly fixated on the word "I mean it." I found him standing still in front of the Grand Duke's residence extremely uncomfortable. I'd just been in a carriage accident, and while I wasn't seriously injured, I was tired. I almost wanted to hug him and ask him to carry me to my room.
“Julian? What’s the problem?”
"No."
Seeing that it was immediately dismissed, something was definitely wrong. I squinted and studied him, as if searching. A preposterous hypothesis began to form in my mind.
“Julian, are you jealous?”
I asked with a playful expression. Of course not. Julian and I were friends. There was no room for vain emotions like jealousy.
“No way.”
Julian answered immediately this time, too. I knew he would, so I shrugged. No, I should have shrugged. Even though I'd clearly guessed the answer, a wave of resentment washed over me. I licked my parched mouth with my tongue and opened my lips.
“Well then, there’s no problem.”
I even heard that it was a very problematic voice.
“Please escort me in.”
As I spoke bluntly, Julian's eyebrows furrowed. He let out a long sigh and gripped my hand tightly. Normally, I'd be gently drawn to him.
“Ugh!”
But now it was different. Beneath my gloves were mottled bruises. I groaned, unable to pull my hand away, and Julian quickly released his grip and grabbed my elbow.
“Madam, are you hurt?”
“It’s nothing.”
“I see.”
“I said it wasn’t a big deal...”
Despite my protests, Julian carefully grasped the end of the glove. Unlike his previous rough handling, he was very careful, as if he were touching a baby bird's wing. Julian muttered as he removed Sina's glove from my hand.
“These gloves aren’t yours either.”
“...Do you know that too?”
Julian didn't answer. He simply frowned and gestured to the attendant holding the lantern. The bruises visible under the lantern had darkened even further.
“You’re hurt.”
“There was a carriage accident, but it was in pretty good condition. That’s why I said it wasn’t a big deal.”
“Let’s see a doctor.”
At those words, I shook my head vigorously.
"No, I do not want."
I hated doctors. I didn't trust them. They never noticed the changes in my body, and they did nothing when I was dying.
If, while treating this hand wound, the doctor discovered something was wrong with me, that would be a difficult task. Julian would know I couldn't have children, and he might find another partner.
I still needed Julian.
"Ma'am."
Julian spoke sternly. His tone was almost as affectionate as a father comforting a child, which was amusing. I scoffed and waved my other hand in the air.
“What’s the doctor saying? It’s really okay.”
“Why do you hate doctors so much?”
“I hate it.”
I twisted my elbow and wrestled out of his grasp. Then I strode into the Grand Duke's residence without an escort. I could sense the servants were at a loss, but I really didn't want to see the doctor.
At first, I heard no sound from behind me. But then I heard heavy footsteps, and after a few more moments, I was grabbed by the elbow again. It wasn't a strong grip. It was enough to shake me off if I wanted to.
He was a man who could forcefully detain me at any moment. No matter how much swordsmanship I trained, how could I possibly defeat a man who could lift a carriage with one hand?
Julian would have known that too. But he didn't.
“Layla.”
He simply called me heavily. Despite his gentle touch, his voice was laced with anger and frustration.
“I’m your husband. I have a right to know about your health.”
The moment I heard those words, my hair stood on end. Julian's words sounded like he knew everything about my terminal illness. I blurted out the words to him, who was still standing behind me, staring straight ahead.
“It’s just a bruise.”
“Layla.”
He called my name again, louder. I spun around and glared at him.
“Don’t forget that we had a political marriage. You can’t know everything about me.”
Julian's face crumpled at those words. He completely released the hand that was holding my elbow. Julian glared at me with a fierce gaze. It was the first time I'd ever seen him look at me like that.
“You only call me a friend when it suits you.”
I felt like I couldn't breathe.
“I understand.”
Julian slowly closed his eyes and opened them. His usually intense red eyes stared at me with a blur, as if wounded. But that was only for a moment, and he tore his gaze away from me and walked ahead of me.
I couldn't do anything.
"Trash."
Nothing but selling myself.
Duchzan's mansion housed an old training ground. Few people visited, and with few employees, it was left to gather dust.
It was also my favorite place when I first toured the mansion after I married Julian.
The training ground, though old, was very spacious, and the floor was made of high-quality material, making it non-slip. It let in just the right amount of sunlight and was well-protected from the wind, allowing me to run around in light clothing even in the dead of winter.
I insisted that this place be cleaned when cleaning the mansion, because I wanted to come here for a change of pace sometimes.
I didn't know that I would find myself at the training ground so quickly as a Grand Duchess.
I set up dummy dummies in the training ground and swung my sword wildly. The dummies were repeatedly beheaded, leaving a gruesome sight.
While Anna was resting, Sarah, the maid who was assigned to me for a while, seemed to be tired of my appearance and stood a little far away until I reached out and she came running with water and a towel.
But no matter how much I swung my sword and rolled on the floor, my thoughts wouldn't come to a clear conclusion.
What the hell do I want to do with Julian?
As I plunged the knife into the scarecrow's chest, I thought about what I had to do.
First, I had to quickly mine the rare magic stone and present it to the Emperor. Only then would the Emperor lower his guard against me and Julian and believe in my loyalty.
And I had to create a trap that Prince Cain and Kaiser could fall into. I had to do it so meticulously that no one would know it was my trap.
The rest of my life is so short that even that alone might be the end of my life.
It wasn't in my plans to be emotionally drained like this with Julian.
'I don't think I like Julian.'
I chuckled in disbelief. That was truly presumptuous. I had no right to like Julian. Just being his friend was enough to make me grateful.
After thinking about that, I shook my head quickly.
Julian was someone I needed to use. I lied to him about bearing his child and planned to exploit his power.
But Julian...
Unlike me, Julian did his best for me, both as a husband and as a friend. His sincerity undoubtedly made me stupid.
I gestured to Sarah and called her over. I gave her instructions, wiping her cheek with a towel.
"Prepare the bath and prepare for the capital. Also, find out where His Majesty is. And make sure Viscount Lesa is listening."
At my words, Sarah bowed her head politely and left the room.
I put my sword in the ground and thought about this and that.
First, let's go to the capital and meet with Kaiser. It would be helpful if I could get more information from him. Then, upon returning from the capital, I should apologize to Julian and mend our relationship.
It wasn't my greed at all. It was because my smooth relationship with him facilitated my plans. Yes. I finished my thought and looked up. Just then, Sarah, whom I'd sent on an errand, was returning.
"Lady."
“Where is His Majesty?”
“That is... I heard His Highness the Grand Duke went up to the capital.”
“Without even telling me?”
I blurted out my frustration and was at a loss, dumbfounded. Who was it that drew the line between us and Julian yesterday, saying it was a political marriage or something? Why was I feeling resentful towards him now?
Sarah comforted me, wondering how she interpreted my silent standing.
“Madam, His Highness must have had some urgent matter to attend to.”
"...Yes."
I walked to the bathroom, attended by Sarah. I wondered if I could meet Julian in the capital. Even if I did, I wouldn't know what to say, but I felt a yearning to see him.
The feeling of being unqualified kept raising its head.
“Who could it be? I saw Lethe for a moment.”
"Lethe?"
"Yes. Young Lady Ariant didn't attend the party. I had some questions about her."
Even after I'd given him a sufficient answer, Julian didn't take his eyes off me. Whether Viscount Lesa passed by or the attendants tidied up the carriage, it seemed completely unrelated to him. Even when the attendant approached to inquire about his master's intentions, Julian remained fixed on me.
“Couldn’t you have asked by letter?”
"You can't read every thought between the lines. I was curious about Lethe's true feelings."
“I mean it.”
Julian was particularly fixated on the word "I mean it." I found him standing still in front of the Grand Duke's residence extremely uncomfortable. I'd just been in a carriage accident, and while I wasn't seriously injured, I was tired. I almost wanted to hug him and ask him to carry me to my room.
“Julian? What’s the problem?”
"No."
Seeing that it was immediately dismissed, something was definitely wrong. I squinted and studied him, as if searching. A preposterous hypothesis began to form in my mind.
“Julian, are you jealous?”
I asked with a playful expression. Of course not. Julian and I were friends. There was no room for vain emotions like jealousy.
“No way.”
Julian answered immediately this time, too. I knew he would, so I shrugged. No, I should have shrugged. Even though I'd clearly guessed the answer, a wave of resentment washed over me. I licked my parched mouth with my tongue and opened my lips.
“Well then, there’s no problem.”
I even heard that it was a very problematic voice.
“Please escort me in.”
As I spoke bluntly, Julian's eyebrows furrowed. He let out a long sigh and gripped my hand tightly. Normally, I'd be gently drawn to him.
“Ugh!”
But now it was different. Beneath my gloves were mottled bruises. I groaned, unable to pull my hand away, and Julian quickly released his grip and grabbed my elbow.
“Madam, are you hurt?”
“It’s nothing.”
“I see.”
“I said it wasn’t a big deal...”
Despite my protests, Julian carefully grasped the end of the glove. Unlike his previous rough handling, he was very careful, as if he were touching a baby bird's wing. Julian muttered as he removed Sina's glove from my hand.
“These gloves aren’t yours either.”
“...Do you know that too?”
Julian didn't answer. He simply frowned and gestured to the attendant holding the lantern. The bruises visible under the lantern had darkened even further.
“You’re hurt.”
“There was a carriage accident, but it was in pretty good condition. That’s why I said it wasn’t a big deal.”
“Let’s see a doctor.”
At those words, I shook my head vigorously.
"No, I do not want."
I hated doctors. I didn't trust them. They never noticed the changes in my body, and they did nothing when I was dying.
If, while treating this hand wound, the doctor discovered something was wrong with me, that would be a difficult task. Julian would know I couldn't have children, and he might find another partner.
I still needed Julian.
"Ma'am."
Julian spoke sternly. His tone was almost as affectionate as a father comforting a child, which was amusing. I scoffed and waved my other hand in the air.
“What’s the doctor saying? It’s really okay.”
“Why do you hate doctors so much?”
“I hate it.”
I twisted my elbow and wrestled out of his grasp. Then I strode into the Grand Duke's residence without an escort. I could sense the servants were at a loss, but I really didn't want to see the doctor.
At first, I heard no sound from behind me. But then I heard heavy footsteps, and after a few more moments, I was grabbed by the elbow again. It wasn't a strong grip. It was enough to shake me off if I wanted to.
He was a man who could forcefully detain me at any moment. No matter how much swordsmanship I trained, how could I possibly defeat a man who could lift a carriage with one hand?
Julian would have known that too. But he didn't.
“Layla.”
He simply called me heavily. Despite his gentle touch, his voice was laced with anger and frustration.
“I’m your husband. I have a right to know about your health.”
The moment I heard those words, my hair stood on end. Julian's words sounded like he knew everything about my terminal illness. I blurted out the words to him, who was still standing behind me, staring straight ahead.
“It’s just a bruise.”
“Layla.”
He called my name again, louder. I spun around and glared at him.
“Don’t forget that we had a political marriage. You can’t know everything about me.”
Julian's face crumpled at those words. He completely released the hand that was holding my elbow. Julian glared at me with a fierce gaze. It was the first time I'd ever seen him look at me like that.
“You only call me a friend when it suits you.”
I felt like I couldn't breathe.
“I understand.”
Julian slowly closed his eyes and opened them. His usually intense red eyes stared at me with a blur, as if wounded. But that was only for a moment, and he tore his gaze away from me and walked ahead of me.
I couldn't do anything.
"Trash."
Nothing but selling myself.
***
Duchzan's mansion housed an old training ground. Few people visited, and with few employees, it was left to gather dust.
It was also my favorite place when I first toured the mansion after I married Julian.
The training ground, though old, was very spacious, and the floor was made of high-quality material, making it non-slip. It let in just the right amount of sunlight and was well-protected from the wind, allowing me to run around in light clothing even in the dead of winter.
I insisted that this place be cleaned when cleaning the mansion, because I wanted to come here for a change of pace sometimes.
I didn't know that I would find myself at the training ground so quickly as a Grand Duchess.
I set up dummy dummies in the training ground and swung my sword wildly. The dummies were repeatedly beheaded, leaving a gruesome sight.
While Anna was resting, Sarah, the maid who was assigned to me for a while, seemed to be tired of my appearance and stood a little far away until I reached out and she came running with water and a towel.
But no matter how much I swung my sword and rolled on the floor, my thoughts wouldn't come to a clear conclusion.
What the hell do I want to do with Julian?
As I plunged the knife into the scarecrow's chest, I thought about what I had to do.
First, I had to quickly mine the rare magic stone and present it to the Emperor. Only then would the Emperor lower his guard against me and Julian and believe in my loyalty.
And I had to create a trap that Prince Cain and Kaiser could fall into. I had to do it so meticulously that no one would know it was my trap.
The rest of my life is so short that even that alone might be the end of my life.
It wasn't in my plans to be emotionally drained like this with Julian.
'I don't think I like Julian.'
I chuckled in disbelief. That was truly presumptuous. I had no right to like Julian. Just being his friend was enough to make me grateful.
After thinking about that, I shook my head quickly.
Julian was someone I needed to use. I lied to him about bearing his child and planned to exploit his power.
But Julian...
Unlike me, Julian did his best for me, both as a husband and as a friend. His sincerity undoubtedly made me stupid.
I gestured to Sarah and called her over. I gave her instructions, wiping her cheek with a towel.
"Prepare the bath and prepare for the capital. Also, find out where His Majesty is. And make sure Viscount Lesa is listening."
At my words, Sarah bowed her head politely and left the room.
I put my sword in the ground and thought about this and that.
First, let's go to the capital and meet with Kaiser. It would be helpful if I could get more information from him. Then, upon returning from the capital, I should apologize to Julian and mend our relationship.
It wasn't my greed at all. It was because my smooth relationship with him facilitated my plans. Yes. I finished my thought and looked up. Just then, Sarah, whom I'd sent on an errand, was returning.
"Lady."
“Where is His Majesty?”
“That is... I heard His Highness the Grand Duke went up to the capital.”
“Without even telling me?”
I blurted out my frustration and was at a loss, dumbfounded. Who was it that drew the line between us and Julian yesterday, saying it was a political marriage or something? Why was I feeling resentful towards him now?
Sarah comforted me, wondering how she interpreted my silent standing.
“Madam, His Highness must have had some urgent matter to attend to.”
"...Yes."
I walked to the bathroom, attended by Sarah. I wondered if I could meet Julian in the capital. Even if I did, I wouldn't know what to say, but I felt a yearning to see him.
The feeling of being unqualified kept raising its head.
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