I looked at the clothes in her hand with cold eyes.
"When did you change your job to pimp?"
The nanny's face was distorted fiercely at the words I spat out mockingly.
I didn't care. I got down from the windowsill and headed for the bed. However, the nanny did not back down.
"Actually, you two didn't even do the first night properly. Do you know what that means? This means that the Grand Duke can apply for annulment at any time if he wants!"
I, who was looking down at the nanny in front of me with a cold expression, suddenly lifted the hem of my puffy dress.
When I took off my sweaty clothes and threw them over my head, I revealed my twisted legs and a naked body.
The nanny immediately lowered her eyes. Seeing this, I burst into a dry laugh.
"You can't even look at me properly, and you're asking a man to hold me with this ugly body?"
"...But you have to try."
The nanny mumbled with her eyes fixed on the floor.
"His Excellency doesn't seem to have any feelings for the young lady. How sincere was His Excellency when you collapsed? Even though he is busy with funerals and succession of titles, he always takes care of the young lady's meals and medicine. I'm sure he won't refuse if the young lady asks for it."
I, who had been making a sound like a bloody wind, suddenly erased the smile from my face.
"So, I should beg for it."
"Don't be so sarcastic. This is also for the young lady. When you have a child, you will also have a position as a Grand Duchess..."
The words that seemed to be inside quickly wore out my patience.
I swept roughly across the table with both hands. Bowls, plates, and ceramics placed on it poured down onto the floor, making a sharp burst sound.
A few pieces of glass that popped up pierced the top of my foot. Without hesitation, I snatched the candlestick next to the fireplace and threw it against the wall.
"Get out!"
The nanny let out a late scream and hurried to the door.
I grabbed the dress I had thrown away and pulled it from side to side. With a thud, the cloth split in two. I casually threw it away, walked to the bed, and turned the quilt over.
How long did I do that? A soft voice echoed with a careful knock.
"Your Highness, I came to tell you that you hurt your foot. I'll take care of the wounds."
I didn't answer. As if she had taken it as permission, I heard the door open, followed by the sound of footsteps.
"I'll take a look at the wound for a while."
When the woman rolled up the blanket, my bloody feet and legs were exposed. The healer who cast a spell on it took out a clean new bandage and carefully wrapped it around my leg.
"How is the pain?"
"..."
"If you need sedatives..."
"Is there anything else my mother asked you to do?"
The woman shut up in response to the sudden question.
I stared at the woman's stiff face. The woman, who had been hesitating for a long time, replied as if she were confused.
"...She asked me to take good care of Your Highness's health."
"Can her child listen well?"
When I spat it out with a sneer, the woman's mouth hardened. I, who had been looking at her with a cynical gaze, turned to the other side and muttered helplessly.
"Stop now."
"Your Highness."
At that time, I could feel the woman kneeling next to the bed.
I turned my head in surprise at the strange warmth that enveloped the back of my hand. The healer looked at me with serious brown eyes and said.
"If Your Highness doesn't want to do anything, you don't have to do anything."
I blinked.
It should have been ridiculed as presumptuous meddling. What does a healer know? Even though I had to shout at her to put aside the nonsense and take care of his work, I was strangely speechless.
"I..."
My tongue wriggled freely in my unconscious mouth.
I hate it.
I don't want to show Barcas such a shameless body. I'm tired of my mother's chess game. I don't want to suffer because of people who will never love me.
I desperately swallowed the words that were up to my throat.
If you show your weakness, you will be trampled. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore.
I pulled out the healer's hand with a bang.
"Don't talk nonsense, call the maids."
The woman, who was looking at me with thoughtful eyes, slowly stood up.
I stared at the woman who stepped back and asked Impulsively.
"Come to think of it, what's your name?"
The woman, whose eyes were wide open, replied in a calm tone.
"My name is Marisen."
I, who was recalling her name, bit the woman with a light gesture.
After a while, the maids rushed in, cleared the messy room, and followed my instructions to help decorate.
I chose the most splendid dress from the imperial palace and wore my hair finely braided and adorned with pearls.
After applying red dye to my bloody lips, I took out a jewelry box.
Inside the velvet box were small buttons with the coat of arms of the Roem Order, a silver-blue moonstone, a finely folded handkerchief, and a ruby brooch.
After looking down at the traces of regret that I couldn't let go of, even though I had promised thousands of times for a long time, I picked up a brooch and put it on my left chest.
Standing in front of the mirror, I saw a pale woman desperately erasing her emaciation.
I asked the woman.
What are you trying to do?
"I haven't decided yet."
I stared at my slightly trembling pupils, then bit the maids and left the room. I could see the sky getting darker and darker outside the hallway window.
Barcas may not have returned yet.
After the death of the former Grand Duke, he spent most of his time outside the castle. In addition to participating in almost all religious events hosted by the Eastern Church, he seemed to be busy with his time resting to appease the cluttered public sentiment and reorganize his armaments.
'In the meantime, he even took on Gareth's backing, so even ten bodies would be missing.'
I, who shed a bitter sarcasm, passed through the cold corridor and went down the wide stairs.
When I reached the front of the archduke's bedroom, which was now Barcas's room, the attendants guarding the door widened their eyes in surprise.
Instead of giving them instructions to open the door, I pulled the handle myself.
The scenery in the brightly lit room was revealed with a squeaking noise.
Finding a long shadow in the midst of it, I stiffened my spine. Shortly after returning, Barcas, dressed in uniform, was unbuttoning his coat.
"...What's going on?"
The man who had been glancing over his shoulder asked as he narrowed his eyebrows. It was a reaction that made it futile to put on something that had been adorned for hours.
Devouring the feeling of collapse, I walked into the room and closed the door behind me.
"I came because I had something I wanted to tell."
Barcas, who was staring at me with an expressionless face, gestured to the chair in front of the fireplace.
"Sit down."
I moved my stiff legs and sat down in my chair. Meanwhile, Barcas, who had taken off his coat and hung it on the wall, poured a glass of cider and handed me a glass of cider.
"I heard that the amount of food has decreased again recently. Even if I can't take care of it myself, you should eat well without skipping it."
I kept my mouth shut and looked down at the glass of wine.
Barcas, who had been watching with his arms crossed, broke the long silence.
"What will you say?"
"You..."
I looked up at him with blank eyes.
What should I say? I didn't even know what I had come to him for.
Is it obedience? Is it resistance? It was clear that I was at a crossroads. And that I intend to leave that choice to the tip of my tongue.
I tightened my trembling voice.
"Is it true that you are against Ayla's marriage?"
When I looked up at him as if I were fighting, the corners of Barcas's lips twisted slightly.
"Is that the reason why you haven't even made eye contact with me for the past few days?"
He brushed his disheveled hair over his forehead and let out a dry smile.
"I only opposed it because of the political risk."
"But rumors are circulating in the Imperial palace that you have a lingering feeling for Ayla."
The more I talked, the more I felt like a childish child who was speculative. He shook it off and continued his words as if questioning.
"You want to silence the rumors about our marriage? Spreading such ridiculous rumors is to calm the gossip, you said?"
"It was a matter of your safety."
He said with a tired look.
"The first thing was to stop the Crown Prince before he took any hasty action. I have an obligation to protect them."
As he went back, his tone became a little rougher.
I looked up at him with a firm face.
Barcas, who let out a long breath, bent down in front of me, adding in a softer tone.
"I plan to propose a better marriage to the First Princess soon. If that happens, the rumors will naturally subside."
I, who was looking down at him, let out an empty smile.
Does this man know what he's talking about?
Ironically, when I saw Barcas casually saying that he would protect Ayla and that he would stab me in the chest, a sense of despair ironically rose.
Mom was right. This man was blind when it came to emotions.
For him, the problem of the heart was not a consideration. The only thing that matters to Barcas is to fulfill his obligations.
And at the top of that long list of responsibilities is probably protecting the twins.
I may have risen to a very important position after occupying the position of Grand Duchess. But it will never be his first priority.
Duties as an imperial vassal. And his duty as the head of a family. Nothing can take precedence over them.
"You... You are really, really loyal."
His eyes were slightly distorted. It seemed that he realized that it was not a compliment.
I wiped the smile from my face. Gradually, my mind sank cold, and I could clearly see what I was supposed to do.
When Gareth, who became Emperor, demanded my life with the determination to fight against the East, it was obvious what choice Barcas would make.
The question was whether he could accept the situation obediently.
I imagined my own death in my mind. My miserable death soon became the face of the former Grand Duke. The man was afraid of death and what would come after it.
What about me?
The answer came quickly.
I am afraid of death.
I struggled like that because I was so scared. I knew that the only person who could protect me was myself.
The same is true this time; I have to survive on my own.
This is definitely not obeying my mother. I just decided to fight because I want to live too.
After building up countless excuses in my head, I finally raised my head and met him eye-to-eye.
"You just did your duty, didn't you?"
His cold eyes stared at me without moving at all. I said as if I had engraved each word into his icy eyes.
"I will ask you to fulfill your duties as a husband."
A crack finally appeared on his face, which was thoroughly cleared of emotions. I spat out bluntly, as if I was squeezing through the gap.
"Tonight, I'm going to go to your bed."
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