“...!”
I looked at Lhasa in surprise.
'Does she know I'm alive again?'
Lhasa continued speaking without further explanation.
“You must seize this opportunity with all your might. God wants to accomplish His will through you.”
She wasn't looking at me. Her eyes were fixed on something far away.
Her voice was monotonous, like reciting a spell, unlike when she had spoken to Brentian earlier.
“You have to believe in yourself. Don't hesitate to do what you think is right.”
Only then did Lhasa's eyes clear up.
Unlike just now, she glared at me with a determined gaze and spoke firmly.
"Don't keep relying on empty promises. They may be sweet in the moment, but they're not beneficial. They'll only weaken you. You need to cut them off from the things that keep lingering around you."
“Is it a lie?”
I wanted to ask what that was.
I had no idea what any of this meant.
She took my hand and placed it on my chest.
“You have to figure that out for yourself. No one can teach you.”
“I, I don’t really know.”
Lhasa scolded me as if telling me not to speak softly.
"You have to figure it out. You have to figure it out. To survive, you have to see everything clearly. To do that, you have to become strong first."
It was confusing.
Lhasa grabbed my shoulder and shook me as I lost my confidence and lowered my gaze without realizing it.
It was a hand that felt a little sharp.
She gave me a scary look. It was like she was telling me to come to my senses.
“You are dying.”
“What is that...”
“Don’t let death consume you.”
People kept peeking out of curiosity to look at us as Lhasa and I talked seriously.
Lhasa lowered her voice even further so that others would not hear.
"I can't tell you everything. But I can give you a clue. Take my word for it."
Then she let out a deep sigh and patted my shoulder.
“You’ve worked hard. You’ve worked hard.”
Suddenly, her eyes turned red. She looked as if she was feeling sorry for me.
When I saw that, I started to cry too, even though I didn't know what she was saying.
Lhasa firmly grasped my hand and said, “Don’t forget the clue I’m showing you,” and then got up and went to the chief’s side.
'Clue?'
What on earth are you going to show me, how, and when?
I watched Lhasa's actions carefully.
Lamia whispered next to me.
“What did that person say?”
The other maid next to me also came closer to me as if she was curious.
I shook my head.
“It’s nothing. She just congratulated me on coming here and gave me a few congratulatory remarks.”
At my words, the two straightened their bodies that had been leaning towards me as if they were insignificant.
I watched Lhasa's actions carefully, but Lhasa, who had promised to show me something, was busy chatting with Callius next to the chieftain as if nothing had happened.
'Have you forgotten?'
I thought it would be a good idea to secretly go see her later and ask her for more details.
The chief asked his people to bring food to entertain the guests.
Soon we had before us a basket full of freshly cut goat meat, meat soup, goat's milk cheese, and cornmeal.
The tribesmen hung a large pot of soup over an oven and boiled it, while at the same time they sizzled meat on skewers in the heat that escaped from the sides of the pot.
Corn dough was spread out and placed on a flat earthenware plate, and cooked over charcoal taken from the oven.
While I was still concerned about Lhasa's behavior, I watched in amazement as the people busily moved about and cooked.
'So that's how food is made.'
I have never been in a kitchen since I was born.
It was my first time seeing the process of transforming food ingredients into a dish, let alone learning how to cook.
'I thought you could just add water and meat and it would become soup.'
There was more to the soup than I thought.
'What kind of powder do you put in?'
The cook kept adding various colored powders from the cloth bag into the soup and sprinkling them over the meat.
They also added things like leaves or blades of grass.
Every time that happened, the smell of food wafting in was strangely different.
Before Lhasa and Callius came, the chieftain was telling us about the nomadic life.
As he said, if you want to lead a nomadic life, you have to live without owning many things, and the Uttar people did not have many utensils.
They each brought all kinds of utensils from their own kers and distributed them to the people, but there were not enough.
I was able to get my hands on a proper bowl of soup thanks to the generosity of my companions, but not everyone was able to do so.
Some people used cups instead of bowls, while others used things like trays or pot lids as bowls.
The people who were cooking each poured a generous amount of meat soup into their own bowls.
'There are no dishes.'
I waited for the utensils to be distributed, holding the soup bowl in my hand, as the Uttar tribe did.
But they began to eat without utensils, holding a skewer of meat in one hand and a bowl of soup in the other.
'With bare hands...?'
Across from me, I saw Callius laughing at my bewilderment.
He showed me a demonstration as if telling me to try it once, but when he saw me hesitate, he burst out laughing.
That teasing laugh made me feel awkward.
'I can do it too.'
I closed my eyes tightly and ate the meat on the skewer as if I was watching.
The meat, heavily spiced, had a flavor and aroma I had never experienced before.
Besides, the feel of it in my hand was very strange.
It was hot and soft, and a bit gritty because of the sprinkled powder.
'Catching meat with your bare hands.'
Having been forced to eat less, I usually ate very little.
But this new and unfamiliar food and unusual diet caused me to double my usual intake.
Although Lhasa's words disturbed me, my appetite was still voracious. It was a strange thing.
While I was busy tearing the meat, the cornbread was done.
'It looks too flat and tough to be called bread.'
Lhasa carried a basket of bread on her arm and distributed it to the people herself.
"We have plenty of meat, but not much bread. We don't farm, so grain is hard to come by."
A piece of bread, cut into bite-sized pieces, was given to most of the people sitting in a circle.
The bread in the basket disappeared quickly.
As expected, there was not enough bread, and one person did not receive it.
The knight sitting next to Alex was Andrew.
“I have no bread to give you.”
Lhasa showed him an empty basket.
One of the tribesmen tried to give up his bread to Andrew.
But Lhasa shook her head quietly and stopped her from doing so.
“Everyone has their own share.”
Then he spoke calmly to Andrew.
“Do not covet the bread that is not yours.”
Andrew seemed to feel wronged, having been the only one not to receive the bread that everyone else had. It wasn't like he was particularly greedy.
Andrew smiled sheepishly and said he didn't crave bread.
“I don’t mind not eating. Other foods are enough.”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
Lhasa nodded and returned to her seat.
Mealtime continued leisurely.
Vanessa, who had run away from Ker earlier, returned quietly. Her nose was red and frozen. Naturally, she had nowhere to go.
The Uttar tribesmen were happy to share their meat soup and skewers with her.
Vanessa pursed her lips, as if she didn't like the lack of proper dishes.
She even frowned when she realized that she had to eat it with her bare hands.
But, not forgetting the embarrassment she had felt a little while ago when she complained, she chewed and swallowed her food without saying much this time.
Then I clearly saw Lhasa have one of the tribesmen sneak her cornbread to Vanessa.
'Huh?'
Other people didn't seem to notice because they were eating.
'You didn't let them share it with the knight of Callius earlier.'
Lhasa's words and actions were full of things that were difficult to understand.
I met Lhasa's eyes.
She glanced at the cornbread in Vanessa's hand and smiled strangely.
As if she had shown everything she had to show.
The night came quickly for the Uttars.
As soon as the sun set, they arranged their sleeping places and lay down on blankets made of animal skins.
Surprisingly, everyone in the group, regardless of gender, was told to sleep in the chief's ker.
'We're all sleeping together?'
I managed to eat with my bare hands somehow, but this was a little awkward for me, too.
I fidgeted as I looked at the seat the chief's wife had prepared for me.
To my left were the seats for Lamia and the maids, and to my right were the seats for Callius and his subordinates.
Just like sitting in a circle during a meal, lying down was also like that.
'It's uncomfortable...!'
As I stood there awkwardly, Callius, not knowing my pace, motioned for me to lie down quickly.
“The leather blanket is quite soft and warm.”
"Yes..."
I reluctantly sat down.
What can I do? I can't build another ker and ask for a solitary cell, nor can I kick everyone out and take this large ker for myself.
As I sat down, the maids who had been hesitating also sat down with a deathly look on their faces.
We glanced at the knights who were well-prepared, stripped of their armor and dressed only in comfortable underwear.
It was my first time seeing men wearing only underwear, and my face burned when I saw so many men doing it at the same time.
‘How can everyone be so casual...’
Then Callius lay down on his side and looked up at me.
“Are you going to keep looking at the naked bodies of other men while your new husband is right next to you?"
I looked at Lhasa in surprise.
'Does she know I'm alive again?'
Lhasa continued speaking without further explanation.
“You must seize this opportunity with all your might. God wants to accomplish His will through you.”
She wasn't looking at me. Her eyes were fixed on something far away.
Her voice was monotonous, like reciting a spell, unlike when she had spoken to Brentian earlier.
“You have to believe in yourself. Don't hesitate to do what you think is right.”
Only then did Lhasa's eyes clear up.
Unlike just now, she glared at me with a determined gaze and spoke firmly.
"Don't keep relying on empty promises. They may be sweet in the moment, but they're not beneficial. They'll only weaken you. You need to cut them off from the things that keep lingering around you."
“Is it a lie?”
I wanted to ask what that was.
I had no idea what any of this meant.
She took my hand and placed it on my chest.
“You have to figure that out for yourself. No one can teach you.”
“I, I don’t really know.”
Lhasa scolded me as if telling me not to speak softly.
"You have to figure it out. You have to figure it out. To survive, you have to see everything clearly. To do that, you have to become strong first."
It was confusing.
Lhasa grabbed my shoulder and shook me as I lost my confidence and lowered my gaze without realizing it.
It was a hand that felt a little sharp.
She gave me a scary look. It was like she was telling me to come to my senses.
“You are dying.”
“What is that...”
“Don’t let death consume you.”
People kept peeking out of curiosity to look at us as Lhasa and I talked seriously.
Lhasa lowered her voice even further so that others would not hear.
"I can't tell you everything. But I can give you a clue. Take my word for it."
Then she let out a deep sigh and patted my shoulder.
“You’ve worked hard. You’ve worked hard.”
Suddenly, her eyes turned red. She looked as if she was feeling sorry for me.
When I saw that, I started to cry too, even though I didn't know what she was saying.
Lhasa firmly grasped my hand and said, “Don’t forget the clue I’m showing you,” and then got up and went to the chief’s side.
'Clue?'
What on earth are you going to show me, how, and when?
I watched Lhasa's actions carefully.
Lamia whispered next to me.
“What did that person say?”
The other maid next to me also came closer to me as if she was curious.
I shook my head.
“It’s nothing. She just congratulated me on coming here and gave me a few congratulatory remarks.”
At my words, the two straightened their bodies that had been leaning towards me as if they were insignificant.
I watched Lhasa's actions carefully, but Lhasa, who had promised to show me something, was busy chatting with Callius next to the chieftain as if nothing had happened.
'Have you forgotten?'
I thought it would be a good idea to secretly go see her later and ask her for more details.
The chief asked his people to bring food to entertain the guests.
Soon we had before us a basket full of freshly cut goat meat, meat soup, goat's milk cheese, and cornmeal.
The tribesmen hung a large pot of soup over an oven and boiled it, while at the same time they sizzled meat on skewers in the heat that escaped from the sides of the pot.
Corn dough was spread out and placed on a flat earthenware plate, and cooked over charcoal taken from the oven.
While I was still concerned about Lhasa's behavior, I watched in amazement as the people busily moved about and cooked.
'So that's how food is made.'
I have never been in a kitchen since I was born.
It was my first time seeing the process of transforming food ingredients into a dish, let alone learning how to cook.
'I thought you could just add water and meat and it would become soup.'
There was more to the soup than I thought.
'What kind of powder do you put in?'
The cook kept adding various colored powders from the cloth bag into the soup and sprinkling them over the meat.
They also added things like leaves or blades of grass.
Every time that happened, the smell of food wafting in was strangely different.
Before Lhasa and Callius came, the chieftain was telling us about the nomadic life.
As he said, if you want to lead a nomadic life, you have to live without owning many things, and the Uttar people did not have many utensils.
They each brought all kinds of utensils from their own kers and distributed them to the people, but there were not enough.
I was able to get my hands on a proper bowl of soup thanks to the generosity of my companions, but not everyone was able to do so.
Some people used cups instead of bowls, while others used things like trays or pot lids as bowls.
The people who were cooking each poured a generous amount of meat soup into their own bowls.
'There are no dishes.'
I waited for the utensils to be distributed, holding the soup bowl in my hand, as the Uttar tribe did.
But they began to eat without utensils, holding a skewer of meat in one hand and a bowl of soup in the other.
'With bare hands...?'
Across from me, I saw Callius laughing at my bewilderment.
He showed me a demonstration as if telling me to try it once, but when he saw me hesitate, he burst out laughing.
That teasing laugh made me feel awkward.
'I can do it too.'
I closed my eyes tightly and ate the meat on the skewer as if I was watching.
The meat, heavily spiced, had a flavor and aroma I had never experienced before.
Besides, the feel of it in my hand was very strange.
It was hot and soft, and a bit gritty because of the sprinkled powder.
'Catching meat with your bare hands.'
Having been forced to eat less, I usually ate very little.
But this new and unfamiliar food and unusual diet caused me to double my usual intake.
Although Lhasa's words disturbed me, my appetite was still voracious. It was a strange thing.
While I was busy tearing the meat, the cornbread was done.
'It looks too flat and tough to be called bread.'
Lhasa carried a basket of bread on her arm and distributed it to the people herself.
"We have plenty of meat, but not much bread. We don't farm, so grain is hard to come by."
A piece of bread, cut into bite-sized pieces, was given to most of the people sitting in a circle.
The bread in the basket disappeared quickly.
As expected, there was not enough bread, and one person did not receive it.
The knight sitting next to Alex was Andrew.
“I have no bread to give you.”
Lhasa showed him an empty basket.
One of the tribesmen tried to give up his bread to Andrew.
But Lhasa shook her head quietly and stopped her from doing so.
“Everyone has their own share.”
Then he spoke calmly to Andrew.
“Do not covet the bread that is not yours.”
Andrew seemed to feel wronged, having been the only one not to receive the bread that everyone else had. It wasn't like he was particularly greedy.
Andrew smiled sheepishly and said he didn't crave bread.
“I don’t mind not eating. Other foods are enough.”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
Lhasa nodded and returned to her seat.
Mealtime continued leisurely.
Vanessa, who had run away from Ker earlier, returned quietly. Her nose was red and frozen. Naturally, she had nowhere to go.
The Uttar tribesmen were happy to share their meat soup and skewers with her.
Vanessa pursed her lips, as if she didn't like the lack of proper dishes.
She even frowned when she realized that she had to eat it with her bare hands.
But, not forgetting the embarrassment she had felt a little while ago when she complained, she chewed and swallowed her food without saying much this time.
Then I clearly saw Lhasa have one of the tribesmen sneak her cornbread to Vanessa.
'Huh?'
Other people didn't seem to notice because they were eating.
'You didn't let them share it with the knight of Callius earlier.'
Lhasa's words and actions were full of things that were difficult to understand.
I met Lhasa's eyes.
She glanced at the cornbread in Vanessa's hand and smiled strangely.
As if she had shown everything she had to show.
***
The night came quickly for the Uttars.
As soon as the sun set, they arranged their sleeping places and lay down on blankets made of animal skins.
Surprisingly, everyone in the group, regardless of gender, was told to sleep in the chief's ker.
'We're all sleeping together?'
I managed to eat with my bare hands somehow, but this was a little awkward for me, too.
I fidgeted as I looked at the seat the chief's wife had prepared for me.
To my left were the seats for Lamia and the maids, and to my right were the seats for Callius and his subordinates.
Just like sitting in a circle during a meal, lying down was also like that.
'It's uncomfortable...!'
As I stood there awkwardly, Callius, not knowing my pace, motioned for me to lie down quickly.
“The leather blanket is quite soft and warm.”
"Yes..."
I reluctantly sat down.
What can I do? I can't build another ker and ask for a solitary cell, nor can I kick everyone out and take this large ker for myself.
As I sat down, the maids who had been hesitating also sat down with a deathly look on their faces.
We glanced at the knights who were well-prepared, stripped of their armor and dressed only in comfortable underwear.
It was my first time seeing men wearing only underwear, and my face burned when I saw so many men doing it at the same time.
‘How can everyone be so casual...’
Then Callius lay down on his side and looked up at me.
“Are you going to keep looking at the naked bodies of other men while your new husband is right next to you?"
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