The strong smell of water and the savory aroma of mint rushed into my lungs.
I looked up at him with trembling eyes. Barcas bowed his head towards me and whispered in a soft voice in my ear.
"If Your Highness makes such a fuss, there is no point in sharing the same room, right?"
I was suddenly distracted by the tone that sounded like a tree. I shook his hand and hurriedly pulled back.
As the distance widened, a sculptural body that shone smoothly came into view.
I hurriedly lowered my gaze.
"Put on some clothes! You don't have any shame?"
As I scolded him in a breathless voice, a fine wrinkle was caught on his brow.
Barcas shook his head in astonishment, stood up, and spat out dryly.
"It's not something someone who used to walk around the palace in a naked outfit would say."
"When... I!"
I looked up with a stiff expression on my face, and when I saw him pull out a new shirt and put it on, I closed my mouth. Barcas, tucking his arm into his sleeve, threw a bone-in word.
"From the time you were about to come-of-age ceremony, you somehow started to imitate the Empress, didn't you?"
My face contorted in contempt.
When I remembered the days when I tried to get his attention even a little, I was overwhelmed with sadness.
I snatched the pillow from his bedside and slapped him on the back with all my might.
"Now that I can't even dream of such clothes, I'm going to feel very sad inside!"
Barcas, who was buttoning up, looked back at me with cold eyes.
I, who was struggling, stiffened my body. After the accident, Barcas silently accepted all my nerves. However, his patience seemed to be starting to show its bottom.
A man who had been looking at me mercilessly came up to the bed. I almost instinctively rolled towards the other side. As I tried to run away, his hard forearm wrapped around my waist.
In an instant, I lay down again and looked up at him with stiff eyes.
He was a man who would use force to subdue me when I was out of control and went on a rampage. Even though his somewhat rough behavior was not very unfamiliar, my heart sank.
Barcas pressed his face in and spat out menacingly.
"I would like to fix your habits soon."
I looked up at him with frightened eyes. I also bit my lips, and his expressionless eyes fell on my prickly lips. He added slowly.
"The habit of self-torture."
My heart began to beat as if it were about to explode.
There was no way to know if it was because of fear or other emotions.
I closed my eyes.
"I, get out of the way."
"..."
"Wife, don't you hear the word Vicky?"
Barcas didn't budge. His lips burned tightly at the persistent stare.
I hid my bloody lips in my mouth. Barcas, who had been looking down at me with squinting eyes, released the hand that was clenching my cuff. However, my jaw was held without even thinking about how to use my free hand.
I took a rough breath. His calloused fingers forcibly pulled out my curled lips. His fingertips with water brushed over the swollen mucous membrane.
"Stop talking nonsense."
I looked up at him with eyes mixed with anxiety and confusion.
If someone else had touched me in that way, I would have taken it as a sign of sexuality. When I was going in and out of Senevere's banquet hall, I had experienced many men who were anxious because they couldn't touch my body.
However, his indifferent face, which could not be found as desire, disturbed my judgment. To me, the heart-squeezing touch seemed to mean nothing to him.
I let out a puffed breath.
"Oh, I understand... Go away."
The voice that flowed out as if pleading, and the eyes filled with silver pieces rose upwards. The bottomless, deep pupil seemed to take away all reason.
I habitually stuck out my tongue and pursed my lips. Then, when I touched his thumb with the tip of my tongue, my face turned bright red. Barcas was carefully observing my reaction. He seemed to be trying to see if I really hated it.
It seemed that my heart was being revealed, and sweat rose on my forehead. I, who could no longer bear the silence, spat out urgently.
"My legs hurt."
Barcas froze.
I twisted my head to the side and repeated in a muffled voice.
"I woke up in pain. Please, call a healer."
Only then did he finally step back.
I fled to the corner of the bed like a beast freed from a trap. Barcas, who had been watching this with thoughtful eyes, turned around with a short sigh.
"I got the medicine in advance."
"I don't need any medicine. It is said that sleep candles listen a hundred times better. Call my healer, and she will take care of..."
The blunt words made me look cold again. I blurted out the ends of my words and pulled the blanket under my chin.
Barcas picked up a glass bottle from the shelf and opened the lid, and held it out. I, who had been glaring at it like an enemy, reluctantly accepted the bottle. On the first day I came to the East, it was a drug that I poured into a pot every time I forcibly put it down my throat.
I closed my eyes tightly and swallowed the bitter liquid as if it were going to burn my tongue.
He naturally accepted the empty bottle and lay me back on the bed. His simple attitude, as if he were handling a ten-year-old child, made my mind even more complicated.
What was his previous behavior? Was he trying to scare me? Or...
"Go to bed now. You need to get enough rest to digest tomorrow's schedule."
The flow of thoughts was cut off by the hand that tidied up the quilt.
I stared at him as if I were looking at a viper who might suddenly change at any moment.
Whether he knew I was on guard or not, Barcas adjusted the lamp and lowered the light and walked to the corner of the barracks. Then he sat down at the table and opened the bookshelf that appeared to be a ledger. It seemed to be looking at the financial records of this place.
I stared at him with bated breath, wondering when he would lie down next to me. But as the night deepened, he didn't move from his desk.
In the end, I got exhausted and fell out first.
At some point, I fell asleep, and the next day, I woke up alone in an empty barracks. It was a morning when the nervousness I had been worried about going to bed with him was overshadowed.
As I looked around the dreary tent, soaked by the dawn with eyes that were not yet drowsy, I let out a frustrated sigh.
In the first place, he had promised that nothing would happen. But what made me feel so depressed?
"Miss, are you awake?"
I carefully examined the seat next to me to see if there were any traces of him, and I heard the nanny's voice outside the barracks.
I stumbled out of bed.
"I woke up."
Soon after, a nanny with a large tray on her head entered the barracks with a steady stride.
"Did you sleep well at night?"
She looked in a rare mood. The nanny, with a big smile on her face, put down a tray full of food and chatted.
"I've been preparing breakfast. This time, the young lady will like it too. Yesterday evening, the caretaker prepared a generous amount of food, and it all tasted good."
I frowned and looked down at the gilded vessels. It was piled up with porridge boiled with various grains, crude-shaped white bread, chewy cheese, and soggy jam. Just looking at it made my stomach ache.
"Yes, so just bring me some honey wine."
"No. I was very scolded by the Grand Duke to take care of the young lady's meal. Is it okay if I am punished by His Excellency?"
I, who was picking up a piece of bread and looking around for something like a fly on it, glanced at her with a suspicious expression.
She was a nanny who firmly believed that the Emperor cared for her illegitimate daughter in the back of her mind. This time, too, she must be giving excessive meaning to every word thrown as if it were passing.
I spat out.
"Where has the Grand Duke been since early morning?"
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