#118. You are alive
That day, Asherad was on his way back after receiving a scolding that bordered on insult from the Emperor. In order to appease the Emperor, Asherad stood outside the greenhouse where the Emperor was chatting in the cold winter for a long time. The glances and laughter of several nobles lingered clearly in his ears.
"Your Highness."
When he entered the room, he saw a maid kneeling down and looking up at him with a bright smile. A woman with blonde hair and blue eyes. The woman wearing a neat black maid's uniform was named Daphne.
Asherad wanted to kill this woman right now. If only she hadn't existed, he wouldn't have had to endure such humiliation.
The nanny said the same thing. If only he had been affectionate since he was young, the Emperor would have liked him. The object of resentment was the weak, who were the easiest to resent. Asherad, who came to the warm room, sat down. Then, as if it were natural, Daphne knelt down next to him.
Should I kill her?
Askera felt like grabbing Daphne's neck as she looked at him with innocent eyes. He wanted to grab her neck and slaughter her cruelly while telling her of her crimes.
“Your Highness, you feel cold.”
“...”
“I’ll cover you with a blanket.”
Daphne came over with a blanket and wrapped it around him, even though he hadn't asked for it. The cloth, which had absorbed the warmth of the room, felt warm. She carefully placed the blanket so that it wouldn't slip off, then met his eyes and smiled brightly.
"Yes."
“...”
“You shouldn’t catch a cold.”
Why is this woman so stupid? Does she really not know that she is making fun of his situation? Well, it makes sense, since he killed everyone who tried to tell her that.
“Your Highness, please don’t be sick.”
Still, for some reason, those words sank deep into his heart. Even his heart, which had seemed to be frozen cold, melted at those words.
Was it because she was the daughter of a witch? His murderous intent disappeared like that. Asherad reached out to Daphne and touched her. There was no sign of magic. When he placed his hand on the woman’s forehead, a warm feeling soon spread.
“Don’t touch my forehead. It’ll be warmer if you do this.”
Daphne raised her knees and hugged his hand. The warmth of her embrace was transmitted to him. Asherad was watching the presumptuous behavior. He felt a slight warmth. But for some reason, he still felt cold.
"Daphne."
"Yes?"
“Let’s be together today.”
“...”
“I'm cold.”
Daphne smiled brightly at those words.
Daphne stayed by his side all night. That day, his fever was boiling. He kept feeling Daphne's hands nursing him.
Why are you the only human here for me?
Asherad knows. The nanny who had taken care of him also left immediately after the Emperor gave her gold and told her to retire. The knights also offered their loyalty because they were told to 'be loyal'.
But this one, this one was different.
If you show kindness on the surface, intending to deceive, they will cling to you.
She looks at him with warm eyes and genuinely cares about him. She smiles brightly, trembling at the touch of her own hands, which is nothing in the palace. The candlelight illuminates the figure of a woman nodding off.
Asherad saw the picturesque scene.
He unconsciously thought that the shadows cast on his face were pretty.
It happened one day when he was the Crown Prince.
After Daphne left, Asherad's life could be summed up in one word: 'ruined'. Due to a crushing defeat at the border, Asherad was forced to return to the palace by Ioannis. Many people pointed fingers at him like a dog that ran away without saying a word.
Still, he couldn't come to his senses. His mind was full of Daphne.
Now he had no interest in war. Asherad continued to listen only to the information about the place where Daphne had disappeared. The radiant appearance of the god of war and the god of the sun had disappeared, and only the appearance of a foolish human suffering from delusion while madly in love remained.
Without a tree to look at, the sun lost its meaning and began to lose its light. The world of Asherad was covered in a black sun.
If there is a hell, it must be like this. He searched for Daphne again, both in his dreams and in reality.
“Daphne, where is Daphne...?”
He wished Daphne would come back. He waited for her to come back, saying that the world was such a scary place and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life in his arms. Then he would forgive her. He would forgive everything.
He waited.
Foolishly, he waited.
How ridiculous it is to wait. When that desire is not fulfilled, the head is filled with vain anger. The one who blindly loved him like a dog has run away. She has left him.
“Daphne, Daphne!”
He searched for Daphne with bloodshot eyes. He could not sleep or eat. The illusory Daphne that appeared during sleeplessness always ran away. When the illusion was broken and the servant appeared, he became angry and cut off his head.
On the surface, it was a contrast to the upright and just image of Asherad.
So he ended up killing those around him again. When he almost went mad, the nobles put their blond daughters in his bedchamber. It was because of the nobles’ arrogant delusion that they could win the heart of the weak-hearted Emperor.
Because of this, his sword was dyed red with blood every night.
Looking at the dead blond noblewoman, Asherad thought of Daphne. Daphne had been lying like this, too. When she had taken the poison, she had fallen asleep like a corpse.
I missed that brilliant moment, that shining moment, so much.
I can only live if I take your life in my hands.
I hope you are as unhappy as I was.
I wish you would draw me.
I hope your life is hell like mine!
Asherad cursed Daphne again and again. He loved her. Because he loved her, he went mad more easily. He could not accept that the being that was in his grasp had escaped because she hated him.
He cried and cried again. In the meantime, the situation became more intense. Asherad was forced to move when he heard that he could find Daphne only after this war was over. Several victories, several defeats. They had to stop the Thalassa Kingdom people who had once again occupied the border and reached Count Yus’ castle in the east.
During the tug-of-war, Ioannis lost his eye to an arrow while trying to protect himself.
“Get some rest.”
Asherad sent Ioannis from the battlefield to the capital. In the meantime, he had a man attached to him. He had been feeling uneasy about Ioannis for a long time. It was because he had a feeling that he might know where Daphne was.
“Did you have a nice trip?”
After about twenty days, Ioannis returned to the castle where Asherad was staying. No one knows where he has been. However, Asherad knew well. He had gone to the edge of the kingdom of Thalassa. It was a small port city, not worth conquering, so neither Pindus nor he paid attention. Why the kingdom of Thalassa? Was he a spy?
Asherad has become complicated in another sense.
“Where have you been?”
At those words, Ioannis said with a blunt expression.
“I’m going to see my mother for a moment.”
“How is the Duchess?”
"No."
Asherad nodded.
“You look a little pale. Are you sleeping well?”
“I still can’t sleep, but to some extent.”
Asherad smiled at Ioannis' words. Ioannis nodded without noticing anything strange. And so Ioannis returned to the front line.
He consulted with the Duke of Turbol and checked the nutritional status and weapons of the soldiers. Since all the countries that ran out of firearms started fighting with swords again, checking weapons was essential.
So, after Ioannis returned, three days had passed since Asherad had been troubled.
“Asherad, wake up!”
He had been dreaming of Daphne for a long time. But he woke up as if he had been splashed with cold water at Ioannis' call.
“Is this a surprise attack?!”
Asherad said, rubbing his eyes. Even if they made a surprise attack, they wouldn't be able to get over the walls.
“No, Count Cherate betrayed you!”
Asherad clicked his tongue. The one who had helped him and sent troops here, the one who had helped him when he ascended to the throne. That was betraying him?! Asherad stood up.
Enemies were coming into the narrow hallway. Asherad cut them down in his pajamas.
“The situation is not good right now. It is still a long way before Father’s army arrives.”
“...”
“Let’s go to the secret passage that Count Yus mentioned.”
Count Yus was the lord of this castle. He was also presumed dead. First, Ioannis went to the wine cellar with Asherad. He said that if you pass through the secret passage, you can quietly escape from the castle.
“Just in case, I prepared two horses here. I’m sure the dead men took good care of them.”
After much hardship, they finally arrived at the wine cellar. It was very quiet here, as no one drank wine during the war.
Ioannis discovered a secret passage hidden in a wine barrel and activated the lever. He doesn't know how it works, but he had to wait about three minutes. Three minutes is a short time to die, but a long time to survive. Then Ioannis said.
“Asherad.”
"Yes?"
“Do you believe what Count Locania says?”
"Ehat?"
“You were born from the negativity of your deceased mother.”
“Nonsense.”
Because of his noble pride, Asherad did not believe it. He did not even try to check the rumor. Ioannis looked toward the door and said calmly.
“I am, Asherad.”
“...”
“I have known of your existence from afar since you were born. We did not first meet on the battlefield.”
Asherad looked at Ioannis with wide eyes. Since he was always serious, it was hard to tell whether Ioannis’ words were a forced joke or serious in this situation. However, the moment those brown eyes took on a sad light, a shiver ran down Asherad's spine.
“What does that mean?”
Asherad's voice was filled with fear. There was no trace of anger following that pointless joke. Why, at this time, and now? Only this question remained, and Ioannis closed his eyes.
“My grandmother was from the royal family, so she had green eyes.”
“Ioannis Turbol!”
“My mother understood that. I found out when I was little that I had a half-sibling.”
"Shut up!"
“You were always hungry and yearning for love. I always felt sorry for that.”
Asherad gritted his teeth at Ioannis' words. At that moment, there was a loud knock on the door. Ioannis nodded. Asherad stood in the secret passage.
“Little brother, I have never once not loved you.”
“...”
“Seeing you suffer in this palace without knowing anything, both my father and I suffered greatly.”
“Stop talking nonsense!”
“If death is my atonement, then by all means, I will do it.”
Something flashed through Asherad's mind. The Duke of Turbol had been so easily loyal to him and had become his powerful ally. The same was true of Ioannis.
The blunt guy made a friend.
He thought it was camaraderie. But...
“Ioannis Turbol!”
“The Dens Harbor in Thalassa. The corner house. There is the love you seek.”
“...”
“Don’t act like that anymore. And don’t whine like a child.”
“...”
“Don’t oppress or force her. Beg her again and again. Grow up a little and try to understand her.”
Even though he had learned the information he so desperately wanted to know, Asherad shook his head. Ioannis spoke with a smile that did not suit his blunt face.
“Live. Live and be happy.”
“...”
“But, little brother, don’t forget that I loved you.”
He pushed Asherad and lifted the lever. Asherad, who came to his senses late, banged on the door.
“Ioannis, Ioannis!”
He screamed like crazy, but it felt like he was falling somewhere. He prayed that this was a nightmare.
That day, Asherad was on his way back after receiving a scolding that bordered on insult from the Emperor. In order to appease the Emperor, Asherad stood outside the greenhouse where the Emperor was chatting in the cold winter for a long time. The glances and laughter of several nobles lingered clearly in his ears.
"Your Highness."
When he entered the room, he saw a maid kneeling down and looking up at him with a bright smile. A woman with blonde hair and blue eyes. The woman wearing a neat black maid's uniform was named Daphne.
Asherad wanted to kill this woman right now. If only she hadn't existed, he wouldn't have had to endure such humiliation.
The nanny said the same thing. If only he had been affectionate since he was young, the Emperor would have liked him. The object of resentment was the weak, who were the easiest to resent. Asherad, who came to the warm room, sat down. Then, as if it were natural, Daphne knelt down next to him.
Should I kill her?
Askera felt like grabbing Daphne's neck as she looked at him with innocent eyes. He wanted to grab her neck and slaughter her cruelly while telling her of her crimes.
“Your Highness, you feel cold.”
“...”
“I’ll cover you with a blanket.”
Daphne came over with a blanket and wrapped it around him, even though he hadn't asked for it. The cloth, which had absorbed the warmth of the room, felt warm. She carefully placed the blanket so that it wouldn't slip off, then met his eyes and smiled brightly.
"Yes."
“...”
“You shouldn’t catch a cold.”
Why is this woman so stupid? Does she really not know that she is making fun of his situation? Well, it makes sense, since he killed everyone who tried to tell her that.
“Your Highness, please don’t be sick.”
Still, for some reason, those words sank deep into his heart. Even his heart, which had seemed to be frozen cold, melted at those words.
Was it because she was the daughter of a witch? His murderous intent disappeared like that. Asherad reached out to Daphne and touched her. There was no sign of magic. When he placed his hand on the woman’s forehead, a warm feeling soon spread.
“Don’t touch my forehead. It’ll be warmer if you do this.”
Daphne raised her knees and hugged his hand. The warmth of her embrace was transmitted to him. Asherad was watching the presumptuous behavior. He felt a slight warmth. But for some reason, he still felt cold.
"Daphne."
"Yes?"
“Let’s be together today.”
“...”
“I'm cold.”
Daphne smiled brightly at those words.
Daphne stayed by his side all night. That day, his fever was boiling. He kept feeling Daphne's hands nursing him.
Why are you the only human here for me?
Asherad knows. The nanny who had taken care of him also left immediately after the Emperor gave her gold and told her to retire. The knights also offered their loyalty because they were told to 'be loyal'.
But this one, this one was different.
If you show kindness on the surface, intending to deceive, they will cling to you.
She looks at him with warm eyes and genuinely cares about him. She smiles brightly, trembling at the touch of her own hands, which is nothing in the palace. The candlelight illuminates the figure of a woman nodding off.
Asherad saw the picturesque scene.
He unconsciously thought that the shadows cast on his face were pretty.
It happened one day when he was the Crown Prince.
***
After Daphne left, Asherad's life could be summed up in one word: 'ruined'. Due to a crushing defeat at the border, Asherad was forced to return to the palace by Ioannis. Many people pointed fingers at him like a dog that ran away without saying a word.
Still, he couldn't come to his senses. His mind was full of Daphne.
Now he had no interest in war. Asherad continued to listen only to the information about the place where Daphne had disappeared. The radiant appearance of the god of war and the god of the sun had disappeared, and only the appearance of a foolish human suffering from delusion while madly in love remained.
Without a tree to look at, the sun lost its meaning and began to lose its light. The world of Asherad was covered in a black sun.
If there is a hell, it must be like this. He searched for Daphne again, both in his dreams and in reality.
“Daphne, where is Daphne...?”
He wished Daphne would come back. He waited for her to come back, saying that the world was such a scary place and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life in his arms. Then he would forgive her. He would forgive everything.
He waited.
Foolishly, he waited.
How ridiculous it is to wait. When that desire is not fulfilled, the head is filled with vain anger. The one who blindly loved him like a dog has run away. She has left him.
“Daphne, Daphne!”
He searched for Daphne with bloodshot eyes. He could not sleep or eat. The illusory Daphne that appeared during sleeplessness always ran away. When the illusion was broken and the servant appeared, he became angry and cut off his head.
On the surface, it was a contrast to the upright and just image of Asherad.
So he ended up killing those around him again. When he almost went mad, the nobles put their blond daughters in his bedchamber. It was because of the nobles’ arrogant delusion that they could win the heart of the weak-hearted Emperor.
Because of this, his sword was dyed red with blood every night.
Looking at the dead blond noblewoman, Asherad thought of Daphne. Daphne had been lying like this, too. When she had taken the poison, she had fallen asleep like a corpse.
I missed that brilliant moment, that shining moment, so much.
I can only live if I take your life in my hands.
I hope you are as unhappy as I was.
I wish you would draw me.
I hope your life is hell like mine!
Asherad cursed Daphne again and again. He loved her. Because he loved her, he went mad more easily. He could not accept that the being that was in his grasp had escaped because she hated him.
He cried and cried again. In the meantime, the situation became more intense. Asherad was forced to move when he heard that he could find Daphne only after this war was over. Several victories, several defeats. They had to stop the Thalassa Kingdom people who had once again occupied the border and reached Count Yus’ castle in the east.
During the tug-of-war, Ioannis lost his eye to an arrow while trying to protect himself.
“Get some rest.”
Asherad sent Ioannis from the battlefield to the capital. In the meantime, he had a man attached to him. He had been feeling uneasy about Ioannis for a long time. It was because he had a feeling that he might know where Daphne was.
“Did you have a nice trip?”
After about twenty days, Ioannis returned to the castle where Asherad was staying. No one knows where he has been. However, Asherad knew well. He had gone to the edge of the kingdom of Thalassa. It was a small port city, not worth conquering, so neither Pindus nor he paid attention. Why the kingdom of Thalassa? Was he a spy?
Asherad has become complicated in another sense.
“Where have you been?”
At those words, Ioannis said with a blunt expression.
“I’m going to see my mother for a moment.”
“How is the Duchess?”
"No."
Asherad nodded.
“You look a little pale. Are you sleeping well?”
“I still can’t sleep, but to some extent.”
Asherad smiled at Ioannis' words. Ioannis nodded without noticing anything strange. And so Ioannis returned to the front line.
He consulted with the Duke of Turbol and checked the nutritional status and weapons of the soldiers. Since all the countries that ran out of firearms started fighting with swords again, checking weapons was essential.
So, after Ioannis returned, three days had passed since Asherad had been troubled.
“Asherad, wake up!”
He had been dreaming of Daphne for a long time. But he woke up as if he had been splashed with cold water at Ioannis' call.
“Is this a surprise attack?!”
Asherad said, rubbing his eyes. Even if they made a surprise attack, they wouldn't be able to get over the walls.
“No, Count Cherate betrayed you!”
Asherad clicked his tongue. The one who had helped him and sent troops here, the one who had helped him when he ascended to the throne. That was betraying him?! Asherad stood up.
Enemies were coming into the narrow hallway. Asherad cut them down in his pajamas.
“The situation is not good right now. It is still a long way before Father’s army arrives.”
“...”
“Let’s go to the secret passage that Count Yus mentioned.”
Count Yus was the lord of this castle. He was also presumed dead. First, Ioannis went to the wine cellar with Asherad. He said that if you pass through the secret passage, you can quietly escape from the castle.
“Just in case, I prepared two horses here. I’m sure the dead men took good care of them.”
After much hardship, they finally arrived at the wine cellar. It was very quiet here, as no one drank wine during the war.
Ioannis discovered a secret passage hidden in a wine barrel and activated the lever. He doesn't know how it works, but he had to wait about three minutes. Three minutes is a short time to die, but a long time to survive. Then Ioannis said.
“Asherad.”
"Yes?"
“Do you believe what Count Locania says?”
"Ehat?"
“You were born from the negativity of your deceased mother.”
“Nonsense.”
Because of his noble pride, Asherad did not believe it. He did not even try to check the rumor. Ioannis looked toward the door and said calmly.
“I am, Asherad.”
“...”
“I have known of your existence from afar since you were born. We did not first meet on the battlefield.”
Asherad looked at Ioannis with wide eyes. Since he was always serious, it was hard to tell whether Ioannis’ words were a forced joke or serious in this situation. However, the moment those brown eyes took on a sad light, a shiver ran down Asherad's spine.
“What does that mean?”
Asherad's voice was filled with fear. There was no trace of anger following that pointless joke. Why, at this time, and now? Only this question remained, and Ioannis closed his eyes.
“My grandmother was from the royal family, so she had green eyes.”
“Ioannis Turbol!”
“My mother understood that. I found out when I was little that I had a half-sibling.”
"Shut up!"
“You were always hungry and yearning for love. I always felt sorry for that.”
Asherad gritted his teeth at Ioannis' words. At that moment, there was a loud knock on the door. Ioannis nodded. Asherad stood in the secret passage.
“Little brother, I have never once not loved you.”
“...”
“Seeing you suffer in this palace without knowing anything, both my father and I suffered greatly.”
“Stop talking nonsense!”
“If death is my atonement, then by all means, I will do it.”
Something flashed through Asherad's mind. The Duke of Turbol had been so easily loyal to him and had become his powerful ally. The same was true of Ioannis.
The blunt guy made a friend.
He thought it was camaraderie. But...
“Ioannis Turbol!”
“The Dens Harbor in Thalassa. The corner house. There is the love you seek.”
“...”
“Don’t act like that anymore. And don’t whine like a child.”
“...”
“Don’t oppress or force her. Beg her again and again. Grow up a little and try to understand her.”
Even though he had learned the information he so desperately wanted to know, Asherad shook his head. Ioannis spoke with a smile that did not suit his blunt face.
“Live. Live and be happy.”
“...”
“But, little brother, don’t forget that I loved you.”
He pushed Asherad and lifted the lever. Asherad, who came to his senses late, banged on the door.
“Ioannis, Ioannis!”
He screamed like crazy, but it felt like he was falling somewhere. He prayed that this was a nightmare.
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