111. I can't figure it out
“My mother... said that...”
Emilia muttered in disbelief.
“I guess I should have said it myself. I was just worried, but I never thought that my mother would do something like that.”
Hardius looked down at her with his arms crossed. The clouds that had been blocking the moon outside the window parted slightly, casting shadows on her face.
“Well, my stepmother really doesn’t know anything about the relationship between you and me. I think she was too naive. And nothing else...”
Emilia looked down at her flat stomach.
“It’s natural to be surprised and shocked.”
Emilia looked at him again with her confused eyes, her hand on her forehead.
“What did my mother say again?”
Your heart.
Your feelings.
How much do you love me.
“Nothing much. Your stepmother wants to talk to you directly. Not through me.”
“...Yes, I should have done that. Of course I should have done that...”
Emilia nodded slowly and brought her hand back to her stomach.
He had promised to reassure her family, but he had not kept his promise. So he had to apologize. But Hardius found himself unable to say anything, as if his tongue had become stiff.
That's probably the first thing Kalia Bern asks her daughter when she meets her.
'Emilia, do you love the master?'
...No, that's not it.
Hardius clenched his empty fists as he imagined the answer.
Sometimes words create thoughts.
That question will be an opportunity for Emilia to reflect on the depth of her emotions.
If liking and loving are simply differences in depth, I'd find that my feelings float ambiguously somewhere in the middle.
Then what about me?
Hardius asked himself calmly.
The answer is clear.
It's as sticky and deep as a swamp, and he's falling into an abyss that is so deep he can't even fathom it.
There was never a single moment of resentment or resentment about that fact. As always, Emilia's feelings were of no consequence.
But what if she came down a little deeper? What if they faced each other on the same emotional level?
It must feel like receiving a Pegasus statue every day.
Just like checking on the baby in her stomach whenever he gets a chance, she will accept it as a habit and think of it every day.
You who think of me every moment.
You will miss me.
Hardius was pulling the tie loosely without realizing it.
“I think I have to go home tomorrow, is that okay?”
No.
He barely managed to swallow the answer that was rising to his throat.
He could easily ignore a small tackle like that from Kalia Bern.
But Emilia will be different.
To her, her family is much more important than Hardius.
If he struggles to weigh the depth and priorities of her emotions, in the worst case scenario... She might end up closing her heart again.
'It's never easy to raise a child alone while being called a widow, but Emilia and I worked together and did well.'
Yes.
The mother and daughter raised two children without any help from men.
Although Kalia Bern was momentarily shaken by the loan sharks, Emilia eventually picked her up again.
Selling hair and washing dishes.
And that's not all? She has become a full-fledged bookkeeper.
The landlady of Latang seemed more concerned about the fact that the woman she knew as 'Elaine Mob' was in fact the Mayer family's fiancée than that she was unable to help out at the moment due to pregnancy.
While Hardius was lost in thought, his tie was completely undone, and the top button of his shirt was undone.
“...Are you hot?”
Emilia stretched out her arm and opened the window, her eyes fixed on the roaring fireplace.
The cold air hit his cheeks, but Hardius felt his temperature rising as if he were drunk.
“Let’s make one thing clear.”
A woman, soaked in moonlight, turned from the window, revealing innocent eyes.
“The child comes first. That comes before your feelings.”
Hardius continued with a solemn look in his eyes, thinking that the only thing he could rely on was the small thing in her stomach.
“I clearly stated that I do not have a government. The same goes for illegitimate children. My parents fought and lived through wars because of the government and illegitimate children. The same thing should not happen again.”
“Oh, of course...”
Emilia, who had been opening her mouth as if to protest, suddenly stopped talking and made a surprised face. However, Hardius did not notice.
“You are my wife, and the child’s last name will be Meyer. I know you don’t like the title of Duchess, but you will have to accept it someday. There is no room for compromise.”
“...Illegitimate child? Does that mean you have a half-sibling?”
Emilia asked out of the blue.
Only then did Hardius realize that he had unconsciously told Theo's story.
“Yes, Theodor Meyer. My half-brother. He died a long time ago.”
A deep curiosity emanated from her as she frowned.
But Hardius had no intention of explaining that filthy, horrible tragedy.
“In any case, there is no other way. I also want you to remember that the Act of Rochester was passed, officially allowing marriage between nobles and commoners. This means that, unlike in the past, if the child is a boy, he will inherit the dukedom outright. And if it is a girl...”
He paused for a moment. His slightly dazed eyes wandered unsteadily over her small, slender face.
“If she were a girl... she would be called a little Princess. She would put on little gloves and sit like a doll and learn how to drink tea... That kind of thing..."
Hardius, who had been muttering, suddenly came to his senses.
Emilia, who had been staring blankly, also quickly blinked as if trying to shake something off.
“...I know what you’re trying to say, Master. I fully understand. Still, part of me is afraid... that this child will live his life hearing people laugh at him as a ‘bastard.’ But... the milk has already been spilled. As you said, there’s no other choice. It’s not something that can be solved by simply rejecting and being afraid.”
“...”
“Your stepmother is probably just more anxious. It’s a difficult situation for her in many ways. She knows that Duchess Meyer came to her a few months ago and suggested a break-off, and Mitch had already mentioned the same thing to her before.”
“That kind of story?”
Emilia hesitated for a moment and then continued.
“That’s what Miss Leichnen said.”
Hardius and even Emilia were startled by the name that suddenly came out. It was the first time that Bianca's story had come up between them.
A deathly silence fell.
Emilia cleared her throat and continued speaking in a calm tone.
“The whole world is talking about you and her. They say that as soon as you break off your engagement with me, you will meet her and get engaged.”
“Don’t worry about it. Bianca is nothing.”
“...”
“It was just a formal relationship. My mother chose her and her family for no other reason than to expand her business. Besides, I was only nine years old at the time. Other than playing chess and eating meals with my family, there was nothing that could have given rise to feelings. Above all, I was completely engrossed in shooting at the time...”
"Master."
Emilia suddenly interrupted.
“I’m okay. I’m really okay.”
An unidentifiable discomfort began to tighten around Hardius's forehead.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m not trying to bring up your relationship with her. I just wanted to ask you to understand my mother’s position... That’s why I brought it up.”
He felt as if his heart had been ripped out of him.
“I’ll explain it to my mother. She’s not like that at all...”
In the awkward silence, Hardius stuffed his hands into his pockets and Emilia reached for her book.
“Anyway... thank you for meeting my mother. And for going to Latang instead. I’m so glad that Ingrid will let me continue working. And thank you again. For letting me continue working. I won’t overdo it.”
Hardius let out a sigh.
He couldn't understand why his chest kept getting harder.
Emilia has accepted the reality and is gathering courage, and as soon as she returns home, she will convince her stepmother. Under the name Elaine Mob, she will hide quietly and wait until he becomes the Duke of Meyer.
Now, all he has to do is proceed with the numerous plans that have been doubled, tripled, and blocked without any gaps, one by one, without any other worries.
But why...?
Hardius turned his head back to Emilia. She had opened a book in the meantime. Watching her absorbed in the book as if nothing else was in sight, he opened his mouth without realizing it.
"Study."
"Yes?"
Emilia glanced up.
“I’ll make a study for you. In Hethel’s house.”
Joy slowly filled her blue eyes.
“Thank you. I really didn’t think of that...”
The moment he saw her blushing face, he felt like asking hastily.
Do you love me?
“Yes, Your Excellency.”
"...say it."
“Do I have to come back here right after meeting my mother?”
"No?"
“It’s not that I hate it, but... I just keep wanting to go home.”
Emilia continued speaking, leaning her chin on the edge of a large book.
“If I move to Hethel and live as Elaine Mob as you say, no one will know. My mother and siblings will know the gravity of the situation, so they will definitely keep it a secret... I will also refrain from going out as much as possible and hide as much as possible. Then... won’t it be okay?”
Hardius looked around her.
It's safe to be here right now, but things will change over time.
The continued presence of guests will raise suspicion, and above all, when the stomach starts to grow, this may become the most dangerous place.
Wouldn't it be better to stay in Hethel as 'Elaine Mob' early on, under the protection of mercenaries?
He's already finished talking to Latang's owner. He's also planning on meeting her father soon.
Maesen is also busy planning a route for security while looking around the restaurant and the new house.
There wasn't much of a problem.
“Yes, do that.”
The next day, Beppy's carriage arrived at the palace stables. The Queen personally escorted Emilia out.
“I’ll send my doctor over when I get a chance. If anything happens, come see me anytime. Understood?”
“Thank you very much, Your Majesty.”
Emilia, who had greeted him, got into the carriage right away. Hardius was staring blankly at her from a few steps away.
It had only been a week, after all. Outwardly, nothing had changed. But Emilia seemed to have become a completely different person over the years.
Will I ever be able to call that man 'Hardy'?
Just before the carriage door closed, her eyes met his. His silver-gray eyes were still calm and composed.
Hardius...
No, if she thinks about it carefully, that is also against the law.
The Duke and Duchess must address each other as Duke and Lady. They must use honorifics at formal occasions.
'Your Excellency.'
The moment she thought about it, the carriage started with a jolt, and her body was pushed.
He walked away. Emilia turned to the window behind her. She silently accepted the man’s gaze pouring down without wavering, and covered her stomach with her hand again.
“My mother... said that...”
Emilia muttered in disbelief.
“I guess I should have said it myself. I was just worried, but I never thought that my mother would do something like that.”
Hardius looked down at her with his arms crossed. The clouds that had been blocking the moon outside the window parted slightly, casting shadows on her face.
“Well, my stepmother really doesn’t know anything about the relationship between you and me. I think she was too naive. And nothing else...”
Emilia looked down at her flat stomach.
“It’s natural to be surprised and shocked.”
Emilia looked at him again with her confused eyes, her hand on her forehead.
“What did my mother say again?”
Your heart.
Your feelings.
How much do you love me.
“Nothing much. Your stepmother wants to talk to you directly. Not through me.”
“...Yes, I should have done that. Of course I should have done that...”
Emilia nodded slowly and brought her hand back to her stomach.
He had promised to reassure her family, but he had not kept his promise. So he had to apologize. But Hardius found himself unable to say anything, as if his tongue had become stiff.
That's probably the first thing Kalia Bern asks her daughter when she meets her.
'Emilia, do you love the master?'
...No, that's not it.
Hardius clenched his empty fists as he imagined the answer.
Sometimes words create thoughts.
That question will be an opportunity for Emilia to reflect on the depth of her emotions.
If liking and loving are simply differences in depth, I'd find that my feelings float ambiguously somewhere in the middle.
Then what about me?
Hardius asked himself calmly.
The answer is clear.
It's as sticky and deep as a swamp, and he's falling into an abyss that is so deep he can't even fathom it.
There was never a single moment of resentment or resentment about that fact. As always, Emilia's feelings were of no consequence.
But what if she came down a little deeper? What if they faced each other on the same emotional level?
It must feel like receiving a Pegasus statue every day.
Just like checking on the baby in her stomach whenever he gets a chance, she will accept it as a habit and think of it every day.
You who think of me every moment.
You will miss me.
Hardius was pulling the tie loosely without realizing it.
“I think I have to go home tomorrow, is that okay?”
No.
He barely managed to swallow the answer that was rising to his throat.
He could easily ignore a small tackle like that from Kalia Bern.
But Emilia will be different.
To her, her family is much more important than Hardius.
If he struggles to weigh the depth and priorities of her emotions, in the worst case scenario... She might end up closing her heart again.
'It's never easy to raise a child alone while being called a widow, but Emilia and I worked together and did well.'
Yes.
The mother and daughter raised two children without any help from men.
Although Kalia Bern was momentarily shaken by the loan sharks, Emilia eventually picked her up again.
Selling hair and washing dishes.
And that's not all? She has become a full-fledged bookkeeper.
The landlady of Latang seemed more concerned about the fact that the woman she knew as 'Elaine Mob' was in fact the Mayer family's fiancée than that she was unable to help out at the moment due to pregnancy.
While Hardius was lost in thought, his tie was completely undone, and the top button of his shirt was undone.
“...Are you hot?”
Emilia stretched out her arm and opened the window, her eyes fixed on the roaring fireplace.
The cold air hit his cheeks, but Hardius felt his temperature rising as if he were drunk.
“Let’s make one thing clear.”
A woman, soaked in moonlight, turned from the window, revealing innocent eyes.
“The child comes first. That comes before your feelings.”
Hardius continued with a solemn look in his eyes, thinking that the only thing he could rely on was the small thing in her stomach.
“I clearly stated that I do not have a government. The same goes for illegitimate children. My parents fought and lived through wars because of the government and illegitimate children. The same thing should not happen again.”
“Oh, of course...”
Emilia, who had been opening her mouth as if to protest, suddenly stopped talking and made a surprised face. However, Hardius did not notice.
“You are my wife, and the child’s last name will be Meyer. I know you don’t like the title of Duchess, but you will have to accept it someday. There is no room for compromise.”
“...Illegitimate child? Does that mean you have a half-sibling?”
Emilia asked out of the blue.
Only then did Hardius realize that he had unconsciously told Theo's story.
“Yes, Theodor Meyer. My half-brother. He died a long time ago.”
A deep curiosity emanated from her as she frowned.
But Hardius had no intention of explaining that filthy, horrible tragedy.
“In any case, there is no other way. I also want you to remember that the Act of Rochester was passed, officially allowing marriage between nobles and commoners. This means that, unlike in the past, if the child is a boy, he will inherit the dukedom outright. And if it is a girl...”
He paused for a moment. His slightly dazed eyes wandered unsteadily over her small, slender face.
“If she were a girl... she would be called a little Princess. She would put on little gloves and sit like a doll and learn how to drink tea... That kind of thing..."
Hardius, who had been muttering, suddenly came to his senses.
Emilia, who had been staring blankly, also quickly blinked as if trying to shake something off.
“...I know what you’re trying to say, Master. I fully understand. Still, part of me is afraid... that this child will live his life hearing people laugh at him as a ‘bastard.’ But... the milk has already been spilled. As you said, there’s no other choice. It’s not something that can be solved by simply rejecting and being afraid.”
“...”
“Your stepmother is probably just more anxious. It’s a difficult situation for her in many ways. She knows that Duchess Meyer came to her a few months ago and suggested a break-off, and Mitch had already mentioned the same thing to her before.”
“That kind of story?”
Emilia hesitated for a moment and then continued.
“That’s what Miss Leichnen said.”
Hardius and even Emilia were startled by the name that suddenly came out. It was the first time that Bianca's story had come up between them.
A deathly silence fell.
Emilia cleared her throat and continued speaking in a calm tone.
“The whole world is talking about you and her. They say that as soon as you break off your engagement with me, you will meet her and get engaged.”
“Don’t worry about it. Bianca is nothing.”
“...”
“It was just a formal relationship. My mother chose her and her family for no other reason than to expand her business. Besides, I was only nine years old at the time. Other than playing chess and eating meals with my family, there was nothing that could have given rise to feelings. Above all, I was completely engrossed in shooting at the time...”
"Master."
Emilia suddenly interrupted.
“I’m okay. I’m really okay.”
An unidentifiable discomfort began to tighten around Hardius's forehead.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m not trying to bring up your relationship with her. I just wanted to ask you to understand my mother’s position... That’s why I brought it up.”
He felt as if his heart had been ripped out of him.
“I’ll explain it to my mother. She’s not like that at all...”
In the awkward silence, Hardius stuffed his hands into his pockets and Emilia reached for her book.
“Anyway... thank you for meeting my mother. And for going to Latang instead. I’m so glad that Ingrid will let me continue working. And thank you again. For letting me continue working. I won’t overdo it.”
Hardius let out a sigh.
He couldn't understand why his chest kept getting harder.
Emilia has accepted the reality and is gathering courage, and as soon as she returns home, she will convince her stepmother. Under the name Elaine Mob, she will hide quietly and wait until he becomes the Duke of Meyer.
Now, all he has to do is proceed with the numerous plans that have been doubled, tripled, and blocked without any gaps, one by one, without any other worries.
But why...?
Hardius turned his head back to Emilia. She had opened a book in the meantime. Watching her absorbed in the book as if nothing else was in sight, he opened his mouth without realizing it.
"Study."
"Yes?"
Emilia glanced up.
“I’ll make a study for you. In Hethel’s house.”
Joy slowly filled her blue eyes.
“Thank you. I really didn’t think of that...”
The moment he saw her blushing face, he felt like asking hastily.
Do you love me?
“Yes, Your Excellency.”
"...say it."
“Do I have to come back here right after meeting my mother?”
"No?"
“It’s not that I hate it, but... I just keep wanting to go home.”
Emilia continued speaking, leaning her chin on the edge of a large book.
“If I move to Hethel and live as Elaine Mob as you say, no one will know. My mother and siblings will know the gravity of the situation, so they will definitely keep it a secret... I will also refrain from going out as much as possible and hide as much as possible. Then... won’t it be okay?”
Hardius looked around her.
It's safe to be here right now, but things will change over time.
The continued presence of guests will raise suspicion, and above all, when the stomach starts to grow, this may become the most dangerous place.
Wouldn't it be better to stay in Hethel as 'Elaine Mob' early on, under the protection of mercenaries?
He's already finished talking to Latang's owner. He's also planning on meeting her father soon.
Maesen is also busy planning a route for security while looking around the restaurant and the new house.
There wasn't much of a problem.
“Yes, do that.”
The next day, Beppy's carriage arrived at the palace stables. The Queen personally escorted Emilia out.
“I’ll send my doctor over when I get a chance. If anything happens, come see me anytime. Understood?”
“Thank you very much, Your Majesty.”
Emilia, who had greeted him, got into the carriage right away. Hardius was staring blankly at her from a few steps away.
It had only been a week, after all. Outwardly, nothing had changed. But Emilia seemed to have become a completely different person over the years.
Will I ever be able to call that man 'Hardy'?
Just before the carriage door closed, her eyes met his. His silver-gray eyes were still calm and composed.
Hardius...
No, if she thinks about it carefully, that is also against the law.
The Duke and Duchess must address each other as Duke and Lady. They must use honorifics at formal occasions.
'Your Excellency.'
The moment she thought about it, the carriage started with a jolt, and her body was pushed.
He walked away. Emilia turned to the window behind her. She silently accepted the man’s gaze pouring down without wavering, and covered her stomach with her hand again.
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