096. All the miserable things inside you
“Just know that things are different now. You two are adults now and have promised to get married. This isn’t something you can just brush off as being young. You really should just say goodbye and leave.”
"Yes."
Bianca turned her head out the window to avoid her nagging nanny. The endless vineyards were a spectacular sight.
Is all this really for me?
Hardy is planning our honeymoon in this beautiful place?
Even though she knew how foolish it was to believe only what she wanted to believe, Bianca couldn't stop her heart from pounding.
“Oh my.”
The nanny sighed for the fifth time.
“I thought he had become a little more mature, but how come he hasn’t changed at all? He was like that back then too. He disappeared without a word, and you had a huge fight. But still, I’m glad he took you with him this time.”
If it were any other time, she would have tried to be cute with her nanny, who kept complaining.
But Bianca was a little lost. It was clearly not her intention, but her nanny, who kept reminding her of 'that time', was also constantly fanning the flames.
Her head, leaning against the window, began to shake from side to side, recalling the events of 'that time'.
Bianca knew from a young age that she was special.
She didn't know how to embroider her initials on a silk handkerchief as nicely as other children her age, and the hems of her skirts were always messy.
She had no enthusiasm for anything related to her priestly classes, and all she could think about was chess.
First of all, she wasn't long and thin like a ballerina.
Even though she held back on what she wanted to eat and left food on the table to become pale and thin, the only thing she heard was, "You're chubby."
Shr also knew very well that although she was called 'chubby' in front, she was called 'slimy' and 'fat' behind their backs.
“Bianca wore a pannier today.”
“Oh my god, that fat guy?”
“I thought it was just a giant pumpkin walking by. I’m worried it might get stuck in the door.”
When she first heard the taunts behind her back, Bianca couldn't breathe because of the shame. Her whole body felt like it was being torn apart and turned to dust.
She wanted to hide. She just wanted to run away. Or she wanted to use her father's power to punish those kids.
But that couldn't be done.
Bianca knew the weight of the name 'Leichnen' from a young age.
A true Leichnen is someone who can smile gently without losing her dignity and grace in any situation. That was the last bit of pride that Bianca had to protect.
Bianca chewed her cheeks until they tasted blood and smiled brightly at her 'friends' as if nothing had happened. They also hugged her as if nothing had happened and praised her as 'our Princess'.
It was around that time that marriage talks with the Meyer family began.
Those were the most horrible times when she had to hide her wounds and inferiority complex to become a 'bright and cheerful girl'...
Bianca was restless. From what she heard, the successor to the Meyer family was perfect. He was also very handsome.
The word 'perfect' provoked strong opposition.
Sure, he'd hate me. He'd look at me with contempt, not hiding it.
No, no.
That kid, like other kids, might call me 'Princess' on the outside but 'honey' on the inside.
The moment the thought occurred to Bianca, she couldn't stand it.
Even if it was a political marriage, she couldn't marry someone she didn't even like, someone who might call her a bitch.
After thinking it over all night, Bianca decided to meet the boy secretly and free each other from an unwanted marriage.
As luck would have it, a good opportunity arose. She heard that the boy would be participating in the royal hunting competition that was about to be held.
Bianca tricked her cousin into disguising herself as a page and secretly following him to the hunting competition. It was a perfect day for fox hunting, with heavy snow falling nonstop since dawn.
“Hey, do you see that?”
The cousin's finger pointed to a boy riding a black horse. He had hair as black as the horse he was riding.
The first thing that caught her eye was the silver-gray eyes with a hint of blue. Then came the long nose, the cold jawline without any gaps, and the tightly closed lips that gave off no sense of 'childhood' at all.
“That’s him. Hardius Meyer.”
Even though she knew that her flimsy disguise could easily be discovered, Bianca couldn't take her eyes off him.
As she was gradually losing her mind to the intense energy emanating from the boy covered in pitch-black fur, the horn signaling the start of the competition sounded.
People, each carrying a rifle, charged into the forest with dozens of dogs.
Hardius Meyer was no different. He held the reins in his gloved hands and rode his horse with a deftness that belied his age, disappearing before Bianca's eyes.
Bianca waited for him to return while warming herself by the bonfire lit in front of the barracks.
The slanted sun rose just above the horizon and then slowly began to set again.
Meanwhile, some people returned carrying huge foxes in both hands, while others proudly held up fox cubs and rabbits the size of their fists.
The cousin, who had given up hunting early, had long since gone into the barracks, saying he was freezing to death. Only the pure white boy did not return from the forest that had turned into an ice palace.
Should I just go back?
It was at that moment that Bianca blew her breath on her frozen hands and thought that, when a sleek black horse finally appeared at the entrance to the fir forest.
The child was clutching a gray fox that she had never seen before. Wherever he passed, red blood left a mark like a brand.
Bianca was once again struck by the odd sight of a slick boy, who seemed completely indifferent to gunfire, clutching a bleeding fox.
She cautiously approached the Meyer family's barracks. She figured that the men of the family would be busy clinking glasses and patting each other on the shoulder now that they had successfully caught the fox.
But her expectations were completely off the mark.
The cheers and applause that were pouring in from all over the place were not heard at all in the Meyer family barracks.
The rare gray fox lay carelessly in the snow, and Hardy Meyer stood alone beside it. Blood was slowly spreading across the pure white snow, dyeing the entire area around his boots red.
His father, Duke Meyer, rode ahead on horseback. Next to him was another boy, an illegitimate son of the Meyer family, who was despised and pointed at by the people.
The strange thing was that the bastard had the horse and gun that Hardius Meyer had been riding until just before.
There was no emotional turmoil from Hardius as he followed their footsteps. However, when Bianca first heard the word 'fatty', she felt something like an iron skewer piercing through her entire body.
A child who has to hide his festering wounds and live as if nothing happened.
A child like me.
All the miserable things boiling inside him were torturing Bianca's heart and shaking it terribly.
“I am the only one who can completely understand Hardy.”
Bianca muttered to herself.
Her white breath touched the glass window, creating a hazy stain that then disappeared into nothingness. All the nagging and worries that had been lingering in Ruth's mouth began to slowly dilute.
“He’s someone who, like me, has no choice but to hide his true feelings. No, he can’t even compare to me. I have parents and a nanny I can trust and rely on, right?”
A faint smile appeared on the lips of the person muttering lonely words.
Ruth gradually became a dumb mute. Unlike her lips that had drawn a line, the girl's eyes were trembling as if they would burst into tears at any moment.
“He probably doesn’t have anyone to confide in, and he probably doesn’t know how to do it. So there’s nothing he can do. I have to take the initiative and go find them secretly like this...”
"Is it so..."
Ruth nodded.
Who will know?
The fact that even people who have everything in the world, like Miss or Prince Meyer, have the same weight of life to bear.
“Yes, Miss.”
If she thinks about it, today's incident was nothing special. It was her fault for instigating others, and she's not the type of person to act indiscriminately.
There’s no need to get in big trouble for doing something this divisive...
Ruth thought as she reached for her purse, trying to hide the girl's tears, which were sure to tear her heart apart.
That was when.
Thud!
The carriage suddenly shook violently with a loud noise.
“Oh my god!”
The purse flew into the air, and Ruth lost her balance and fell forward.
"Nanny!"
If Bianca hadn't caught her like that, she would have hit her forehead on the hard corner.
The rattling carriage shook violently like a spring, then squeaked to a halt.
While Bianca and Ruth were staring at each other in amazement, the coachman came running out frantically with a thoughtful look on his face.
“Are you okay, Miss?! Are you hurt anywhere...?”
The coachman finally calmed down after confirming that neither the young lady nor the nanny had any wounds.
"What the hell is going on?! This was almost a disaster!"
When Ruth gave a shout, the coachman opened his mouth hesitantly.
“The wheel fell off... I didn’t see the rock in time...”
Bianca was helped out of the tilted carriage by the coachman and Ruth.
There were literally wheels rolling around on the side of the road.
“Don’t worry... I can fix it quickly. There’s definitely a stable in the village right over there.”
The coachman raised his hand and pointed somewhere. It was the entrance to a village where garlands were fluttering, as if a festival was in full swing.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
"Yes!"
Charlotte answered forcefully.
“There’s Uncle Beppy. Pip will be there too.”
Pip nodded vigorously, reassuring his master, not his sister Bernie.
All the way here, the master had been urging him to do his best to take care of Charlotte Bern so she could enjoy the festival to the fullest.
“You can’t go out anyway, Sister. You should sit down and rest somewhere or go to the villa first.”
Charlotte let go of Emilia's hand and quickly looked back at Pip.
“Where did you say the play was going to be held?”
“It’s the square. I think it’s not too late to go now.”
“You heard? Go ahead, don’t worry about me.”
As soon as he finished speaking, the child grabbed their hands and pulled them.
"Let's go."
Before Emilia could even try to stop them, the three disappeared into the crowd.
Hardius approached Emilia, who was following their footsteps. She felt awkward about being left alone with just him, so she couldn't even turn her head, but he spoke first.
“Shall we go by carriage first?”
"...Yes."
“Catch me.”
Hardius put his arm between Emilia's armpits.
She should have gotten used to it by now, but the scent of the man that suddenly came rushing at her still made Emilia tense up.
“Just know that things are different now. You two are adults now and have promised to get married. This isn’t something you can just brush off as being young. You really should just say goodbye and leave.”
"Yes."
Bianca turned her head out the window to avoid her nagging nanny. The endless vineyards were a spectacular sight.
Is all this really for me?
Hardy is planning our honeymoon in this beautiful place?
Even though she knew how foolish it was to believe only what she wanted to believe, Bianca couldn't stop her heart from pounding.
“Oh my.”
The nanny sighed for the fifth time.
“I thought he had become a little more mature, but how come he hasn’t changed at all? He was like that back then too. He disappeared without a word, and you had a huge fight. But still, I’m glad he took you with him this time.”
If it were any other time, she would have tried to be cute with her nanny, who kept complaining.
But Bianca was a little lost. It was clearly not her intention, but her nanny, who kept reminding her of 'that time', was also constantly fanning the flames.
Her head, leaning against the window, began to shake from side to side, recalling the events of 'that time'.
***
Bianca knew from a young age that she was special.
She didn't know how to embroider her initials on a silk handkerchief as nicely as other children her age, and the hems of her skirts were always messy.
She had no enthusiasm for anything related to her priestly classes, and all she could think about was chess.
First of all, she wasn't long and thin like a ballerina.
Even though she held back on what she wanted to eat and left food on the table to become pale and thin, the only thing she heard was, "You're chubby."
Shr also knew very well that although she was called 'chubby' in front, she was called 'slimy' and 'fat' behind their backs.
“Bianca wore a pannier today.”
“Oh my god, that fat guy?”
“I thought it was just a giant pumpkin walking by. I’m worried it might get stuck in the door.”
When she first heard the taunts behind her back, Bianca couldn't breathe because of the shame. Her whole body felt like it was being torn apart and turned to dust.
She wanted to hide. She just wanted to run away. Or she wanted to use her father's power to punish those kids.
But that couldn't be done.
Bianca knew the weight of the name 'Leichnen' from a young age.
A true Leichnen is someone who can smile gently without losing her dignity and grace in any situation. That was the last bit of pride that Bianca had to protect.
Bianca chewed her cheeks until they tasted blood and smiled brightly at her 'friends' as if nothing had happened. They also hugged her as if nothing had happened and praised her as 'our Princess'.
It was around that time that marriage talks with the Meyer family began.
Those were the most horrible times when she had to hide her wounds and inferiority complex to become a 'bright and cheerful girl'...
Bianca was restless. From what she heard, the successor to the Meyer family was perfect. He was also very handsome.
The word 'perfect' provoked strong opposition.
Sure, he'd hate me. He'd look at me with contempt, not hiding it.
No, no.
That kid, like other kids, might call me 'Princess' on the outside but 'honey' on the inside.
The moment the thought occurred to Bianca, she couldn't stand it.
Even if it was a political marriage, she couldn't marry someone she didn't even like, someone who might call her a bitch.
After thinking it over all night, Bianca decided to meet the boy secretly and free each other from an unwanted marriage.
As luck would have it, a good opportunity arose. She heard that the boy would be participating in the royal hunting competition that was about to be held.
Bianca tricked her cousin into disguising herself as a page and secretly following him to the hunting competition. It was a perfect day for fox hunting, with heavy snow falling nonstop since dawn.
“Hey, do you see that?”
The cousin's finger pointed to a boy riding a black horse. He had hair as black as the horse he was riding.
The first thing that caught her eye was the silver-gray eyes with a hint of blue. Then came the long nose, the cold jawline without any gaps, and the tightly closed lips that gave off no sense of 'childhood' at all.
“That’s him. Hardius Meyer.”
Even though she knew that her flimsy disguise could easily be discovered, Bianca couldn't take her eyes off him.
As she was gradually losing her mind to the intense energy emanating from the boy covered in pitch-black fur, the horn signaling the start of the competition sounded.
People, each carrying a rifle, charged into the forest with dozens of dogs.
Hardius Meyer was no different. He held the reins in his gloved hands and rode his horse with a deftness that belied his age, disappearing before Bianca's eyes.
Bianca waited for him to return while warming herself by the bonfire lit in front of the barracks.
The slanted sun rose just above the horizon and then slowly began to set again.
Meanwhile, some people returned carrying huge foxes in both hands, while others proudly held up fox cubs and rabbits the size of their fists.
The cousin, who had given up hunting early, had long since gone into the barracks, saying he was freezing to death. Only the pure white boy did not return from the forest that had turned into an ice palace.
Should I just go back?
It was at that moment that Bianca blew her breath on her frozen hands and thought that, when a sleek black horse finally appeared at the entrance to the fir forest.
The child was clutching a gray fox that she had never seen before. Wherever he passed, red blood left a mark like a brand.
Bianca was once again struck by the odd sight of a slick boy, who seemed completely indifferent to gunfire, clutching a bleeding fox.
She cautiously approached the Meyer family's barracks. She figured that the men of the family would be busy clinking glasses and patting each other on the shoulder now that they had successfully caught the fox.
But her expectations were completely off the mark.
The cheers and applause that were pouring in from all over the place were not heard at all in the Meyer family barracks.
The rare gray fox lay carelessly in the snow, and Hardy Meyer stood alone beside it. Blood was slowly spreading across the pure white snow, dyeing the entire area around his boots red.
His father, Duke Meyer, rode ahead on horseback. Next to him was another boy, an illegitimate son of the Meyer family, who was despised and pointed at by the people.
The strange thing was that the bastard had the horse and gun that Hardius Meyer had been riding until just before.
There was no emotional turmoil from Hardius as he followed their footsteps. However, when Bianca first heard the word 'fatty', she felt something like an iron skewer piercing through her entire body.
A child who has to hide his festering wounds and live as if nothing happened.
A child like me.
All the miserable things boiling inside him were torturing Bianca's heart and shaking it terribly.
“I am the only one who can completely understand Hardy.”
Bianca muttered to herself.
Her white breath touched the glass window, creating a hazy stain that then disappeared into nothingness. All the nagging and worries that had been lingering in Ruth's mouth began to slowly dilute.
“He’s someone who, like me, has no choice but to hide his true feelings. No, he can’t even compare to me. I have parents and a nanny I can trust and rely on, right?”
A faint smile appeared on the lips of the person muttering lonely words.
Ruth gradually became a dumb mute. Unlike her lips that had drawn a line, the girl's eyes were trembling as if they would burst into tears at any moment.
“He probably doesn’t have anyone to confide in, and he probably doesn’t know how to do it. So there’s nothing he can do. I have to take the initiative and go find them secretly like this...”
"Is it so..."
Ruth nodded.
Who will know?
The fact that even people who have everything in the world, like Miss or Prince Meyer, have the same weight of life to bear.
“Yes, Miss.”
If she thinks about it, today's incident was nothing special. It was her fault for instigating others, and she's not the type of person to act indiscriminately.
There’s no need to get in big trouble for doing something this divisive...
Ruth thought as she reached for her purse, trying to hide the girl's tears, which were sure to tear her heart apart.
That was when.
Thud!
The carriage suddenly shook violently with a loud noise.
“Oh my god!”
The purse flew into the air, and Ruth lost her balance and fell forward.
"Nanny!"
If Bianca hadn't caught her like that, she would have hit her forehead on the hard corner.
The rattling carriage shook violently like a spring, then squeaked to a halt.
While Bianca and Ruth were staring at each other in amazement, the coachman came running out frantically with a thoughtful look on his face.
“Are you okay, Miss?! Are you hurt anywhere...?”
The coachman finally calmed down after confirming that neither the young lady nor the nanny had any wounds.
"What the hell is going on?! This was almost a disaster!"
When Ruth gave a shout, the coachman opened his mouth hesitantly.
“The wheel fell off... I didn’t see the rock in time...”
Bianca was helped out of the tilted carriage by the coachman and Ruth.
There were literally wheels rolling around on the side of the road.
“Don’t worry... I can fix it quickly. There’s definitely a stable in the village right over there.”
The coachman raised his hand and pointed somewhere. It was the entrance to a village where garlands were fluttering, as if a festival was in full swing.
***
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
"Yes!"
Charlotte answered forcefully.
“There’s Uncle Beppy. Pip will be there too.”
Pip nodded vigorously, reassuring his master, not his sister Bernie.
All the way here, the master had been urging him to do his best to take care of Charlotte Bern so she could enjoy the festival to the fullest.
“You can’t go out anyway, Sister. You should sit down and rest somewhere or go to the villa first.”
Charlotte let go of Emilia's hand and quickly looked back at Pip.
“Where did you say the play was going to be held?”
“It’s the square. I think it’s not too late to go now.”
“You heard? Go ahead, don’t worry about me.”
As soon as he finished speaking, the child grabbed their hands and pulled them.
"Let's go."
Before Emilia could even try to stop them, the three disappeared into the crowd.
Hardius approached Emilia, who was following their footsteps. She felt awkward about being left alone with just him, so she couldn't even turn her head, but he spoke first.
“Shall we go by carriage first?”
"...Yes."
“Catch me.”
Hardius put his arm between Emilia's armpits.
She should have gotten used to it by now, but the scent of the man that suddenly came rushing at her still made Emilia tense up.
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