081. Even if it's a mistake, it's okay
Just a week after starting the job, Emilia felt physically at her limit. She only went to work three times a week, but the grueling work, which started at 10 a.m. and ended at midnight the next day, left her almost unconscious.
She arrived home in a state where she seemed like she would faint if she even touched her head, but Mitch suddenly stopped her.
“Let's talk.”
"...later."
“That letter.”
Emilia felt a flash of light before her eyes.
“You really...”
“Yeah, I read it. Sorry.”
Contrary to his words, he showed no sign of regret at all. No, rather, her younger brother seemed angry.
“Is it because of us that you can’t leave for the New World?”
"What?"
“You're doing this because of your family. More specifically, because of Charlotte.”
Emilia couldn't hide her expression as if she had been hit with the point. Mitch's brow furrowed as he glared at his older sister.
“Oh, I’m so pissed.”
“What? You’re getting angry? You?”
“Yeah, I’m so angry I’m going crazy. I’m going to go crazy!”
Emilia was even more shocked by her brother's outburst.
“You’re out of your mind, Mitch Bern. What’s so upsetting?”
“You don’t trust me!”
What?
It contained a sad-looking, unfamiliar younger sibling with blinking vision.
“Even if you're not my older sister, I can take care of Charlotte. Charlotte is my younger sister, too. She’s not a burden that my older sister has to take responsibility for on your own!”
Emilia couldn't say another word.
When did that kid grow up so much? The look in Mitch's eyes, who had become an adult in just a few days, stabs her heart.
“Now is not the time to be washing dishes. Don’t think about anything and just do as the letter says. Go see that person right now. Tell him you’re leaving. Ask for a scholarship and living expenses. Go to the New World and study!”
Emilia swallowed hard to keep back the tears that were welling up in her eyes. Then she opened her mouth.
"No."
Mitch's face turned bright red.
“I told you I’ll take care of Charlotte!”
“...It’s not just because of Charlotte. It’s not because I don’t trust you.”
“If not that, then what?!”
The words shouted out echoed through the dark forest and into my ears.
Charlotte was the biggest reason why she couldn't just leave for the New World, but apart from that, there was another wall that was absolutely impossible to overcome. That was...
Hardy Meyer.
Emilia forced the words that were rising to her throat under her tongue.
She distinctly remembers the fear that rose as big as excitement as she read Nathan's letter.
Hardius is watching Nathan Malvin.
Even if he doesn't find out that the letter was sent, if she leaves for the New World with Nathan, Hardius will eventually learn the whole story.
I wonder how he will react?
Hardius is a man who collects pistols as a hobby, who doesn't hesitate to go to war for the sake of his family business, and who graduates from a military academy with honors.
She can never forget the way he growled that he would take care of Nathan and kill him.
But it wasn't anyone else, it was Nathan Malvin and...
“Never go to the New World. Never.”
Emilia hammered it home again as if to confirm her decision to herself.
“I’m telling you the truth, I’m doing this because I don’t like it. I don’t want to live away from you, Charlotte, and my mother. That’s really why I’m not going.”
Emilia answered with sincerity and an appeal, but for some reason, she had a hard time maintaining eye contact with her younger brother.
“I’ll continue studying... I don’t plan on working at Scully for the rest of my life. But for now, I need to save up some more money. It’s not too late to start when I have the money.”
“But, Sister...”
“Many people in our world live like that, Mitch. Including my mother.”
Mitch flinched at the word 'mother'.
“More than anything, your mother wants you to continue your studies, not be trapped in this stuffy forest taking care of Charlotte.”
“Ha, but Mom is not the only one who does this. She wants my older sister to continue studying, too. She wants me to study alone, because I am her biological son...”
“Yes, I know. Mom is not the type of person to differentiate between a stepdaughter and her biological son.”
Emilia gently interrupted her sister.
“You keep forgetting that I have been well educated for the past five years. Whatever treatment I received from Cavendish was a great fortune that ordinary people cannot even dream of. Now that fortune has come to an end, I must return to reality. Not as the fiancée of the Mayer family, a commoner or aristocrat, but as the eldest daughter of Kalia Bern, a widow who works in a factory.”
Mitch couldn't answer at all.
What his sister said was definitely right, but on the other hand, it was wrong. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what was wrong, so he got really annoyed.
Emilia, as if she knew her younger brother's feelings, put her arm around his shoulder and patted him gently.
“Your sister is happiest when I'm with her family. No, I'm the kind of person who can only be happy when I have my family.”
“...”
“Forget the New World. No matter what you say, my heart won’t change.”
Mitch couldn't answer again, and Emilia relaxed the hand that was stroking his skinny body.
“It’s windy. I’ll go in first, so don’t be too late. Yes?”
Left alone, Mitch stared blankly at the empty space where his older sister had disappeared. Then, he kicked a tree trunk with his foot, exclaiming, “Damn it!”
"Lie..."
A dull pain shoots up his ankle and stabs him in the buttocks.
“You want to go, but you can’t... because of me...”
His eyes grew hot. He pressed his hands tightly against his eyes and tried not to cry like a little child.
It was natural that his sister didn't trust him. The Purge Squad had completely destroyed his family's trust in him.
Mitch also understood his older sister. In fact, deep down inside, he couldn't completely let go of the thought of wanting to jump into the wave of revolution.
But that was a story for a long time in the future, when he became an adult. For now, he's willing to give up his dreams and take care of his family.
He will do the work for his sister, feed Charlotte, bathe her, put her to bed, and be her eyes. He will do it for his sister!
“That stubborn guy... She thinks her family will starve to death without her...”
Emilia's heartfelt appeal was of little use.
Mitch couldn't possibly accept his older sister trying to kick away this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Nathan looked down the gentle slope beneath the north wall of the estate.
The post office carriage was moving further and further away, until it became a small dot and disappeared.
There was no reply today either. Neither at the brewery, nor at Luxel's office, nor anywhere else could he hear from her.
When he first wrote to her, he knew it wouldn't be easy.
How embarrassing it would be to suddenly go to the New World. Nathan also wasn't very excited when hr first heard about the New World from Benjamin.
So he wrote it lightly on purpose. He wanted to convey the nuance of asking people to at least think about it without feeling burdened.
But... why isn’t there even a reply?
Why am I so anxious again?
Nathan looked down at his trembling hands.
“Why don’t we go and see for ourselves? The person that Young Master is waiting for.”
A voice came from behind me. It was Benjamin Luxel.
Nathan shook his head with a bitter smile. The only thing that came to mind was Emilia's stubborn refusal when he went to see her that day.
“...I hope you’re not too heartbroken. If what Master Malvin said is true, isn’t it true that the woman is tied up in an engagement and can’t do anything?”
How nice it would be if that were the case.
How nice it would be if she were actually looking at him, but was hesitating because of her status, because of the high wall that separates them.
Nathan thought the same thing at first. He thought that the reason she was so firm in drawing the line was because she had been hurt so much by mean nobles like Cavendish and Meyer.
Didn't he also think of her as just a 'government' at first?
So Nathan was confident that he could break down the wall Emilia Bern had built and approach her easily.
But it was pride. It was utter arrogance.
Maybe she had read all of his cowardly intentions.
“If the engagement is broken off, it will definitely be different. It may be embarrassing to hear, but I don’t think many women in the world would reject Young Master.”
Nathan ended up chuckling.
She doesn't care about him at all. It's so uncomfortable that she doesn't even want to allow a friendship.
“It could be that I’m just trying to show my heart. You know, some women think that being rejected is their right.”
He swallowed the empty laughter that threatened to burst out again.
He wished he could have that kind of illusion.
He wished she had shown him a confused look... He wished she had shown him that, even just once.
Since when? Every time Nathan thought of her, he started to hate himself more and more.
Malvin's pride, which had lasted for hundreds of years, disappeared without a trace, leaving only an ugly, inadequate, and worthless man.
It was a terrible feeling of inferiority. It was the first time in his life that he felt it.
“Can I tell you what I think?”
Benjamin, who had been watching quietly, took a step closer.
“Be honest. Be honest about your feelings. Sometimes, honesty is the greatest weapon. This is especially true when it comes to feelings between men and women.”
To be honest...
Nathan repeated to himself.
These suffocating things that are just so painful and painful.
A state of inaction where the mind is agitated, and one does not want to eat or think about anything.
You want me to confess these feelings?
These desolate things that seem to roll down a rough rock face with their bare bodies?
The more I think about you, the smaller and more I feel, the more I hate such petty things.
The dark clouds that covered the sky sank even lower toward the ground. The dreary wind that swept across the wasteland below the north wall blew toward where the two people were standing.
Unlike Benjamin, who turned around hastily in the rough gust of wind mixed with straw and sand, Nathan did not dodge.
Yes, he would rather have it all swept away. He would rather have it dig deep into his heart and uproot it.
Just a week after starting the job, Emilia felt physically at her limit. She only went to work three times a week, but the grueling work, which started at 10 a.m. and ended at midnight the next day, left her almost unconscious.
She arrived home in a state where she seemed like she would faint if she even touched her head, but Mitch suddenly stopped her.
“Let's talk.”
"...later."
“That letter.”
Emilia felt a flash of light before her eyes.
“You really...”
“Yeah, I read it. Sorry.”
Contrary to his words, he showed no sign of regret at all. No, rather, her younger brother seemed angry.
“Is it because of us that you can’t leave for the New World?”
"What?"
“You're doing this because of your family. More specifically, because of Charlotte.”
Emilia couldn't hide her expression as if she had been hit with the point. Mitch's brow furrowed as he glared at his older sister.
“Oh, I’m so pissed.”
“What? You’re getting angry? You?”
“Yeah, I’m so angry I’m going crazy. I’m going to go crazy!”
Emilia was even more shocked by her brother's outburst.
“You’re out of your mind, Mitch Bern. What’s so upsetting?”
“You don’t trust me!”
What?
It contained a sad-looking, unfamiliar younger sibling with blinking vision.
“Even if you're not my older sister, I can take care of Charlotte. Charlotte is my younger sister, too. She’s not a burden that my older sister has to take responsibility for on your own!”
Emilia couldn't say another word.
When did that kid grow up so much? The look in Mitch's eyes, who had become an adult in just a few days, stabs her heart.
“Now is not the time to be washing dishes. Don’t think about anything and just do as the letter says. Go see that person right now. Tell him you’re leaving. Ask for a scholarship and living expenses. Go to the New World and study!”
Emilia swallowed hard to keep back the tears that were welling up in her eyes. Then she opened her mouth.
"No."
Mitch's face turned bright red.
“I told you I’ll take care of Charlotte!”
“...It’s not just because of Charlotte. It’s not because I don’t trust you.”
“If not that, then what?!”
The words shouted out echoed through the dark forest and into my ears.
Charlotte was the biggest reason why she couldn't just leave for the New World, but apart from that, there was another wall that was absolutely impossible to overcome. That was...
Hardy Meyer.
Emilia forced the words that were rising to her throat under her tongue.
She distinctly remembers the fear that rose as big as excitement as she read Nathan's letter.
Hardius is watching Nathan Malvin.
Even if he doesn't find out that the letter was sent, if she leaves for the New World with Nathan, Hardius will eventually learn the whole story.
I wonder how he will react?
Hardius is a man who collects pistols as a hobby, who doesn't hesitate to go to war for the sake of his family business, and who graduates from a military academy with honors.
She can never forget the way he growled that he would take care of Nathan and kill him.
But it wasn't anyone else, it was Nathan Malvin and...
“Never go to the New World. Never.”
Emilia hammered it home again as if to confirm her decision to herself.
“I’m telling you the truth, I’m doing this because I don’t like it. I don’t want to live away from you, Charlotte, and my mother. That’s really why I’m not going.”
Emilia answered with sincerity and an appeal, but for some reason, she had a hard time maintaining eye contact with her younger brother.
“I’ll continue studying... I don’t plan on working at Scully for the rest of my life. But for now, I need to save up some more money. It’s not too late to start when I have the money.”
“But, Sister...”
“Many people in our world live like that, Mitch. Including my mother.”
Mitch flinched at the word 'mother'.
“More than anything, your mother wants you to continue your studies, not be trapped in this stuffy forest taking care of Charlotte.”
“Ha, but Mom is not the only one who does this. She wants my older sister to continue studying, too. She wants me to study alone, because I am her biological son...”
“Yes, I know. Mom is not the type of person to differentiate between a stepdaughter and her biological son.”
Emilia gently interrupted her sister.
“You keep forgetting that I have been well educated for the past five years. Whatever treatment I received from Cavendish was a great fortune that ordinary people cannot even dream of. Now that fortune has come to an end, I must return to reality. Not as the fiancée of the Mayer family, a commoner or aristocrat, but as the eldest daughter of Kalia Bern, a widow who works in a factory.”
Mitch couldn't answer at all.
What his sister said was definitely right, but on the other hand, it was wrong. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what was wrong, so he got really annoyed.
Emilia, as if she knew her younger brother's feelings, put her arm around his shoulder and patted him gently.
“Your sister is happiest when I'm with her family. No, I'm the kind of person who can only be happy when I have my family.”
“...”
“Forget the New World. No matter what you say, my heart won’t change.”
Mitch couldn't answer again, and Emilia relaxed the hand that was stroking his skinny body.
“It’s windy. I’ll go in first, so don’t be too late. Yes?”
Left alone, Mitch stared blankly at the empty space where his older sister had disappeared. Then, he kicked a tree trunk with his foot, exclaiming, “Damn it!”
"Lie..."
A dull pain shoots up his ankle and stabs him in the buttocks.
“You want to go, but you can’t... because of me...”
His eyes grew hot. He pressed his hands tightly against his eyes and tried not to cry like a little child.
It was natural that his sister didn't trust him. The Purge Squad had completely destroyed his family's trust in him.
Mitch also understood his older sister. In fact, deep down inside, he couldn't completely let go of the thought of wanting to jump into the wave of revolution.
But that was a story for a long time in the future, when he became an adult. For now, he's willing to give up his dreams and take care of his family.
He will do the work for his sister, feed Charlotte, bathe her, put her to bed, and be her eyes. He will do it for his sister!
“That stubborn guy... She thinks her family will starve to death without her...”
Emilia's heartfelt appeal was of little use.
Mitch couldn't possibly accept his older sister trying to kick away this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
***
Nathan looked down the gentle slope beneath the north wall of the estate.
The post office carriage was moving further and further away, until it became a small dot and disappeared.
There was no reply today either. Neither at the brewery, nor at Luxel's office, nor anywhere else could he hear from her.
When he first wrote to her, he knew it wouldn't be easy.
How embarrassing it would be to suddenly go to the New World. Nathan also wasn't very excited when hr first heard about the New World from Benjamin.
So he wrote it lightly on purpose. He wanted to convey the nuance of asking people to at least think about it without feeling burdened.
But... why isn’t there even a reply?
Why am I so anxious again?
Nathan looked down at his trembling hands.
“Why don’t we go and see for ourselves? The person that Young Master is waiting for.”
A voice came from behind me. It was Benjamin Luxel.
Nathan shook his head with a bitter smile. The only thing that came to mind was Emilia's stubborn refusal when he went to see her that day.
“...I hope you’re not too heartbroken. If what Master Malvin said is true, isn’t it true that the woman is tied up in an engagement and can’t do anything?”
How nice it would be if that were the case.
How nice it would be if she were actually looking at him, but was hesitating because of her status, because of the high wall that separates them.
Nathan thought the same thing at first. He thought that the reason she was so firm in drawing the line was because she had been hurt so much by mean nobles like Cavendish and Meyer.
Didn't he also think of her as just a 'government' at first?
So Nathan was confident that he could break down the wall Emilia Bern had built and approach her easily.
But it was pride. It was utter arrogance.
Maybe she had read all of his cowardly intentions.
“If the engagement is broken off, it will definitely be different. It may be embarrassing to hear, but I don’t think many women in the world would reject Young Master.”
Nathan ended up chuckling.
She doesn't care about him at all. It's so uncomfortable that she doesn't even want to allow a friendship.
“It could be that I’m just trying to show my heart. You know, some women think that being rejected is their right.”
He swallowed the empty laughter that threatened to burst out again.
He wished he could have that kind of illusion.
He wished she had shown him a confused look... He wished she had shown him that, even just once.
Since when? Every time Nathan thought of her, he started to hate himself more and more.
Malvin's pride, which had lasted for hundreds of years, disappeared without a trace, leaving only an ugly, inadequate, and worthless man.
It was a terrible feeling of inferiority. It was the first time in his life that he felt it.
“Can I tell you what I think?”
Benjamin, who had been watching quietly, took a step closer.
“Be honest. Be honest about your feelings. Sometimes, honesty is the greatest weapon. This is especially true when it comes to feelings between men and women.”
To be honest...
Nathan repeated to himself.
These suffocating things that are just so painful and painful.
A state of inaction where the mind is agitated, and one does not want to eat or think about anything.
You want me to confess these feelings?
These desolate things that seem to roll down a rough rock face with their bare bodies?
The more I think about you, the smaller and more I feel, the more I hate such petty things.
The dark clouds that covered the sky sank even lower toward the ground. The dreary wind that swept across the wasteland below the north wall blew toward where the two people were standing.
Unlike Benjamin, who turned around hastily in the rough gust of wind mixed with straw and sand, Nathan did not dodge.
Yes, he would rather have it all swept away. He would rather have it dig deep into his heart and uproot it.
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