075. I'm more precious
Charlotte, dressed in a checkered dress, stockings, and a sailor straw hat, looked like a real doll. At least, that was the case in the eyes of the zelkova forest members.
"Now, wearing a hood like this will make you feel a little more at ease. Isn't it?"
Emilia covered Charlotte's hump with a large cloth hanging from the back of her neck. The child nodded enthusiastically, but she couldn't hide her nervousness.
"If you don't want to go, you don't have to go, won't be angry if you didn't come."
You are not his real target.
"No, I'm going. Go today, too. If I don't want to become a real monster, I have to go out into the world. Now is the time. When I muster up the courage to meet people."
Her sad face was so cute that she could forget her distractions for a while.
"But there's one thing you need to know. There's a starter kid named Pip, and you might run into him. Is that okay?"
"It's okay. Anyway, my sister shouldn't have told me beforehand. You should call me an angel."
"What?"
Emilia raises her eyes wide, but she is embarrassed and pinches her cheek for no reason.
The wheels began to roll.
Charlotte pulled closer, and Emilia put her arm around the child's shoulder. Charlotte smiled and rested her head on her shoulder. The incident that had been a loud fight a few days ago had long since been completely forgotten in the minds of the two sisters.
The carriage became faster and faster, until it became a constant speed. Emilia took off the child's shoes, took off her own, and leaned back against the backrest.
"Aren't you getting motion sickness?"
"I'm a little dizzy, but it's okay."
"If it's bad, tell me. We can take a break and go."
“...But sister, are we going to the beach?"
"Yes?"
Emilia, who had been bewildered, soon smiled brightly.
Outside the window, she could hear the sound of waves. Not real waves, but golden waves created by the wind blowing through the rye field.
Emilia eagerly described the scenery outside the window to Charlotte. Charlotte listened intently to her sister's words, her face flushed with emotion, without missing a single word.
As she looked at that sight, words that had been strictly forbidden for the past few years suddenly came to her tongue.
“...How wonderful it would be if you could see ahead, Charlotte?”
The child holds her sister's hand tightly and smiles brightly.
“It’s okay. I can’t see, but I excel at other things. Just listening makes me feel like I can see everything. So I’m going to go to many places from now on. As long as you’re by my side, I can go anywhere.”
“Yes. Yes. Let’s keep going until we get really bored.”
The sisters smiled brightly at each other and hugged each other's sides.
The carriage ran without stopping.
As the tension eased, Charlotte began to relax and doze off. Emilia straightened her sister's posture to keep her head from dropping.
As she looked down at the small head resting on her shoulder, the conversations she had with Raina suddenly came to mind.
'I will get revenge.'
Raina's eyes were shining coldly.
'Isn't that right? Jacques likes me quite a bit. He said it himself. He said he loves me more than his wife. It wasn't like some obvious sugarcoating. First of all, he showed me how much he loves me with money.'
Raina raised both arms as if pointing to the ornate reception room.
'It may be a bit strange to say this in front of someone so innocent, but when it comes to relationships between men and women, especially ours... There is something completely different from the lofty, spiritual love that the pastor emphasized.'
Emilia guessed what Raina was going to say. She quickly brought the teacup to her lips, fearing that her face would turn red.
'Jack and I were madly in love with each other in that respect. I shouldn't have mistaken it for true love..."
Raina, who smiled bitterly, looked as dry and brittle as fallen leaves.
'Anyway, I'm going to get revenge. It doesn't matter what anyone says. Jacques Soerhem deserves to be treated the same way. As much as I cried, as much as I was hurt, I'm going to make him do the same. After all, it was he who made me like this.'
Raina dabbed her tears with a handkerchief.
As Emilia was watching quietly, she suddenly became curious.
How do you plan to get 'revenge' on a man you once liked but ended up ruining you?
Before she could ask out loud, Raina spoke first again.
'As I said before, I'm planning to leave for the New World.'
'Would that be... revenge?'
'Then I will hide somewhere where Jacques Soerhem can never find me. Until he searches for me so desperately that he burns himself to death and becomes a complete wreck.'
The voice that murmured each word as if it was about to chew him up was eerily cold.
Emilia felt her heart pounding in her chest and put her hand on it to calm it down.
'But Raina, I heard it's very dangerous there. Are you okay?'
'So my brother, Elsie, is going to go first and secure the ground.'
Information about the New World was swirling around in my head.
Judging from the stories often told by newspapers and people at Cavendish Manor, it was close to 'hell'.
Charlotte, dressed in a checkered dress, stockings, and a sailor straw hat, looked like a real doll. At least, that was the case in the eyes of the zelkova forest members.
"Now, wearing a hood like this will make you feel a little more at ease. Isn't it?"
Emilia covered Charlotte's hump with a large cloth hanging from the back of her neck. The child nodded enthusiastically, but she couldn't hide her nervousness.
"If you don't want to go, you don't have to go, won't be angry if you didn't come."
You are not his real target.
"No, I'm going. Go today, too. If I don't want to become a real monster, I have to go out into the world. Now is the time. When I muster up the courage to meet people."
Her sad face was so cute that she could forget her distractions for a while.
"But there's one thing you need to know. There's a starter kid named Pip, and you might run into him. Is that okay?"
"It's okay. Anyway, my sister shouldn't have told me beforehand. You should call me an angel."
"What?"
Emilia raises her eyes wide, but she is embarrassed and pinches her cheek for no reason.
The wheels began to roll.
Charlotte pulled closer, and Emilia put her arm around the child's shoulder. Charlotte smiled and rested her head on her shoulder. The incident that had been a loud fight a few days ago had long since been completely forgotten in the minds of the two sisters.
The carriage became faster and faster, until it became a constant speed. Emilia took off the child's shoes, took off her own, and leaned back against the backrest.
"Aren't you getting motion sickness?"
"I'm a little dizzy, but it's okay."
"If it's bad, tell me. We can take a break and go."
“...But sister, are we going to the beach?"
"Yes?"
Emilia, who had been bewildered, soon smiled brightly.
Outside the window, she could hear the sound of waves. Not real waves, but golden waves created by the wind blowing through the rye field.
Emilia eagerly described the scenery outside the window to Charlotte. Charlotte listened intently to her sister's words, her face flushed with emotion, without missing a single word.
As she looked at that sight, words that had been strictly forbidden for the past few years suddenly came to her tongue.
“...How wonderful it would be if you could see ahead, Charlotte?”
The child holds her sister's hand tightly and smiles brightly.
“It’s okay. I can’t see, but I excel at other things. Just listening makes me feel like I can see everything. So I’m going to go to many places from now on. As long as you’re by my side, I can go anywhere.”
“Yes. Yes. Let’s keep going until we get really bored.”
The sisters smiled brightly at each other and hugged each other's sides.
The carriage ran without stopping.
As the tension eased, Charlotte began to relax and doze off. Emilia straightened her sister's posture to keep her head from dropping.
As she looked down at the small head resting on her shoulder, the conversations she had with Raina suddenly came to mind.
'I will get revenge.'
Raina's eyes were shining coldly.
'Isn't that right? Jacques likes me quite a bit. He said it himself. He said he loves me more than his wife. It wasn't like some obvious sugarcoating. First of all, he showed me how much he loves me with money.'
Raina raised both arms as if pointing to the ornate reception room.
'It may be a bit strange to say this in front of someone so innocent, but when it comes to relationships between men and women, especially ours... There is something completely different from the lofty, spiritual love that the pastor emphasized.'
Emilia guessed what Raina was going to say. She quickly brought the teacup to her lips, fearing that her face would turn red.
'Jack and I were madly in love with each other in that respect. I shouldn't have mistaken it for true love..."
Raina, who smiled bitterly, looked as dry and brittle as fallen leaves.
'Anyway, I'm going to get revenge. It doesn't matter what anyone says. Jacques Soerhem deserves to be treated the same way. As much as I cried, as much as I was hurt, I'm going to make him do the same. After all, it was he who made me like this.'
Raina dabbed her tears with a handkerchief.
As Emilia was watching quietly, she suddenly became curious.
How do you plan to get 'revenge' on a man you once liked but ended up ruining you?
Before she could ask out loud, Raina spoke first again.
'As I said before, I'm planning to leave for the New World.'
'Would that be... revenge?'
'Then I will hide somewhere where Jacques Soerhem can never find me. Until he searches for me so desperately that he burns himself to death and becomes a complete wreck.'
The voice that murmured each word as if it was about to chew him up was eerily cold.
Emilia felt her heart pounding in her chest and put her hand on it to calm it down.
'But Raina, I heard it's very dangerous there. Are you okay?'
'So my brother, Elsie, is going to go first and secure the ground.'
Information about the New World was swirling around in my head.
Judging from the stories often told by newspapers and people at Cavendish Manor, it was close to 'hell'.
A place where looting, arson, and civil war are constantly taking place, a lawless place where you can't live without guns.
Of course, she didn't say her thoughts out loud. Didn't Raina say she was already there and ready to leave?
If she says something bad to someone who has already made up her mind, she'll only feel bad...
However, it seems that her true intentions were revealed through her facial expressions. Raina stopped sniffling and laughed through her wet eyes.
'Do you believe that too?'
'Yes?'
'The New World is dangerous. It is a lawless area infested with criminals.'
Emilia laughed awkwardly, not knowing what to say.
'It's all a rumor. In particular, a deal that deliberately spreads malicious rumors on the mainland. They're afraid that manpower and investment will be drained.'
Thinking that it might be so, she heard a voice saying, "Really?"
'Oh, my brother sent me a letter a while ago, would you like to see it?'
Before Emilia could answer, Raina jumped to her feet and pulled the letter out of the drawer. Emilia wasn't interested in the New World enough to want to read other people's personal letters.
But not wanting to disappoint Raina, whose eyes twinkled, Emilia opened the letter and read it diagonally with blurry eyes.
'It's a much better place to live than I thought. Of course, the infrastructure is still lacking and it's dangerous compared to the mainland, but I think a big city like the Bronx is just as good to live in as Nowak, especially for women.'
'Women... too?'
Noticing a slight curiosity in Emilia's eyes, Raina told her a little more about the New World.
It was almost the same as what Benjamin Lucell told Nathan.
Raina, who had been chatting for a while, wrapped her hands around her cheeks as if to cool herself down, and exhaled.
'Did I just talk about myself? Actually, I asked you to come in because I wanted to hear your story. Somehow, I felt like you could show me a way."
‘… a way?'
'Yes. It's like a role model. People like Aunt Rosie think you're a good guy, and that you're going to be the government, but I don't think so. I entered the aristocratic world in my own way, and I have some connections in the social world. I heard something from there... They said Young Master Meyer likes that?'
Suddenly, she felt something that had been blocking her chest burst through. It was like floundering in the water and finally rising to the surface to breathe in the air.
'How can you do that? You're on a whole other level than me, the one who whines and cries about love. You may not know it, but some people call you a haughty queen.'
If it had been the old Emilia, she would have blushed or waved her hands.
But Emilia hid herself behind a mask of composure and received the admiring gaze of Raina Schlemann. Something that had been thought to have disappeared without a trace was being firmly gathered together and rebuilt.
'What's your secret? How did you do that? It's Meyer, not someone else!'
The past five years have flashed by like a kaleidoscope.
Contrary to Raina's expectations, it was frighteningly shaved, shaken, and crumbled. It was as if she had been chased by reality and sold herself like that, Raina.
However, one thing was certain.
She never did anything embarrassing in front of herself and her family.
She was not only robbed of her body by Hardius Meyer, but she also allowed all kinds of lewd acts and even felt false pleasures, but she did not harm others or do anything against her conscience.
She chose to wash dishes. She ruthlessly rejected most of what he wanted to offer. So there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Completely different from sublime spiritual love, her soul has not become evil just because she has been corrupted by something.
If the mind and the body can be separate, at least not mentally. The soul must be strong.
Emilia put down her teacup and faced Raina.
'There is no secret, Raina. I don't want to worry about words like 'Haughty Queen.''
Raina tilted her head, a little puzzled. However, she couldn't take her eyes off her calm and confident face.
'I just... I try to love myself more, I don't depend on anyone else, not just men, I just try to live on my own.'
So, why did I forget?
Emilia hugged Charlotte's shoulders and muttered involuntarily.
She was always more precious to her. It always was.
"It's ruined."
Pip looked out the wide open window and muttered despairingly.
He really didn't mean to.
The master, who is the embodiment of an elegant gentleman, had no intention of freeing the cat from the cage that he had finally caught while crawling and running on his knees.
He just wanted to clean up the mess inside the cage.
The bowl fell over, and the smell of milk vibrated from the finest fur cushions. It was an unwashed flying animal, so it smelled bad. He couldn't just leave it alone.
But alas.
The cat jumped out like a bullet before the window opened.
That would have been the end of it, but it managed to escape out of the window just because it noticed the window that was open window for ventilation.
...Now I am dead.
Pip looked up at the sky in search of God. The sky was completely covered with dark clouds.
And at that moment, a long shadow fell over his head as if he had been waiting for it.
"Master..."
Hardius could tell the pale face of the boots before he saw it.
Messed up rooms and empty cages, open windows.
“...I tried to clean it up, but it stopped..."
Pip falls to his knees.
"Really... I was guilty of death...."
Hardius stared at the slightly trembling shoulder of the boots.
Then, a very strange memory encroaches on his consciousness.
Was it when I was nine years old?
It must have been the first time he and his father attended the annual royal hunting tournament.
Hadius rode frantically until the white mountains were covered with horses' hooves.
After struggling to get drenched in sweat, he succeeded in catching a very rare and beautiful gray fox.
Of course, he didn't win. There were also people like Grand Duke Alshard, who killed three foxes and two common foxes from Urhi.
However, Hardius was the youngest participant and even carried a gray fox that no one had ever caught.
He pretended not to care and handed the fox to his father.
He didn't expect any praise. He think he thought he would still have a happy face.
However, his father did not give Hardius a single glance.
His gaze was fixed on Theo, who couldn't catch a single fish, as if he felt sorry for him.
His father forced Hardius to dismount from his horse and remove his long gun. The horse used to chase foxes and the long gun used to pierce the head quickly became half-brothers.
The people around him whispered openly, but he didn't seem to hear anything.
Watching his half-brother riding his new horse with his changed gun slung over his shoulder, Hardius couldn't move from the spot.
The beautiful snowflakes turned into a fierce blizzard, hitting his pale face violently.
Nine-year-old Hardius suffered from body aches for the first time that day.
And he realized a lot of things.
His father loved and loved his illegitimate son excessively. The image of his father, who used to slap his head whenever he had a chance, gave his half-brother a ride on his back, was deeply embedded in Hardius's mind.
His relationship with his father was beyond the world's sense and beyond common sense.
No matter how bad the marital relationship is, where in the world is there a man who ignores the heir and showers affection on his illegitimate son?
But does the sight and the direction of the heart have nothing to do with the world's principles?
No matter how hard you try, you can't do it... Is it not possible?
The cat cub that ran away brought back the damn feeling of the time.
Hardius stared at the open window, holding back and holding back many things that were bubbling up.
And at that moment, the most unsightly face in the world appeared.
"Master!"
The girl who dared to call herself a "guardian angel" and confide in her secret, and the child's older sister, who hated him for the rest of her life.
Of course, she didn't say her thoughts out loud. Didn't Raina say she was already there and ready to leave?
If she says something bad to someone who has already made up her mind, she'll only feel bad...
However, it seems that her true intentions were revealed through her facial expressions. Raina stopped sniffling and laughed through her wet eyes.
'Do you believe that too?'
'Yes?'
'The New World is dangerous. It is a lawless area infested with criminals.'
Emilia laughed awkwardly, not knowing what to say.
'It's all a rumor. In particular, a deal that deliberately spreads malicious rumors on the mainland. They're afraid that manpower and investment will be drained.'
Thinking that it might be so, she heard a voice saying, "Really?"
'Oh, my brother sent me a letter a while ago, would you like to see it?'
Before Emilia could answer, Raina jumped to her feet and pulled the letter out of the drawer. Emilia wasn't interested in the New World enough to want to read other people's personal letters.
But not wanting to disappoint Raina, whose eyes twinkled, Emilia opened the letter and read it diagonally with blurry eyes.
'It's a much better place to live than I thought. Of course, the infrastructure is still lacking and it's dangerous compared to the mainland, but I think a big city like the Bronx is just as good to live in as Nowak, especially for women.'
'Women... too?'
Noticing a slight curiosity in Emilia's eyes, Raina told her a little more about the New World.
It was almost the same as what Benjamin Lucell told Nathan.
Raina, who had been chatting for a while, wrapped her hands around her cheeks as if to cool herself down, and exhaled.
'Did I just talk about myself? Actually, I asked you to come in because I wanted to hear your story. Somehow, I felt like you could show me a way."
‘… a way?'
'Yes. It's like a role model. People like Aunt Rosie think you're a good guy, and that you're going to be the government, but I don't think so. I entered the aristocratic world in my own way, and I have some connections in the social world. I heard something from there... They said Young Master Meyer likes that?'
Suddenly, she felt something that had been blocking her chest burst through. It was like floundering in the water and finally rising to the surface to breathe in the air.
'How can you do that? You're on a whole other level than me, the one who whines and cries about love. You may not know it, but some people call you a haughty queen.'
If it had been the old Emilia, she would have blushed or waved her hands.
But Emilia hid herself behind a mask of composure and received the admiring gaze of Raina Schlemann. Something that had been thought to have disappeared without a trace was being firmly gathered together and rebuilt.
'What's your secret? How did you do that? It's Meyer, not someone else!'
The past five years have flashed by like a kaleidoscope.
Contrary to Raina's expectations, it was frighteningly shaved, shaken, and crumbled. It was as if she had been chased by reality and sold herself like that, Raina.
However, one thing was certain.
She never did anything embarrassing in front of herself and her family.
She was not only robbed of her body by Hardius Meyer, but she also allowed all kinds of lewd acts and even felt false pleasures, but she did not harm others or do anything against her conscience.
She chose to wash dishes. She ruthlessly rejected most of what he wanted to offer. So there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Completely different from sublime spiritual love, her soul has not become evil just because she has been corrupted by something.
If the mind and the body can be separate, at least not mentally. The soul must be strong.
Emilia put down her teacup and faced Raina.
'There is no secret, Raina. I don't want to worry about words like 'Haughty Queen.''
Raina tilted her head, a little puzzled. However, she couldn't take her eyes off her calm and confident face.
'I just... I try to love myself more, I don't depend on anyone else, not just men, I just try to live on my own.'
So, why did I forget?
Emilia hugged Charlotte's shoulders and muttered involuntarily.
She was always more precious to her. It always was.
***
"It's ruined."
Pip looked out the wide open window and muttered despairingly.
He really didn't mean to.
The master, who is the embodiment of an elegant gentleman, had no intention of freeing the cat from the cage that he had finally caught while crawling and running on his knees.
He just wanted to clean up the mess inside the cage.
The bowl fell over, and the smell of milk vibrated from the finest fur cushions. It was an unwashed flying animal, so it smelled bad. He couldn't just leave it alone.
But alas.
The cat jumped out like a bullet before the window opened.
That would have been the end of it, but it managed to escape out of the window just because it noticed the window that was open window for ventilation.
...Now I am dead.
Pip looked up at the sky in search of God. The sky was completely covered with dark clouds.
And at that moment, a long shadow fell over his head as if he had been waiting for it.
"Master..."
Hardius could tell the pale face of the boots before he saw it.
Messed up rooms and empty cages, open windows.
“...I tried to clean it up, but it stopped..."
Pip falls to his knees.
"Really... I was guilty of death...."
Hardius stared at the slightly trembling shoulder of the boots.
Then, a very strange memory encroaches on his consciousness.
Was it when I was nine years old?
It must have been the first time he and his father attended the annual royal hunting tournament.
Hadius rode frantically until the white mountains were covered with horses' hooves.
After struggling to get drenched in sweat, he succeeded in catching a very rare and beautiful gray fox.
Of course, he didn't win. There were also people like Grand Duke Alshard, who killed three foxes and two common foxes from Urhi.
However, Hardius was the youngest participant and even carried a gray fox that no one had ever caught.
He pretended not to care and handed the fox to his father.
He didn't expect any praise. He think he thought he would still have a happy face.
However, his father did not give Hardius a single glance.
His gaze was fixed on Theo, who couldn't catch a single fish, as if he felt sorry for him.
His father forced Hardius to dismount from his horse and remove his long gun. The horse used to chase foxes and the long gun used to pierce the head quickly became half-brothers.
The people around him whispered openly, but he didn't seem to hear anything.
Watching his half-brother riding his new horse with his changed gun slung over his shoulder, Hardius couldn't move from the spot.
The beautiful snowflakes turned into a fierce blizzard, hitting his pale face violently.
Nine-year-old Hardius suffered from body aches for the first time that day.
And he realized a lot of things.
His father loved and loved his illegitimate son excessively. The image of his father, who used to slap his head whenever he had a chance, gave his half-brother a ride on his back, was deeply embedded in Hardius's mind.
His relationship with his father was beyond the world's sense and beyond common sense.
No matter how bad the marital relationship is, where in the world is there a man who ignores the heir and showers affection on his illegitimate son?
But does the sight and the direction of the heart have nothing to do with the world's principles?
No matter how hard you try, you can't do it... Is it not possible?
The cat cub that ran away brought back the damn feeling of the time.
Hardius stared at the open window, holding back and holding back many things that were bubbling up.
And at that moment, the most unsightly face in the world appeared.
"Master!"
The girl who dared to call herself a "guardian angel" and confide in her secret, and the child's older sister, who hated him for the rest of her life.
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