Episode 129. Where Are My Wings?
I barely managed to say, just looking away.
“I-It’s uncomfortable. Your Excellency. You’re weird.”
“I find you weird.”
“Why... Wow... Speaking informally... Ignoring people.”
“No. Ignoring you.”
He lightly stroked my still-damp cheek with his fingertips.
“I’m doing what I wanted to do.”
For some reason, my throat felt dry.
I barely managed to say quietly.
“You can speak informally, so come down. It’s heavy. You’re weird.”
“Hmm. Because I like it. I can’t come down.”
“...”
“My heart is beating fast. Just like me.”
“I think I’m crazy.”
Prince Kydel snorted very softly. His black bangs were falling down, so I couldn’t see his eyes well.
However, I knew that his eyes were radiating a mysterious light right now.
“Your Excellency.”
“Lorisha.”
“What do you want from me, Your Excellency?”
“The truth?”
“Yes.”
“Everything.”
“...”
In the silence, I realized that he had seen my tears. He must have been angry now.
But even then, he was trying to be kind to me. I hated that.
“Are you tired?”
“...Yes.”
“Because you have nothing to give me?”
“...”
“I knew you would say that.”
He muttered in passing.
“You are so cruel to me...”
He pressed his lips against mine. No, he pressed them against mine, then opened them and came in warmly.
I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t run away. I let him come in and knock on me, and accepted him. Soon, I couldn’t think of anything, so I didn’t have to endure it for long.
When it felt like a long time had passed, he finally sighed and spoke.
The voice I heard on his heavy breathing sounded unfamiliar.
“Then, how are you going to explain this? Only you can give me this.”
“...It’s because I’m lazy, Your Excellency. Women are everywhere in the world.”
“Every time you say something like that, I get angry. I want to become the person you hate.”
It was strange.
He was strange, but so was I. The weight of his body still pressing down on me was transmitted to me through the afterglow of his kiss, and I felt dizzy even though I was lying down.
I was afraid of being pushed away without knowing it. So I pushed him away with all my might.
At first, he didn’t budge. It felt like pushing a wall. But when he saw me shedding tears, he fell helplessly into the seat next to me.
“Damn it.”
His low cursing made me shrink endlessly.
“You’re making people feel bad.”
I gave up holding back any longer and said. I couldn’t tell if it was resignation or anger.
“Can’t I just run away now? I think it’ll take too long until we get a divorce. In fact, even you’re having a hard time.”
He answered after a long time.
“Don’t worry. I’ll pretend to be fine tomorrow. I’ll treat you with the best manners in the world. So pretend not to know tonight.”
“Why...?”
“You cried. In front of me.”
I wanted to say.
'I think I'll follow Her Highness Milliora to Smilean.'
I was crazy. I wanted to see his expression when I said that. Was he angry or relieved?
But if he was this scared and strange because I cried, if I said I was leaving...
But he said,
"Run away. It's okay. But if you do that, those guys you were harassing will catch you and drag you in front of me. Are you okay, ma'am?"
"..."
It was ridiculous. What would you do if I crossed the ocean...
"Cross the ocean somewhere. I'll surprise you. Didn't I tell you before? I'm a bit obsessed. Heh. Don't think I'll react like that in that letter, Lorisha."
I pretended not to know, but I was sick and tired of being questioned over that letter.
"...Are you threatening me?"
"Lorisha. Threatening is when you try to scare someone by pretending not to. But I'm definitely going to do it, so it's not a threat. Explain?"
He then smiled brightly. His brightness tonight was dark and rough. It was like a forced performance.
Perhaps because of me, he seemed to be holding back something tonight as well. Maybe he felt responsible for my tears.
'If I do this, I'll be such a bad girl.'
I had to organize my thoughts, but my head was a mess.
"Do what you can for King Smilean. Whatever it is. Your freedom begins there."
I had already heard that.
My father, the Count, had said that to me when he let me into the palace.
Go and survive and get wings. And fly wherever you want.
But instead of getting my wings, I became a shackle around Prince Kydel's ankles.
But if I went to Smilean, I wouldn't be able to tell anyone...
Then I might be able to live in true freedom, without being ashamed of myself or being wary of others.
If I crossed the sea.
There was only one obstacle to this new opportunity that might be my last. A man named Locard Kydel.
My head said. Entrust yourself to Ryuel right now. Stop being called a damned bastard and live. Isn't that enough? ...
But my heavy body didn't seem to move. It wasn’t because he was holding me down.
I slowly realized the weight that was weighing me down. Perhaps a guilty conscience.
I owed him too much. If I continued on this ship, the ship would sink to the bottom of the sea before it could cross the South Sea because of the weight of my debt.
Even if I arrived safely at Smilean, I would occasionally look across the sea for no reason. I would always live feeling a little suffocated...
Was this the freedom I wanted?
‘Damn it.’
I felt tears flowing again.
I wanted to find freedom, not be a fugitive. I didn’t want to be a coward who lived freely.
So even though I was so annoyed that I thought I would die, I had no choice but to face this situation. That way, I wouldn’t be ashamed in front of my mother.
I squeezed my eyes shut as if squeezing out tears and said,
“His Highness the Prince Orl will definitely ascend to the throne.”
Prince Kydel slowly sat up. I also wiped my tears with my arm and sat down.
He gently wiped my eyes, but his voice was very low. His tone had returned to his previous tone.
“Why do you think that?”
“I don’t know. But he knows everything about the Empire. He said that not only Smilean, but all the countries are watching this competition.”
“Why did he say that to you?”
Prince Kydel’s voice was so calm that it was scary.
“...”
“Lorisha.”
“I won’t tell you. I thought the Prince would get angry...”
“He really didn’t seduce you? If His Highness Grayon is kicked out, my position will be in danger, so you have no hope of living in the Empire.”
“...”
“He told you to come to Smilean under the pretext of accompanying the Princess...?”
I couldn’t handle this person. For a moment, I flinched in fear.
But instead of getting angry, he smiled brightly.
I barely managed to say, just looking away.
“I-It’s uncomfortable. Your Excellency. You’re weird.”
“I find you weird.”
“Why... Wow... Speaking informally... Ignoring people.”
“No. Ignoring you.”
He lightly stroked my still-damp cheek with his fingertips.
“I’m doing what I wanted to do.”
For some reason, my throat felt dry.
I barely managed to say quietly.
“You can speak informally, so come down. It’s heavy. You’re weird.”
“Hmm. Because I like it. I can’t come down.”
“...”
“My heart is beating fast. Just like me.”
“I think I’m crazy.”
Prince Kydel snorted very softly. His black bangs were falling down, so I couldn’t see his eyes well.
However, I knew that his eyes were radiating a mysterious light right now.
“Your Excellency.”
“Lorisha.”
“What do you want from me, Your Excellency?”
“The truth?”
“Yes.”
“Everything.”
“...”
In the silence, I realized that he had seen my tears. He must have been angry now.
But even then, he was trying to be kind to me. I hated that.
“Are you tired?”
“...Yes.”
“Because you have nothing to give me?”
“...”
“I knew you would say that.”
He muttered in passing.
“You are so cruel to me...”
He pressed his lips against mine. No, he pressed them against mine, then opened them and came in warmly.
I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t run away. I let him come in and knock on me, and accepted him. Soon, I couldn’t think of anything, so I didn’t have to endure it for long.
When it felt like a long time had passed, he finally sighed and spoke.
The voice I heard on his heavy breathing sounded unfamiliar.
“Then, how are you going to explain this? Only you can give me this.”
“...It’s because I’m lazy, Your Excellency. Women are everywhere in the world.”
“Every time you say something like that, I get angry. I want to become the person you hate.”
It was strange.
He was strange, but so was I. The weight of his body still pressing down on me was transmitted to me through the afterglow of his kiss, and I felt dizzy even though I was lying down.
I was afraid of being pushed away without knowing it. So I pushed him away with all my might.
At first, he didn’t budge. It felt like pushing a wall. But when he saw me shedding tears, he fell helplessly into the seat next to me.
“Damn it.”
His low cursing made me shrink endlessly.
“You’re making people feel bad.”
I gave up holding back any longer and said. I couldn’t tell if it was resignation or anger.
“Can’t I just run away now? I think it’ll take too long until we get a divorce. In fact, even you’re having a hard time.”
He answered after a long time.
“Don’t worry. I’ll pretend to be fine tomorrow. I’ll treat you with the best manners in the world. So pretend not to know tonight.”
“Why...?”
“You cried. In front of me.”
I wanted to say.
'I think I'll follow Her Highness Milliora to Smilean.'
I was crazy. I wanted to see his expression when I said that. Was he angry or relieved?
But if he was this scared and strange because I cried, if I said I was leaving...
But he said,
"Run away. It's okay. But if you do that, those guys you were harassing will catch you and drag you in front of me. Are you okay, ma'am?"
"..."
It was ridiculous. What would you do if I crossed the ocean...
"Cross the ocean somewhere. I'll surprise you. Didn't I tell you before? I'm a bit obsessed. Heh. Don't think I'll react like that in that letter, Lorisha."
I pretended not to know, but I was sick and tired of being questioned over that letter.
"...Are you threatening me?"
"Lorisha. Threatening is when you try to scare someone by pretending not to. But I'm definitely going to do it, so it's not a threat. Explain?"
He then smiled brightly. His brightness tonight was dark and rough. It was like a forced performance.
Perhaps because of me, he seemed to be holding back something tonight as well. Maybe he felt responsible for my tears.
'If I do this, I'll be such a bad girl.'
I had to organize my thoughts, but my head was a mess.
"Do what you can for King Smilean. Whatever it is. Your freedom begins there."
I had already heard that.
My father, the Count, had said that to me when he let me into the palace.
Go and survive and get wings. And fly wherever you want.
But instead of getting my wings, I became a shackle around Prince Kydel's ankles.
But if I went to Smilean, I wouldn't be able to tell anyone...
Then I might be able to live in true freedom, without being ashamed of myself or being wary of others.
If I crossed the sea.
There was only one obstacle to this new opportunity that might be my last. A man named Locard Kydel.
My head said. Entrust yourself to Ryuel right now. Stop being called a damned bastard and live. Isn't that enough? ...
But my heavy body didn't seem to move. It wasn’t because he was holding me down.
I slowly realized the weight that was weighing me down. Perhaps a guilty conscience.
I owed him too much. If I continued on this ship, the ship would sink to the bottom of the sea before it could cross the South Sea because of the weight of my debt.
Even if I arrived safely at Smilean, I would occasionally look across the sea for no reason. I would always live feeling a little suffocated...
Was this the freedom I wanted?
‘Damn it.’
I felt tears flowing again.
I wanted to find freedom, not be a fugitive. I didn’t want to be a coward who lived freely.
So even though I was so annoyed that I thought I would die, I had no choice but to face this situation. That way, I wouldn’t be ashamed in front of my mother.
I squeezed my eyes shut as if squeezing out tears and said,
“His Highness the Prince Orl will definitely ascend to the throne.”
Prince Kydel slowly sat up. I also wiped my tears with my arm and sat down.
He gently wiped my eyes, but his voice was very low. His tone had returned to his previous tone.
“Why do you think that?”
“I don’t know. But he knows everything about the Empire. He said that not only Smilean, but all the countries are watching this competition.”
“Why did he say that to you?”
Prince Kydel’s voice was so calm that it was scary.
“...”
“Lorisha.”
“I won’t tell you. I thought the Prince would get angry...”
“He really didn’t seduce you? If His Highness Grayon is kicked out, my position will be in danger, so you have no hope of living in the Empire.”
“...”
“He told you to come to Smilean under the pretext of accompanying the Princess...?”
I couldn’t handle this person. For a moment, I flinched in fear.
But instead of getting angry, he smiled brightly.
“I’m not angry. Lorisha.”
However, I felt fear when I saw his eyes burning brightly above his smiling mouth.
This wasn’t a fight between a married couple. It was a war issue. If you kill the messenger, war will break out.
I tried to hold onto my dizzying mind and shook his arms tightly.
“Your Excellency, the important thing is what information he knows!”
But he laughed again.
“For whatever reason, he shouldn’t have said such things to you. Isn’t that right?”
“No, that’s not it...l...!”
“So, what did you say?”
I instantly felt that my life and freedom might have been at stake with this answer. I shook my head violently while holding onto him.
“What, what should I say! Why would I sit down and babble with such a sinister person?”
But the suspicion did not disappear from his eyes.
“He is the messenger who will take Her Highness, Miliora, to Smilean. Her Highness's life might depend on how I introduce her to Smilean, so I can’t treat him carelessly! Your Excellency, calm down!”
“Do I look like I’ve lost my composure?”
“You’re laughing right now!”
I cried, half-sobbing, and he gritted his teeth.
“Don’t worry, Lorisha. Do I look like a madman who would harm a messenger? I will meet him tomorrow and make him a friendly offer. Take Her Highness Milliora on board immediately. Otherwise, I will ‘explain’ to him that he will be crated and sail in the hold instead of the cabin.”
I will never use the word ‘explain’ again.
I half-cried and pressed my body against his chest. My heart was racing faster than mine.
“I won’t go, I won’t go!”
Suddenly, I felt him become quiet. I mumbled softly, watching his expression.
“If Your Excellency permits, I don’t know...”
Then, the smile disappeared from his face. He muttered something in his mouth, but it seemed like it wasn’t for me to hear, and it just came out without thinking.
“I'm going to wipe out those Smilean bastards...”
I don’t know why I did it.
It just happened. My memory and consciousness were unclear, and I just realized that I had done it.
“Please calm down!”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and covered his lips with mine. I sat down on him and threw him onto the bed.
Kissing was easy when I was being kissed, but surprisingly difficult when I was doing it. As soon as the surprised Prince Kydel came to his senses, I didn’t have to put in any more effort.
After a while, I finally pulled away and said, panting.
Before I knew it, my hair was all messed up, and my clothes were hanging down, showing my shoulders.
“Tomorrow, tomorrow, you’re going to meet Ryuel?”
“Lori...”
“Absolutely not, yes?”
“Yes, come back here.”
“I said no?”
“Yes. Relax your arms.”
He was trying to throw me over. Only then did I realize that his face was completely different than usual.
His mouth was slightly out of breath, and his eyes were unfocused. What was flowing in those eyes right now was something extremely dangerous and animalistic that I didn’t know about.
Above all, he wasn’t smiling right now.
I realized that his arms were pulling my back, and I jumped away from him like a startled frog.
“You promised! You won’t meet Ryuel. I’ll take care of him. We agreed to join forces. Yes? I’ll sleep in Prince Kydel’s room!”
“Lorisha!”
I ran like the wind and arrived at Prince Kydel’s room.
As I approached the desk, catching my breath, I could still feel his warmth from the book he had opened.
I shook my head in agony.
His warmth, his scent, his skin, his breathing...
“Ahhh! Ahhh! I’ll sleep! I’ll sleep! Lorisha! I’m a grown man!”
However, I felt fear when I saw his eyes burning brightly above his smiling mouth.
This wasn’t a fight between a married couple. It was a war issue. If you kill the messenger, war will break out.
I tried to hold onto my dizzying mind and shook his arms tightly.
“Your Excellency, the important thing is what information he knows!”
But he laughed again.
“For whatever reason, he shouldn’t have said such things to you. Isn’t that right?”
“No, that’s not it...l...!”
“So, what did you say?”
I instantly felt that my life and freedom might have been at stake with this answer. I shook my head violently while holding onto him.
“What, what should I say! Why would I sit down and babble with such a sinister person?”
But the suspicion did not disappear from his eyes.
“He is the messenger who will take Her Highness, Miliora, to Smilean. Her Highness's life might depend on how I introduce her to Smilean, so I can’t treat him carelessly! Your Excellency, calm down!”
“Do I look like I’ve lost my composure?”
“You’re laughing right now!”
I cried, half-sobbing, and he gritted his teeth.
“Don’t worry, Lorisha. Do I look like a madman who would harm a messenger? I will meet him tomorrow and make him a friendly offer. Take Her Highness Milliora on board immediately. Otherwise, I will ‘explain’ to him that he will be crated and sail in the hold instead of the cabin.”
I will never use the word ‘explain’ again.
I half-cried and pressed my body against his chest. My heart was racing faster than mine.
“I won’t go, I won’t go!”
Suddenly, I felt him become quiet. I mumbled softly, watching his expression.
“If Your Excellency permits, I don’t know...”
Then, the smile disappeared from his face. He muttered something in his mouth, but it seemed like it wasn’t for me to hear, and it just came out without thinking.
“I'm going to wipe out those Smilean bastards...”
I don’t know why I did it.
It just happened. My memory and consciousness were unclear, and I just realized that I had done it.
“Please calm down!”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and covered his lips with mine. I sat down on him and threw him onto the bed.
Kissing was easy when I was being kissed, but surprisingly difficult when I was doing it. As soon as the surprised Prince Kydel came to his senses, I didn’t have to put in any more effort.
After a while, I finally pulled away and said, panting.
Before I knew it, my hair was all messed up, and my clothes were hanging down, showing my shoulders.
“Tomorrow, tomorrow, you’re going to meet Ryuel?”
“Lori...”
“Absolutely not, yes?”
“Yes, come back here.”
“I said no?”
“Yes. Relax your arms.”
He was trying to throw me over. Only then did I realize that his face was completely different than usual.
His mouth was slightly out of breath, and his eyes were unfocused. What was flowing in those eyes right now was something extremely dangerous and animalistic that I didn’t know about.
Above all, he wasn’t smiling right now.
I realized that his arms were pulling my back, and I jumped away from him like a startled frog.
“You promised! You won’t meet Ryuel. I’ll take care of him. We agreed to join forces. Yes? I’ll sleep in Prince Kydel’s room!”
“Lorisha!”
I ran like the wind and arrived at Prince Kydel’s room.
As I approached the desk, catching my breath, I could still feel his warmth from the book he had opened.
I shook my head in agony.
His warmth, his scent, his skin, his breathing...
“Ahhh! Ahhh! I’ll sleep! I’ll sleep! Lorisha! I’m a grown man!”
Comments
Post a Comment