042. Vain Effort
“Don’t find fault with nonsense. I don’t know where you heard that strange story, but... Don’t misunderstand on your own.”
“I was going to do that, but seeing this made me change my mind. I can’t think of any other reason.”
He showed off the ring and soon held it tightly in his hand.
“I heard. Nathan Malvin did a good job.”
'You said you weren't watching, that's a lie!'
Emilia definitely shouted that.
No, she thought she screamed. But like a cursed mermaid, she couldn't utter a single sound.
“I don’t blame you. It doesn’t matter what your past was or what your feelings were.”
“The past... there’s no such thing. I have no relationship with Master Malvin.”
“Then show me.”
“What...?”
“It’s nothing. He’s going to the ball, right?”
Emilia just kept her mouth shut for a while, as if she were really annoyed.
“The reason you insisted on going to the ball... was that really the reason?”
“It’s become a reason now.”
A precocious smile blocks the way like a wall.
“What if I... absolutely will not go?”
“Then I will handle it as I please.”
"Handle it?"
“I don’t blame you, but that doesn’t mean I’ll leave him alone.”
One side of her heart sank, while the other side was filled with anger.
Why am I making excuses like a sinner? What did I do wrong?
Nathan Malvin is a good man. He is a true nobleman, just, honest, and even has a pleasant charm. If it weren't for that guy, she might have gone to the ball with him.
“Yes, that’s right. I felt a liking for Master Malvin. I thought Master Malvin felt the same way. So what? How is that a mistake that needs to be ‘dealt with’? What does that have to do with you?”
Hardius's throat twitched. His heart ached as he realized the emotional cracks beneath his smooth face.
She doesn't want to sound like a guilty person, but she feels like if she stops talking here, she might fuel speculation.
“I have nothing to do with Master Malvin. I tried really hard not to be misunderstood. I tried my best not to cause trouble to the great Meyer family.”
"So."
A low, cold voice like a winter night is heard.
“Should I be grateful? Thank you for holding back from playing with that kid?”
“That’s not what I meant!”
“I’m going to see for myself. What exactly did you exchange? How far did you go? Then I’ll decide. What to do with Nathan Malvin.”
Emilia was frustrated.
“No, don’t do that. Please.”
“I feel a little strange because you keep acting like that. If you keep doing this, I might break my promise and do everything on my own. Even Cavendish.”
At that moment, Emilia also exploded.
“...Do you know that this is really... really childish and low-class?”
“Yeah. It’s low-class. It’s petty and vulgar. Didn’t you know?”
Emilia stared blankly at him with a bewildered expression.
It's a mess. Everything is a mess.
“I don’t know... really... why is the young master like this...”
"I don't care."
He said with eyes as dark as the night sky.
“...It doesn’t matter whether you know or not.”
'There are generally two ways to have a person. You can make them like you by giving them favors, or you can suppress them with money and power and make them helpless. Which do you think is better? Of course, the former. There is no way more natural and ideal than that. However, there is nothing more difficult and reckless than that.'
In the empty study room where Emilia had left, in the suffocating silence, Hardius was recalling the words his grandfather had left behind like a will.
'Because, Hardius, favors are not the same for everyone. People want different things from each other. The favor I give may mean nothing to the other person, and what is impossible for me may be essential to the other person. In conclusion, it is all a useless and futile effort.'
His grandfather was so weak that he seemed like he would die at any moment, but his eyes were shining so brightly that it was hard to believe that it was his last.
'It is even more so for those who have risen to such heights and have acquired much. Look at your father. He tried to bring down not only his life but also his family to the abyss for a worthless woman. If it had not been for your wise mother, our family would have been ruined long ago.'
Hardius almost burst out laughing when he realized that the voice he was speaking with difficulty was full of regret.
His grandfather was always a man of unapproachable authority. He never gave his grandson or any other blood relatives a warm look or a gentle word. Even he became infinitely weak in the face of death.
'Don't do useless favors. If you want something, completely eliminate your emotions. If you are the real Meyer, then press down on it instead. That way, you won't be betrayed. That way, you won't become weak. That way, you won't fail. Don't repeat your father's failure, Hardius. Continue the prosperity of your family. Please.'
The grandfather then grabbed his young grandson's hand. The old man's dry hands felt like cold objects.
Hardius reluctantly took his hand, trying not to frown at the foreign feeling.
His grandfather died a week later.
The words he left behind, like a will, had faded with time. He didn’t want to remember him because they weren’t close, and he wasn’t someone he particularly respected.
But why does he come to mind now? Hardius looked down at the ring.
'I felt a liking for Master Malvin. I thought Master Malvin felt the same way. So what?'
Yes, Emilia. I don't care. I never get swayed by emotions.
I never expected you to have feelings for me in the first place.
You won't find any of the life you want in me.
So it's natural that your feelings aren't directed at me, that you hate me and resent me.
I won't try to force my feelings back.
Even if you see someone else, just brush it away.
I will pull you into my world, even if it means forcing you down if necessary.
Hardius clutched the ring in his hand. Unlike the burning will that ran through his bones, his eyes were frighteningly cold.
Don't waste your efforts. Never.
When Emilia returned home, ironically, the dress she had tailored from Vignette's costume shop had arrived.
The dress, trimmed with apricot-colored lace on a soft cream lining, looked very beautiful despite being made of 'cheap fabric'.
“You’re really pretty.”
The only ones who were excited were Kalia and Beppy. Mitch quickly realized that his sister was seriously depressed, and Charlotte continued to look sullen.
“Should you try it on?”
“Later.”
Emilia went past her stepmother, who seemed a little surprised, and went into her room. She collapsed on the bed.
A feeling of helplessness weighs on her heart. She never imagined she would be having that conversation.
She couldn't even bring herself to say the word 'government'. She even forgot to ask for the rest of the evidence related to Cavendish's corruption.
Whether or not there's some weird misunderstanding, whether or not they 'deal' with Nathan Malvin, she just has to leave him alone...
But that couldn't be the case. Nathan and the people of Cavendish Manor couldn't be left to be 'dealt with'.
It wasn't an unreasonable act of mercy. It was for practical reasons.
Unlike Meyer, who had no fear in the world, Emilia had to think about her life after the broken engagement.
She wanted to continue helping Mr. Haspel with the bookkeeping. The study was one thing she didn't want to throw away.
Hardius must be completely shaken off.
It doesn't matter whether he wants the government or not. The very fact that he's wondering about it is evidence that he's being manipulated.
This is the last time.
She'll do whatever she's told to do, whether it's prom or graduation, but she'll just realize that she can't do it his way anymore.
So do as he says. Just do as he wants this once.
She feels like her heart is burning.
Some things were irritating Emilia's nerves as she lay motionless.
Dogs barking, cupboards opening, rattling...
Emilia covered her ears with a pillow. She wanted to be alone and not think about anything.
But the sound of her stepmother's cough, which seemed to be scraping her lungs, prevented her from doing so.
As Emilia opened the door and left the room, her stepmother in the kitchen waved her hand.
“You must be tired. Go and rest. I stopped Beppy from making mousetraps as soon as you got here.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“I’m fine. Go ahead and...”
Emilia answered by rolling up her sleeves.
“I can’t stop it, really.”
Cough, the smiling stepmother suddenly starts coughing again.
“I think I need to see a doctor.”
“...Don’t worry. I got some cough medicine from Mr. Scholemann.”
“Mr. Scholemann is just an apothecary, not a doctor. You’ll go see a doctor soon.”
“Yeah, I was planning on going anyway, so don’t worry.”
Emilia took a tomato out of the basket and started slicing it with a knife.
“You said you met Master Meyer?”
The blade cutting the fruit pauses for a moment. Then it moves without hesitation again.
“Yes. It’s the ring I received on my engagement day. I went to return it.”
"Ah..."
The stepmother paused for a few seconds, her mouth open. She could also feel Mitch and Charlotte behind her, their ears perked up.
“I told him that if we break off the engagement, we won’t meet again. But I think I should go to the ball and graduation. I didn’t want to go anyway, but the young master keeps insisting. I guess I’ll have to maintain the engagement until His Majesty officially permits the breakoff.”
Was it because of her calm tone? The stepmother nodded silently. Perhaps because they had made a promise among themselves, the younger siblings also stopped asking questions.
“Yes, well done, Emilia. You did a really good job. Actually, I was... a little worried. The young master keeps coming... and the two of you keep meeting... It’s a little strange. If that doesn’t work out, I was thinking of going to the country and asking for help. Either by meeting the young master in person, or at least by meeting Mrs. Meyer.”
Her heart sinks again at the thought that her stepmother also sensed something strange.
“You have to be careful not to spread strange rumors. You know from experience, right? People tend to look at a commoner woman next to a nobleman strangely. Especially a pretty girl like you.”
The sound of the knife being cut gradually became rougher.
“As I said before, you need to meet someone new. For ordinary women like us, a kind and generous man is the best. I hope you meet someone like that...”
In that moment, the blade grazed not the tomato but raw flesh. A sharp, cutting sensation and a tingling pain shot through her entire body.
"Ah...!"
Emilia dropped the knife and grabbed her fingers.
“Don’t find fault with nonsense. I don’t know where you heard that strange story, but... Don’t misunderstand on your own.”
“I was going to do that, but seeing this made me change my mind. I can’t think of any other reason.”
He showed off the ring and soon held it tightly in his hand.
“I heard. Nathan Malvin did a good job.”
'You said you weren't watching, that's a lie!'
Emilia definitely shouted that.
No, she thought she screamed. But like a cursed mermaid, she couldn't utter a single sound.
“I don’t blame you. It doesn’t matter what your past was or what your feelings were.”
“The past... there’s no such thing. I have no relationship with Master Malvin.”
“Then show me.”
“What...?”
“It’s nothing. He’s going to the ball, right?”
Emilia just kept her mouth shut for a while, as if she were really annoyed.
“The reason you insisted on going to the ball... was that really the reason?”
“It’s become a reason now.”
A precocious smile blocks the way like a wall.
“What if I... absolutely will not go?”
“Then I will handle it as I please.”
"Handle it?"
“I don’t blame you, but that doesn’t mean I’ll leave him alone.”
One side of her heart sank, while the other side was filled with anger.
Why am I making excuses like a sinner? What did I do wrong?
Nathan Malvin is a good man. He is a true nobleman, just, honest, and even has a pleasant charm. If it weren't for that guy, she might have gone to the ball with him.
“Yes, that’s right. I felt a liking for Master Malvin. I thought Master Malvin felt the same way. So what? How is that a mistake that needs to be ‘dealt with’? What does that have to do with you?”
Hardius's throat twitched. His heart ached as he realized the emotional cracks beneath his smooth face.
She doesn't want to sound like a guilty person, but she feels like if she stops talking here, she might fuel speculation.
“I have nothing to do with Master Malvin. I tried really hard not to be misunderstood. I tried my best not to cause trouble to the great Meyer family.”
"So."
A low, cold voice like a winter night is heard.
“Should I be grateful? Thank you for holding back from playing with that kid?”
“That’s not what I meant!”
“I’m going to see for myself. What exactly did you exchange? How far did you go? Then I’ll decide. What to do with Nathan Malvin.”
Emilia was frustrated.
“No, don’t do that. Please.”
“I feel a little strange because you keep acting like that. If you keep doing this, I might break my promise and do everything on my own. Even Cavendish.”
At that moment, Emilia also exploded.
“...Do you know that this is really... really childish and low-class?”
“Yeah. It’s low-class. It’s petty and vulgar. Didn’t you know?”
Emilia stared blankly at him with a bewildered expression.
It's a mess. Everything is a mess.
“I don’t know... really... why is the young master like this...”
"I don't care."
He said with eyes as dark as the night sky.
“...It doesn’t matter whether you know or not.”
***
'There are generally two ways to have a person. You can make them like you by giving them favors, or you can suppress them with money and power and make them helpless. Which do you think is better? Of course, the former. There is no way more natural and ideal than that. However, there is nothing more difficult and reckless than that.'
In the empty study room where Emilia had left, in the suffocating silence, Hardius was recalling the words his grandfather had left behind like a will.
'Because, Hardius, favors are not the same for everyone. People want different things from each other. The favor I give may mean nothing to the other person, and what is impossible for me may be essential to the other person. In conclusion, it is all a useless and futile effort.'
His grandfather was so weak that he seemed like he would die at any moment, but his eyes were shining so brightly that it was hard to believe that it was his last.
'It is even more so for those who have risen to such heights and have acquired much. Look at your father. He tried to bring down not only his life but also his family to the abyss for a worthless woman. If it had not been for your wise mother, our family would have been ruined long ago.'
Hardius almost burst out laughing when he realized that the voice he was speaking with difficulty was full of regret.
His grandfather was always a man of unapproachable authority. He never gave his grandson or any other blood relatives a warm look or a gentle word. Even he became infinitely weak in the face of death.
'Don't do useless favors. If you want something, completely eliminate your emotions. If you are the real Meyer, then press down on it instead. That way, you won't be betrayed. That way, you won't become weak. That way, you won't fail. Don't repeat your father's failure, Hardius. Continue the prosperity of your family. Please.'
The grandfather then grabbed his young grandson's hand. The old man's dry hands felt like cold objects.
Hardius reluctantly took his hand, trying not to frown at the foreign feeling.
His grandfather died a week later.
The words he left behind, like a will, had faded with time. He didn’t want to remember him because they weren’t close, and he wasn’t someone he particularly respected.
But why does he come to mind now? Hardius looked down at the ring.
'I felt a liking for Master Malvin. I thought Master Malvin felt the same way. So what?'
Yes, Emilia. I don't care. I never get swayed by emotions.
I never expected you to have feelings for me in the first place.
You won't find any of the life you want in me.
So it's natural that your feelings aren't directed at me, that you hate me and resent me.
I won't try to force my feelings back.
Even if you see someone else, just brush it away.
I will pull you into my world, even if it means forcing you down if necessary.
Hardius clutched the ring in his hand. Unlike the burning will that ran through his bones, his eyes were frighteningly cold.
Don't waste your efforts. Never.
***
When Emilia returned home, ironically, the dress she had tailored from Vignette's costume shop had arrived.
The dress, trimmed with apricot-colored lace on a soft cream lining, looked very beautiful despite being made of 'cheap fabric'.
“You’re really pretty.”
The only ones who were excited were Kalia and Beppy. Mitch quickly realized that his sister was seriously depressed, and Charlotte continued to look sullen.
“Should you try it on?”
“Later.”
Emilia went past her stepmother, who seemed a little surprised, and went into her room. She collapsed on the bed.
A feeling of helplessness weighs on her heart. She never imagined she would be having that conversation.
She couldn't even bring herself to say the word 'government'. She even forgot to ask for the rest of the evidence related to Cavendish's corruption.
Whether or not there's some weird misunderstanding, whether or not they 'deal' with Nathan Malvin, she just has to leave him alone...
But that couldn't be the case. Nathan and the people of Cavendish Manor couldn't be left to be 'dealt with'.
It wasn't an unreasonable act of mercy. It was for practical reasons.
Unlike Meyer, who had no fear in the world, Emilia had to think about her life after the broken engagement.
She wanted to continue helping Mr. Haspel with the bookkeeping. The study was one thing she didn't want to throw away.
Hardius must be completely shaken off.
It doesn't matter whether he wants the government or not. The very fact that he's wondering about it is evidence that he's being manipulated.
This is the last time.
She'll do whatever she's told to do, whether it's prom or graduation, but she'll just realize that she can't do it his way anymore.
So do as he says. Just do as he wants this once.
She feels like her heart is burning.
Some things were irritating Emilia's nerves as she lay motionless.
Dogs barking, cupboards opening, rattling...
Emilia covered her ears with a pillow. She wanted to be alone and not think about anything.
But the sound of her stepmother's cough, which seemed to be scraping her lungs, prevented her from doing so.
As Emilia opened the door and left the room, her stepmother in the kitchen waved her hand.
“You must be tired. Go and rest. I stopped Beppy from making mousetraps as soon as you got here.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“I’m fine. Go ahead and...”
Emilia answered by rolling up her sleeves.
“I can’t stop it, really.”
Cough, the smiling stepmother suddenly starts coughing again.
“I think I need to see a doctor.”
“...Don’t worry. I got some cough medicine from Mr. Scholemann.”
“Mr. Scholemann is just an apothecary, not a doctor. You’ll go see a doctor soon.”
“Yeah, I was planning on going anyway, so don’t worry.”
Emilia took a tomato out of the basket and started slicing it with a knife.
“You said you met Master Meyer?”
The blade cutting the fruit pauses for a moment. Then it moves without hesitation again.
“Yes. It’s the ring I received on my engagement day. I went to return it.”
"Ah..."
The stepmother paused for a few seconds, her mouth open. She could also feel Mitch and Charlotte behind her, their ears perked up.
“I told him that if we break off the engagement, we won’t meet again. But I think I should go to the ball and graduation. I didn’t want to go anyway, but the young master keeps insisting. I guess I’ll have to maintain the engagement until His Majesty officially permits the breakoff.”
Was it because of her calm tone? The stepmother nodded silently. Perhaps because they had made a promise among themselves, the younger siblings also stopped asking questions.
“Yes, well done, Emilia. You did a really good job. Actually, I was... a little worried. The young master keeps coming... and the two of you keep meeting... It’s a little strange. If that doesn’t work out, I was thinking of going to the country and asking for help. Either by meeting the young master in person, or at least by meeting Mrs. Meyer.”
Her heart sinks again at the thought that her stepmother also sensed something strange.
“You have to be careful not to spread strange rumors. You know from experience, right? People tend to look at a commoner woman next to a nobleman strangely. Especially a pretty girl like you.”
The sound of the knife being cut gradually became rougher.
“As I said before, you need to meet someone new. For ordinary women like us, a kind and generous man is the best. I hope you meet someone like that...”
In that moment, the blade grazed not the tomato but raw flesh. A sharp, cutting sensation and a tingling pain shot through her entire body.
"Ah...!"
Emilia dropped the knife and grabbed her fingers.
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