From that day on, I began to struggle to break free from my long-established love. I had struggled to cut out my feelings for him before, but I was not so desperate.
I tucked away the dress he had chosen for me in the depths of my closet and took out the dress that had raised his eyebrows at sight and put it on. Then I began to attend regular banquets at the Empress Palace.
Naturally, Barcas, the escort knight, also had to follow me into the promiscuous nightlife feast.
For him, who had received the same education as a monk until he was 14 years old, it must have been a contemptuous scene. It wasn't a comfortable position for me either. In a hall full of Mother's worshipers, I was treated as a small model of Senevere.
They regarded me, with my fresh girlish body and the face of an Empress, as an interesting toy. Among them, there were not a few who expressed active interest. There was a strong sense of contempt for me treating myself as a substitute for my mother, but I pretended to enjoy the attention that was being paid to me.
I wanted to show off to Barcas.
Look what you've missed. I'm going to be a more beautiful woman than Ayla. A woman as beautiful as my mother.
I wanted to show him how many people wanted me. Perhaps in the back of my mind, I wanted him to dissuade me.
However, Barcas, as always, only carried out his duties as an escort silently. He didn't care if I mingled with the guys and binge drank, or if I flirted with a man twice my age. Such Indifference fueled the dangerous impulse that gripped me.
He stayed by my side for seven years. Then, I think he might be a little worried.
Isn't it possible to dry it up? Such childish thoughts stuck in the back of my mind and never disappeared. I thought that if I completely ruined myself, I would be able to get rid of this stupid foolishness.
In desperation, I hung out with strangers. I allowed them to caress my hands, face, and hair in admiration, or put their noses to the nape of my neck.
It was unpleasant to fiddle with me as if I were a porcelain doll, but I didn't hate the ecstatic look that seemed to be intoxicated by something.
Sometimes I felt like a god. When I was overwhelmed by such feelings, it seemed like a trivia not to have a single Barcas.
I clung to the sensation. If I continued to spend time in my intoxicating state, my fledgling love would quickly dry up and die.
I became more immersed in the boring and promiscuous games between men and women. We gradually got used to making weird puns, exchanging light caresses, and playing a close tug-of-war.
After spending so many precarious days burrowing, a southern nobleman named Magus approached me.
At first, I didn't pay much attention to him. Every evening, I went to the banquet hall and mingled with many men, but I did not keep any of them in my memory.
But at some point, the man's name began to linger in my mind. The man had caught my attention in a very strange way.
He treated me as if I were a young niece or a foolish child. Sometimes, he gave advice as if he were genuinely worried. After a while of being upset by such a cocky attitude, I gradually opened up to him. Unlike the men who tried to touch me at every opportunity, he always kept a good line and maintained a friendly attitude.
But that was not all. He behaved like he had no black heart, making fun of me, as if he was only interested in making me funny, and offering toys and dolls as gifts instead of jewelry or revealing clothes, and I gradually became comfortable with him.
Perhaps he noticed the lack of affection lurking inside me. He dug into my gaps too easily.
He destroyed the castle of trust I had built up on the evening of the day four days before the coming-of-age ceremony.
In the unlikely hours when Barcas was away, the man came to the palace. For a moment, I was suspicious of his unannounced behavior, but when I saw him talking cheerfully with a friendly face, my wariness melted away.
"Look at this, Your Highness, I finally got the puzzle I mentioned earlier!"
The man held out a large toy box and shouted excitedly.
"You can't imagine how hard I worked to get this! The gift for His Majesty the Emperor was not so elaborate!"
The man who was raising his nose triumphantly suddenly scratched the back of his head. It seemed that he realized his rudeness at such a late hour.
"Originally, I was going to give it to you on Your Highness's birthday. Tomorrow I have to leave the capital in a hurry, so I came here without hesitation. Please, forgive me for my rudeness."
His eyes drooped like a rain-soaked puppy, and I shook my head as if I couldn't help it.
"It's not a big deal. Come on, come inside."
He smiled brightly as he stepped into the palace. It was the first time that anyone other than an escort or a maid had been brought into the castle. Suddenly, I felt embarrassed by the messy state of the palace.
I led him through the never-before-used and dusty parlor to the study on the second floor. It was the cleanest and most tidy place except for my bedroom. There, we spread out a chessboard and sat down to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
I was so absorbed that I didn't even realize that the knees of the man sitting across from me were on the left and right of my knees.
I was only concerned with the work of joining small pieces together to create a pointed tower.
To help me, he tilted his head and fixed the small pillars. Finally, a tower was completed. I smiled proudly. Suddenly, I realized that he was too close, and I looked uncomfortable. The man was so close to me that his breath smelled of wine and tickled my forehead.
I shook my hips uncomfortably. However, if I suddenly took my body off, it would be an awkward atmosphere.
I carefully turned to the side and pretended to find another puzzle piece in the box the man had brought. Then the man came behind my back, stretched out his arms to the sides of my waist as if to hug me, and began rummaging through the box.
"This was here."
I stiffened. His long, muscular arms tightened against my waist. Feeling the hot, moist breath pouring down from the nape of my neck, I curled up on my back. My heart was pounding with fear of an unfamiliar situation. But strangely, no sound came out of his mouth.
He pushed his arms deeper into the box, pressing his body closer. I managed to squeeze my voice.
"...let this...go."
"Wait...Wait... In the body of Your Highness... It has a very sweet scent."
He pressed his nose over my shoulder and took a deep breath.
I felt my nerves tighten all over my body. My skin was damp with cold sweat, and I got goosebumps on my back.
Support Novellate!
Comments
Post a Comment