It was a strange thing.
For the past few days, he has been suffering from a terrible headache every morning, to the point where he feels like he would rather die.
Now he doesn't feel any of that pain.
In fact, his body felt lighter than before it became contaminated.
He got up from the bed, wondering.
After that, he stood in front of the full-length mirror in the corner of the bedroom and looked at himself.
"...!"
The eye color had returned to its former golden color.
The headache disappeared cleanly, and the color of his eyes returned.
These two facts tell him only one thing.
'The contamination has been purified.'
The contamination caused by the demons has been purified.
And that all of a sudden, in just one night.
As he tried to recall the previous night to try to guess the cause, he was eventually able to remember what had happened that night.
'I heard that the Grand Duchess wasn't coming out, so I came looking for her in a hurry. Then there was a bit of argument...'
After that, he held the Grand Duchess in his arms.
With a heart of resentment rather than affection.
"..."
Only then did he recall the sight of her crying in his arms as if she were sad.
Only then did the verbal abuse he had hurled at the Grand Duchess begin to surface.
Regret welled up in him, leaving him no time to wonder whether the pollution had been purified.
'Damn, why would I say something like that... when I know she's not the kind of person who can fool me anymore.'
It was already known that the Grand Duchess would pretend to cooperate to kill Albrecht.
Yet he suspected the Grand Duchess only after hearing the brief conversation Walter told him.
He couldn't bear it when he thought back on each and every word he had said.
Without realizing it, he grabbed his head as if he was going to tear it off.
He's said many abusive things that hr would never have said if he were in his right mind.
When he heard those words and thought about the hurt the Grand Duchess must have felt, his stomach turned.
No matter how polluted it was, even so...
'Now that I think about it, where did you go?'
He had been criticizing himself so fiercely that it took a long time for him to realize that the person he was supposed to be was gone.
By the way, the Grand Duchess whom he had slept with yesterday was nowhere to be seen.
Could it be? Ominous thoughts began to fill his head.
"Guards! Guards!"
Kishian went out into the hallway wearing only a sleep gown and called the guards.
He immediately asked the soldiers and attendants who had come running in a hurry.
"Where is the Grand Duchess? Have you not seen her leave the bedroom?"
The attendant who had come running in a hurry upon hearing the Grand Duke's call bowed his head and answered.
"Her Highness is currently dining in the banquet hall."
"Eating... Oh. I see. She was eating."
Kishian cleared his surprised chest.
He had terrible thoughts when she suddenly disappeared after he had spewed out abusive language yesterday.
He imagines the Grand Duchess, who is so fed up with it that she runs away at dawn.
The attendant, who had been looking at Kishian's pale face with concern, finally asked.
"Shall I bring her over?"
"No, don't interrupt my wife's meal. You guys should go back now."
"Yes. Your Highness."
She must have been really surprised by what happened yesterday.
He didn't want to disturb her peaceful mealtime.
Anyway, since she would be coming up to the bedroom soon after finishing her meal, the misunderstanding could be resolved then.
If he had told her that what he said yesterday was nothing to worry about, that it was just nonsense he was spouting off because of the pollution, she would have understood.
So, after washing himself properly, Kishian waited for the Grand Duchess.
But by evening, the Grand Duchess had not returned.
***
"Your Highness, how about you go back now? I'm worried you might catch a cold in the cold evening breeze."
As I sat by the pond, blankly staring at the water's surface, Anne came over to me and covered me with a blanket.
I held it tightly, but couldn't respond to Anne's words.
I didn't want to go back.
Because when I go back, I'll have to face Kishian.
Last night, I heard Kishian's true feelings.
When I asked him why he had been so affectionate toward me, and whether he had intended to make me let my guard down and then hurt me even more, he said this:
"Why are you asking when you already know everything? Did you really believe that I would do that for you? Since when were you so naive?"
I had expected it. He couldn't possibly have feelings for me, so his affection would ultimately be all fake.
It was just a plan to lull me into letting my guard down with fake affection and then cause me more pain.
But even though I expected it, l ended up believing him.
It certainly seems to have given me faith. But now that I have actually heard the truth from his own mouth, I feel so heartbroken.
"Anne."
"Yes, Your Highness."
"I don't want to go back."
"But the night wind..."
"If it's cold, let's go back first."
I didn't want Anne to suffer for no reason because of me.
I tried to send her back first, but I couldn't hear any footsteps leaving.
Instead of turning away, Anne stubbornly responded.
"I'm not cold. I'm used to northern weather."
"..."
"Rather than that, I would like to listen to Your Highness's story. There are times when you want to confide in someone."
Sometimes, when I confided in someone I trusted, my emotional pain was relieved.
Well, I trust Anne more than most people, but I've never really considered her my ally.
No matter what, in the end, she was one of Kishian's people.
It was possible that I could secretly convey the story I was telling to Kishian.
Anne said, as if she had sensed my feelings.
"No matter what story I hear, I won't tell anyone. Not even His Highness the Grand Duke..."
"...so?"
"Yes. If you have any concerns, I just want to listen to them."
I slowly turned my head and looked at Anne.
I saw the face of the child who always laughed and got angry with me.
As I looked at that face, the lock that had been tightly shutting my mouth loosened a little.
"Everything feels... worthless."
I looked out at the pond again and poured out my heart.
I continued to pour out my heartfelt feelings to Anne, who listened quietly with her mouth shut.
"I thought I had put in a lot of effort since I came here. I thought that since I had put in this much effort, I might be able to fix it. It was already so damaged that it could not be undone."
I thought it might be possible to mend a relationship that was already broken.
I thought that if we took the time to build trust, we could eventually live like a normal couple.
But.
"It was my arrogance."
Even a piece of paper once crumpled, or a bowl once broken, could never be restored to its original state.
Even if you can pretend that it's not broken, you can never return it to its original state.
If that is the case with mere objects, what about human relationships?
Trust once lost could not be regained.
Even though it was a natural thing, I couldn't accept it and threw a tantrum, only to be disappointed again.
This scar engraved on my heart was ultimately the price of such arrogance and foolishness.
"..."
Anne was silent for quite a while after listening to me.
She kept her mouth shut as if she was gathering her thoughts, but then opened her mouth when a cold wind blew past, scratching the surface of the pond.
"I think... it would be a good idea to try a little harder. I don't think I can completely restore what's already broken without a trace, but I think I can at least fix it to make it somewhat usable."
A snicker escaped me when I heard Anne's answer.
Yeah, I knew you'd answer like this.
After all, Anne is not mine, but Kishian's.
She must have realized that I was suffering because of my relationship with Kishian, so she had no choice but to advise me to try harder.
Try harder for Kishian.
"But."
As I was chewing over the bitterness, Anne suddenly said this and grabbed my hand.
Anne stared straight at me with sparkling eyes and continued to say something unexpected.
"But if no matter how hard you try, it doesn't get better, and you're always disappointed and miserable, then... I think it's okay to give up."
"Give up...?"
"You can't hold on to something that's broken forever."
Anne held my hand, which was frozen in surprise, even more firmly.
"In the end, what matters most is the happiness of the Grand Duchess."
Anne must have known by now that I was troubled by Kishian.
But she was telling me that it was okay to give up.
If I can be happy, she doesn't mind me giving up her master, Kishian...
Only then did I realize that I had been mistaken all along.
Up until now, I only thought of Anne as one of Kishian's people.
But before I knew it... Maybe quite a while ago, this child had already become mine.
"...Thank you."
To me, who was trembling in fear at the prospect of something irreversible, the words, "It's okay to give up," were a great comfort.
Only after my empty stomach was filled could I return to the mansion.
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