The hiccups gradually stopped. After a while, when Leila didn't say anything and just fiddled with the hem of her skirt, Aaron asked in a slightly lower voice.
“Did I scare you a little while ago?”
“...That’s not it.”
“Do you hate being called cute that much? All girls your age like that. Do you like being called pretty even more?”
“No, don’t treat me like a child.”
As soon as she said that, Aaron's eyes landed on her messy skirt. Leila couldn't raise her face because she was embarrassed. Well, that's understandable. Aaron must have seen her running without turning on the light and falling down the stairs.
“I know. Nineteen is enough to be an adult.”
“Yes.”
“It’s hard to keep time.”
As he said this, Aaron reached out his hand towards Leila's unlit back.
The wind that rolled on the floor left mud and dirt on the glass. He wiped it off with his hem without a second thought, opened the lid, and carefully transferred the spark to the oil wick. The area within a radius of about three steps became bright. A face with a gentle expression was revealed. Warm eyes, a straight nose, lips forming a faint smile... His eyes moved slightly upward and stared at Leila.
“I’m sorry if I caused any inconvenience.”
Leila's heart kept pounding, and she wanted to distance herself from him somehow.
“That’s not it...”
“No?”
"I don't know."
Leila, who was holding the handle of the lantern that Aaron handed her, lowered her gaze. What was going on in her head right now, with the Dublin soldier in front of her, seemed to be swirling. Her heart was pounding, her hair kept standing on end, her soles were ticklish, and it was hard to make eye contact.
“...I keep shaking.”
“Is it because it’s cold?”
“Because you’re handsome.”
Leila's direct answer left Aaron speechless for the first time.
Aaron opened his eyes wide for a moment, then looked at Leila, whose cheeks were red, and started to laugh. But Leila was really serious. There couldn’t be any other reason to tremble at a man who looked like a beggar and starved to death, other than his face. Unlike the village men, his polite and gentle impression must have also played a part.
“...Can you stop laughing? This is the first time I’ve seen a soldier like you. What kind of soldier is this kind?”
Puhahaha. Aaron was almost holding his stomach in laughter. Tears were welling up in his eyes. Annoying. His already pretty blue eyes were smiling even prettier.
“No... Ah, no, I wasn’t laughing.”
Aaron tries to keep his expression in check by stroking his earlobe, but he can't seem to stop the snickering. Leila chews her lips and stares at her aching knee without moving.
“I’ve never really been grateful to my parents, but today I suddenly feel like saying thank you. Because Leila said that...”
“Forget it. I was just saying.”
There was no answer. Leila, who had been pouting for a long time, raised her head. Aaron was looking at her with an expression that was difficult to express. He briefly touched the back of his neck, rubbed his chest, and smiled awkwardly. A night filled with only the sound of the river and the sounds of insects. The lights made the shadows dance.
Aaron, who had been gently pulling her lips, reached out and caressed her warm, plump cheek. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as he gently cupped her earlobe.
“...Really, you are an amazing person. You.”
Aaron muttered in a broken voice. Leila swallowed without realizing it, not having any intention of discerning what he meant.
There was a strange feeling floating in the air, and her lungs were numb. She blankly watched as Aaron tilted his head toward her. He was getting so close that she could feel his breath, and as he got closer, her body froze involuntarily. Leila shut her eyes tightly.
Their noses brushed against each other. Their lips, which were almost touching, stopped. Aaron, who had been staring at Leila with narrowed eyes, muttered, pulling the corners of his lips weakly.
“...Don’t be afraid.”
Leila finally opened her eyes to the soft sensation on her forehead instead of her lips. Aaron pressed his lips against hers for a bit longer and then released them, apologizing as he distanced himself from her.
“It’s so cute that I can’t help but stop.”
It was soft. Before the warmth left on her forehead could even disappear, Leila staggered to her feet. This time, Aaron didn’t say anything like “let me go” or “be careful.” He held the lantern in his hands. This time, Leila walked instead of running.
After Leila left, Aaron sat like a solid rock for a long time. He roughly brushed back his flowing blond hair and tilted his head back, and the sky scenery he had briefly forgotten poured down. He barely managed to make an excuse, but no matter how he thought about it, it was his own mistake.
'You said nineteen?'
Je felt a shameful impulse toward the young country girl. If he hadn't noticed that she was frozen in fear, he would have kissed her without permission. Why is this happening? Is it because it's been a long time since he's received this kind of kindness? He can't help but think that she's adorable.
Soon, he lay down on his back and chewed the cookie Leila had given him. It was sweet, savory, and crunchy, a long time since he had tasted it. However, because the inside of his mouth was bitter, it felt like chewing mud. The cookie, soaked in butter, quickly brought about a feeling of fullness.
The bitterness in his heart subsided as if washed away by the sound of the water.
He knew his subject. He knew the line he had to keep, and he knew his future was not guaranteed. He had long since abandoned his dreams and expectations for the future. When he was young, he wanted to be an astronomer. When he grew up, he became a doctor at his parents’ request. Even after becoming a doctor, life was not easy, and he enlisted in the army. And the war, the last war, left him with many things. All of those inner scars were negative from start to finish.
But only today did he remember his grandfather, whose beauty he admired.
“Did I scare you a little while ago?”
“...That’s not it.”
“Do you hate being called cute that much? All girls your age like that. Do you like being called pretty even more?”
“No, don’t treat me like a child.”
As soon as she said that, Aaron's eyes landed on her messy skirt. Leila couldn't raise her face because she was embarrassed. Well, that's understandable. Aaron must have seen her running without turning on the light and falling down the stairs.
“I know. Nineteen is enough to be an adult.”
“Yes.”
“It’s hard to keep time.”
As he said this, Aaron reached out his hand towards Leila's unlit back.
The wind that rolled on the floor left mud and dirt on the glass. He wiped it off with his hem without a second thought, opened the lid, and carefully transferred the spark to the oil wick. The area within a radius of about three steps became bright. A face with a gentle expression was revealed. Warm eyes, a straight nose, lips forming a faint smile... His eyes moved slightly upward and stared at Leila.
“I’m sorry if I caused any inconvenience.”
Leila's heart kept pounding, and she wanted to distance herself from him somehow.
“That’s not it...”
“No?”
"I don't know."
Leila, who was holding the handle of the lantern that Aaron handed her, lowered her gaze. What was going on in her head right now, with the Dublin soldier in front of her, seemed to be swirling. Her heart was pounding, her hair kept standing on end, her soles were ticklish, and it was hard to make eye contact.
“...I keep shaking.”
“Is it because it’s cold?”
“Because you’re handsome.”
Leila's direct answer left Aaron speechless for the first time.
Aaron opened his eyes wide for a moment, then looked at Leila, whose cheeks were red, and started to laugh. But Leila was really serious. There couldn’t be any other reason to tremble at a man who looked like a beggar and starved to death, other than his face. Unlike the village men, his polite and gentle impression must have also played a part.
“...Can you stop laughing? This is the first time I’ve seen a soldier like you. What kind of soldier is this kind?”
Puhahaha. Aaron was almost holding his stomach in laughter. Tears were welling up in his eyes. Annoying. His already pretty blue eyes were smiling even prettier.
“No... Ah, no, I wasn’t laughing.”
Aaron tries to keep his expression in check by stroking his earlobe, but he can't seem to stop the snickering. Leila chews her lips and stares at her aching knee without moving.
“I’ve never really been grateful to my parents, but today I suddenly feel like saying thank you. Because Leila said that...”
“Forget it. I was just saying.”
There was no answer. Leila, who had been pouting for a long time, raised her head. Aaron was looking at her with an expression that was difficult to express. He briefly touched the back of his neck, rubbed his chest, and smiled awkwardly. A night filled with only the sound of the river and the sounds of insects. The lights made the shadows dance.
Aaron, who had been gently pulling her lips, reached out and caressed her warm, plump cheek. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as he gently cupped her earlobe.
“...Really, you are an amazing person. You.”
Aaron muttered in a broken voice. Leila swallowed without realizing it, not having any intention of discerning what he meant.
There was a strange feeling floating in the air, and her lungs were numb. She blankly watched as Aaron tilted his head toward her. He was getting so close that she could feel his breath, and as he got closer, her body froze involuntarily. Leila shut her eyes tightly.
Their noses brushed against each other. Their lips, which were almost touching, stopped. Aaron, who had been staring at Leila with narrowed eyes, muttered, pulling the corners of his lips weakly.
“...Don’t be afraid.”
Leila finally opened her eyes to the soft sensation on her forehead instead of her lips. Aaron pressed his lips against hers for a bit longer and then released them, apologizing as he distanced himself from her.
“It’s so cute that I can’t help but stop.”
It was soft. Before the warmth left on her forehead could even disappear, Leila staggered to her feet. This time, Aaron didn’t say anything like “let me go” or “be careful.” He held the lantern in his hands. This time, Leila walked instead of running.
After Leila left, Aaron sat like a solid rock for a long time. He roughly brushed back his flowing blond hair and tilted his head back, and the sky scenery he had briefly forgotten poured down. He barely managed to make an excuse, but no matter how he thought about it, it was his own mistake.
'You said nineteen?'
Je felt a shameful impulse toward the young country girl. If he hadn't noticed that she was frozen in fear, he would have kissed her without permission. Why is this happening? Is it because it's been a long time since he's received this kind of kindness? He can't help but think that she's adorable.
Soon, he lay down on his back and chewed the cookie Leila had given him. It was sweet, savory, and crunchy, a long time since he had tasted it. However, because the inside of his mouth was bitter, it felt like chewing mud. The cookie, soaked in butter, quickly brought about a feeling of fullness.
The bitterness in his heart subsided as if washed away by the sound of the water.
He knew his subject. He knew the line he had to keep, and he knew his future was not guaranteed. He had long since abandoned his dreams and expectations for the future. When he was young, he wanted to be an astronomer. When he grew up, he became a doctor at his parents’ request. Even after becoming a doctor, life was not easy, and he enlisted in the army. And the war, the last war, left him with many things. All of those inner scars were negative from start to finish.
But only today did he remember his grandfather, whose beauty he admired.
“It’s not a bad thing for people to be attracted to beautiful things.”
He feels like he's deluding himself into finding an indulgence.
But it's beyond control that Leila, always smiling, honest, and kind, looks lovely. Even her rough fingertips that shyly hand out candy and cookies were pretty. A beautiful woman.
It had already been over a year since he left Dublin. Living like an empty shell was also a way of life, so he avoided those who were looking for him and wandered around Ramrock, a hostile country, without a single penny. He had fully prepared himself for the fact that it would not go smoothly.
“What, you were a Dublin soldier? You damn Dubliners! Get out of here!”
The Ramrocks readily recognized him as a Dubliner and readily expressed their disgust. It was not so much his appearance as his air.
A slightly more distant past is revived.
“How long will I have to fight? I’ve wandered enough, so when I’m discharged, I’ll start a family and live there. I’ll have to keep in touch when I get back, Young Master.”
“You, Aaron. When we go to Western Rocks, you should be our guide.”
“What kind of tour is that? Oh, right! I’ll let you meet my fiancée. She said in the letter that she was curious about what kind of person you were.”
“Fiancée... I’m looking forward to it.”
"You?"
“Well, you guys are so talented that you’ll figure it out.”
He realized early on that he could not escape the pressure of his parents. Naturally, he had no interest in marriage or the opposite sex. However, his friend was a very idealistic and romantic thinker.
"...home."
He chewed on words that had nothing to do with him. It was funny. Even if it wasn't a delusion about Leila, it was presumptuous. To think of such nonsense in his current situation. Even luxury is not this luxury.
Maybe it's because it's been a long time since he's interacted with people. His heart keeps pounding.
Aaron untied the military tag around his neck. He felt the cold metal.
Aaron Jenner Ensign
Second Lieutenant, Eilen Jenner
Ar 8-19927-1119-22
It was proof that reminded him of his younger, more reckless days. The one and only bond to his homeland that he still couldn't let go of. He clenched his fists and rubbed his forehead.
Since leaving Dublin, his life has been full of lies. He has never felt ashamed. He was ashamed of himself for running away, so he could laugh off the judgment of others. That was the way it was. That was the way it was.
But these past few days have been a little different. Every time he sees Leila, he feels ashamed of his situation. His unsophisticated life. His wandering life. His hungry life, without a home or carriage.
‘...I haven’t come to my senses yet.’
Aaron, who had been staring at his bulging lower body as if he were looking at something bad, tried to close his eyes. His hand went toward it for a moment, then dropped it nervously to the ground. It was obvious who would come to mind if he tried to masturbate now. Aaron tried to think of something else.
‘...Should I leave?’
Aaron, who was instinctively raising his hand and touching his dog tag, smelled the wafting scent of bread.
“I’m good at baking bread. Later on, I’ll be better at baking cookies, too.”
The voice that had been chattering confidently came back clearly. Aaron, who was looking at his clenched fist, slapped his thigh.
At that moment, a midnight bell rang in the distance in the city. Aaron, who had stopped the punishment he had been inflicting on himself, curled up and lay down. The sound of the bells dissipated. The excitement seemed to have subsided, but instead, it felt like a shell had hit his chest.
The back of Leila, who was running away, was drawn. Short stature, perky cheeks, strangely upturned eyes, lips... Lips. He just wanted to kiss those lips, even if only for a moment. He was driven by a desperate selfishness that felt like the gates of paradise would open if he did. Aaron laughed, pressing his eyes.
That incompetent guy doesn't know his stuff...
The asshole who ruined his country doesn't know the subject.
He tried to be greedy again. Stupidly.
The gray star shining in the center of the night sky seemed to be laughing at him, like an unforgettable gray eye.
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