“Come here.”
Her face, which was hurriedly crumpled, shook miserably. The servant carefully dragged her out. Else was dragged out by him like a person with crippled legs. Gelda ran through the crowd and pressed a towel to her forehead. Blood flowed down from the corner of her eyes in an instant.
'My forehead is broken.'
Her chin trembled. Just as her knees were about to buckle, the servant picked her up.
“Are you okay, Else?”
She heard the Baroness's worried voice. She couldn't move my lips because she was sorry. She thought that she should go and see her separately when the sun rose. No. Is this okay? Is it okay to stay at her maternal grandparents' house like this?
It was her maternal uncle and aunt who were taking care of her already insane mother. She heard that her maternal uncle's children were still young. Would they have the time to take care of Else, who was already taking care of someone who was not of sound mind? Even if the palace sent two maids and a knight... There was no way they would be happy with Else, who made such a fuss every day.
"Sorry."
Returning to the bedroom, she apologized to Gelda and Mila as usual and sat down on the bed. They prepared ointment and bandages for Else, who was sitting there with a sleepy face in silence. Else examined the wound that had been there for three days.
In addition to the burns, there were scratches and bruises all over her arms and knees. Yesterday, she had a bruise on her side and a cut on her knee. The one on her side was from the daytime, and the one on her knee was from the nighttime.
“I think she's sleepwalking.”
Mila whispered softly to Gelda. She must have said so that Else wouldn't hear, but Else heard everything. She bit her lip. Even if walking around like a ghost at night is sleepwalking... What was it during the day? She didn't even sleep then... Like someone possessed by a ghost. It was painful.
It seemed as if she had never been in her right mind. If she really did something to Abelard... Sleepwalking and unknown symptoms. In other words, Else was always hurt and mumbling nonsense because of hallucinations. Two days ago, the Baroness, who was worried, said she would take the baby except when breastfeeding.
She was grateful for that thought and those words. In the end, it was painful and hard to have to leave Siena and stay with Abelard like this... But it was better than being afraid every day of what she might do to him.
"Your Highness."
“...I’d rather die than live like this. Rather, rather.”
Empty eyes groped the maids. Gelda’s face twisted. Else thought. Why doesn’t she die? Why does she live on, struggling to live such a difficult life? The doctor who had taken care of her when she was young had always said that Else would die young.
If a body like this suffers from frequent fevers, it is impossible to live long. But Else somehow managed to live. She did not die, but tenaciously. She breathed even after losing her daughter. She thought it would be better to die from illness. It was better to die than to live like this. She was in pain every day, as if her mind was going to stop.
“No. Your Highness must live. We came here to save Your Highness. So... until His Majesty comes...”
Gelda, who was standing in front of her, gently hugged her. As if an older sister were gently hugging her. It was a warm and affectionate embrace. Else closed her eyes. Unable to properly continue her whisper, Gelda shut her eyes tightly, slurring the end. She had no energy. What did Gelda say...? ...She couldn’t ask about her unfinished whisper.
Else walked along the road. Even though she was walking on the earth, it was cold and dreary, as if she were walking on cold, hard ground. She knew who and what would be at the end. Hermi was always there when she was in Siena, and now that she had left Siena and was in Idun, there was Sibyl. Sometimes, Sibyl would be in her arms, wearing the King's uniform, and sometimes, like in Lugdun, he would be in an old shirt and trousers.
And she could never get close to Sibyl. Even if she could touch or feel him, he would soon disperse from her fingertips. Like a butterfly flying away in the wind. The fragments of the man disintegrating into pieces were terrifying.
That's why Else hated dreams. She thought it would be better if she fell over while dreaming. Else, who had been walking with her eyes on the ground, raised her head. She saw a man waiting for her alone, like a lonely old tree beyond the cold horizon.
He was dressed as a King, as usual. His noble and heavy robes fell straight down, covering his broad shoulders. Else stared at the small object he was holding. In his arms, which seemed to be holding a long loaf of bread in one hand, was a baby.
It was her daughter. Else stared at them blankly and began to approach them little by little. Sybil looked back at her and smiled faintly. Else did not smile back. She knew now that there was no point in smiling back.
Because this is a dream, and Sibyl is not here. Hermi has already left this world and will never return. Else tried to kill Sibyl, and Sibyl cut her out.
'Else.'
She turned her gaze and stared at the broken road. At the end of the long road was the sea. Else lowered her gaze and looked down at the sparkling blue sea. Below the steep cliff, she could see rocks covered in moss. If she hit her head, she would definitely die. She raised her head and looked up at the man.
'Why did you show up again?'
Sibyl didn't answer. Else moved her lips and muttered nervously.
'This time, you even hugged Hermi.'
As she muttered in a whining tone, her heart ached. It felt like he was going to run away. It felt like he was going to break into pieces and scatter in front of her again. This shouldn’t happen... Her heart was pounding with urgency.
'Sorry. I'm sorry. I just...'
Else began to cling to him with her eyes reddened. Sybil looked at her without responding and reached out to stroke her cheek. Else hugged him and began to sob. Her body was unbearably heavy. If she staggered even a little, she would fall off the cliff.
But it was a dream. No. It wasn't a dream. Else opened her eyes and looked down at the ground she was standing on. Then the dirt road disappeared, and a cold marble floor began to appear. The hazy feeling gradually disappeared, and she began to return to reality.
'I don't want to... break up with you. I want to stay like this.'
Else began to cling to him. Then, Sibyl began to lean forward slowly, embracing her. The once sparkling blue sea changed into a dark pit where nothing could be seen. It was okay. It was okay... It didn’t matter anymore.
“Else!”
It was the moment when she closed her eyes and tried to relax her body. Suddenly, someone grabbed her and dragged her down. It happened in an instant. Her head was dizzy. Her whole body shivered as if she had been splashed with cold water.
“What are you doing?”
A thunderous roar rang in her ears. Else looked at the man with sullen eyes. Her bloodless lips trembled endlessly. This was because the face she was facing was unrealistic. The sense of life was so clear... This man could not possibly appear in front of her...
“Sibyl.”
Sibyl wasn't smiling as faintly as before. He wasn't holding Hermi. He had a bruise. His fingers, bruised and red, were shaking mercilessly. The man, with a wicked grimace, grabbed her hand.
"Ouch."
Else, with her shoulders hunched, looked at the man who had picked up her hand. The fingernails, cut into crescent shapes, were red and cracked. Seeing that the skin was badly scratched and blood was dripping down, Sibyl furrowed her eyebrows in pity.
Even after waking up and returning to reality, she couldn't believe it. It was an overly vague boundary. Why was Sibyl here? No. Was the Sibyl here really Sibyl? Did she see the wrong person again?
Her face, which was hurriedly crumpled, shook miserably. The servant carefully dragged her out. Else was dragged out by him like a person with crippled legs. Gelda ran through the crowd and pressed a towel to her forehead. Blood flowed down from the corner of her eyes in an instant.
'My forehead is broken.'
Her chin trembled. Just as her knees were about to buckle, the servant picked her up.
“Are you okay, Else?”
She heard the Baroness's worried voice. She couldn't move my lips because she was sorry. She thought that she should go and see her separately when the sun rose. No. Is this okay? Is it okay to stay at her maternal grandparents' house like this?
It was her maternal uncle and aunt who were taking care of her already insane mother. She heard that her maternal uncle's children were still young. Would they have the time to take care of Else, who was already taking care of someone who was not of sound mind? Even if the palace sent two maids and a knight... There was no way they would be happy with Else, who made such a fuss every day.
"Sorry."
Returning to the bedroom, she apologized to Gelda and Mila as usual and sat down on the bed. They prepared ointment and bandages for Else, who was sitting there with a sleepy face in silence. Else examined the wound that had been there for three days.
In addition to the burns, there were scratches and bruises all over her arms and knees. Yesterday, she had a bruise on her side and a cut on her knee. The one on her side was from the daytime, and the one on her knee was from the nighttime.
“I think she's sleepwalking.”
Mila whispered softly to Gelda. She must have said so that Else wouldn't hear, but Else heard everything. She bit her lip. Even if walking around like a ghost at night is sleepwalking... What was it during the day? She didn't even sleep then... Like someone possessed by a ghost. It was painful.
It seemed as if she had never been in her right mind. If she really did something to Abelard... Sleepwalking and unknown symptoms. In other words, Else was always hurt and mumbling nonsense because of hallucinations. Two days ago, the Baroness, who was worried, said she would take the baby except when breastfeeding.
She was grateful for that thought and those words. In the end, it was painful and hard to have to leave Siena and stay with Abelard like this... But it was better than being afraid every day of what she might do to him.
"Your Highness."
“...I’d rather die than live like this. Rather, rather.”
Empty eyes groped the maids. Gelda’s face twisted. Else thought. Why doesn’t she die? Why does she live on, struggling to live such a difficult life? The doctor who had taken care of her when she was young had always said that Else would die young.
If a body like this suffers from frequent fevers, it is impossible to live long. But Else somehow managed to live. She did not die, but tenaciously. She breathed even after losing her daughter. She thought it would be better to die from illness. It was better to die than to live like this. She was in pain every day, as if her mind was going to stop.
“No. Your Highness must live. We came here to save Your Highness. So... until His Majesty comes...”
Gelda, who was standing in front of her, gently hugged her. As if an older sister were gently hugging her. It was a warm and affectionate embrace. Else closed her eyes. Unable to properly continue her whisper, Gelda shut her eyes tightly, slurring the end. She had no energy. What did Gelda say...? ...She couldn’t ask about her unfinished whisper.
***
Else walked along the road. Even though she was walking on the earth, it was cold and dreary, as if she were walking on cold, hard ground. She knew who and what would be at the end. Hermi was always there when she was in Siena, and now that she had left Siena and was in Idun, there was Sibyl. Sometimes, Sibyl would be in her arms, wearing the King's uniform, and sometimes, like in Lugdun, he would be in an old shirt and trousers.
And she could never get close to Sibyl. Even if she could touch or feel him, he would soon disperse from her fingertips. Like a butterfly flying away in the wind. The fragments of the man disintegrating into pieces were terrifying.
That's why Else hated dreams. She thought it would be better if she fell over while dreaming. Else, who had been walking with her eyes on the ground, raised her head. She saw a man waiting for her alone, like a lonely old tree beyond the cold horizon.
He was dressed as a King, as usual. His noble and heavy robes fell straight down, covering his broad shoulders. Else stared at the small object he was holding. In his arms, which seemed to be holding a long loaf of bread in one hand, was a baby.
It was her daughter. Else stared at them blankly and began to approach them little by little. Sybil looked back at her and smiled faintly. Else did not smile back. She knew now that there was no point in smiling back.
Because this is a dream, and Sibyl is not here. Hermi has already left this world and will never return. Else tried to kill Sibyl, and Sibyl cut her out.
'Else.'
She turned her gaze and stared at the broken road. At the end of the long road was the sea. Else lowered her gaze and looked down at the sparkling blue sea. Below the steep cliff, she could see rocks covered in moss. If she hit her head, she would definitely die. She raised her head and looked up at the man.
'Why did you show up again?'
Sibyl didn't answer. Else moved her lips and muttered nervously.
'This time, you even hugged Hermi.'
As she muttered in a whining tone, her heart ached. It felt like he was going to run away. It felt like he was going to break into pieces and scatter in front of her again. This shouldn’t happen... Her heart was pounding with urgency.
'Sorry. I'm sorry. I just...'
Else began to cling to him with her eyes reddened. Sybil looked at her without responding and reached out to stroke her cheek. Else hugged him and began to sob. Her body was unbearably heavy. If she staggered even a little, she would fall off the cliff.
But it was a dream. No. It wasn't a dream. Else opened her eyes and looked down at the ground she was standing on. Then the dirt road disappeared, and a cold marble floor began to appear. The hazy feeling gradually disappeared, and she began to return to reality.
'I don't want to... break up with you. I want to stay like this.'
Else began to cling to him. Then, Sibyl began to lean forward slowly, embracing her. The once sparkling blue sea changed into a dark pit where nothing could be seen. It was okay. It was okay... It didn’t matter anymore.
“Else!”
It was the moment when she closed her eyes and tried to relax her body. Suddenly, someone grabbed her and dragged her down. It happened in an instant. Her head was dizzy. Her whole body shivered as if she had been splashed with cold water.
“What are you doing?”
A thunderous roar rang in her ears. Else looked at the man with sullen eyes. Her bloodless lips trembled endlessly. This was because the face she was facing was unrealistic. The sense of life was so clear... This man could not possibly appear in front of her...
“Sibyl.”
Sibyl wasn't smiling as faintly as before. He wasn't holding Hermi. He had a bruise. His fingers, bruised and red, were shaking mercilessly. The man, with a wicked grimace, grabbed her hand.
"Ouch."
Else, with her shoulders hunched, looked at the man who had picked up her hand. The fingernails, cut into crescent shapes, were red and cracked. Seeing that the skin was badly scratched and blood was dripping down, Sibyl furrowed her eyebrows in pity.
Even after waking up and returning to reality, she couldn't believe it. It was an overly vague boundary. Why was Sibyl here? No. Was the Sibyl here really Sibyl? Did she see the wrong person again?
She had been hallucinating frequently recently. There were times when she mistook people for people, but she also often drew him in the air. It was something that wouldn't be fixed even if she called the doctor to fix it.
'Yeah. Rather than this...'
Else abruptly sat up and turned her head. She was on the balcony. Suddenly, the path ended, and a cliff appeared, and she seemed to have come to the balcony. It was disgusting. The reality of seeing him with her eyes open was terrifying.
If she were to do something to Abelard, if she were to harm him with her own hands... She didn’t even want to imagine it. It would have been better to take her own life before she did something like that. Especially if she couldn’t tell the difference between dreams and reality like she did now, and kept seeing Sibyl...
“Why on earth is it like this!”
Sibyl screamed. The hand that had violently grabbed her as she tried to climb up the railing turned her around. Suddenly, Else’s eyes caught the distorted face of a man. Else’s face twisted as if she was going to cry. She couldn’t breathe. Her heart was pounding like a drum. Her feet on the ground were weak, but her desire to pluck out her eyes was fervent.
When she raised both hands and exerted strength as if she were going to gouge out her eyes, Sybil, who saw her digging her nails into her raw eyes, grabbed her hands and shook her shoulders.
"Ah..."
“Why are you like this? Why on earth are you doing this?”
A cold, settled voice rang in her ears. Her pounding heart suddenly stopped. Could it really be true? Did he really come to find her? So, could the man standing here really be Sibyl?
'Yeah. Rather than this...'
Else abruptly sat up and turned her head. She was on the balcony. Suddenly, the path ended, and a cliff appeared, and she seemed to have come to the balcony. It was disgusting. The reality of seeing him with her eyes open was terrifying.
If she were to do something to Abelard, if she were to harm him with her own hands... She didn’t even want to imagine it. It would have been better to take her own life before she did something like that. Especially if she couldn’t tell the difference between dreams and reality like she did now, and kept seeing Sibyl...
“Why on earth is it like this!”
Sibyl screamed. The hand that had violently grabbed her as she tried to climb up the railing turned her around. Suddenly, Else’s eyes caught the distorted face of a man. Else’s face twisted as if she was going to cry. She couldn’t breathe. Her heart was pounding like a drum. Her feet on the ground were weak, but her desire to pluck out her eyes was fervent.
When she raised both hands and exerted strength as if she were going to gouge out her eyes, Sybil, who saw her digging her nails into her raw eyes, grabbed her hands and shook her shoulders.
"Ah..."
“Why are you like this? Why on earth are you doing this?”
A cold, settled voice rang in her ears. Her pounding heart suddenly stopped. Could it really be true? Did he really come to find her? So, could the man standing here really be Sibyl?
Tears streamed down Else’s eyes. Her lips parted, and her chin trembled.
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