From that day on, I was unable to eat most foods because I could not believe what was inside.
The nanny was frustrated because she didn't understand anything. She just thought I was being picky.
I survived on the fruit and honey my nanny brought me, little by little as snacks, without explaining anything to her.
Solitude and loneliness were no longer a problem. In the most splendid and luxurious place in the world, I had to fight hunger.
There were days when I was so hungry that I reluctantly took a bite of the food the servants had brought me. But inevitably, there were bugs, rats, and sometimes even a ball of hair that I couldn't tell whose it belonged to.
After going through this several times, I reached a point where I couldn't put anything in my mouth. Within a few weeks, I became emaciated and unsightly.
By this point, even the dullest nanny seemed to have noticed that something was wrong. She went straight to the Empress and raged that her only daughter was going to die.
Thanks to this, I was able to see my mother's face for the first time in months.
"How did it end up like that?"
These were the words that Senevere, who had pretended not to know her daughter as if she had completely forgotten about her, said when she first visited the villa.
My eyes turned red as I looked at my mother, who was blooming brightly like a flower on a summer day, unlike my own ruined and ruined appearance. Looking at her face, which was so pure that it seemed innocent, I felt resentment welling up inside me.
I was going to get angry at her. I was going to scream at her, telling her how she could be so self-centered. But when I opened my mouth, sobs poured out.
I cried like a newborn baby and told her everything that had happened. I confessed the terrible atrocities committed by the palace servants and the cruelties I had endured. Senevere sat by my bedside and listened in silence until the story was over.
I thought she was keeping quiet because she was suppressing her anger, perhaps speechless at the horrors that had befallen her only daughter.
So I demanded, waving my arms roughly.
"Mom! Please stop them from hurting me! You have to take action right now to make sure no one hurts me again!"
"Why should I do that?"
Senevere tilted her head and said.
I was dumbfounded by the unexpected answer. Senevere's face was filled with nothing but pure curiosity. She had no idea why her abused young child would ask her for help.
"Thalia, this palace is your palace, and all the servants in this castle are your property. You are nine years old now. What if you throw a tantrum at your mother because you can't handle one of your belongings properly?"
I was left completely speechless.
Senevere sighed in genuine disappointment, cupping my cheek with one hand.
"You are the Emperor's daughter. I really don't understand why you are being treated so unilaterally by such insignificant people. It's embarrassing that my daughter is so naive and weak."
"Oh. Mom..."
Senevere looked thoughtfully at the candles in the window. Her eerily beautiful face showed no trace of anger at the abuse her daughter had suffered. There was only a slight sense of disappointment, frustration, and a deep sense of contemplation as to how she could enlighten her errant child.
I felt like I was dealing with an insect that had a convincing imitation of a human form.
Senevere, who had been lost in thought for a long time, snapped her fingers and said.
"Let's try this. I'll leave a useful bodyguard for you. He's a man I've trained for a very long time. If you handle him well, he'll be quite useful."
She got up from her seat as if all her problems had been solved.
I grabbed the hem of her dress urgently.
"I don't need someone like that! I want to be with my mom!"
A look of disillusionment crossed Senevere's face at my desperate cry. I paled in shock.
Senevere bent down toward her daughter. pulling her fingers off her dress one by one. Then she clicked her tongue as if she were truly sorry.
"Thalia, it all started with me. But do you know why people don't put rats in my soup?"
Thalia was frozen like a mouse before a snake, unable to respond.
Senevere continued softly.
"Why is my bath water always warm and fragrant, why is my dinner table always bountiful... why do they never dare to do to me what they do to you... Will Mommy tell you the secret?"
Blood-red lips gently touched my ear.
"They dare not do such a thing because they fear me. Some of them even have feelings of awe for me. Of course, countless others feel disgust and contempt. But even they do not see me as an object of harassment, but as an object of caution. Because I am such a threat."
She stared intently into her daughter's eyes. O could see something dark and coiled in Senevere's eyes.
Senevere straightened up and gave me final advice.
"Remember, the strong and the beautiful are feared and envied. However, the beautiful and the weak are often targets of plunder. This is especially true in this palace. If you do not want to be mercilessly trampled by the countless beasts that will come after you, it would be best not to let anyone know that you are weak."
With those words, she left, leaving her daughter behind, who had become as fragile as she could be...
That night, I chewed on her words again and again.
The weak are trampled. And Senevere seemed to have no intention of protecting her young daughter from being trampled so mercilessly.
Could this be the state of mind of a defeated soldier who has lost even his last stronghold? My whole body trembled with fear that something even more terrible might happen in the future.
Even if I were to be treated more harshly than I am now, no one would protect me. Even my own mother had turned her back on me, so would His Majesty the Emperor even look upon his illegitimate child, who was no different from his own shame?
I curled up under the blanket and bit my fingernails nervously. The sight of the servants' feet as I vomited on the dining room floor flashed through my mind.
I could easily imagine the sight of those indifferent feet busily moving around me, who was lying in a miserable state... and trampling me like some insignificant insect.
My eyes felt hot as if they were burning. Mom was right. Sooner or later, I would crumble into nothingness.
And the reason I got into this situation is because I took it upon myself as a sinner. My guilt made me weak.
When I started to act helpless, as if I could handle anything, they instinctively knew that I would not resist. From my cowering gestures, my timid eyes, my hesitant speech... they discovered the appearance of weakness and began to be cruel to their hearts' content.
When day finally dawned, I realized what I had to do.
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