Episode 44. I Regret Giving Birth to You
“I know.”
Her answer was warm. That warmth came only from the sense of triumph of having gotten what she wanted, and had nothing to do with her human side.
Like recognition, or conscience.
I wish that the emerald ring that disappeared were the size of my finger. If it were a false accusation with that much sincerity, it might feel a little less unfair.
As I started to undress, Her Highness the Princess opened her eyes wide.
“What are you doing?”
But I pretended not to hear and opened my back to show her.
“Huh...!”
Then I untied the bandage on one arm. I couldn’t see my back, but my arm, blackened with bruises, looked horrible even to me.
It hurt even when I was still, and even the wind hurt.
“Are you crazy?”
My anger surged when I saw my wounds, but I held it in and spoke as calmly as I could.
“I think I should show you what Your Highness did.”
“Where did you get that dirty... Are you in your right mind?”
“If you get beaten for two hours with a stick longer than your arm, anyone would be like this. If it’s dirty, then the malice behind this kind of thing must be dirty.”
“How dare you...!”
I gritted my teeth in pain, pulled up my clothes, and roughly wrapped the bandage. I almost groaned when the bandage touched, but when I felt the medicine on it again, I felt a little better.
“I’m going to get beaten again tomorrow. Since I don’t plan on confessing, the head maid should take some health supplements because of her shoulder condition. Then, good night, Your Highness.”
When I turned around, she asked. Her voice was trembling.
“Do you like power that much? Is it because you’re an illegitimate child?”
“...”
I turned around without realizing it because it was such a novel question.
I slowly realized.
Her Highness sees me as a woman who risks her life for power.
Well, that could be true. People are always worried that what they value most will be taken away.
She would never understand that all I wanted was to live well and eat well in a moderately affluent and safe environment on my own.
“Illegitimate children are not interested in power, Your Highness. Is there any power in the world that an illegitimate child can wield?”
“...!”
The Princess bit her lips when she couldn’t think of anything to say in response. She wanted to curse harshly, but she couldn’t because of the dignity of the royal family.
Seeing that made me feel empty.
She couldn’t curse because of her dignity, but she didn’t hesitate to take people’s lives.
“I didn’t enter the palace of my own free will. I tried my best, but it seems like it’s almost over. I’m human, too.”
I politely bowed and left.
The next day, Eria came to see me early to change my bandages and feed me a meal.
“Thank you, Eria.”
“Ah...”
Eria lowered her eyes after hearing my greeting.
“I know. You fed and clothed me in preparation for dragging me off to be beaten again. That’s one thing, and I’m grateful that Eria was worried about me.”
“Maid...! I’m really upset.”
Ah, Eria. If you make that face, I’ll have to comfort you, too. I’m having a hard time right now.
I forced a smile and finished getting ready. Then, the servants from yesterday came and took me to the head maid’s office.
She was standing there with the whip in the same pose, so I felt like I went back to yesterday.
F*ck.
“I hope you had some time to reflect tonight. Miss Loire. Confess your wrongdoings.”
I closed my eyes tightly and thought about it. I wondered if I was also guilty of being beaten here and there and being treated like this.
If being born an illegitimate child is a sin, then it is, but I thought my mother would be too upset if I said that, so I just clenched my teeth.
I heard the head maid mutter something about how cruel it was, but I closed my eyes and focused on another thought.
Where should I get hit today? My thigh? My butt?
But the maid was vicious.
“Put your arm out.”
Damn it, you’re hitting me again after hitting me. You’re not even human.
“Aaah!”
When the first whip flew, I forgot to hold back because it hurt so much more than I expected, and let out a scream that was so loud.
Then the maid’s face twisted into a fierce grimace. When she opened her mouth to speak, the door froze open.
The maid turned pale and lowered her head, so I did something. I was also in so much pain that I was unconscious.
But when I slowly turned around, I saw a middle-aged lady standing there for the first time.
Her Majesty the Empress.
But I was so out of my mind that I just sat on the floor and looked up at her.
Her Majesty the Empress shouted in a voice trembling with excitement.
“Chief Maid, are you in your right mind right now?”
“I was receiving a confession of theft on the orders of Her Highness the Princess. Your Majesty, the Empress.”
“Theft?”
I thought I shouted with all my might, but my voice was strangely distorted due to the pain. My whole body ached like a frog thrown into boiling water.
“I don’t know anything! I don’t understand why you are framing me with this.”
The chief maid snapped angrily.
“Can’t you keep your mouth shut? What kind of safety is that!”
“You should be the one to restrain yourself, Chief Maid Amella.”
I deliberately let the bandage on my arm slip down and sobbed.
“If I had something to confess, I would have confessed before it came to this. Huhu.”
Her Majesty the Empress’s eyes widened when she saw my arm, which was like a rotten sausage.
It was then that Her Highness Princess Milliora rushed into the room.
Her Majesty the Empress turned her gaze from my arms to Her Highness the Princess and shouted.
“How could you make the third lion’s daughter like this! Even though you are so empty-headed, how could you do something like this?”
“I will take you to the Empress’s palace, Your Majesty, the Empress.”
“Fine. You should also not show your face to me for a while.”
Her Majesty the Empress left like that. The chief maid staggered and leaned against the desk.
I tried to collect my frozen mind in the silence.
‘What just happened?’
It wasn’t surprising that the chief maid had easily betrayed the Princess.
She enjoyed beating the illegitimate child so much, but when she was in danger, she had no choice but to follow orders.
However, Her Majesty the Empress’s attitude was also indescribable.
‘Does Her Majesty the Empress hate her own daughter that much?’
I spent most of my life in hatred and curses because I was an illegitimate child.
However, my mother was the person who loved me the most while she was alive. She tried to do everything she could for me.
Not because she was sorry for giving birth to me as an illegitimate child, but because she loved and adored me.
Even the Countess thought that a girl like Misha was the best in the world and was desperate.
However, the disgust I felt from Her Majesty the Empress was no less than the Countess's toward me.
How could she hate her own daughter so creepily...?
I felt a sense of emptiness.
I should hate Her Highness the Princess, who framed me as a thief and beat me until I fainted, but that person suddenly turned into the most pitiful person in the world.
If my mother had told me that she regretted the day she gave birth to me, I would have died!
“This is really...”
Her Highness the Princess was a really troublesome person. If only there had been some consistency, whether she made me hate her or pity her.
As I staggered to my feet, the servants ran over and supported me. It seemed as if the people who had been dragging me around until now were now escorting me away.
“Please ask the doctor to come to my room.”
I entrusted myself to the servants and returned to my room.
“Do you like power that much? Is it because you’re an illegitimate child?”
“...”
I turned around without realizing it because it was such a novel question.
I slowly realized.
Her Highness sees me as a woman who risks her life for power.
Well, that could be true. People are always worried that what they value most will be taken away.
She would never understand that all I wanted was to live well and eat well in a moderately affluent and safe environment on my own.
“Illegitimate children are not interested in power, Your Highness. Is there any power in the world that an illegitimate child can wield?”
“...!”
The Princess bit her lips when she couldn’t think of anything to say in response. She wanted to curse harshly, but she couldn’t because of the dignity of the royal family.
Seeing that made me feel empty.
She couldn’t curse because of her dignity, but she didn’t hesitate to take people’s lives.
“I didn’t enter the palace of my own free will. I tried my best, but it seems like it’s almost over. I’m human, too.”
I politely bowed and left.
***
The next day, Eria came to see me early to change my bandages and feed me a meal.
“Thank you, Eria.”
“Ah...”
Eria lowered her eyes after hearing my greeting.
“I know. You fed and clothed me in preparation for dragging me off to be beaten again. That’s one thing, and I’m grateful that Eria was worried about me.”
“Maid...! I’m really upset.”
Ah, Eria. If you make that face, I’ll have to comfort you, too. I’m having a hard time right now.
I forced a smile and finished getting ready. Then, the servants from yesterday came and took me to the head maid’s office.
She was standing there with the whip in the same pose, so I felt like I went back to yesterday.
F*ck.
“I hope you had some time to reflect tonight. Miss Loire. Confess your wrongdoings.”
I closed my eyes tightly and thought about it. I wondered if I was also guilty of being beaten here and there and being treated like this.
If being born an illegitimate child is a sin, then it is, but I thought my mother would be too upset if I said that, so I just clenched my teeth.
I heard the head maid mutter something about how cruel it was, but I closed my eyes and focused on another thought.
Where should I get hit today? My thigh? My butt?
But the maid was vicious.
“Put your arm out.”
Damn it, you’re hitting me again after hitting me. You’re not even human.
“Aaah!”
When the first whip flew, I forgot to hold back because it hurt so much more than I expected, and let out a scream that was so loud.
Then the maid’s face twisted into a fierce grimace. When she opened her mouth to speak, the door froze open.
The maid turned pale and lowered her head, so I did something. I was also in so much pain that I was unconscious.
But when I slowly turned around, I saw a middle-aged lady standing there for the first time.
Her Majesty the Empress.
But I was so out of my mind that I just sat on the floor and looked up at her.
Her Majesty the Empress shouted in a voice trembling with excitement.
“Chief Maid, are you in your right mind right now?”
“I was receiving a confession of theft on the orders of Her Highness the Princess. Your Majesty, the Empress.”
“Theft?”
I thought I shouted with all my might, but my voice was strangely distorted due to the pain. My whole body ached like a frog thrown into boiling water.
“I don’t know anything! I don’t understand why you are framing me with this.”
The chief maid snapped angrily.
“Can’t you keep your mouth shut? What kind of safety is that!”
“You should be the one to restrain yourself, Chief Maid Amella.”
I deliberately let the bandage on my arm slip down and sobbed.
“If I had something to confess, I would have confessed before it came to this. Huhu.”
Her Majesty the Empress’s eyes widened when she saw my arm, which was like a rotten sausage.
It was then that Her Highness Princess Milliora rushed into the room.
Her Majesty the Empress turned her gaze from my arms to Her Highness the Princess and shouted.
“How could you make the third lion’s daughter like this! Even though you are so empty-headed, how could you do something like this?”
Her Highness Princess turned pale at Her Majesty the Empress’s rage.
“Oh, Your Majesty the Empress, I...”
“The chief maid is like that, too! Just because the Princess says something stupid, do you follow it?”
I first realized that the chief maid could make such a pitiful sound.
“I followed orders... It was heartbreaking for me to punish the third lion’s daughter, Your Majesty, the Empress. I worked my shoulders so hard...”
“I don’t want to hear it!”
“I’m sorry, Your Majesty, the Empress.”
Suddenly, I thought I might already be dead.
It didn’t seem like such a big deal, so Her Majesty the Empress would show up and save me, and there was no way she could scold the chief maid and Her Highness the Princess.
Soon, Her Highness the Princess began to cry. It was more of a murmur than a speech.
“Your Majesty, I, this kid stole...”
“Shut up, Milliora! Do you have anything to say after repaying the favor Orl did for you in this way? A ring, oh my!”
“Huhuhu!”
The princess sobbed and sat down. The sobs immediately turned into tears.
Her Majesty the Empress glared at her as if she were angry and said,
“You seem like a child born just to humiliate me. I regret the day I gave birth to you!”
I was shocked by Her Majesty the Empress’s verbal abuse. How could a mother say such things to her own daughter...
The head maid immediately intervened.
“I will call a doctor and ask him to examine her. Your Majesty, the Empress, should leave this wretched place.”
“Who made me come to this wretched place! It was Orl’s will to bring a maid to Milliora. It was also my will. Has the head maid become old and lost her judgment?”
“Please forgive my mistake, Your Majesty, the Empress. I will do my best for the recovery of Lady Lorisha.”
The Princess left, crying bitterly. She could barely walk properly because she was crying, so she leaned against the wall.
Her Majesty the Empress watched her and scolded her.
“Perhaps there is not a single place to look good!”
“Oh, Your Majesty the Empress, I...”
“The chief maid is like that, too! Just because the Princess says something stupid, do you follow it?”
I first realized that the chief maid could make such a pitiful sound.
“I followed orders... It was heartbreaking for me to punish the third lion’s daughter, Your Majesty, the Empress. I worked my shoulders so hard...”
“I don’t want to hear it!”
“I’m sorry, Your Majesty, the Empress.”
Suddenly, I thought I might already be dead.
It didn’t seem like such a big deal, so Her Majesty the Empress would show up and save me, and there was no way she could scold the chief maid and Her Highness the Princess.
Soon, Her Highness the Princess began to cry. It was more of a murmur than a speech.
“Your Majesty, I, this kid stole...”
“Shut up, Milliora! Do you have anything to say after repaying the favor Orl did for you in this way? A ring, oh my!”
“Huhuhu!”
The princess sobbed and sat down. The sobs immediately turned into tears.
Her Majesty the Empress glared at her as if she were angry and said,
“You seem like a child born just to humiliate me. I regret the day I gave birth to you!”
I was shocked by Her Majesty the Empress’s verbal abuse. How could a mother say such things to her own daughter...
The head maid immediately intervened.
“I will call a doctor and ask him to examine her. Your Majesty, the Empress, should leave this wretched place.”
“Who made me come to this wretched place! It was Orl’s will to bring a maid to Milliora. It was also my will. Has the head maid become old and lost her judgment?”
“Please forgive my mistake, Your Majesty, the Empress. I will do my best for the recovery of Lady Lorisha.”
The Princess left, crying bitterly. She could barely walk properly because she was crying, so she leaned against the wall.
Her Majesty the Empress watched her and scolded her.
“Perhaps there is not a single place to look good!”
“I will take you to the Empress’s palace, Your Majesty, the Empress.”
“Fine. You should also not show your face to me for a while.”
Her Majesty the Empress left like that. The chief maid staggered and leaned against the desk.
I tried to collect my frozen mind in the silence.
‘What just happened?’
It wasn’t surprising that the chief maid had easily betrayed the Princess.
She enjoyed beating the illegitimate child so much, but when she was in danger, she had no choice but to follow orders.
However, Her Majesty the Empress’s attitude was also indescribable.
‘Does Her Majesty the Empress hate her own daughter that much?’
I spent most of my life in hatred and curses because I was an illegitimate child.
However, my mother was the person who loved me the most while she was alive. She tried to do everything she could for me.
Not because she was sorry for giving birth to me as an illegitimate child, but because she loved and adored me.
Even the Countess thought that a girl like Misha was the best in the world and was desperate.
However, the disgust I felt from Her Majesty the Empress was no less than the Countess's toward me.
How could she hate her own daughter so creepily...?
I felt a sense of emptiness.
I should hate Her Highness the Princess, who framed me as a thief and beat me until I fainted, but that person suddenly turned into the most pitiful person in the world.
If my mother had told me that she regretted the day she gave birth to me, I would have died!
“This is really...”
Her Highness the Princess was a really troublesome person. If only there had been some consistency, whether she made me hate her or pity her.
As I staggered to my feet, the servants ran over and supported me. It seemed as if the people who had been dragging me around until now were now escorting me away.
“Please ask the doctor to come to my room.”
I entrusted myself to the servants and returned to my room.
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