The hand that was holding her chin roughly pushed her. Millium released her chin and took off his dress gloves and wiped his hands as if he had touched something dirty. Else trembled. In the summer of her eighth year. Ever since the series of incidents at the castle, Else had always been afraid of Milliim.
He was only three years older than her. Millium was also eleven at the time. He was a young boy. But the force with which he lifted her skirt was rough and fierce. Else could not defeat him, and the hot breath and the blazing sun that collided with her remained as a trauma and tormented her.
“We’re funny.”
“Millium...”
She barely moved her blue lips. After that incident with Ian, she didn’t meet with Milium. The reason they never met even in the castle was because Else was careful not to bump into him. She tilted her head and raised her gaze with difficulty. Suddenly, a slap came. Else collapsed helplessly.
“You and your father thought you hid it well... Everyone in the castle knows that you are a pervert. Even the common people.”
He laughed softly. The hand that had been slapping her cheek grabbed Else's hair. The hair with the hairpin in it was thrown back fiercely. Else, whose mouth was burst, trembled and swallowed blood. No tears came out. Else, who had cried so often in front of Ian?
If Ian was even a little cold, Else would cry and punch and scratch him. But she didn't cry a single dry cry. She couldn't even raise her fingernails. It was the same when she was eight years old.
'Don't go against Millium.'
Monotonous orders. Whether she was glaring at her father's knight or slapping an old maid, her father didn't say anything. However, she didn't go against Millium. Before Millium came, her father had warned Else.
'This is the man who will be your groom and who will inherit this fief and the title of lord.'
So, he was of a higher and more noble position than her? Else recalled, recalling her father's faltering voice.
'I don't think Millium is as arrogant as you, but even if he does, please accept it.'
It was a stubborn face. She couldn't find a single objection to his cold face. Even when she was throwing a tantrum, Else was aware of her father's gaze. Her father, who was only interested in marriage, didn't give her any room. And...
He told her to endure whatever she did. It was the same even if Else told her father that he had knocked Else down on the castle porch, groped her thigh, and tried to kiss her lips. It was the same even if Else cried and said she was scared. Her father said that it was okay because Millium would be Else's husband someday.
Boys are always so mean, and above all, Millium was Else's fiance. So he told her not to bother her. After that incident, Else was afraid of Millium. So was her father, who thought he might like Else a little.
There was no one on her side in the castle. No matter how terrible things might be for Else, no one would save or protect her. All she had to do was stay alive. Else had only to act as a womb.
“Else, you poor, dirty little girl.”
He grabbed her hair and shook her. Else didn't fight back. Not because Millium was her husband. Not because her father told her not to disobey him. She was afraid. She was so afraid that she couldn't move. It was the first time she'd been beaten like this. But it didn't seem like it would be the last.
“You have nothing to hang on to, so you hang on to a slave?”
Millium burst out laughing. Else didn’t answer. When there was no response, he slapped her cheek again. This time, her nose bled. She felt her cheek swell up red. Else tried not to cry, thinking of the baby in her stomach. It wasn’t surprising. Millium had been violent like this more than once...
'Baby, it's okay...'
She whispered to the baby with a dry face. Millium's face distorted as he thought about Else's unresponsiveness.
“If you stick to me like that, the kid can’t help but come in. You dirty bitch.”
He lifted Else's chin, releasing the hair he had been holding. Else looked at her husband with a face that seemed as if it would collapse. Millium looked down at her expressionlessly, then untied his cravat and lowered his trousers.
“If you’re going to pretend to be my lover, you’ll have to spread your legs today, right?”
“..."
“Take it off.”
She began to wipe the blood and take off her slip. Milliam scanned her white body with his snake-like eyes.
“It’s still worth seeing because you're not full yet.”
He laughed. His hand reached out to her chest, where his scars were faintly visible.
“It’s a bit messy though.”
He groaned lowly, his breath catching in fear.
“Lie down.”
Else followed his words with a white face. When he told her to lie down, she lay down, and when he told her to spread her legs, she spread them. Milliem pushed himself in without caressing. The object that was thrusting in so forcefully was terrible. He mercilessly tore and tore her apart.
It wasn't the first time, but blood was coming out. Millieum laughed at the blood coming out of her bottom. He said that she was acting like a virgin when she wasn't. But she didn't feel bad. She couldn't figure out how dawn passed. Else thought about the baby while the man groaned and moved his waist.
The baby's eyes. Who would they resemble? What would they be like? How long and pretty would their eyelashes be? Their baby fat would be white and plump, just like a baby angel. She had been hit several times during the dawn. Else had been hit twice more before he had his breakup.
Her nipples were pinched, her hair was grabbed, and she was thrown onto the bed. He was the kind of person who would swear and set things up. Every time he saw Else's swollen cheeks, he would ask her why she wasn't crying. But Else didn't cry. She didn't cry but thought of the baby.
Is it a son? Is it a daughter? How pretty and lovely they will be. If they take after Ian, they will grow up tall and manly. And if they take after her...
“That bitch.”
Dawn passed like that. When morning came, Millium had returned to being the kindest and most upright husband in the world. It was fortunate that he had been a kind husband even during the day.
Count Loper left Lugdun three days later. Even on the day of his departure, he was interested in Else’s meals and sleeping arrangements. For example, whether the new bedding was uncomfortable. If the food did not suit her taste because of the heat, how about trying northern cuisine? He even said that if Else wanted, he would send a cook from his castle. It was too much interest. Else glanced at Jules, but she was only looking at her husband’s handsome face with her clear eyes. Else shook her head, saying that it was too much to ask of him to send a cook.
She glanced at Millium. Millium looked uncomfortable inside, but he didn't show it to Count Loper, who was much higher in status than him. However, when he was alone with Else, he would swear at her so harshly that it was deafening.
'This fucking bastard. What kind of bastard should have his intestines ripped out and fed to pigs, looking at another man's wife?'
Her thin, bloodless lips twitched viciously. Else pretended not to hear and continued embroidering. Seeing him, Millium threw the embroidery Else was doing on the floor. Then he glared at Else and grabbed her hair.
'Because you keep dragging yourself around like that, a bastard with a wife and a child is going to get offended.'
The hand that grabbed her long hair and shook it back and forth was fierce. Else tried not to react. The violence that Millium used did not deeply wound Else. No matter how dirty the curses were and how viciously he swung her fists... It was okay. It wouldn’t be long. She just wanted to protect the baby. That was all.
He was only three years older than her. Millium was also eleven at the time. He was a young boy. But the force with which he lifted her skirt was rough and fierce. Else could not defeat him, and the hot breath and the blazing sun that collided with her remained as a trauma and tormented her.
“We’re funny.”
“Millium...”
She barely moved her blue lips. After that incident with Ian, she didn’t meet with Milium. The reason they never met even in the castle was because Else was careful not to bump into him. She tilted her head and raised her gaze with difficulty. Suddenly, a slap came. Else collapsed helplessly.
“You and your father thought you hid it well... Everyone in the castle knows that you are a pervert. Even the common people.”
He laughed softly. The hand that had been slapping her cheek grabbed Else's hair. The hair with the hairpin in it was thrown back fiercely. Else, whose mouth was burst, trembled and swallowed blood. No tears came out. Else, who had cried so often in front of Ian?
If Ian was even a little cold, Else would cry and punch and scratch him. But she didn't cry a single dry cry. She couldn't even raise her fingernails. It was the same when she was eight years old.
'Don't go against Millium.'
Monotonous orders. Whether she was glaring at her father's knight or slapping an old maid, her father didn't say anything. However, she didn't go against Millium. Before Millium came, her father had warned Else.
'This is the man who will be your groom and who will inherit this fief and the title of lord.'
So, he was of a higher and more noble position than her? Else recalled, recalling her father's faltering voice.
'I don't think Millium is as arrogant as you, but even if he does, please accept it.'
It was a stubborn face. She couldn't find a single objection to his cold face. Even when she was throwing a tantrum, Else was aware of her father's gaze. Her father, who was only interested in marriage, didn't give her any room. And...
He told her to endure whatever she did. It was the same even if Else told her father that he had knocked Else down on the castle porch, groped her thigh, and tried to kiss her lips. It was the same even if Else cried and said she was scared. Her father said that it was okay because Millium would be Else's husband someday.
Boys are always so mean, and above all, Millium was Else's fiance. So he told her not to bother her. After that incident, Else was afraid of Millium. So was her father, who thought he might like Else a little.
There was no one on her side in the castle. No matter how terrible things might be for Else, no one would save or protect her. All she had to do was stay alive. Else had only to act as a womb.
“Else, you poor, dirty little girl.”
He grabbed her hair and shook her. Else didn't fight back. Not because Millium was her husband. Not because her father told her not to disobey him. She was afraid. She was so afraid that she couldn't move. It was the first time she'd been beaten like this. But it didn't seem like it would be the last.
“You have nothing to hang on to, so you hang on to a slave?”
Millium burst out laughing. Else didn’t answer. When there was no response, he slapped her cheek again. This time, her nose bled. She felt her cheek swell up red. Else tried not to cry, thinking of the baby in her stomach. It wasn’t surprising. Millium had been violent like this more than once...
'Baby, it's okay...'
She whispered to the baby with a dry face. Millium's face distorted as he thought about Else's unresponsiveness.
“If you stick to me like that, the kid can’t help but come in. You dirty bitch.”
He lifted Else's chin, releasing the hair he had been holding. Else looked at her husband with a face that seemed as if it would collapse. Millium looked down at her expressionlessly, then untied his cravat and lowered his trousers.
“If you’re going to pretend to be my lover, you’ll have to spread your legs today, right?”
“..."
“Take it off.”
She began to wipe the blood and take off her slip. Milliam scanned her white body with his snake-like eyes.
“It’s still worth seeing because you're not full yet.”
He laughed. His hand reached out to her chest, where his scars were faintly visible.
“It’s a bit messy though.”
He groaned lowly, his breath catching in fear.
“Lie down.”
Else followed his words with a white face. When he told her to lie down, she lay down, and when he told her to spread her legs, she spread them. Milliem pushed himself in without caressing. The object that was thrusting in so forcefully was terrible. He mercilessly tore and tore her apart.
It wasn't the first time, but blood was coming out. Millieum laughed at the blood coming out of her bottom. He said that she was acting like a virgin when she wasn't. But she didn't feel bad. She couldn't figure out how dawn passed. Else thought about the baby while the man groaned and moved his waist.
The baby's eyes. Who would they resemble? What would they be like? How long and pretty would their eyelashes be? Their baby fat would be white and plump, just like a baby angel. She had been hit several times during the dawn. Else had been hit twice more before he had his breakup.
Her nipples were pinched, her hair was grabbed, and she was thrown onto the bed. He was the kind of person who would swear and set things up. Every time he saw Else's swollen cheeks, he would ask her why she wasn't crying. But Else didn't cry. She didn't cry but thought of the baby.
Is it a son? Is it a daughter? How pretty and lovely they will be. If they take after Ian, they will grow up tall and manly. And if they take after her...
“That bitch.”
Dawn passed like that. When morning came, Millium had returned to being the kindest and most upright husband in the world. It was fortunate that he had been a kind husband even during the day.
Count Loper left Lugdun three days later. Even on the day of his departure, he was interested in Else’s meals and sleeping arrangements. For example, whether the new bedding was uncomfortable. If the food did not suit her taste because of the heat, how about trying northern cuisine? He even said that if Else wanted, he would send a cook from his castle. It was too much interest. Else glanced at Jules, but she was only looking at her husband’s handsome face with her clear eyes. Else shook her head, saying that it was too much to ask of him to send a cook.
She glanced at Millium. Millium looked uncomfortable inside, but he didn't show it to Count Loper, who was much higher in status than him. However, when he was alone with Else, he would swear at her so harshly that it was deafening.
'This fucking bastard. What kind of bastard should have his intestines ripped out and fed to pigs, looking at another man's wife?'
Her thin, bloodless lips twitched viciously. Else pretended not to hear and continued embroidering. Seeing him, Millium threw the embroidery Else was doing on the floor. Then he glared at Else and grabbed her hair.
'Because you keep dragging yourself around like that, a bastard with a wife and a child is going to get offended.'
The hand that grabbed her long hair and shook it back and forth was fierce. Else tried not to react. The violence that Millium used did not deeply wound Else. No matter how dirty the curses were and how viciously he swung her fists... It was okay. It wouldn’t be long. She just wanted to protect the baby. That was all.
What Ian had spilled to her. What he had spilled without even realizing it. Else would definitely protect it.
Time passed by fleetingly and without passion. The green barley that swayed in the summer fields of Lugdun had already ripened and was harvested by farmers. The twilight of Lugdun was the color of ripe persimmons, and when Else went out to the balcony and closed her eyes, she felt surrounded by the subtle scent of persimmon blossoms. The past dozen years or so had all belonged to Ian.
In the fragments of her unworn, clear memories, that man was always there, lingering and healing, and Else was helplessly swayed by him. Her world, was carved out by her own hands. Her everything. Would it have been better if the child hadn't been growing in her stomach?
The afterimage that would not fade was painful. The more Millium, who had drawn that it could not have any meaning because it could not cause her even a small internal injury, crushed her, the heavier and larger Ian's afterimage became.
And so, winter came. Else was looking at her widowed mother in her black dress. Her skin was the color of warm wheat, without a single wrinkle. Her green eyes. Her long, elegantly curved eyelashes. Her blond hair flowed dazzlingly. She was a woman who had shamelessly eaten herself to the point of revealing her bare bottom for the past twenty years.
***
Time passed by fleetingly and without passion. The green barley that swayed in the summer fields of Lugdun had already ripened and was harvested by farmers. The twilight of Lugdun was the color of ripe persimmons, and when Else went out to the balcony and closed her eyes, she felt surrounded by the subtle scent of persimmon blossoms. The past dozen years or so had all belonged to Ian.
In the fragments of her unworn, clear memories, that man was always there, lingering and healing, and Else was helplessly swayed by him. Her world, was carved out by her own hands. Her everything. Would it have been better if the child hadn't been growing in her stomach?
The afterimage that would not fade was painful. The more Millium, who had drawn that it could not have any meaning because it could not cause her even a small internal injury, crushed her, the heavier and larger Ian's afterimage became.
And so, winter came. Else was looking at her widowed mother in her black dress. Her skin was the color of warm wheat, without a single wrinkle. Her green eyes. Her long, elegantly curved eyelashes. Her blond hair flowed dazzlingly. She was a woman who had shamelessly eaten herself to the point of revealing her bare bottom for the past twenty years.
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