"I am..."
I didn't even think about leaning on anyone.
No, I didn't think about leaning on it.
A person I could lean on was someone I could trust with all my heart, and that person was ultimately someone precious to me.
And the person who is precious to me is...
I'm afraid I'll lose you too.
Just like it has always been.
So I was always in denial.
That Carsis is not special to me.
So I pushed him away and didn't lean on him.
No, I didn't rely on anyone.
“If you disappear too... like my parents... like my mother, if you disappear so suddenly, I...”
But I couldn't continue speaking after that.
Because Carsis swallowed my lips.
After a while, he moved away from me and said.
“I will never leave you alone.”
If Bellona leaves him, he will go to where Bellona is.
“So don’t leave me either.”
Please don't leave me alone in this world.
Carsis whispered softly for a moment.
His hot breath burst out through his lips and engulfed Bellona.
As if he was going to pour out all the emotions he had been holding into her.
I closed my eyes as I watched the man pushing me as if he was going to eat me.
Then the tears that had been gathering in my eyes flowed down my cheeks.
Why didn't I know?
It's been a long time since Carsis became someone precious to me.
Just as I was afraid of losing Carsis, he was also afraid of losing me.
I felt the emotions I had been trying to ignore and deny bursting out of my chest like a flood.
'I'm probably going to...'
I love you.
That fact made me feel as if I was about to cry, and the lukewarm blood in my body became hot as if it were on fire.
At a time when the sound of rain hitting the ground filled the silence between us.
I, unable to bear the breath rising to the tip of my throat, pushed his shoulder away.
“I promise.”
Then I caressed his face and began to tell him what he most wanted to hear.
“I won’t leave you alone.”
I imagined a day when this long, tiresome, and seemingly endless fight would end.
One day when a pleasant breeze blows under a clear sky.
A day when I walk hand in hand with you through the wildflowers in full bloom, with the leaves of grass tickling my ankles beneath my feet.
“So you promise too.”
My white fingers slowly ran over Carsis's face.
“Never leave me alone.”
Carsis answered, holding my slightly trembling finger.
“I told you. I will never leave you alone. If you leave me first, I will come find you.”
Wherever it is.
I smiled faintly at Carsis's firm answer.
“Then I’ll be waiting.”
Until you come looking for me.
Just like you were waiting for me in the past.
At the same time, our lips overlapped again.
The two of us comforted each other and longed for each other, dreaming of a future we would create together someday.
Gertz, inside the mansion of Duke Philosykos.
Graham, who was sitting in the hall, welcomed his son with open arms as he walked through the door.
“Come in, my son.”
It was Ernest's return only about two weeks after he left Gertz to bring back Riventia.
Before Ernest arrived in Gertz, the Emperor, who had heard from the knights who had arrived earlier that he had succeeded in his mission, was waiting for him with joy.
"Your Majesty."
Ernest, who had reached where Graham was, knelt down and bowed.
“I have returned with the Riventia that Your Majesty commanded.”
“Your Highness, the relationship between father and son is very strained.”
He consoled him, showing the side of a caring father he had never shown before.
“You’ve had a hard time. So where is Riventia?”
Ernest, who had been silent for a moment at the Emperor's words, held out a small wooden box.
At this, Graham smiled brightly and took out the Riventia from the box.
“It’s finally in my hands.”
The Emperor, who was touching Riventia as if it was a new experience, said.
“You’ve worked hard. You must have had a hard time coming and going from a long distance, so go in and rest.”
His gaze did not leave Riventia, as if he had no more business with Ernest.
Ernest, who had been quietly staring at the Emperor's appearance, licked his lips.
“...Was it really necessary to kill the Duchess of Crete?”
The Duchess's corpse, cold and frozen, was vividly pictured in his mind. The face of a woman who had been poisoned and washed up in the cold river, smiling faintly as if she had something good to offer.
That face became a sharp blade of guilt to Ernest, slicing into his heart.
Ernest thought about this countless times while coming here.
The reason why the Duchess had to die.
Why did the villagers have to be sacrificed?
Why did an innocent child have to end his life?
But in the end, Ernest was unable to come up with an answer.
He just couldn't understand his father.
Graham, who had been looking at the necklace with a satisfied expression, raised his head at Ernest's question.
“Well...”
Then, two pairs of red-tinted eyes collided in the air.
“Because there was no reason not to kill.”
The Emperor answered as if asking something so obvious.
“The biggest reason was to kill Bellona too. That seems to have failed though.”
He licked his lips, as if bitter at the fact that he had not found Bellona's body.
It was no easy task to kill Bellona, who possessed the power of obedience. She could freely control people's minds just by making eye contact.
That was one of the reasons why he poisoned the Duchess.
He used the Duchess as a distraction to prevent Bellona from noticing that the groom had been replaced by someone else.
To make Bellona, who was flustered by the sight of the poisoned Duchess, get into the carriage without even having time to look around.
After finishing speaking, Graham clicked his tongue and began to criticize Ernest.
“You weakling. That’s all you can do because of who you are.”
He said Ernest did something he liked for the first time in a long time.
Graham looked at Ernest with disapproval for asking such a stupid question.
“As the saying goes, a ruler should not be swayed by personal feelings and do bad things. Just like you.”
The Emperor took a step closer to Ernest.
“You will gain nothing from feelings like sympathy, pity, recognition, and goodwill. Rather, they will become your weaknesses and one day strangle you.”
Ernest furrowed his brows as a strong, unfamiliar smell tickled his nose. The Emperor continued speaking, seemingly unaware of Ernest’s condition.
“Son, we don’t need such weak emotions. If we can’t step on the weeds on the ground, we can’t move forward.”
He added as he returned to where the Emperor had been patting Ernest on the shoulder.
“So, put away your useless thoughts and just do as I say. Then I will put everything I had in your hands.”
With those words, the Emperor left the hall.
After Graham left.
In that place where the cold air lingered, only Ernest was left alone.
“It’s a weed growing on the ground.”
Ernest, who had been standing there in silence, repeated the Emperor's words in a self-mocking voice.
I didn't even think about leaning on anyone.
No, I didn't think about leaning on it.
A person I could lean on was someone I could trust with all my heart, and that person was ultimately someone precious to me.
And the person who is precious to me is...
The tears that had been gathering in my eyes suddenly fell.
It felt like all the emotions I had been suppressing were about to burst out.
Something I never wanted to show to anyone.
My weak true feelings that I didn't want anyone to see began to be revealed.
“Carsis, actually I... am having a hard time.”
It was so hard and painful that I wanted to give up everything.
I suddenly remembered a fairy tale book I had read as a child.
The story of the long-tailed lizard and the eagle that laid eggs.
One day, a hungry lizard ate an eagle's eggs in its nest, and the eagle took revenge on the lizard for eating its eggs by cutting off the lizard's tail and eating it.
And the eagle that ate the lizard's tail laid eggs again, and the lizard that had its tail eaten ate the eagle's eggs again in revenge.
I said that my current appearance was just like an eagle eating a lizard's tail and a lizard eating an eagle's eggs.
The never-ending cycle of evil.
I felt like I was trapped in a never-ending cycle of eating and being eaten like lizards and eagles until someone gave up.
“I’ve been running only for revenge until now...”
Revenge on those who killed the people I love.
I endured everything by looking only at that one thing.
However.
“I lost more than I gained.”
I wanted to stop, but I didn't know how to stop.
I was afraid.
I wonder if there are more precious beings I am unaware of. And I wonder if I will lose them again.
So I'm afraid that I'll have to go through the same feeling of loss that comes after losing it.
“I’m scared, Carsis.”
It wasn't long before I realized that I had something precious to me.
I was just denying that there was someone precious to me.
“Everything I love and cherish is gone... So...”
It felt like all the emotions I had been suppressing were about to burst out.
Something I never wanted to show to anyone.
My weak true feelings that I didn't want anyone to see began to be revealed.
“Carsis, actually I... am having a hard time.”
It was so hard and painful that I wanted to give up everything.
I suddenly remembered a fairy tale book I had read as a child.
The story of the long-tailed lizard and the eagle that laid eggs.
One day, a hungry lizard ate an eagle's eggs in its nest, and the eagle took revenge on the lizard for eating its eggs by cutting off the lizard's tail and eating it.
And the eagle that ate the lizard's tail laid eggs again, and the lizard that had its tail eaten ate the eagle's eggs again in revenge.
I said that my current appearance was just like an eagle eating a lizard's tail and a lizard eating an eagle's eggs.
The never-ending cycle of evil.
I felt like I was trapped in a never-ending cycle of eating and being eaten like lizards and eagles until someone gave up.
“I’ve been running only for revenge until now...”
Revenge on those who killed the people I love.
I endured everything by looking only at that one thing.
However.
“I lost more than I gained.”
I wanted to stop, but I didn't know how to stop.
I was afraid.
I wonder if there are more precious beings I am unaware of. And I wonder if I will lose them again.
So I'm afraid that I'll have to go through the same feeling of loss that comes after losing it.
“I’m scared, Carsis.”
It wasn't long before I realized that I had something precious to me.
I was just denying that there was someone precious to me.
“Everything I love and cherish is gone... So...”
I'm afraid I'll lose you too.
Just like it has always been.
So I was always in denial.
That Carsis is not special to me.
So I pushed him away and didn't lean on him.
No, I didn't rely on anyone.
“If you disappear too... like my parents... like my mother, if you disappear so suddenly, I...”
But I couldn't continue speaking after that.
Because Carsis swallowed my lips.
After a while, he moved away from me and said.
“I will never leave you alone.”
If Bellona leaves him, he will go to where Bellona is.
“So don’t leave me either.”
Please don't leave me alone in this world.
Carsis whispered softly for a moment.
His hot breath burst out through his lips and engulfed Bellona.
As if he was going to pour out all the emotions he had been holding into her.
I closed my eyes as I watched the man pushing me as if he was going to eat me.
Then the tears that had been gathering in my eyes flowed down my cheeks.
Why didn't I know?
It's been a long time since Carsis became someone precious to me.
Just as I was afraid of losing Carsis, he was also afraid of losing me.
I felt the emotions I had been trying to ignore and deny bursting out of my chest like a flood.
'I'm probably going to...'
I love you.
That fact made me feel as if I was about to cry, and the lukewarm blood in my body became hot as if it were on fire.
At a time when the sound of rain hitting the ground filled the silence between us.
I, unable to bear the breath rising to the tip of my throat, pushed his shoulder away.
“I promise.”
Then I caressed his face and began to tell him what he most wanted to hear.
“I won’t leave you alone.”
I imagined a day when this long, tiresome, and seemingly endless fight would end.
One day when a pleasant breeze blows under a clear sky.
A day when I walk hand in hand with you through the wildflowers in full bloom, with the leaves of grass tickling my ankles beneath my feet.
“So you promise too.”
My white fingers slowly ran over Carsis's face.
“Never leave me alone.”
Carsis answered, holding my slightly trembling finger.
“I told you. I will never leave you alone. If you leave me first, I will come find you.”
Wherever it is.
I smiled faintly at Carsis's firm answer.
“Then I’ll be waiting.”
Until you come looking for me.
Just like you were waiting for me in the past.
At the same time, our lips overlapped again.
The two of us comforted each other and longed for each other, dreaming of a future we would create together someday.
***
Gertz, inside the mansion of Duke Philosykos.
Graham, who was sitting in the hall, welcomed his son with open arms as he walked through the door.
“Come in, my son.”
It was Ernest's return only about two weeks after he left Gertz to bring back Riventia.
Before Ernest arrived in Gertz, the Emperor, who had heard from the knights who had arrived earlier that he had succeeded in his mission, was waiting for him with joy.
"Your Majesty."
Ernest, who had reached where Graham was, knelt down and bowed.
“I have returned with the Riventia that Your Majesty commanded.”
“Your Highness, the relationship between father and son is very strained.”
He consoled him, showing the side of a caring father he had never shown before.
“You’ve had a hard time. So where is Riventia?”
Ernest, who had been silent for a moment at the Emperor's words, held out a small wooden box.
At this, Graham smiled brightly and took out the Riventia from the box.
“It’s finally in my hands.”
The Emperor, who was touching Riventia as if it was a new experience, said.
“You’ve worked hard. You must have had a hard time coming and going from a long distance, so go in and rest.”
His gaze did not leave Riventia, as if he had no more business with Ernest.
Ernest, who had been quietly staring at the Emperor's appearance, licked his lips.
“...Was it really necessary to kill the Duchess of Crete?”
The Duchess's corpse, cold and frozen, was vividly pictured in his mind. The face of a woman who had been poisoned and washed up in the cold river, smiling faintly as if she had something good to offer.
That face became a sharp blade of guilt to Ernest, slicing into his heart.
Ernest thought about this countless times while coming here.
The reason why the Duchess had to die.
Why did the villagers have to be sacrificed?
Why did an innocent child have to end his life?
But in the end, Ernest was unable to come up with an answer.
He just couldn't understand his father.
Graham, who had been looking at the necklace with a satisfied expression, raised his head at Ernest's question.
“Well...”
Then, two pairs of red-tinted eyes collided in the air.
“Because there was no reason not to kill.”
The Emperor answered as if asking something so obvious.
“The biggest reason was to kill Bellona too. That seems to have failed though.”
He licked his lips, as if bitter at the fact that he had not found Bellona's body.
It was no easy task to kill Bellona, who possessed the power of obedience. She could freely control people's minds just by making eye contact.
That was one of the reasons why he poisoned the Duchess.
He used the Duchess as a distraction to prevent Bellona from noticing that the groom had been replaced by someone else.
To make Bellona, who was flustered by the sight of the poisoned Duchess, get into the carriage without even having time to look around.
After finishing speaking, Graham clicked his tongue and began to criticize Ernest.
“You weakling. That’s all you can do because of who you are.”
He said Ernest did something he liked for the first time in a long time.
Graham looked at Ernest with disapproval for asking such a stupid question.
“As the saying goes, a ruler should not be swayed by personal feelings and do bad things. Just like you.”
The Emperor took a step closer to Ernest.
“You will gain nothing from feelings like sympathy, pity, recognition, and goodwill. Rather, they will become your weaknesses and one day strangle you.”
Ernest furrowed his brows as a strong, unfamiliar smell tickled his nose. The Emperor continued speaking, seemingly unaware of Ernest’s condition.
“Son, we don’t need such weak emotions. If we can’t step on the weeds on the ground, we can’t move forward.”
He added as he returned to where the Emperor had been patting Ernest on the shoulder.
“So, put away your useless thoughts and just do as I say. Then I will put everything I had in your hands.”
With those words, the Emperor left the hall.
After Graham left.
In that place where the cold air lingered, only Ernest was left alone.
“It’s a weed growing on the ground.”
Ernest, who had been standing there in silence, repeated the Emperor's words in a self-mocking voice.
Support Novellate!
Comments
Post a Comment