Only then did the cold gaze turn to Zachary again. Laskan wiped the corners of his mouth with an indifferent expression.
Zachary wasn't entirely wrong. Every time the season she disappeared came around, yes, Laskan never managed to survive it with his sanity.
It was too much to think of a woman he had dated for only a year during his childhood. They were too young to talk about love and ten years too young to talk about loyalty.
So it wasn't loyalty or love or anything. It was just guilt. Just a single letter asking her to visit the Ashakabad Duchy without knowing the subject, out of pride that the winter tree she had been longing to see had bloomed. And that day was the last day the Princess existed as a Princess.
He followed his father's desperate steps and came face to face with the corpses of the Crown Princess and her husband.
Covered in blood and with his head half-crushed. That was a gruesome sight.
In the meantime, he would feel a brief sense of relief when he realized that the young Princess was no longer there, but then he would quickly sink into a quagmire when he realized that it was the result of the letter he had sent with his own hands.
It was a nightmare that would repeat itself every year, every time that season came around. Every time that tree in the garden bloomed, every time he saw that tree in bloom.
However, it was a time when he couldn't even bring himself to pull out the last trace of the Princess.
The world has been packaging that guilt in various ways, and that is why the disrespectful and inconsiderate behavior he showed toward his future fiancée, Princess Veronica, was, to some extent, socially tolerated.
The world may not know about his fits, but they know that whenever that season comes around, the Little Duke, now the Duke, will take refuge in the mansion.
“It never happened while I was on a mission. It must be because my memory has faded.”
Laskan looked down at the woman.
“I’m sorry, Anastasia, but...”
“Anastasia?”
A stunning response came back. Laskan opened the window a little more, pretending not to hear Zachary's astonishment. So that the woman's voice could be heard better.
Anastasia. Yes, Anastasia. The fake Princess he had created, who might be real. The words floated across his lips like sin.
It seemed like his life, which he had lived uprightly all his life, would be like a swamp in front of that name. He would resort to such dirty tricks just to revive that name.
“...I have to keep it a secret for the rest of my life.”
But it was that afternoon that the Duke suffered a seizure and fell from his horse.
It wasn't a big deal just because it was a seizure.
You simply can't breathe, your vision goes black, your limbs become cold and stiff, you can't even perceive sounds around you, and soon you can't control your entire body.
Then, when you go over the limit, you will faint like a puppet whose strings have been cut.
What used to take three days to wake up from the first faint now only took half a day.
Maybe it was proof that he had become accustomed to it, or maybe it felt like proof that as time passed, he had lessened his guilt. Even though he still felt guilty just thinking about it.
Even if it was only for half a day, such a defect was more than inappropriate for the commander-in-chief of the war.
However, he thoroughly hid his symptoms from the world and volunteered for the most dangerous and difficult battlefields.
If he were to die gloriously in the end, if he were to prove his loyalty to the Imperial Family, the remaining Ashkabad would inevitably be freed from the Emperor's suspicions.
These days, he acts like he really wants to die.
Laskan slowly got up.
“Are you awake?”
He blinked at the unrealistic voice. It was Sasha. He didn't know why she was here.
He opened his mouth, feeling half-dazed.
“Why on earth are you here...”
“Albert asked me to come in for a moment.”
That answer alone gave him a good idea.
Her identity was only allowed to a select few. Just as Laskan had planted a person in Duke Kairak's mansion, it would naturally be the Duke of Kairak's eyes in Duke Ashkabad's mansion as well.
No matter how thoroughly you search for them, you can't find every single one of them that is temporarily seducing 13-year-old children.
Therefore, the woman's official position was that of a commoner woman who would stay for a while even with the butler Albert.
Since he had ‘officially’ given such a woman a bedroom as a concubine... Albert’s misunderstanding that she was the Duke’s woman was, in a way, a natural progression.
Since the concubine was the only one who could enter the Duke's bedroom without permission, there would have been no other choice.
“You fell off your horse because you was tired...”
No one ever faints from exhaustion on horseback. He put his hand to his face, feeling a burning sensation in his ears.
“You can go now.”
He sat up in bed and leaned his back against the cushions.
“Just look at what you eat.”
She seemed more passionate than ever before, no matter how he conveyed the message.
Not that it wasn't; she had prepared a small tray with ointment, bandages, water, and even soup. It seemed like she hadn't waited long since the soup was still steaming. If she hadn't woken up while she was preparing it, she would have just told him to come down.
Coincidentally, it was fortunate that they woke up at a similar time and unfortunate that it was the worst of luck. In that, he was a little more embarrassed.
“No, that’s fine. Just call Albert instead.”
“I am here, why?”
It was frustrating to see her ask so innocently. Dangerously, in a man's bedroom, in such an unguarded manner...
But all thoughts quickly dispersed. There was no danger anyway. He wasn't a horny animal, so he wouldn't put her in danger. Then it was okay, wasn't it?
While he was pondering over a pointless topic, she came over to the end of the bed and sat down. Sasha reached out and touched Laskan's forehead.
He flinched as if fire were drawing near. Her hands were small, soft, and cool.
“I don’t think you have a fever.”
As she halfway learned the etiquette, he found even the halfway honorifics somewhat cute...This time, the aftereffects of the seizure seemed to last a while.
He grabbed her wrist. As soon as he touched it, his heart started beating strangely, so Laskan moved his hand away from his body and spoke briefly.
“It’s okay though.”
“Are you really not going to eat?”
Sasha asked worriedly, as if such unnaturalness were evidence of illness.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Then apply this. Lisa gave it to me. She said it’s good for bruises.”
“...”
“Please don’t refuse this.”
He wanted to refuse this time too, but when he saw those stern, frowning eyes, it was somehow difficult to resist.
He dabbed the ointment she offered him and roughly applied it to his arm. He was feeling increasingly strange. He felt that he would calm down if he could get her out of his sight as quickly as possible.
From the moment he woke up, his heart started to tighten and then sank repeatedly. Yes, from the moment Anastasia’s face appeared on top of his.
“You should apply it here too.”
She stretched out her finger and gently spread the ointment that had clumped up without the public's permission. Her cute eyebrows were furrowed, as if she was worried about him, who was much taller than her...
Is this what it feels like when a kitten licks a wound with all its might? All those years of being tense and holding his breath were relieved by just this small touch.
“...It hurts here too.”
He held out his arm, which was not sore at all. When he held it out, he saw that there was a bruise, but there was no pain, so it was half a lie.
But he was satisfied that she looked quite sick on the outside because she had a worried look on her face once more.
“Are you in a lot of pain?”
“Here too.”
He shamelessly pointed to the back of his neck, which didn't hurt at all. She was quite diligent in applying ointment with her small hands.
She said with a sigh.
“I see you were really hurt.”
He don't know who taught her the fucking words 'hurt', but even her weird use of grammar was strangely cute.
It felt a little strange since he had never felt this way towards anyone, but it wasn't a bad feeling.
But Laskan couldn't just lie and say he was tired after hearing those worries.
“It’s a seizure.”
The confession came as an impulse. It made his promise to never find out about it for the rest of his life seem meaningless. At least if they were to discuss marriage in the future, she had the right to know which psychopath she was choosing.
He had thought that after several seasons had passed without incident, he would not have a seizure again, so he had dared to promise to lie to himself... But now that it had happened again, it was right to reveal it.
“My first seizure started when I was thirteen. The word seizure was more appropriate then than it is now. They were more violent, less organized, and even made my limbs tremble like a madman.”
“...”
“It seems like the cause was the disappearance of the Princess. It’s hard to be sure because the period passed without a hitch. However, the following year, as the anniversary of the Princess’s disappearance approached, I had my first seizure...”
He buried his tired face in his dry hands.
“After that, whenever this season came around, I would lose consciousness irregularly and without warning.”
“...”
“It’s my fault that the Crown Princess and her husband passed away. It’s also my fault that Her Highness the Princess went missing.”
“...”
“Because I called her all out directly through my letters.”
Zachary wasn't entirely wrong. Every time the season she disappeared came around, yes, Laskan never managed to survive it with his sanity.
It was too much to think of a woman he had dated for only a year during his childhood. They were too young to talk about love and ten years too young to talk about loyalty.
So it wasn't loyalty or love or anything. It was just guilt. Just a single letter asking her to visit the Ashakabad Duchy without knowing the subject, out of pride that the winter tree she had been longing to see had bloomed. And that day was the last day the Princess existed as a Princess.
He followed his father's desperate steps and came face to face with the corpses of the Crown Princess and her husband.
Covered in blood and with his head half-crushed. That was a gruesome sight.
In the meantime, he would feel a brief sense of relief when he realized that the young Princess was no longer there, but then he would quickly sink into a quagmire when he realized that it was the result of the letter he had sent with his own hands.
It was a nightmare that would repeat itself every year, every time that season came around. Every time that tree in the garden bloomed, every time he saw that tree in bloom.
However, it was a time when he couldn't even bring himself to pull out the last trace of the Princess.
The world has been packaging that guilt in various ways, and that is why the disrespectful and inconsiderate behavior he showed toward his future fiancée, Princess Veronica, was, to some extent, socially tolerated.
The world may not know about his fits, but they know that whenever that season comes around, the Little Duke, now the Duke, will take refuge in the mansion.
“It never happened while I was on a mission. It must be because my memory has faded.”
Laskan looked down at the woman.
“I’m sorry, Anastasia, but...”
“Anastasia?”
A stunning response came back. Laskan opened the window a little more, pretending not to hear Zachary's astonishment. So that the woman's voice could be heard better.
Anastasia. Yes, Anastasia. The fake Princess he had created, who might be real. The words floated across his lips like sin.
It seemed like his life, which he had lived uprightly all his life, would be like a swamp in front of that name. He would resort to such dirty tricks just to revive that name.
“...I have to keep it a secret for the rest of my life.”
But it was that afternoon that the Duke suffered a seizure and fell from his horse.
***
It wasn't a big deal just because it was a seizure.
You simply can't breathe, your vision goes black, your limbs become cold and stiff, you can't even perceive sounds around you, and soon you can't control your entire body.
Then, when you go over the limit, you will faint like a puppet whose strings have been cut.
What used to take three days to wake up from the first faint now only took half a day.
Maybe it was proof that he had become accustomed to it, or maybe it felt like proof that as time passed, he had lessened his guilt. Even though he still felt guilty just thinking about it.
Even if it was only for half a day, such a defect was more than inappropriate for the commander-in-chief of the war.
However, he thoroughly hid his symptoms from the world and volunteered for the most dangerous and difficult battlefields.
If he were to die gloriously in the end, if he were to prove his loyalty to the Imperial Family, the remaining Ashkabad would inevitably be freed from the Emperor's suspicions.
These days, he acts like he really wants to die.
Laskan slowly got up.
“Are you awake?”
He blinked at the unrealistic voice. It was Sasha. He didn't know why she was here.
He opened his mouth, feeling half-dazed.
“Why on earth are you here...”
“Albert asked me to come in for a moment.”
That answer alone gave him a good idea.
Her identity was only allowed to a select few. Just as Laskan had planted a person in Duke Kairak's mansion, it would naturally be the Duke of Kairak's eyes in Duke Ashkabad's mansion as well.
No matter how thoroughly you search for them, you can't find every single one of them that is temporarily seducing 13-year-old children.
Therefore, the woman's official position was that of a commoner woman who would stay for a while even with the butler Albert.
Since he had ‘officially’ given such a woman a bedroom as a concubine... Albert’s misunderstanding that she was the Duke’s woman was, in a way, a natural progression.
Since the concubine was the only one who could enter the Duke's bedroom without permission, there would have been no other choice.
“You fell off your horse because you was tired...”
No one ever faints from exhaustion on horseback. He put his hand to his face, feeling a burning sensation in his ears.
“You can go now.”
He sat up in bed and leaned his back against the cushions.
“Just look at what you eat.”
She seemed more passionate than ever before, no matter how he conveyed the message.
Not that it wasn't; she had prepared a small tray with ointment, bandages, water, and even soup. It seemed like she hadn't waited long since the soup was still steaming. If she hadn't woken up while she was preparing it, she would have just told him to come down.
Coincidentally, it was fortunate that they woke up at a similar time and unfortunate that it was the worst of luck. In that, he was a little more embarrassed.
“No, that’s fine. Just call Albert instead.”
“I am here, why?”
It was frustrating to see her ask so innocently. Dangerously, in a man's bedroom, in such an unguarded manner...
But all thoughts quickly dispersed. There was no danger anyway. He wasn't a horny animal, so he wouldn't put her in danger. Then it was okay, wasn't it?
While he was pondering over a pointless topic, she came over to the end of the bed and sat down. Sasha reached out and touched Laskan's forehead.
He flinched as if fire were drawing near. Her hands were small, soft, and cool.
“I don’t think you have a fever.”
As she halfway learned the etiquette, he found even the halfway honorifics somewhat cute...This time, the aftereffects of the seizure seemed to last a while.
He grabbed her wrist. As soon as he touched it, his heart started beating strangely, so Laskan moved his hand away from his body and spoke briefly.
“It’s okay though.”
“Are you really not going to eat?”
Sasha asked worriedly, as if such unnaturalness were evidence of illness.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Then apply this. Lisa gave it to me. She said it’s good for bruises.”
“...”
“Please don’t refuse this.”
He wanted to refuse this time too, but when he saw those stern, frowning eyes, it was somehow difficult to resist.
He dabbed the ointment she offered him and roughly applied it to his arm. He was feeling increasingly strange. He felt that he would calm down if he could get her out of his sight as quickly as possible.
From the moment he woke up, his heart started to tighten and then sank repeatedly. Yes, from the moment Anastasia’s face appeared on top of his.
“You should apply it here too.”
She stretched out her finger and gently spread the ointment that had clumped up without the public's permission. Her cute eyebrows were furrowed, as if she was worried about him, who was much taller than her...
Is this what it feels like when a kitten licks a wound with all its might? All those years of being tense and holding his breath were relieved by just this small touch.
“...It hurts here too.”
He held out his arm, which was not sore at all. When he held it out, he saw that there was a bruise, but there was no pain, so it was half a lie.
But he was satisfied that she looked quite sick on the outside because she had a worried look on her face once more.
“Are you in a lot of pain?”
“Here too.”
He shamelessly pointed to the back of his neck, which didn't hurt at all. She was quite diligent in applying ointment with her small hands.
She said with a sigh.
“I see you were really hurt.”
He don't know who taught her the fucking words 'hurt', but even her weird use of grammar was strangely cute.
It felt a little strange since he had never felt this way towards anyone, but it wasn't a bad feeling.
But Laskan couldn't just lie and say he was tired after hearing those worries.
“It’s a seizure.”
The confession came as an impulse. It made his promise to never find out about it for the rest of his life seem meaningless. At least if they were to discuss marriage in the future, she had the right to know which psychopath she was choosing.
He had thought that after several seasons had passed without incident, he would not have a seizure again, so he had dared to promise to lie to himself... But now that it had happened again, it was right to reveal it.
“My first seizure started when I was thirteen. The word seizure was more appropriate then than it is now. They were more violent, less organized, and even made my limbs tremble like a madman.”
“...”
“It seems like the cause was the disappearance of the Princess. It’s hard to be sure because the period passed without a hitch. However, the following year, as the anniversary of the Princess’s disappearance approached, I had my first seizure...”
He buried his tired face in his dry hands.
“After that, whenever this season came around, I would lose consciousness irregularly and without warning.”
“...”
“It’s my fault that the Crown Princess and her husband passed away. It’s also my fault that Her Highness the Princess went missing.”
“...”
“Because I called her all out directly through my letters.”
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