"I've completed the check. There was nothing suspicious."
Kishian, who heard the maid's report from outside the carriage, nodded in agreement.
I was so nervous inside that I immediately closed the windows and curtains.
"Ah..."
Since we've done this much, it seems like we won't be searching again.
I took one last look around. I knew I was the only one in the carriage, but I was still wondering.
Only after checking thoroughly did I spit out what I had been hiding in my mouth the whole time onto my palm.
That little-death that I had tried hard not to bite even by accident rolled out like a snail.
I stared at the poison that looked so black on my white palm, and then I burst out laughing.
I was very nervous because I was afraid that I might accidentally bite something while riding on a swaying horse.
Still, I thought it was a good thing that I had kept it so thoroughly hidden in my mouth. If I had put it in a normal bottle or something, it would have been taken away during the body search just now.
"I'm afraid that my precious wife might make an extreme choice. It's not right for you to just leave on your own like that. And it hasn't even started yet..."
Yes, if it were Kishian, who would not even allow me to escape to death, he would have tried to take this poison away from me and prevent my suicide.
Even so, I had no intention of letting others decide my death.
'I didn't choose my birth, nor my marriage. But death... death itself...'
My death was something I had to decide for myself.
If Kishian were to abuse me so terribly that I felt it would be better for me to die, then I planned to crush and chew this medicine in my hand.
Then this little poison will bring me into the arms of a comfortable death within minutes.
Even if Kishian holds onto my body and belatedly grumbles and lashes out, it will be of no use. His anger and verbal abuse will not reach my soul, which has already departed.
'I must never lose it.'
I safely transferred it to a small container that I had brought from the palace in advance.
And then I hid it again in my bag, among my cosmetics.
Since the baggage search had already been completed, there was no chance of getting caught.
"..."
Since I was alone in the carriage, I was far from Kishian, and there was no poison in my mouth. It didn't take long for me to nod off, feeling completely relaxed.
Outside, Kishian could be heard giving orders to his soldiers.
I might have a nightmare I thought as I closed my eyes.
***
As expected, a nightmare came over me.
The nightmare was always similar, but this time I was back in the past and was a six-year-old girl.
'Six-year-old Elona', who was taking a peaceful nap with her twin sister, suddenly woke up to the sound of chattering. Then, I accidentally overhear the maids' conversation.
"Princess Elona is gentle, but don't you sometimes feel a shadow that is not childish?"
"That's right. Even during painting class, she always drew dark pictures. Isn't it strange? Even though they look exactly alike, Princess Letie is completely different."
At the time, I was young and couldn't even say that I had woken up, so I just listened.
Those who usually treated Letie and me equally kindly were secretly comparing us to each other...?
It was quite a shocking fact for a six-year-old who had not yet properly learned what discrimination was.
The maids, who thought the young Princesses were still asleep, continued to chatter without caution.
"That's why everyone predicted that the savior in the prophecy would be Princess Letie. But it seems more likely that Princess Letie, who is bright and kind, will be the savior..."
"I think so too. Princess Elona doesn't seem to fit in with that atmosphere."
"I saw that mark on Princess Letie's body while I was helping her bathe before. It was as white and beautiful as a diamond. In comparison. Lady Elona's mark was ominously black-"
I couldn't bear to listen any longer, so I pretended to toss and turn and burrowed under the blankets.
Yes, until I overheard that conversation, I thought Letie and I were equal Princesses.
But since that day, I have come to terms with my situation.
Letie is a ray of hope, but I am not.
Letie is the 'savior of the empire' that the prophet spoke of, but I am not.
A spare part that could be sacrificed at any time for the precious savior of the empire, that could be thrown to the Grand Duke at any time...
That was me.
"Princess Letie, Princess Elona, this is a travel gift. Do you like it?"
Before I knew it, the chattering maids had disappeared, and instead, in my dream, a middle-aged man was handing two dolls to the twins.
When was it? A Count who visited the palace gave me a bisque doll as a gift.
The dolls we each received were made to resemble our faces, so they looked exactly the same, but they each wore different clothes.
That little difference caused us to fight again.
"I'll have a doll wearing a blue dress."
"No!! That's mine!!"
It was blue, it was green, it didn't really matter.
Besides, I already had more than enough dolls to play with... When I was little, I didn't want to give them up.
And then my father called me over sobbing and said the same thing he always said.
"Elona, I always say that Letie is a precious seed of salvation that the heavens have bestowed upon the royal family. If the prophecy is true, Letie will one day lift the royal family's curse."
My father had a prophecy from a famous prophet long ago...
[Soon, twin Princesses bearing the mark of God will be born. And one of them will grow up to be the savior who will lift the curse of the royal family and save the empire.]
He reminded me of that prophecy repeatedly as if he was trying to brainwash me.
Of course, the prophet did not specifically point out Letie when he said, "The savior who will save the empire in the future is of course Letie."
Yet, like everyone else, my father believed in Letie as the savior.
Because she was born bright, cute, and above all with a beautiful white glow on her body.
"So, if possible, you should yield and not let Letie's cries echo throughout the palace. The cries of a chiId who is a gift from God... what could be more ominous than that?"
How could I continue to be stubborn after hearing such things? In the end, I gave up the doll in the blue dress.
And the doll in the green dress that no one wanted naturally ended up in my arms.
This time, the doll became a part of my nightmare and began to torment me.
"No one wants me. I'm just an Elona doll. Anyone who receives a worthless doll like me as a gift would be upset. They'd ruin me."
The doll was looking at me and making such a fuss.
Then, for the first time, a new character appeared in my nightmares that were always similar. It was Kishian.
Now it was time to wake up, and at that moment I vaguely realized that I was dreaming.
I watched Kishian with the thought, 'Let's see how far this annoying dream will go.'
In my dream, he snatched the doll from my arms with a nervous gesture.
Then, after looking it over here and there, he just threw it out.
"This is fake."
The fallen doll landed in the mud.
She was called a fake and thrown out miserably simply because she wore a green dress.
"Ahhhh...!!"
As soon as I woke up, a scream escaped my mouth.
It wasn't a dream about being chased by a monster or falling off a cliff, but it was still a terrifying nightmare.
Even now that I'm awake from the dream, the look in Kishian's eyes and voice as he threw the doll away, clearly saying it was 'fake', sent a chill down my bones.
"Your High school!! I heard a scream. Are you okay...?"
It seemed like the nearby maids came running in a hurry after hearing my shout.
They flung open the carriage door without even knocking.
"Your Highness..."
I felt it was strange that the people who had been running around excitedly became quiet as soon as they saw my face, so I ran my hand over my face.
“Ah.”
There was moisture on the tips of my fingers. It was embarrassing enough to scream in my sleep, but I guess I cried too.
First of all, I quickly wiped away the tears.
Only then did the oldest-looking of the three maids step forward cautiously.
"Your Highness, are you alright?"
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