“Huh?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you in advance. I brought you here because I thought you might have a hard time going back right away, but if you’re uncomfortable...”
Sepia quickly shook her head at his words.
“No. Not at all.”
On the contrary, she was grateful.
It would have been difficult to return to the Empress’s Palace with swollen eyes, and there was nowhere else to go this late at night.
“Then that’s fortunate.”
Roxanne smiled slightly.
His smile had the power to put her mind at ease.
Perhaps because there was only one chair, Roxanne was sitting on the edge of the bed.
Holding a mug that was exactly like Sepia’s.
‘It was his space after all.’
The neat interior was clean and smelled good.
Suddenly, she remembered what a scholar had said about being able to know the owner’s personality by looking at his room.
“The room is small, so it’s a little embarrassing.”
“No. I thought it was a good place.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you in advance. I brought you here because I thought you might have a hard time going back right away, but if you’re uncomfortable...”
Sepia quickly shook her head at his words.
“No. Not at all.”
On the contrary, she was grateful.
It would have been difficult to return to the Empress’s Palace with swollen eyes, and there was nowhere else to go this late at night.
“Then that’s fortunate.”
Roxanne smiled slightly.
His smile had the power to put her mind at ease.
Perhaps because there was only one chair, Roxanne was sitting on the edge of the bed.
Holding a mug that was exactly like Sepia’s.
‘It was his space after all.’
The neat interior was clean and smelled good.
Suddenly, she remembered what a scholar had said about being able to know the owner’s personality by looking at his room.
“The room is small, so it’s a little embarrassing.”
“No. I thought it was a good place.”
It wasn’t an empty remark, it really was.
His traces were clearly embedded in every inch of the interior.
Perhaps the sense of relief she felt was Roxanne himself.
'What kind of delusions are you having?'
Sepia was surprised by her own absurd imagination. She carefully looked at Roxanne, and he said as if he knew nothing.
"It's like heaven compared to the battlefield."
Sepia laughed in return at the half-joking, half-serious answer. She was glad that Roxanne didn't know what she was thinking.
'... What should I do now?'
As if waiting for her to regain her composure, a terrible sense of reality followed her.
This winter was particularly cold and long. If she gathered all the remaining finances from last year and reduced all charity projects except for the most important ones, she could reduce the number of people freezing to death even a little.
If she barely made it through winter, spring would come.
Then the Empress's Palace would be allocated this year's finances.
However, the charity projects had expanded to a point where the Empress's Palace alone could not handle them.
The nobles, who knew that the Emperor was blocking charity work along with the national fortune, would keep their eyes on him and close their doors to donations even tighter.
'Even if spring can be maintained somehow, what about summer?'
Many territories in the east and west had serious water shortages.
If they couldn't finish the well construction, many people would suffer from drought.
Then winter would come.
'... I can't handle it with my own strength.'
In the end, she felt so helpless that she couldn't do anything without Demios' permission.
"Sephia."
Was it because the silence had been too long?
When she tried to control her expression, she faced Roxanne.
"If you have any troubles, please tell me."
His strong golden eyes were soft and warm as if they were soothing her inner self.
It was enough to make her want to just touch and lean on him.
"Small or big... Anything is fine. Aren't we close friends?"
Her expression almost fell at his gaze.
Sephia barely managed to smile back.
"It's probably because it's winter that my heart is in a trance. I’m fine.”
In fact, she wasn’t fine.
But she couldn’t tell Roxanne her problems.
‘I can’t be a burden to him.’
Roxanne was a person who couldn’t leave the palace until he found what he wanted.
Demios had been keeping an eye on Roxanne anyway.
Waiting for him to give him something to find fault with. She didn’t want him to have a direct confrontation with the Emperor and cause him problems.
“I see. It doesn’t have to be now. I’ll be waiting for you forever.”
Because we’re friends.
Sepia thought about why she had to follow his words. The reason Roxanne was considerate of her and the fact that they were spending time together now was because they were friends.
There were things that she couldn’t say because they were friends.
And Sepia knew very well that she shouldn’t have feelings for her friend.
“Yes. Thank you.”
Sepia calmed her mind.
Although she couldn’t tell him about her situation, she was truly grateful for Roxanne’s feelings for her.
The wick of the oil lamp burned out.
Sepia hesitated, looking at the flickering light.
'I have to tell him that it's okay now and that I have to go back.'
His traces were clearly embedded in every inch of the interior.
Perhaps the sense of relief she felt was Roxanne himself.
'What kind of delusions are you having?'
Sepia was surprised by her own absurd imagination. She carefully looked at Roxanne, and he said as if he knew nothing.
"It's like heaven compared to the battlefield."
Sepia laughed in return at the half-joking, half-serious answer. She was glad that Roxanne didn't know what she was thinking.
'... What should I do now?'
As if waiting for her to regain her composure, a terrible sense of reality followed her.
This winter was particularly cold and long. If she gathered all the remaining finances from last year and reduced all charity projects except for the most important ones, she could reduce the number of people freezing to death even a little.
If she barely made it through winter, spring would come.
Then the Empress's Palace would be allocated this year's finances.
However, the charity projects had expanded to a point where the Empress's Palace alone could not handle them.
The nobles, who knew that the Emperor was blocking charity work along with the national fortune, would keep their eyes on him and close their doors to donations even tighter.
'Even if spring can be maintained somehow, what about summer?'
Many territories in the east and west had serious water shortages.
If they couldn't finish the well construction, many people would suffer from drought.
Then winter would come.
'... I can't handle it with my own strength.'
In the end, she felt so helpless that she couldn't do anything without Demios' permission.
"Sephia."
Was it because the silence had been too long?
When she tried to control her expression, she faced Roxanne.
"If you have any troubles, please tell me."
His strong golden eyes were soft and warm as if they were soothing her inner self.
It was enough to make her want to just touch and lean on him.
"Small or big... Anything is fine. Aren't we close friends?"
Her expression almost fell at his gaze.
Sephia barely managed to smile back.
"It's probably because it's winter that my heart is in a trance. I’m fine.”
In fact, she wasn’t fine.
But she couldn’t tell Roxanne her problems.
‘I can’t be a burden to him.’
Roxanne was a person who couldn’t leave the palace until he found what he wanted.
Demios had been keeping an eye on Roxanne anyway.
Waiting for him to give him something to find fault with. She didn’t want him to have a direct confrontation with the Emperor and cause him problems.
“I see. It doesn’t have to be now. I’ll be waiting for you forever.”
Because we’re friends.
Sepia thought about why she had to follow his words. The reason Roxanne was considerate of her and the fact that they were spending time together now was because they were friends.
There were things that she couldn’t say because they were friends.
And Sepia knew very well that she shouldn’t have feelings for her friend.
“Yes. Thank you.”
Sepia calmed her mind.
Although she couldn’t tell him about her situation, she was truly grateful for Roxanne’s feelings for her.
The wick of the oil lamp burned out.
Sepia hesitated, looking at the flickering light.
'I have to tell him that it's okay now and that I have to go back.'
She couldn't stay with him forever.
However, she couldn't open her mouth because she thought the moment she left this place, she would be afraid again. Perhaps Roxanne had noticed her hesitation.
However, she couldn't open her mouth because she thought the moment she left this place, she would be afraid again. Perhaps Roxanne had noticed her hesitation.
"Shall we play a game?"
"A game... huh?"
"A game where we share one secret each."
A secret sharing game. Her heart skipped a beat for a moment. Sepia tried to hide her surprise and asked him back.
"...Is there a game like this in the Beastkin Empire?"
It was a game that Demios had first suggested for Sepia during the Huron Empire. After sharing the secrets she had been hiding one by one, she felt at ease. Although reality hadn't changed, she had cried and been comforted in his arms.
"Yes. Children often do this."
"I see."
Only then was she able to feel relieved.
'I almost panicked.'
How could Roxanne know the secrets she and Demios had shared?
But if it was a game that everyone in the Beastkin Empire knew, it would be a different story. It would just be a coincidence. But her pounding heart wouldn’t calm down.
“Let me tell you first.”
He put the glass down on the side table. Only a little tea remained at the bottom of the empty glass.
“Actually, I had a memory problem. Because of that, I couldn’t keep my promise to contact her.”
The person who had the news he couldn’t tell was his past lover. Sepia asked next to the light of Arongjin.
“Are you okay now?”
“Yes. But it took too long for my memory to come back... Maybe I’m still wandering in search of the past.”
The lover continued to wait for Roxanne to contact him, and when he regained his memory, it had already been too long to even tell her the news. The secret that Roxanne couldn’t tell her in the end. To hear a story that even his lover didn’t know. It was too heavy to just tie it up as a game of sharing secrets.
Now it was her turn.
‘What could it be?’
Her own secret had a similar weight to his confession. The inside was quiet, and the outside seen through the curtains was pure white darkness. It was a night when she felt like she could honestly confess everything. Sepia said while looking at the swaying tea.
“...I feel uncomfortable and afraid of the person who should be closest to me. More so than others.”
An unknown illness suddenly appeared. The rejection that could not be cured had grown to the point where it would never recover. So she wanted to ask his lover. About whether the love she chose after giving up waiting was truly happy.
“Did your past lover seem happy?”
Roxanne had found her lover’s whereabouts, so he must have watched what kind of life she was living. It might have been a cruel question to him. Even knowing that she couldn’t stop asking. Roxanne opened his mouth after his earnest gaze.
“I dare say, in my opinion, no.”
Why. Could neither the one who accepted the waiting nor the one who stopped waiting tofind happiness?
Her lips were dry with impatience.
“Then what will happen to her in the future?”
“The choice is up to her.”
Roxanne’s eyes held an unwavering light as if staring directly into the darkness. The play was over. At the moment when darkness shared dawn, Roxanne got up first.
“Can I take you back?”
“Please.”
Sepia returned to the Empress’s Palace. The night they shared their secrets. The sleepless nights continued.
***
A week later in the afternoon. Sepia left the Empress’s Palace in secret. The place she arrived was Revrein’s Home next to the center of the capital. Revrein was the largest home in the capital and served as a connection and communication point for the other homes.
When Sepia got off the carriage, a middle-aged man who had been waiting in advance greeted her. It was Viscount Elon, the director of Revrein’s Home and the overall manager of all the homes in the capital.
“Hello, Empress.”
Elon was a goat-man who was born poor but had succeeded in the merchant business and was given a title.
He was in charge of the overall operations of the poorhouse as Sepia's agent.
"Is everyone here?"
"Yes. We're waiting inside."
Elon guided her. His expression, seen from the side, looked quite serious.
He had also been informed in advance of the suddenly changed budget and the ban on the establishment of a charity department.
The poorhouse conference room.
Before he could even get close, the noise of the quarrel inside could be heard outside.
Elon, angry at this, slammed the door open.
"What is this commotion in front of the Empress!"
"Chief, Chief."
Those who grabbed each other by the collars.
Those who tried to stop the fight.
And the eyes of everyone who had been watching the quarrel gathered and turned to Sepia.
She scanned the messy conference room and gave an order.
"Is everyone here?"
"Yes. We're waiting inside."
Elon guided her. His expression, seen from the side, looked quite serious.
He had also been informed in advance of the suddenly changed budget and the ban on the establishment of a charity department.
The poorhouse conference room.
Before he could even get close, the noise of the quarrel inside could be heard outside.
Elon, angry at this, slammed the door open.
"What is this commotion in front of the Empress!"
"Chief, Chief."
Those who grabbed each other by the collars.
Those who tried to stop the fight.
And the eyes of everyone who had been watching the quarrel gathered and turned to Sepia.
She scanned the messy conference room and gave an order.
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