My staccato, choppy movements were awkward.
“...Yes. Let’s be happy...”
It's already too late for that.
Click.
My body collapsed as I entered the room alone.
I don't even know what was in my head that made me walk all the way here.
I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.
My mind, which had been clear until just a moment ago, began to become clouded as soon as I was left alone.
"Father..."
My tired voice broke the silence in the room.
The last conversation I had with the Duke flashed through my mind.
"Ellie. Was I a good father to you?"
I couldn't forget the Duke's face as he looked down and asked with a shabby look.
What was he thinking in that place filled with damp air?
Did he know that his end would be so miserable?
I didn't realize it at the time, but now that I think about it, the words the Duke left for me were like a will.
'What did I answer then?'
Although I remembered the Duke's voice clearly, I couldn't remember what I had said in response.
Perhaps, I had just vaguely muddled the answer while trying to find a way to help the Duke escape.
Not knowing that it would be the last.
If I had known, I would have given him more of the answer he wanted to hear.
The regret of not being able to say even a single word became a sharp knife that pierced my heart.
People often use the courage of parting to convey to others the words they were unable to say.
But did anyone do that?
When the moment of real separation arrives, it's already too late.
So, before that moment comes, you should tell your loved ones what you haven't been able to say.
And finally, after breaking up like many others, I muttered the words I had been unable to say.
With no one to listen. Towards the empty space filled with silence.
“You were a good father.”
At least for me.
I thought of the Duke staring at me from the pile of corpses, his eyes unclosed.
Although it was a very short time, I was loved so much by them.
Unconditional love and favor towards me.
It was sweet and affectionate, and warm like a cozy blanket to relieve the midwinter chill.
"Ellie."
The Duke's voice lingered in my ears.
“...Goodbye.”
Thanks to you, I was able to feel the happiness of being loved.
At the time, I didn't realize that it was happiness.
Every moment I spent with them was precious.
I, who had been leaning against the cold door, clenched my fists.
In my hand, I held the beads that Elizabeth had given to the Duke.
“Ah, Father ..”
If I had realized a little sooner that Elizabeth was the instigator of the rebellion, would everything have been different?
A heavy sense of guilt weighs on my chest.
Instead of even apologizing in front of their dead bodies.
Laughing and being happy to save a small amount of life.
I hated myself so much.
“Ugh, uh-huh..."
“...Yes. Let’s be happy...”
It's already too late for that.
***
Click.
My body collapsed as I entered the room alone.
I don't even know what was in my head that made me walk all the way here.
I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.
My mind, which had been clear until just a moment ago, began to become clouded as soon as I was left alone.
"Father..."
My tired voice broke the silence in the room.
The last conversation I had with the Duke flashed through my mind.
"Ellie. Was I a good father to you?"
I couldn't forget the Duke's face as he looked down and asked with a shabby look.
What was he thinking in that place filled with damp air?
Did he know that his end would be so miserable?
I didn't realize it at the time, but now that I think about it, the words the Duke left for me were like a will.
'What did I answer then?'
Although I remembered the Duke's voice clearly, I couldn't remember what I had said in response.
Perhaps, I had just vaguely muddled the answer while trying to find a way to help the Duke escape.
Not knowing that it would be the last.
If I had known, I would have given him more of the answer he wanted to hear.
The regret of not being able to say even a single word became a sharp knife that pierced my heart.
People often use the courage of parting to convey to others the words they were unable to say.
But did anyone do that?
When the moment of real separation arrives, it's already too late.
So, before that moment comes, you should tell your loved ones what you haven't been able to say.
And finally, after breaking up like many others, I muttered the words I had been unable to say.
With no one to listen. Towards the empty space filled with silence.
“You were a good father.”
At least for me.
I thought of the Duke staring at me from the pile of corpses, his eyes unclosed.
Although it was a very short time, I was loved so much by them.
Unconditional love and favor towards me.
It was sweet and affectionate, and warm like a cozy blanket to relieve the midwinter chill.
"Ellie."
The Duke's voice lingered in my ears.
“...Goodbye.”
Thanks to you, I was able to feel the happiness of being loved.
At the time, I didn't realize that it was happiness.
Every moment I spent with them was precious.
I, who had been leaning against the cold door, clenched my fists.
In my hand, I held the beads that Elizabeth had given to the Duke.
“Ah, Father ..”
If I had realized a little sooner that Elizabeth was the instigator of the rebellion, would everything have been different?
A heavy sense of guilt weighs on my chest.
Instead of even apologizing in front of their dead bodies.
Laughing and being happy to save a small amount of life.
I hated myself so much.
“Ugh, uh-huh..."
I shed tears of atonement that I had never shown before in front of Jenna.
Even so, I sobbed quietly, holding my breath, as if no one would hear.
Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Please, don't forgive me.
I closed my eyes, apologizing to them constantly.
Degurrurur...
The marble I was holding tightly fell to the floor, making a refreshing sound and disappearing somewhere.
And that night.
I started having nightmares of unknown origins.
A huge flame was billowing under the black sky.
Swallowing up a mansion that was originally beautiful and filled with someone's memories.
And I just stared at it, unable to run away or jump into the flames.
'It's hot.'
It was hot and painful as if my whole body was burning.
So I cried endlessly.
With the hope that by gathering these tears, I can put out that flame.
“Haa, haa...”
I jumped out of bed, breathing heavily.
I moved my head around to figure out where I was.
“Is this a dream...”
My shoulders slumped as I realized it was all a dream.
Already, the fourth day.
I was suffering from an unknown nightmare.
The content of the dream was nothing special.
Because in my dream, I was just staring at the mansion engulfed in huge flames.
But strangely enough, when I woke up from the dream, I felt bad.
It's an uneasy feeling like I've forgotten something very important.
I picked up the glass of water on the nightstand to quench my thirst.
When I, who had gulped down all the water, put the cup down again.
Jenna approached me.
“Oh my God, look at all that sweat! Are you having another nightmare?”
Jenna looked astonished as she touched the chemise I was wearing.
It had been a long time since my clothes were soaked with sweat from all the time I slept.
“You should change clothes quickly. What if you catch a cold like this?”
I also nodded, perhaps feeling uncomfortable in my droopy pajamas.
The day Duke Cretian died.
Even after seeing the horrific sight, my life did not change much.
I was treated like a fragile glass just like when I was at the Duke Cretian's residence, except that the people around me and the place where I stayed had changed.
“In four days, Lord Carsis will return. He said he’s wiped out all the remnants that fled to the Quelen region. Now everything will be back to where it was.”
“In place...”
What is this place they are talking about?
It was when I swallowed a bitter smile inside.
A knock came and a group of maids dressed in maid outfits entered.
As soon as they entered the room, they lined up and bowed.
Just then, Jenna, who was adjusting my clothes, approached them.
“These are the maids who will be taking care of the young lady starting today. It seems difficult for me to manage this place all by myself. I’ve hired new people.”
"Yes."
I answered absentmindedly as if I was looking at my new maid.
All the palace maids who had been working there had long since died or fled.
I've been seeing some new faces outside the window lately.
It seemed like they had brought in a large number of people to work in the palace.
'Until recently, the palace was quiet.'
The places that had been damaged by the rebellion began to undergo repairs, and the blood that had been spilled here and there was gradually fading away.
So little by little, everything was falling into place.
As if no tragedy had ever happened.
“From left here, Julie and Melanie. What are you doing? Come and say hello. These are the people you will be serving from now on.”
As soon as Jenna finished speaking, one by one, they greeted me. After they finished greeting each other, Jenna pointed to Melanie.
“Melanie here will be helping you bathe starting today. You must be sweating a lot. Would you like to take a bath right away?”
I who still felt uneasy even after changing clothes, readily agreed.
“I’ll take care of it, Miss.”
The maid, Melanie, led me away with quick movements.
The maid, with her plain brown hair, looked to be around May's age.
It was when a shadow fell over my face as I thought of May for no reason.
“Is the water temperature okay?”
Melanie asked, carefully wiping my body as I entered the bathtub.
“Yeah. It’s okay.”
Could it be because I had trouble sleeping every night?
As I soaked in the warm water, my body began to feel tired.
At that time, I was slowly falling asleep without even realizing it, while being touched by the maid's loving hands.
Melanie's words shook me out of my slumber.
“Your Highness the Crown Princess.”
I startled and straightened up my hunched body.
The Crown Princess.
Even so, I sobbed quietly, holding my breath, as if no one would hear.
Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Please, don't forgive me.
I closed my eyes, apologizing to them constantly.
Degurrurur...
The marble I was holding tightly fell to the floor, making a refreshing sound and disappearing somewhere.
And that night.
I started having nightmares of unknown origins.
***
A huge flame was billowing under the black sky.
Swallowing up a mansion that was originally beautiful and filled with someone's memories.
And I just stared at it, unable to run away or jump into the flames.
'It's hot.'
It was hot and painful as if my whole body was burning.
So I cried endlessly.
With the hope that by gathering these tears, I can put out that flame.
***
“Haa, haa...”
I jumped out of bed, breathing heavily.
I moved my head around to figure out where I was.
“Is this a dream...”
My shoulders slumped as I realized it was all a dream.
Already, the fourth day.
I was suffering from an unknown nightmare.
The content of the dream was nothing special.
Because in my dream, I was just staring at the mansion engulfed in huge flames.
But strangely enough, when I woke up from the dream, I felt bad.
It's an uneasy feeling like I've forgotten something very important.
I picked up the glass of water on the nightstand to quench my thirst.
When I, who had gulped down all the water, put the cup down again.
Jenna approached me.
“Oh my God, look at all that sweat! Are you having another nightmare?”
Jenna looked astonished as she touched the chemise I was wearing.
It had been a long time since my clothes were soaked with sweat from all the time I slept.
“You should change clothes quickly. What if you catch a cold like this?”
I also nodded, perhaps feeling uncomfortable in my droopy pajamas.
The day Duke Cretian died.
Even after seeing the horrific sight, my life did not change much.
I was treated like a fragile glass just like when I was at the Duke Cretian's residence, except that the people around me and the place where I stayed had changed.
“In four days, Lord Carsis will return. He said he’s wiped out all the remnants that fled to the Quelen region. Now everything will be back to where it was.”
“In place...”
What is this place they are talking about?
It was when I swallowed a bitter smile inside.
A knock came and a group of maids dressed in maid outfits entered.
As soon as they entered the room, they lined up and bowed.
Just then, Jenna, who was adjusting my clothes, approached them.
“These are the maids who will be taking care of the young lady starting today. It seems difficult for me to manage this place all by myself. I’ve hired new people.”
"Yes."
I answered absentmindedly as if I was looking at my new maid.
All the palace maids who had been working there had long since died or fled.
I've been seeing some new faces outside the window lately.
It seemed like they had brought in a large number of people to work in the palace.
'Until recently, the palace was quiet.'
The places that had been damaged by the rebellion began to undergo repairs, and the blood that had been spilled here and there was gradually fading away.
So little by little, everything was falling into place.
As if no tragedy had ever happened.
“From left here, Julie and Melanie. What are you doing? Come and say hello. These are the people you will be serving from now on.”
As soon as Jenna finished speaking, one by one, they greeted me. After they finished greeting each other, Jenna pointed to Melanie.
“Melanie here will be helping you bathe starting today. You must be sweating a lot. Would you like to take a bath right away?”
I who still felt uneasy even after changing clothes, readily agreed.
“I’ll take care of it, Miss.”
The maid, Melanie, led me away with quick movements.
The maid, with her plain brown hair, looked to be around May's age.
It was when a shadow fell over my face as I thought of May for no reason.
“Is the water temperature okay?”
Melanie asked, carefully wiping my body as I entered the bathtub.
“Yeah. It’s okay.”
Could it be because I had trouble sleeping every night?
As I soaked in the warm water, my body began to feel tired.
At that time, I was slowly falling asleep without even realizing it, while being touched by the maid's loving hands.
Melanie's words shook me out of my slumber.
“Your Highness the Crown Princess.”
I startled and straightened up my hunched body.
The Crown Princess.
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