“..."
I sat up, feeling it strange that there was no answer to my question.
Finally, the moment when my patience runs out and I get out of bed.
Click.
I heard the door lock.
I focused on the unidentifiable shadow standing by the door.
As the rumbling footsteps drew closer.
Moonlight filtered through the gap in the curtains and struck the intruder's face.
Then what I see is...
“Carsis...?”
The tension eased as soon as I confirmed that it was Carsis. But that was only for a moment.
I swallowed dry saliva without realizing it, feeling strangely cold towards him.
I wanted to ask why he came in here and what he had to say, but my lips wouldn't move as if they were covered in glue.
At that time, a cold silence flowed between us.
Carsis was the first to break the silence.
“I heard you changed your escort knight.”
“...”
“I also heard that you are sending me to the territory.”
“Carsis, that’s...”
I opened my mouth to explain what had recently happened.
But Carsis cut me off, not wanting to hear my excuses.
“...me.”
In a voice that seemed to suppress his emotions.
“Are you going to throw me away?”
It was a situation where Carsis, who had no way of knowing the circumstances before and after, could easily have thought that way.
I should have gone to Carsis first before telling my father.
'It's my mistake.'
I quietly bit my lips and got out of bed.
“That’s not it, Carsis. I should have told you first... Sorry. Are you surprised?”
“...”
“First of all, everything you know is true. As of today, the escort knights have changed. You will be sent to the territory. Of course, this decision may be sudden. Please follow my will. It is the choice for all of us.”
“It would be a choice for the young lady. It would be better to get rid of me before you become the Crown Princess.”
“Carsis.”
A fire lit up his eyes.
I kept wondering whether I should tell him that the Emperor was after Carsis.
If he were a human being. If he were a commoner, he would be scared to hear that the Emperor was after him.
I hated the sight of Carsis fleeing the Empire in fear.
I, who had been closing and opening my mouth repeatedly, raised my head as if I had made up my mind.
“The Emperor is after you.”
“....”
“In what sense do I want you... I think you know without me having to explain. I can’t send you to someone like that. So, just leave the capital...”
"Is it so?"
But Carsis's reaction was not what I expected.
“That’s great. If that happens, I can stay in the palace too. It means I can be close to you, young lady.”
He tilted his head and twisted the corners of his mouth.
"...What?"
Every word he said left me speechless.
I was amazed.
Some people find out about this and are anxious all day long.
No matter how angry you are right now, how can you say something like that so carelessly?
I felt like an idiot, and no sweet words came out of my mouth.
“Carsis. You don’t think the Emperor would take you as his bodyguard, do you?”
“Well, I don’t know. If I act all cute, he might treat me like a young lady.”
I couldn't bring myself to question the man's self-deprecating words.
Elizabeth and the Emperor did not act much differently towards him, except that she did not directly use violence.
I, who had been burying my head deep in the overwhelming guilt, clenched my trembling fists.
And then I said the words that had been on my lips all this time.
"Sorry."
My eyes suddenly met with Carsis's and her green eyes became moist.
“I want to ask for forgiveness for what I’ve done to you.”
I took heavy steps.
“You’ve had a hard time with me, Carsis. You’ve been through a lot. So now I’ll give you freedom. You won’t have to force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do. I’ll help you live without being ignored wherever you go. I’ll give you a new identity. I’ll give you enough money to start over. So, leave the Empire and live your life doing everything you’ve ever wanted to do.”
Carsis, who had come close, raised his hand.
Then he wiped the moisture from my eyes with his fingers.
“It was painful.”
The man who had been staring at the water droplets on his fingers turned his gaze again.
“When the young lady shed tears like this, I felt resentful of my own helplessness, and it was painful to have someone other than me sitting next to the young lady.”
“...”
“But everything else was great, except for the things I just mentioned. Being with you.”
Carsis, who had been quietly reciting the words as if in confession, wiped the moisture from his fingers.
His gaze was still fixed on me.
“So just treat me like a dog like you do now. Watch me flirt and think I’m cute. Whether you treat me like a whore or insult me, I can handle it all.”
Ah.
At his last words, I realized.
It's hard to convince this man in a normal way.
If things continued as they were, he would not just quietly go down to the territory, but would even go to the palace on his own two feet.
I approached Carsis and took his hand.
“Carsis, I’m not abandoning you.”
All it takes is a release from the leash around his neck.
At least I thought so.
Carsis, who had been staring at me like that, pulled away the hand I was holding.
“You said you weren’t abandoning me.”
Then he unbuttoned his shirt, which was closed all the way to his neck.
“Yes, miss.”
Tap. Tap.
As his fingers passed over me, Carsis's skin began to show through the gap in my open collar.
“Give me confidence, and I will trust you, young lady.”
"Assurance...?"
My body froze.
“Please hug me.”
What?
Hug me.
I wish what Carsis was talking about was a normal hug.
The man's increasingly disheveled clothing seemed to make his intentions clear.
“...I, I.”
I took a step back without realizing it.
How should I refuse?
In the brown eyes of a man staring only at me.
There was an obsession with unknown depth.
I suddenly came to my senses as if I had been struck by lightning and swallowed dry saliva.
I was thinking that maybe it wouldn't be okay to just do something like this once.
I couldn't do the same thing as Elizabeth.
Never.
"...Sorry."
My fist clenched, avoided his gaze.
So I didn't see what kind of expression Carsis was making right now.
Are you angry? Or are you hurt?
I didn't have the confidence to face Carsis properly, no matter what.
There was a brief silence between us.
After a while, Carsis left the room.
Without saying goodbye to me.
And the next morning.
Carsis left the mansion.
All preparations went smoothly.
Last night, someone from Linneas brought me the news.
Contact with the target in the Cretian territory. Successfully boarded the ship.
I sat up, feeling it strange that there was no answer to my question.
My eyes, still unfamiliar with the darkness, could not see anything.
“...May?”
When I called May's name again, the shadow that had been standing still shifted.
But at that moment, I frowned at the still unanswered question.
Suddenly, an important fact occurred to me.
'Did you knock before that...?'
Even if May only went out for a short while and came back in, she always knocked.
In fact, it wasn't just May, but all the servants in this mansion were like that.
'It's not May.'
Moreover, the dark shadow drawn in front of the door was much larger than what could be called May.
“...May?”
When I called May's name again, the shadow that had been standing still shifted.
But at that moment, I frowned at the still unanswered question.
Suddenly, an important fact occurred to me.
'Did you knock before that...?'
Even if May only went out for a short while and came back in, she always knocked.
In fact, it wasn't just May, but all the servants in this mansion were like that.
'It's not May.'
Moreover, the dark shadow drawn in front of the door was much larger than what could be called May.
Finally, the moment when my patience runs out and I get out of bed.
Click.
I heard the door lock.
I focused on the unidentifiable shadow standing by the door.
As the rumbling footsteps drew closer.
Moonlight filtered through the gap in the curtains and struck the intruder's face.
Then what I see is...
“Carsis...?”
The tension eased as soon as I confirmed that it was Carsis. But that was only for a moment.
I swallowed dry saliva without realizing it, feeling strangely cold towards him.
I wanted to ask why he came in here and what he had to say, but my lips wouldn't move as if they were covered in glue.
At that time, a cold silence flowed between us.
Carsis was the first to break the silence.
“I heard you changed your escort knight.”
“...”
“I also heard that you are sending me to the territory.”
“Carsis, that’s...”
I opened my mouth to explain what had recently happened.
But Carsis cut me off, not wanting to hear my excuses.
“...me.”
In a voice that seemed to suppress his emotions.
“Are you going to throw me away?”
It was a situation where Carsis, who had no way of knowing the circumstances before and after, could easily have thought that way.
I should have gone to Carsis first before telling my father.
'It's my mistake.'
I quietly bit my lips and got out of bed.
“That’s not it, Carsis. I should have told you first... Sorry. Are you surprised?”
“...”
“First of all, everything you know is true. As of today, the escort knights have changed. You will be sent to the territory. Of course, this decision may be sudden. Please follow my will. It is the choice for all of us.”
“It would be a choice for the young lady. It would be better to get rid of me before you become the Crown Princess.”
“Carsis.”
A fire lit up his eyes.
I kept wondering whether I should tell him that the Emperor was after Carsis.
If he were a human being. If he were a commoner, he would be scared to hear that the Emperor was after him.
I hated the sight of Carsis fleeing the Empire in fear.
I, who had been closing and opening my mouth repeatedly, raised my head as if I had made up my mind.
“The Emperor is after you.”
“....”
“In what sense do I want you... I think you know without me having to explain. I can’t send you to someone like that. So, just leave the capital...”
"Is it so?"
But Carsis's reaction was not what I expected.
“That’s great. If that happens, I can stay in the palace too. It means I can be close to you, young lady.”
He tilted his head and twisted the corners of his mouth.
"...What?"
Every word he said left me speechless.
I was amazed.
Some people find out about this and are anxious all day long.
No matter how angry you are right now, how can you say something like that so carelessly?
I felt like an idiot, and no sweet words came out of my mouth.
“Carsis. You don’t think the Emperor would take you as his bodyguard, do you?”
“Well, I don’t know. If I act all cute, he might treat me like a young lady.”
I couldn't bring myself to question the man's self-deprecating words.
Elizabeth and the Emperor did not act much differently towards him, except that she did not directly use violence.
I, who had been burying my head deep in the overwhelming guilt, clenched my trembling fists.
And then I said the words that had been on my lips all this time.
"Sorry."
My eyes suddenly met with Carsis's and her green eyes became moist.
“I want to ask for forgiveness for what I’ve done to you.”
I took heavy steps.
“You’ve had a hard time with me, Carsis. You’ve been through a lot. So now I’ll give you freedom. You won’t have to force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do. I’ll help you live without being ignored wherever you go. I’ll give you a new identity. I’ll give you enough money to start over. So, leave the Empire and live your life doing everything you’ve ever wanted to do.”
Carsis, who had come close, raised his hand.
Then he wiped the moisture from my eyes with his fingers.
“It was painful.”
The man who had been staring at the water droplets on his fingers turned his gaze again.
“When the young lady shed tears like this, I felt resentful of my own helplessness, and it was painful to have someone other than me sitting next to the young lady.”
“...”
“But everything else was great, except for the things I just mentioned. Being with you.”
Carsis, who had been quietly reciting the words as if in confession, wiped the moisture from his fingers.
His gaze was still fixed on me.
“So just treat me like a dog like you do now. Watch me flirt and think I’m cute. Whether you treat me like a whore or insult me, I can handle it all.”
Ah.
At his last words, I realized.
It's hard to convince this man in a normal way.
If things continued as they were, he would not just quietly go down to the territory, but would even go to the palace on his own two feet.
I approached Carsis and took his hand.
“Carsis, I’m not abandoning you.”
All it takes is a release from the leash around his neck.
At least I thought so.
Carsis, who had been staring at me like that, pulled away the hand I was holding.
“You said you weren’t abandoning me.”
Then he unbuttoned his shirt, which was closed all the way to his neck.
“Yes, miss.”
Tap. Tap.
As his fingers passed over me, Carsis's skin began to show through the gap in my open collar.
“Give me confidence, and I will trust you, young lady.”
"Assurance...?"
My body froze.
“Please hug me.”
***
What?
Hug me.
I wish what Carsis was talking about was a normal hug.
The man's increasingly disheveled clothing seemed to make his intentions clear.
“...I, I.”
I took a step back without realizing it.
How should I refuse?
In the brown eyes of a man staring only at me.
There was an obsession with unknown depth.
I suddenly came to my senses as if I had been struck by lightning and swallowed dry saliva.
I was thinking that maybe it wouldn't be okay to just do something like this once.
I couldn't do the same thing as Elizabeth.
Never.
"...Sorry."
My fist clenched, avoided his gaze.
So I didn't see what kind of expression Carsis was making right now.
Are you angry? Or are you hurt?
I didn't have the confidence to face Carsis properly, no matter what.
There was a brief silence between us.
After a while, Carsis left the room.
Without saying goodbye to me.
And the next morning.
Carsis left the mansion.
***
All preparations went smoothly.
Last night, someone from Linneas brought me the news.
Contact with the target in the Cretian territory. Successfully boarded the ship.
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