Secret (6)
"How long did I sleep?"
"You slept for two days. Today is the third day."
"Ah... So that's why my body is like this."
"Why? What's wrong? Does your head hurt?"
"No, I'm just so hungry."
"..."
Rahon looked at me with a puzzled look and then shook Nadia, who was sleeping on the sofa, awake.
"Hmm, um... Ugh! I, I didn't sleep!"
"Wipe the spit stains on your chin..."
"Ah..."
Nadia wiped her lips with an embarrassed expression.
"It's already morning. Should I bring you some food?"
"You have to prepare two servings today. The young lady is awake."
"Yes?!"
Nadia turned her head sharply. Then she saw me leaning against the bed and ran over to me.
"Miss!!!"
"Ugh, gulp!"
The force of the hug made me cough.
Rahon grabbed the back of her neck as she whined, saying he didn't want to see her hanging on my neck.
"Young lady is hungry. Stop bothering her and bring her some food."
"Oh my, get out of my mind! You've been starving for two days, so of course you're hungry! Just wait a minute!"
As I watched Nadia run away, I suddenly felt a pounding in my temple.
As I frowned without realizing it Rahon touched my forehead.
"Ah... Just a little. Not too bad."
"Do I have a headache?"
"The headache will probably last for a while. Are you having jumbled memories or feeling confused?"
"Well, not yet. Forgotten memories don't magically come back."
"Don't you remember anything?"
I raised my gaze into the air.
"I remembered that because of me my mother passed away."
Rahon cupped my cheek.
"It's not your fault."
"I know now. I didn't know then."
Is it because I've grown up enough to know that my mother's death wasn't my fault?
It was definitely something I had experienced, but it wasn't that hard. At the time, it was so painful that I suffered from headaches of unknown causes.
But it was strange. I had been in contact with three men since I was young.
'Ian carried me on his back at my mother's funeral.'
I don't know how many times this happened again and why Ian suddenly stopped coming.
All I remember right now is that I was desperately waiting for him.
And Rahon healed me when I was sick. He stayed at my house for two weeks.
Even Kalit was my chess teacher.
'I thought I learned it from my father or older brother.'
Come to think of it, no one in my family played chess.
Neither my father nor my older brothers liked chess because they were the type of people who would rather swing their swords than sit still.
So why would I think that they couldn't teach me chess?
It was amazing that only a portion of my lost memories returned.
How could I have completely forgotten all this?
"I also remember when Rahon told me I was faking it. I was really scared that you would think I was really faking it."
"I thought you'd be more honest with me. I knew you weren't faking it."
"At that time, I told you honestly. Mom died because of me, and I'm being punished for that. But do you remember what Rahon said?"
"I must be angry."
"That's right. I was just getting on your nerves and saying, 'Why is that your fault? Isn't that stupid?"'
Rahon smiled and rested his chin on his hand...
"You are right."
"So when I said. I'm sorry, I was wrong.' you would say, 'Oh my, you innocent child, you should be angry at times like this' and say, 'What the hell are you doing?' and scold me again."
Rahon let out a deep sigh.
"You must have been quite naive. I was worried about how you were going to survive in this harsh world."
The moment he confirmed that I was powerless, he could have gone back to Shancrecia.
Because he did his best as a 'savior.'
But Rahon didn't do that. He stayed by my side and cured me with a drug that made me lose my memories.
'Why would that be?'
Would you have felt sorry for the child who was dying of hunger and guilt over killing her mother?
I don't know what it was about me that aroused his sympathy.
But he took pity on me, tried to heal me, and eventually succeeded.
This must have been a special experience for Rahon, too, since he was only twelve years old at the time.
Now I think I know where his feelings for me came from.
"Are you still worried about me?"
"Yes?"
"You asked me to live with you in Shancrecia. You said that because you were worried about me."
"I'm indeed worried..."
"You don't have to worry anymore. I'm not that little child who blamed myself for my mother's death."
Rahon's expression gradually hardened.
"Wait a minute, do you really think I said that because I pity you?"
"I don't think you have any feelings for the opposite sex at all. But I think you have more sympathy for them."
"What kind of nonsense are you talking about? What kind of crazy guy would ask a woman he doesn't even like to live with him just out of pity?"
"If I follow you, Rahon, you will have to take responsibility for me for the rest of your life. Are you sure about that?"
"Do you think I asked you to live with me without that kind of determination?"
Rahon's purple eyes burned brightly.
This guy doesn't know yet. I smiled faintly and reached out to him.
"Rahon, can you heal me?"
"Why are you asking for healing in this kind of atmosphere?! Am I being ridiculous?"
"You won't do it?"
"...Who said no? Just look."
He, who had been grumbling, extended his hand, shrouded in a halo of light, to me. Soon, the headache that had been throbbing in my temples disappeared as if it had been washed away.
I held the hand that was falling from my forehead.
"Look at this. It's not me."
"What isn't it?"
"I'm talking about the person who is most precious to you. Rahon. Not me."
"...!"
The expression on Rahon's face disappeared for a moment. I continued speaking while looking at his face which had turned pale with shock.
"I imagined Rahon's house. It's a two-story house made of red brick. It's not big, but it's sturdy and cozy. It's surrounded by a large forest, and there's a small lake in the front yard."
"..."
"In the summer. I think I'll lose sleep over the sound of crickets. In the winter, I'll be busy shoveling the endless snow. But that's okay. In the spring, I can walk along a path filled with the fragrant smell of grass, and in the fall, I can sit under a tree with falling leaves and read a book."
"..."
"Just imagining it makes me feel good. Rahon's house."
The house of Rahon, which I had never seen before, appeared before my eyes. A happy smile came out of my mouth without me knowing.
I held Rahon's hand tightly.
"You should live in a house like that with someone you truly love. You only live once."
The 'Savior' cannot heal the most precious ones.
Perhaps Rahon had been oppressed by this fate his entire life.
So, you would be rude to everyone, push away anyone who approached you, and not form deep relationships with anyone.
So as not to create the most precious person.
In the end, the reason Rahon chose me is because I am not the most precious.
Because to him, I am someone who is moderately precious and someone he wants to help moderately.
"Rahon, don't be swayed by fate."
Rahon laughed bitterly.
"Easier said than done."
"What's so difficult about it? That's how all normal people live."
Aren't humans the ones who can't even do anything about their own wounds, let alone their loved ones?
"Be an ordinary man to the person you love. A man who doesn't know what to do and gets upset when his lover's fingertips get hurt."
"..."
"I think I would love that kind of man more."
Rahon wiped his rough eyes with his hand.
"If you refuse like that, I have nothing to say."
"I'm sorry. But I also want to live with the man who loves me the most."
When I said something playful to lighten the mood, Rahon let out a deep sigh.
"You are so foolish that you try to solve the problem on your own even though there is someone right next to you who can help you, and you are so foolish that you throw a lot of money at someone to heal a child who has nothing to do with you."
"..."
"Once they like someone, they give it their all. It's absurd to watch. Maybe it's because they've changed nothing since they were young."
"Are you complaining about being rejected now?"
"I love you like that."
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