“What did you say? That I did nothing right? What did I do wrong?”
This fight can’t continue. Arkan thought.
He felt the heat rising near his earlobes and tried to think of something to say, but Erdene didn’t give him any room.
Her head was dizzy.
The inside of her eyelids felt like they were going to burst, and it was hard to tell if the heat was boiling in her stomach, chest, or head.
Arkan’s words were hurtful and sad, but on the other hand, she was angry.
“Damn it!”
Erdene suddenly shouted.
What followed was noise.
Without even looking away, Erdene kicked him, causing the heavy table and chair to fall over and roll around.
As the chair rolled around the floor, it hit the decorative side table hard, causing the long-necked vase on top of it to sway and fall to the floor.
Water, flowers, and debris scattered everywhere with a loud noise.
It was natural for Arkan to be terrified.
“What are you doing!”
“Get out, it’s annoying. My head hurts when I look at your face.”
Arkan let out a hollow laugh. Sophia, who had been startled by the loud noise, opened her eyes wide at the sight of the mess.
She looked back and forth between Arkan and Erdene, who were groaning and confronting each other and quickly began to clean up the broken glass.
“Sophia, get out. Clean up later.”
“But Your Majesty, if you leave it like this, you might hurt your foot...”
“Yes, get out.”
Sophia quickly picked up a few pieces and went outside.
Arkan, who was watching, blinked, shook his head again, and groaned.
“Are you going to act like a wild dog every time you get angry?”
Erdene glared at Arkan with a sarcastic laugh.
“A wild dog? Well said. Yes, I will. Of course!”
“You are the Queen of this country. If you have a conscience...”
“Conscience?”
Erdene, her eyes gleaming like a cruel hunter, stood up.
Arkan flinched at the debris strewn about her feet, but Erdene’s next words held him still.
Leaving the table and chair scattered on the floor behind her, she took a step toward Arkan.
Her pale eyes looked fierce as if they were filled with poison.
“Of all people, how can you, Your Majesty, talk about conscience to me?”
Arkan, speechless with absurdity, glared at Erdene.
He was afraid that he knew what would come out of her mouth.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t pretend not to know. You know what I’m trying to say.”
When I became the emperor, couldn’t you have asked for negotiations then?
Erdene couldn’t say that. It was ridiculous even to herself. Would she have listened to him if he had asked for negotiations? If things hadn’t turned out this way, would the late Emperor have given up on his plan to invade the center of the interior? Neither of them could answer yes.
Arkan knew everything she had swallowed. If it had been a different situation, he would have called Erdene’s words shameless.
Or maybe he could have thought that. But not now.
No matter how well he packaged it, no matter how well he decorated it, it was undeniable that he had ruined the life of Erdene Badd.
So he didn’t want to make excuses. He couldn’t.
“If you had become the Emperor, the seven kingdoms in the interior would not have been even a tenth or a hundredth of the peace they are now.”
Erdene’s expression distorted. However, her shoulders slumped down as if she had lost her strength.
Arkan continued.
“That’s why I had to do it. I thought that only by trapping you could I secure peace for my people and all of my inland allies. It has already been revealed that my judgment was not entirely correct, but that doesn’t mean it was completely wrong. As the leader of the allies, sacrificing you was the best option.”
Erdene's cheeks, still flushed with nervousness, twitched.
Arkan said,
"Yes, I have nothing to say to you about that even if I had ten mouths. That's why I didn't impose my marital duties on you. If you say you don't want to be the successor to Vetor, I'm willing to respect that opinion. I will continue to do so. I will never."
At that moment, the greatest anger Arkan had ever seen appeared on Erdene's face.
It was a sharp anger mixed with humiliation as if he had poured mud on her.
"Of course, Your Majesty. You should. You should respect me, as you should! Even if you had ten or a hundred mouths, you should have nothing to say!"
This fight can’t continue. Arkan thought.
He felt the heat rising near his earlobes and tried to think of something to say, but Erdene didn’t give him any room.
Her head was dizzy.
The inside of her eyelids felt like they were going to burst, and it was hard to tell if the heat was boiling in her stomach, chest, or head.
Arkan’s words were hurtful and sad, but on the other hand, she was angry.
“Damn it!”
Erdene suddenly shouted.
What followed was noise.
Without even looking away, Erdene kicked him, causing the heavy table and chair to fall over and roll around.
As the chair rolled around the floor, it hit the decorative side table hard, causing the long-necked vase on top of it to sway and fall to the floor.
Water, flowers, and debris scattered everywhere with a loud noise.
It was natural for Arkan to be terrified.
“What are you doing!”
“Get out, it’s annoying. My head hurts when I look at your face.”
Arkan let out a hollow laugh. Sophia, who had been startled by the loud noise, opened her eyes wide at the sight of the mess.
She looked back and forth between Arkan and Erdene, who were groaning and confronting each other and quickly began to clean up the broken glass.
“Sophia, get out. Clean up later.”
“But Your Majesty, if you leave it like this, you might hurt your foot...”
“Yes, get out.”
Sophia quickly picked up a few pieces and went outside.
Arkan, who was watching, blinked, shook his head again, and groaned.
“Are you going to act like a wild dog every time you get angry?”
Erdene glared at Arkan with a sarcastic laugh.
“A wild dog? Well said. Yes, I will. Of course!”
“You are the Queen of this country. If you have a conscience...”
“Conscience?”
Erdene, her eyes gleaming like a cruel hunter, stood up.
Arkan flinched at the debris strewn about her feet, but Erdene’s next words held him still.
Leaving the table and chair scattered on the floor behind her, she took a step toward Arkan.
Her pale eyes looked fierce as if they were filled with poison.
“Of all people, how can you, Your Majesty, talk about conscience to me?”
Arkan, speechless with absurdity, glared at Erdene.
He was afraid that he knew what would come out of her mouth.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t pretend not to know. You know what I’m trying to say.”
He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to see it, and he didn’t want to know. Yes, he knew. But he wanted to ignore it.
The guilt that had been weighing on Arkan’s heart the whole time raised its head without missing a beat.
It tied his hands and feet and covered his mouth, making it impossible for him to move.
Erdene said,
“Can you say that it wasn’t your power that prevented me from even being able to see my father off?”
Arkan didn’t waver at her question but simply remained silent.
Erdene’s vision was spinning in the silence.
Erdene squeezed her eyes shut and opened them, clenching her trembling jaw.
“I thought it would be pathetic to think about it, and I would resent you endlessly, so I just wanted to bury it, but since you’re talking about conscience, I don’t want to stay still either. Your Majesty Arkan, answer me. Who is to blame for me not being able to see my father off? Was it really Tenek who intervened in that sluggish war and committed corruption?”
Answer me. Erdene thought.
If he said no, if he denied that he had anything to do with it, she would pretend not to know. She was sincere.
Did she love him? She didn’t know. Maybe it would be right to say no.
But she couldn’t say that she had no feelings. Erdene was bad at lying.
Not only to others but to herself.
When she first saw him, she hated him and made fun of his admonitions. She got annoyed when he nagged her about everything, and sometimes she would laugh when he looked cute.
Was that the problem? Was she not supposed to laugh? She regretted not having been a little less honest with Arkan and herself.
Maybe Arkan was thinking the same thing.
Arkan took a deep breath. Make an excuse. Erdene thought. Make an excuse.
But Arkan was just like her.
“You knew.”
Erdene burst into hollow laughter. Her eyes were hot and stinging as if they were going to burst.
Arkan asked again.
“Did you know from the beginning?”
“I guessed. As I said before, I’m not stupid.”
“When did you become sure?”
“Does it matter now?”
“It does. At least to me.”
She wanted to ask why, but her throat ached.
Erdene glared at Arkan with bloodshot eyes as if she was going to devour him.
“When the messengers of Etonhorn and Kensilom came, I heard that they were reluctant to send food to Hirschsten. I was even more convinced when I saw with my own eyes that they were trying to kill you. Tenek, you secretly incited that cunning bastard to take the throne, and you obtained peace in the interior on the condition that you would treat me like a hostage, that was the idea that came out of your head.”
Erdene, her throat throbbing, continued.
“Why did you do that?”
Finally, Arkan’s expression changed. He seemed extremely surprised. His expression was distorted to the point that it seemed that he would not have been that surprised no matter how many abusive words Erdene had poured out.
“What did you say?”
“I asked why. Did it have to be like that? I...”
The guilt that had been weighing on Arkan’s heart the whole time raised its head without missing a beat.
It tied his hands and feet and covered his mouth, making it impossible for him to move.
Erdene said,
“Can you say that it wasn’t your power that prevented me from even being able to see my father off?”
Arkan didn’t waver at her question but simply remained silent.
Erdene’s vision was spinning in the silence.
Erdene squeezed her eyes shut and opened them, clenching her trembling jaw.
“I thought it would be pathetic to think about it, and I would resent you endlessly, so I just wanted to bury it, but since you’re talking about conscience, I don’t want to stay still either. Your Majesty Arkan, answer me. Who is to blame for me not being able to see my father off? Was it really Tenek who intervened in that sluggish war and committed corruption?”
Answer me. Erdene thought.
If he said no, if he denied that he had anything to do with it, she would pretend not to know. She was sincere.
Did she love him? She didn’t know. Maybe it would be right to say no.
But she couldn’t say that she had no feelings. Erdene was bad at lying.
Not only to others but to herself.
When she first saw him, she hated him and made fun of his admonitions. She got annoyed when he nagged her about everything, and sometimes she would laugh when he looked cute.
Was that the problem? Was she not supposed to laugh? She regretted not having been a little less honest with Arkan and herself.
Maybe Arkan was thinking the same thing.
Arkan took a deep breath. Make an excuse. Erdene thought. Make an excuse.
But Arkan was just like her.
“You knew.”
Erdene burst into hollow laughter. Her eyes were hot and stinging as if they were going to burst.
Arkan asked again.
“Did you know from the beginning?”
“I guessed. As I said before, I’m not stupid.”
“When did you become sure?”
“Does it matter now?”
“It does. At least to me.”
She wanted to ask why, but her throat ached.
Erdene glared at Arkan with bloodshot eyes as if she was going to devour him.
“When the messengers of Etonhorn and Kensilom came, I heard that they were reluctant to send food to Hirschsten. I was even more convinced when I saw with my own eyes that they were trying to kill you. Tenek, you secretly incited that cunning bastard to take the throne, and you obtained peace in the interior on the condition that you would treat me like a hostage, that was the idea that came out of your head.”
Erdene, her throat throbbing, continued.
“Why did you do that?”
Finally, Arkan’s expression changed. He seemed extremely surprised. His expression was distorted to the point that it seemed that he would not have been that surprised no matter how many abusive words Erdene had poured out.
“What did you say?”
“I asked why. Did it have to be like that? I...”
When I became the emperor, couldn’t you have asked for negotiations then?
Erdene couldn’t say that. It was ridiculous even to herself. Would she have listened to him if he had asked for negotiations? If things hadn’t turned out this way, would the late Emperor have given up on his plan to invade the center of the interior? Neither of them could answer yes.
Arkan knew everything she had swallowed. If it had been a different situation, he would have called Erdene’s words shameless.
Or maybe he could have thought that. But not now.
No matter how well he packaged it, no matter how well he decorated it, it was undeniable that he had ruined the life of Erdene Badd.
So he didn’t want to make excuses. He couldn’t.
“If you had become the Emperor, the seven kingdoms in the interior would not have been even a tenth or a hundredth of the peace they are now.”
Erdene’s expression distorted. However, her shoulders slumped down as if she had lost her strength.
Arkan continued.
“That’s why I had to do it. I thought that only by trapping you could I secure peace for my people and all of my inland allies. It has already been revealed that my judgment was not entirely correct, but that doesn’t mean it was completely wrong. As the leader of the allies, sacrificing you was the best option.”
Erdene's cheeks, still flushed with nervousness, twitched.
Arkan said,
"Yes, I have nothing to say to you about that even if I had ten mouths. That's why I didn't impose my marital duties on you. If you say you don't want to be the successor to Vetor, I'm willing to respect that opinion. I will continue to do so. I will never."
At that moment, the greatest anger Arkan had ever seen appeared on Erdene's face.
It was a sharp anger mixed with humiliation as if he had poured mud on her.
"Of course, Your Majesty. You should. You should respect me, as you should! Even if you had ten or a hundred mouths, you should have nothing to say!"
Erdene covered her face with one hand and tilted her head back, gritting her teeth so hard that it made a cracking sound.
"You should have told me that, at least on the day we got married. Don't you think so? Were you afraid to tell the truth? Or did you just want to run away? Did you have the right to demand my loyalty? Was Your Majesty who was dishonest? In all those days, was there ever a day when you decided to confess the truth to me?"
Erdene's reprimand struck Arkan like a fierce whip.
It was both, and neither. The guilt that grew every time he saw Erdene was ultimately the same as his own feelings for her growing. He cared for her with affection, and sometimes he spent the whole day just thinking about her. Did Pelarhar tell himself that he 'had a loud first love'?
He was right.
Arkan's feelings were not passionate and sudden, like a fire spreading through a dry field.
Rather, they were more like water leaking from a crack in a wall or floor.
At first, it was a small stain, but when he came to his senses, he found himself filled with water all around.
He wanted, wished, and desired, but he couldn't honestly say anything. There were too many things going on.
Erdene was restless, anxious that he had taken everything she should have had. He was not shameless enough and mean enough to turn a blind eye to his own wrongdoings.
When Arkan remained silent, Erdene this time guessed his intentions.
She looked at Arkan with a look of great disappointment and said,
“Go back. I never want to see you again. Leave me as a Queen in name only.”
"You should have told me that, at least on the day we got married. Don't you think so? Were you afraid to tell the truth? Or did you just want to run away? Did you have the right to demand my loyalty? Was Your Majesty who was dishonest? In all those days, was there ever a day when you decided to confess the truth to me?"
Erdene's reprimand struck Arkan like a fierce whip.
It was both, and neither. The guilt that grew every time he saw Erdene was ultimately the same as his own feelings for her growing. He cared for her with affection, and sometimes he spent the whole day just thinking about her. Did Pelarhar tell himself that he 'had a loud first love'?
He was right.
Arkan's feelings were not passionate and sudden, like a fire spreading through a dry field.
Rather, they were more like water leaking from a crack in a wall or floor.
At first, it was a small stain, but when he came to his senses, he found himself filled with water all around.
He wanted, wished, and desired, but he couldn't honestly say anything. There were too many things going on.
Erdene was restless, anxious that he had taken everything she should have had. He was not shameless enough and mean enough to turn a blind eye to his own wrongdoings.
When Arkan remained silent, Erdene this time guessed his intentions.
She looked at Arkan with a look of great disappointment and said,
“Go back. I never want to see you again. Leave me as a Queen in name only.”
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