TMD - Chapter 56 < Irrejectable (9) >

The feet wearing pitch-black shoes were a curve that was all too familiar to Belled. Because it was something he had always coveted.

The place they were walking towards was a space of light.

Where were they going?

The moment he questioned this, his ability ended. He could no longer see the future.

Where could that be? Could I be there?

One thing certain came to mind between the thoughts that suddenly occurred to him. At least she would not die here.

“...”

Belled finally let out a short breath.

That was it.

Splat!

A pure white light spread from the magic bottle next to Beryl, creating a human figure.

“Belled.”

Her figure, which had been shaped like a pure white ghost, began to gradually come to life.

“...Ah.”

He had been lost in thought until then.

Pocalor... Yes, his sister had come out. When was it?

He had not even known how the days had passed recently. Even when he worked during the day, he was always with her at night.

After the extremely short night, the long, torture-like day came again. The time when he had to endure, waiting only for the night.

“As I said before, I can’t come out often because I’m waking up. Don’t be too happy.”

At those words, Belled came to his senses.

Pocalor frowned.

“You can’t see the outside situation properly from inside the Demon Lord.”

She clicked her tongue.

“Until Beryl calls, you won’t know if a war breaks out outside. It must be because she resonates with the Demon Lord.”

That’s why he seemed unable to prevent this incident. He carefully examined Beryl.

Fortunately, her pale face was quickly returning to its original state, and her somewhat rough breathing was calming down.

“Are she okay?”

Belled answered without taking her eyes off Beryl.

“Yes.”

“Beryl too, but you.”

Belled seemed to hear the word Beryl clearly in his ears.

Wasn’t that title too familiar?

Even though Beryl had woken Pocalor up, had there ever been a chance for the two to become this close?

In her time that I don’t know?

The time I didn't get to spend with her, Beryl got to spend with her.

But the thought that Pocalor, whom he must have met during his time with her, would know something about Beryl that he didn't, was strangely disturbing to him.

It was far from unpleasant.

A little more... a feeling of thirst.

Why did she have a deep conversation with Pocalor, whom she had met for the first time, and not me?

What did she talk about? Why did she avoid me? I wondered.

It was when he bit his lip.

“It seems like you can’t see me and only see Beryl.”

“...”

He couldn’t deny Poklcalor’s playful words.

“If you want to see Beryl, go see her.”

At the words that followed, Belled gave up on looking at Pocalor.

And he looked at Beryl, who was visibly calming down. Pocalor burst into laughter next to him.

Beryl.

His mind became complicated again.

The hand he was holding tightly was colder than usual. His heart seemed to sink.

Why?

Because she might die? Because if she died, there would be no one who could resonate with the spirit? Because there would be no one who could give him this much magic?

No.

He was finally able to answer the question he had asked himself countless times. No.

He wasn’t expecting only magic from her. No, he wasn’t expecting magic.

It didn’t matter if she didn’t have magic.

I...

He bit his lip. He was clearly a demon who had lived for a long time. Of course, the time he had spent without Beryl was overwhelmingly longer than the time he had known her.

But the moment he met her, his life began to flow strangely as if it had been divided into two.

And from that moment on, something in him seemed to have changed.

He felt like he couldn’t let her disappear like this.

He felt like he couldn’t stand it without her in his life which had started to roll strangely.

At that thought, he opened his mouth slightly. Was this possessiveness? It was too, too desperate to be neatly defined as possessiveness. They say there was nothing he didn’t have in his life, but there was no way he didn’t miss something.

Instead, he always had something greater than that. That’s why he could let go of what he had missed without regretting it.

In short, it meant that he had resolved his possessiveness with a greater value that could be replaced.

But Beryl?

He couldn’t understand. She was the only value.

There were countless things less than her, but he couldn’t think of anything greater than her, anything that could replace her.

Was this really a possessive desire to have her? Or...

“Are you anxious?”

Pocalor suddenly asked. Belled nodded without realizing it.

“You seem to have a lot on your mind.”

Pocalor crossed her arms and wiggled her toes. It was when Belled’s gaze turned to those toes.

“I don’t know what you’re worried about, being honest about your desires.”

At those words, Belled turned his gaze to look in the mirror. He saw dark green eyes. At the end of his habitual gaze.

The spread-out white dress hem, him lying on top of it. And the dark green hair that flashed past his vision like lush greenery. The sight of himself rising in surprise as she rose.

There was the same sight he had seen before.

But in the end, what if Beryl isn’t here?

Suddenly, his heart thumped and Belled narrowed his eyes.

At that moment, Pocalor opened her mouth.

“Face what you want.”

What you want. Don’t bother trying to define what kind of desire it is.

The moment he heard those words, Belled’s mind seemed to be in order.

Beryl.

The name seemed to ring in his head.

Only then was he able to face what he was afraid of, what he wanted.

He had been afraid of his future turning into a monster again, not of his last changing once again. Not the last with her, but something else.

What was this?

He couldn’t define what kind of desire it was.

‘I guess I love her.’

Then, what suddenly interjected was what Pocalor had said one day. Before she went to her eternal sleep.

‘Isn’t it possessiveness?’

Belled was someone who couldn’t distinguish between possessiveness and love.

Aren’t they all the same in that they want to have the other person?

The most basic thing that demons who pursue desire do is to face their desires as nakedly as possible.

That’s how they can find the essence of desire.

Just like those who covet money don’t want money itself, but rather the wealth and honor that comes with it.

That’s why Belled thought that the emotion called love that Pocalor had talked about was something that packaged the ‘desire to conquer, to monopolize everything about the other person.’

But it didn’t seem to be that way.

This was different from the desire to conquer. If this was love, it was a completely different emotion from the desire to conquer that he had defined.

The emotion that he had defined didn’t involve thinking about the other person.

No, beyond that, there was no such thing as the other person taking over and manipulating my time, my thoughts, and everything about me. He couldn’t even imagine being satisfied with that. Not without going crazy.

I like it when you shake me up. I want to be a stimulus to you. But I don’t want you to be destroyed or shaken up by me.

This was his first time experiencing such a masochistic desire.

This kind of thing. This kind of thing...

“...Did you have such worries, Sister?”

It was the first time in a long time that he understood Pocalor.

Pocalor looked back at him.

“I want Beryl. But I want Beryl to want me, not to crush me and make me mine.”

I want you to have me as you want me, even if I have to be crushed in her hands.

Their eyes met at his words.

“You call this feeling love?”

He opened his mouth again.

“Is love also desire?”

Such a self-destructive feeling?

“If it’s desire, is it possessiveness or monopoly?”

He couldn’t understand.

But he could no longer define his feelings with other words.

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