'No matter how much I think about it, it's still strange.'
Perdes sat back against the back of the sofa, mulling over the conversation he had had with Adele two days ago.
The words that asked him to go to the Kingdom of Anigma for his own sake and to monitor Gnosis.
It was exactly the right thing to say, and he accepted the offer because she said she trusted him, but thinking back on it, he felt very uneasy.
'I think there's another reason.'
For example, if she were trying to separate him from others,
“...”
Perdes' face twisted into a grim expression as a thought suddenly occurred to him.
Jack, who had been diligently packing his bags, looked at his expression and asked with concern.
“Where does it hurt, Mr. Perdes? Should I call the doctor?”
“No. It’s okay, you don’t have to worry about it.”
“How can you not care? You’re going on a long journey soon, and it would be a big deal if you got sick.”
Since Perdes would be away from the ducal palace for a long time when he went to the Kingdom of Anigma, it was impossible to continue hiding his absence.
So Adele changed her plans and arranged for Perdes to go to the Tethys territory on business.
“If you have any pain, don’t hold it in and tell me right away. Even a small illness can turn into a serious one if you hold it in. And you have to go on a long trip...”
"Stop."
As the nagging began to pour out, Perdes frowned and waved his hand.
“It doesn’t hurt at all, so don’t worry about anything else.”
“But you don’t look very happy.”
“It’s not that I’m sick, it’s that I have something to worry about.”
“What’s your problem? Please tell me, I might be able to help.”
Perdes was about to refuse but opened his mouth quietly just in case.
“This isn’t about me. It’s about someone I know.”
Before we get into the real story, let's first lay the groundwork.
“That acquaintance had a like-minded colleague and friend.”
Still, Jack might notice that it's his story, so they should set a trap as well.
“The two of them were really good colleagues and friends. But... at some point, the acquaintance began to see her as a person of the opposite sex rather than just a colleague. He started to love her.”
Jack flinched at the part where he said he had fallen in love, but Perdes, who was absorbed in his own story, did not have time to observe his reaction.
“Because that friend didn’t see the acquaintance as a romantic interest, the acquaintance tried to hide his feelings.”
Yeah, I was trying to hide it.
I tried to do that...
“...In the end, he couldn’t hide it and confessed to his friend. That he likes her as a woman.”
Suddenly recalling what had happened back then, Perdes clasped his hands together tightly.
Although he regrets confessing too hastily.
He laughed out loud because he thought he would have done the same thing again if he could turn back time.
“So what happened after that? Did that acquaintance’s friend accept his confession?”
When Perdes fell silent for a moment, caught up in the afterimages of the past, Jack urged him on, seeming very curious.
Perdes shook his head with a bitter smile as if he had chewed on bitter herbs.
“No. He was rejected.”
“Huh, why!?”
“...”
When Jack screamed in surprise as if he had been rejected, Perdes looked at him strangely.
Then Jack scratched his head in embarrassment and stammered an excuse.
“I, I think I got too involved in the story. I’m sorry, Mr. Perdes.”
“...There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
Rather, it was Jack's questioning that allowed Perdes to think deeply about why Adele had rejected him.
“The reason that friend rejected his acquaintance’s confession was probably... because she felt burdened. He probably didn’t think that his acquaintance would see him as a potential lover.”
Perdes thought of other reasons, but he didn't say them out loud.
Even though saying this might make it seem like the acquaintance was going to find out that it was me, no matter how much I thought about it, it seemed like this was the biggest reason.
So Adele is me...
“...Are you trying to send it far away?”
Jack's eyes widened as he heard Perdes muttering to himself.
“So you’re leaving?”
Perdes was also startled by the returned question and looked at Jack.
“...”
“...”
A heavy, awkward silence flowed between the two.
In this strange situation where they were looking at each other but never making eye contact, it was Perdes who spoke first.
“...Again, I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about someone I know.”
“Yes, I know.”
Jack nodded vigorously as he answered, but he didn't seem to believe it at all.
Saying more would be like digging my own grave, Perdes covered his face with one hand and waved the other.
“Yes. I want to be alone, so I’ll go out now.”
“Yes? But I have to pack...”
“Just leave me alone for an hour.”
Perdes' condition doesn't look too good either.
Jack followed his orders without question, knowing that packing an hour late wouldn't make a difference.
Perdes, left alone, closed his eyes tightly and buried himself deep in the back of the sofa.
It was heartbreaking to think that maybe the reason Adele wanted to send him to the Anigma Kingdom was because she felt burdened by his confession.
It also felt like someone was constantly poking his heart with something like a sharp needle.
He wanted to run to Adele and ask her questions, but he couldn't because she understood her feelings.
“It’s probably the best way.”
There is a saying that when the body grows distant, the heart grows distant as well.
Maybe Adele wanted to take this opportunity to gather her thoughts and come back.
“I wonder if it can be organized.”
No matter how much he thinks about it, it seems impossible.
If he had the intention of organizing things this easily, he would have done it a long time ago.
In the past, whenever he thought of Adele, he would feel good and happy, but now he feels sad and frustrated.
Perdes was a little angry.
He shouldn't see Adele in this mood.
He promised himself that no matter what happened, he wouldn't see Adele today.
“Lord Perdes, His Excellency the Duke is looking for you.”
“...Let's go now.”
At Adele's words that she was looking for him, his body moved naturally, regardless of his determination.
“Here are your Anigma Kingdom pass and train tickets.”
Perdes' expression as he looked down at his pass and train ticket was mysterious.
It was hard to clearly define what condition he was in, but he didn't look happy.
“Why are you like that?”
Perdes shook his head, washing his face dry.
“No, nothing. I’m just a little tired, so don’t worry.”
“Ah. I guess I called for nothing.”
“That’s not it either.”
...No, no.
Perdes muttered to himself and checked his pass.
Soon his eyes were thinly folded.
“The period of stay has been one year.”
“I didn’t know how long you would be in the Anigma Kingdom, so I gave you a generous amount of time, so you don’t have to worry about that.”
"Yes?"
I was worried that Perdes would drag on for too long, but fortunately, he got over it right away.
I added, relieved at that fact.
“I have prepared a guide in advance. You will be able to meet him once you cross the border of the Anigma Kingdom.”
“Do I need a guide?”
“Of course it is necessary. It’s your first time going there.”
“This is my first time here, but I heard Gnosis has been there a few times.”
“Still, I think it would be good to have a guide just in case. If something happens, you can deal with it right away.”
“Yeah. It’s better to have something than nothing.”
I felt relieved when I got through the guide part without any problems.
As we discussed other things to keep in mind and future plans, the sun began to set and it was time to eat dinner.
“That’s all for today. Would you like to have dinner together?”
“No. I have something to do, so I’m sorry, but I’ll eat separately.”
“Oh, would you like to do that?”
I answered calmly, but inside I was very surprised.
I thought we'd eat together, but did something happen?
I guess so.
Otherwise, it would not make sense for Perdes to refuse so firmly.
“If there’s anything I can help you with, please let me know.”
When I told him I was worried, Perdes' expression hardened slightly.
He looked down, thought for a moment, then looked at me again.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“If there’s something you really want to ask someone, but you can’t bring yourself to ask it face to face.. what do you do?”
It was a random question, but his expression was so serious that it didn't feel like that at all.
"Well..."
Rather, I became serious and thought seriously about what to do before answering.
“How about writing a letter?”
"...Letter?"
“Yes. Sometimes, writing is better than speaking to express your thoughts, and if there are things you can’t say face-to-face, a letter might be better.”
“It’s a letter...”
Perdes thought for a moment then nodded his head sharply.
“That sounds good.”
“I’m glad it was helpful.”
“Yeah. It helped a lot.”
Perdes suddenly stood up from his seat.
“Then I’ll go write a letter. See you later.”
But who are you going to write to?
The words rose to the tip of my tongue and then subsided.
I looked at the firmly closed door, curling my outstretched hand inward to grab him.
My mind was in turmoil as if a storm had raged.
Perdes sat back against the back of the sofa, mulling over the conversation he had had with Adele two days ago.
The words that asked him to go to the Kingdom of Anigma for his own sake and to monitor Gnosis.
It was exactly the right thing to say, and he accepted the offer because she said she trusted him, but thinking back on it, he felt very uneasy.
'I think there's another reason.'
For example, if she were trying to separate him from others,
“...”
Perdes' face twisted into a grim expression as a thought suddenly occurred to him.
Jack, who had been diligently packing his bags, looked at his expression and asked with concern.
“Where does it hurt, Mr. Perdes? Should I call the doctor?”
“No. It’s okay, you don’t have to worry about it.”
“How can you not care? You’re going on a long journey soon, and it would be a big deal if you got sick.”
Since Perdes would be away from the ducal palace for a long time when he went to the Kingdom of Anigma, it was impossible to continue hiding his absence.
So Adele changed her plans and arranged for Perdes to go to the Tethys territory on business.
“If you have any pain, don’t hold it in and tell me right away. Even a small illness can turn into a serious one if you hold it in. And you have to go on a long trip...”
"Stop."
As the nagging began to pour out, Perdes frowned and waved his hand.
“It doesn’t hurt at all, so don’t worry about anything else.”
“But you don’t look very happy.”
“It’s not that I’m sick, it’s that I have something to worry about.”
“What’s your problem? Please tell me, I might be able to help.”
Perdes was about to refuse but opened his mouth quietly just in case.
“This isn’t about me. It’s about someone I know.”
Before we get into the real story, let's first lay the groundwork.
“That acquaintance had a like-minded colleague and friend.”
Still, Jack might notice that it's his story, so they should set a trap as well.
“The two of them were really good colleagues and friends. But... at some point, the acquaintance began to see her as a person of the opposite sex rather than just a colleague. He started to love her.”
Jack flinched at the part where he said he had fallen in love, but Perdes, who was absorbed in his own story, did not have time to observe his reaction.
“Because that friend didn’t see the acquaintance as a romantic interest, the acquaintance tried to hide his feelings.”
Yeah, I was trying to hide it.
I tried to do that...
“...In the end, he couldn’t hide it and confessed to his friend. That he likes her as a woman.”
Suddenly recalling what had happened back then, Perdes clasped his hands together tightly.
Although he regrets confessing too hastily.
He laughed out loud because he thought he would have done the same thing again if he could turn back time.
“So what happened after that? Did that acquaintance’s friend accept his confession?”
When Perdes fell silent for a moment, caught up in the afterimages of the past, Jack urged him on, seeming very curious.
Perdes shook his head with a bitter smile as if he had chewed on bitter herbs.
“No. He was rejected.”
“Huh, why!?”
“...”
When Jack screamed in surprise as if he had been rejected, Perdes looked at him strangely.
Then Jack scratched his head in embarrassment and stammered an excuse.
“I, I think I got too involved in the story. I’m sorry, Mr. Perdes.”
“...There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
Rather, it was Jack's questioning that allowed Perdes to think deeply about why Adele had rejected him.
“The reason that friend rejected his acquaintance’s confession was probably... because she felt burdened. He probably didn’t think that his acquaintance would see him as a potential lover.”
Perdes thought of other reasons, but he didn't say them out loud.
Even though saying this might make it seem like the acquaintance was going to find out that it was me, no matter how much I thought about it, it seemed like this was the biggest reason.
So Adele is me...
“...Are you trying to send it far away?”
Jack's eyes widened as he heard Perdes muttering to himself.
“So you’re leaving?”
Perdes was also startled by the returned question and looked at Jack.
“...”
“...”
A heavy, awkward silence flowed between the two.
In this strange situation where they were looking at each other but never making eye contact, it was Perdes who spoke first.
“...Again, I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about someone I know.”
“Yes, I know.”
Jack nodded vigorously as he answered, but he didn't seem to believe it at all.
Saying more would be like digging my own grave, Perdes covered his face with one hand and waved the other.
“Yes. I want to be alone, so I’ll go out now.”
“Yes? But I have to pack...”
“Just leave me alone for an hour.”
Perdes' condition doesn't look too good either.
Jack followed his orders without question, knowing that packing an hour late wouldn't make a difference.
Perdes, left alone, closed his eyes tightly and buried himself deep in the back of the sofa.
It was heartbreaking to think that maybe the reason Adele wanted to send him to the Anigma Kingdom was because she felt burdened by his confession.
It also felt like someone was constantly poking his heart with something like a sharp needle.
He wanted to run to Adele and ask her questions, but he couldn't because she understood her feelings.
“It’s probably the best way.”
There is a saying that when the body grows distant, the heart grows distant as well.
Maybe Adele wanted to take this opportunity to gather her thoughts and come back.
“I wonder if it can be organized.”
No matter how much he thinks about it, it seems impossible.
If he had the intention of organizing things this easily, he would have done it a long time ago.
In the past, whenever he thought of Adele, he would feel good and happy, but now he feels sad and frustrated.
Perdes was a little angry.
He shouldn't see Adele in this mood.
He promised himself that no matter what happened, he wouldn't see Adele today.
“Lord Perdes, His Excellency the Duke is looking for you.”
“...Let's go now.”
At Adele's words that she was looking for him, his body moved naturally, regardless of his determination.
***
“Here are your Anigma Kingdom pass and train tickets.”
Perdes' expression as he looked down at his pass and train ticket was mysterious.
It was hard to clearly define what condition he was in, but he didn't look happy.
“Why are you like that?”
Perdes shook his head, washing his face dry.
“No, nothing. I’m just a little tired, so don’t worry.”
“Ah. I guess I called for nothing.”
“That’s not it either.”
...No, no.
Perdes muttered to himself and checked his pass.
Soon his eyes were thinly folded.
“The period of stay has been one year.”
“I didn’t know how long you would be in the Anigma Kingdom, so I gave you a generous amount of time, so you don’t have to worry about that.”
"Yes?"
I was worried that Perdes would drag on for too long, but fortunately, he got over it right away.
I added, relieved at that fact.
“I have prepared a guide in advance. You will be able to meet him once you cross the border of the Anigma Kingdom.”
“Do I need a guide?”
“Of course it is necessary. It’s your first time going there.”
“This is my first time here, but I heard Gnosis has been there a few times.”
“Still, I think it would be good to have a guide just in case. If something happens, you can deal with it right away.”
“Yeah. It’s better to have something than nothing.”
I felt relieved when I got through the guide part without any problems.
As we discussed other things to keep in mind and future plans, the sun began to set and it was time to eat dinner.
“That’s all for today. Would you like to have dinner together?”
“No. I have something to do, so I’m sorry, but I’ll eat separately.”
“Oh, would you like to do that?”
I answered calmly, but inside I was very surprised.
I thought we'd eat together, but did something happen?
I guess so.
Otherwise, it would not make sense for Perdes to refuse so firmly.
“If there’s anything I can help you with, please let me know.”
When I told him I was worried, Perdes' expression hardened slightly.
He looked down, thought for a moment, then looked at me again.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“If there’s something you really want to ask someone, but you can’t bring yourself to ask it face to face.. what do you do?”
It was a random question, but his expression was so serious that it didn't feel like that at all.
"Well..."
Rather, I became serious and thought seriously about what to do before answering.
“How about writing a letter?”
"...Letter?"
“Yes. Sometimes, writing is better than speaking to express your thoughts, and if there are things you can’t say face-to-face, a letter might be better.”
“It’s a letter...”
Perdes thought for a moment then nodded his head sharply.
“That sounds good.”
“I’m glad it was helpful.”
“Yeah. It helped a lot.”
Perdes suddenly stood up from his seat.
“Then I’ll go write a letter. See you later.”
But who are you going to write to?
The words rose to the tip of my tongue and then subsided.
I looked at the firmly closed door, curling my outstretched hand inward to grab him.
My mind was in turmoil as if a storm had raged.
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