No. That can't be. They just exchanged a bouquet of flowers. That doesn't mean Jeremiah has feelings for the Saintess.
Karina chewed her lip.
'His expression... yeah, it was so far away that I might have seen it wrong... I'm not sure, but there's no need to be so shocked.'
She tried to console herself by turning away from the sight she had seen, but now she could no longer deny what the priest had told her.
'Even the fact that there was a meeting was a lie...'
Karina laughed in vain. It was a mistake. She might have seen it wrong. Even the glimmer of hope that had been in a corner of Karina's head was shattered. She could not easily recover from the shock. She could not remember what state of mind she had when she returned to the Grand Duke's residence. Karina waited for Jeremiah in the empty lobby without turning on the lights. Countless questions floated through her head and then sank without finding answers.
'Since when?'
Although he did not treat her in a friendly manner, she never thought that he would meet another woman. She had complete faith in him. Even if it was not a marriage of love, she believed that since he and her were a couple, they would maintain basic manners and morals.
'Why did I trust him so strongly?'
No matter how hard she tried, he never looked back. He had never been affectionate towards her. In the first place, it was a couple that had been forced into a relationship under the pressure of the Emperor. And it was not uncommon for men in the empire to have lovers or concubines even after having a first wife. She alone believed unconditionally that Jeremiah would not do that. No, maybe she couldn't stand it if she didn't believe that.
Depression and despair came over her. She felt like such a fool. She felt discouraged at the thought that all her efforts had been in vain. Her heart fell to the bottom as if it had fallen into an abyss. Suddenly, she remembered the first time she had received lavender flowers from him.
***
Karina went to Jeremiah's office as usual. However, there was no one in the office. The space was so bare and undecorated. There was a flower in full bloom in the place that had been filled with only a plain desk and documents. A single purple lavender branch in a luxurious vase. It wasn't particularly flashy or abundant, but it still had a distinct presence. Karina was so surprised and amazed that Jeremiah had put flowers in his office. And on top of that, the flowers were lavender, which she liked, she didn't know if it was a coincidence, but the fact that the first flower he had put in his office was lavender felt like hope. Hope that their relationship will improve and they can become closer. And since she had never seen lavender when she was up north, she was so happy.
As she was looking at the flowers without realizing how much time had passed, she heard a voice from behind her.
"If you like the flower, you can take it."
"...!"
Karina looked back, startled. Jeremiah was standing in front of the open door. She was so focused on looking at the flowers that she didn't even notice him coming back.
"Oh, that's... I just find it interesting."
Karina continued to speak, hesitating in embarrassment.
"It's been a long time since I've seen lavender... I'm happy..."
Jeremiah approached her with a flustered expression and a trailing edge. Then, with an absentminded hand, he picked up some lavender from the vase and gave it to her.
"...!"
Karina's eyes opened wide. She was so happy to receive flowers from him. Her lungs were filled with a feeling of emotion and happiness.
"Oh... Thank you."
He smiled slightly and expressed his gratitude. Jeremiah had an indifferent expression, but Karina was still happy. She felt a tingling sensation and a warm feeling because she felt like her sincerity had been conveyed to her even a little bit.
***
Karina's expression darkened as she finished reminiscing.
'Was the flower you gave me back then also something you received from a Saintess?'
Her misconception about lavender flowers was also her own.
'He didn't bring the flower I like, he brought the flower the Saintess gave him.'
Grief, despair, and injustice were all intertwined. Karina's eyes turned red.
'You gave me those flowers?'
She was getting angry.
'Why did you give it to me?'
'Could it have been some kind of charity?'
'Did he think of the Saintess when he saw the flowers in his office?'
Endless questions tore through her mind.
Her heart beat fast and her breathing became labored. Her chest rose and fell with anger. Her insides were silently burning in a fierce fire for a long time.
***
That day, Jeremiah came home late at night. As soon as he arrived, she saw him heading straight to his office.
"Your Highness the Grand Duke."
Jeremiah narrowed his eyes and turned around at the sound of her calling him. Karina got up from her chair and approached him. Her expressionless face became increasingly rigid. This was because the closer she got to him, the stronger the scent of lavender became. As expected, he was holding a lavender branch in one hand.
"..."
Karina clenched her fists with both hands and suppressed her surging emotions. Her eyes, which had been focused on the flowers, turned back to Jeremiah's face.
"You're here now? You're late."
Her voice was calm, unlike her usual high-pitched, cheerful voice. Her expression was also cold and bleak, without even a hint of a smile.
"..."
Jeremiah's eyebrows furrowed as he watched her like that.
"Didn't I tell you not to wait?"
"Have you been to the temple?"
Karina asked what she wanted to ask, no matter what Jeremiah said.
"Yes."
"Why? Was there a meeting at the temple today?"
"You don't know."
"..."
Jeremiah tried to cut off the conversation, clearly showing that he was tired. In his other hand, he still held a purple lavender branch. The lavender he had received from the Saintess earlier. Karina's eyes were fixed on the lavender and she didn't know how to leave it. She thought he had brought lavender because he knew it was her favorite flower. She was so happy that she had something in common with him. She believed that even if it was trivial, she was being rewarded for her efforts.
No. It was all her own delusion.
A sharp voice came out of Karina's mouth without her knowing.
"Since when?"
Jeremiah didn't answer Karina's question with an expression on his face that said he didn't understand. Karina became even more anxious and impatient at his attitude.
"Did you go to the temple to meet the Saintess?"
Karina really wanted to hear him say no. Even if it was a lie, she really wanted to hear him say no. If I just heard one word, no, she thought she would be able to trust him again and realize that she was right...
"Tell me the answer."
Despite her urging, Jeremiah only furrowed his brows and did not respond. Karina felt as if she would suffocate at any moment in the suffocating silence. So she finally couldn't hold it in any longer and asked.
"By any chance... are you meeting the Saintess because you hate me?"
"What...?"
"Have you been meeting with the Saint all this time? You even lied on purpose and went to the temple?"
"..."
"Tell me the truth."
Karina's body trembled.
“Ha.”
Jeremiah sighed deeply and frowned nervously.
"I have no idea what you're talking about right now."
"Don't pretend you don't know!"
A scream-like cry burst from Karina's mouth.
"Do you hate me that much? What on earth am I supposed to do?"
Karina repeatedly pounded her chest with her fist. If she didn't do that, she wouldn't be able to breathe properly. It felt like a hot fire was burning her whole body from the inside. She was panting hard. However, Jeremiah's attitude was calm even as he watched Karina like that.
"Whew. You seem a little too excited right now. I'll tell you later when you calm down."
He sighed and then turned away, refusing to talk.
"Don't run away!"
Karina quickly grabbed Jeremiah. As a result, the lavender flower branch Jeremiah was holding fell to the ground and was trampled by Karina's foot. It wasn't intentional, but that's how it turned out.
"What are you doing!"
Jeremiah rebuked her fiercely.
"...!"
Karina was shocked. She felt an indescribable emotion at his actions, yelling at her for damaging a single lavender branch.
"How could you do this to me?"
The resentment and anger that had been suppressed exploded.
"This is betrayal! You betrayed me and toyed with me!"
"Betrayal?"
Jeremiah's gaze immediately turned fierce at the word betrayal.
"I don't think that's something I should hear from you."
"What does that mean?"
"Think about all the things you've done so far."
"What did I do?"
Even when Karina tried to recall her memories, all that came to mind were the hardships of the past that she had endured and worked hard for.
'Are you saying that it was wrong for me to try so hard to be loved?'
If that's really the case, isn't that too cruel?
"What on earth was wrong with what I did?"
Karina shot back sharply.
"What's wrong with that?"
Jeremiah's one word stabbed Karina, who was pouring out her words furiously.
"It's really ugly."
"...!!"
Karina was momentarily speechless in shock.
"Talking any further would be a waste of time."
He pursued his lips, shook off Karina's grip on his sleeve, and walked toward his office.
"..."
Karina couldn't hold on to him anymore and just stood there as if she was nailed to the spot. At one point, her eyes felt hot and tears fell from her eyes. They flowed without stopping like a dam had burst. At her feet, lavender flowers were crushed to nothing. She stared blankly at the lavender at her feet for a while. She thought that the trampled lavender was just like her. When it was in Jeremiah's hands, it was the lavender that the Saintess had given him. But when it fell to the floor and was a mess, she felt like it was no different from her current situation.
How long had it been like that?
She heard a buzzing sound in her ears and her head hurt. She roughly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and trudged back to her room. Karina spent a while after that in a daze. She didn't even notice the maid's harassment. She didn't react at all to Caroline's uninhibited sarcasm and quarrels.
Days continued on as if her soul would have left her, barely able to breathe.
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