He didn't regret what he did that day, but he had no choice but to at least watch Ines's expression.
So the past three months of not being able to see her were a very long time for Carson.
However, at this moment, he thought that what he had done back then was a good thing.
Thanks to that, no one looked at him with surprised eyes even though he grabbed her wrist and dragged her into a crowded place like this. Carson was very satisfied with that.
Carson took Ines to the reception room. As soon as he went inside, Emma followed him. However, Carson waved his hand as if telling her to leave.
Ines could see Noah standing behind him with a sad expression, but he didn't seem to care much.
While he was watching Emma, Ines looked at his body thoroughly. She checked if he was hurt anywhere or if he had any scratches. However, the armed man's body was completely covered, so it wasn't easy. Soon the door closed and a vacuum-like silence came.
She had no idea what kind of face she should make when looking at him.
"How have you been?”
“...Fine.”
Ines answered with a small smile. It was a voice she had longed for even in her dreams, but she still couldn’t raise her head.
“Don’t you ask me?”
“How... have you been?”
“Yes, you deserve to blame me. It was completely my fault.”
“Are you going to lie from now on?”
“No, no.”
The space between the two of them was completely interlocked. The sound of their hearts beating, no one knowing whose it was, also interlocked rapidly.
So the past three months of not being able to see her were a very long time for Carson.
However, at this moment, he thought that what he had done back then was a good thing.
Thanks to that, no one looked at him with surprised eyes even though he grabbed her wrist and dragged her into a crowded place like this. Carson was very satisfied with that.
Carson took Ines to the reception room. As soon as he went inside, Emma followed him. However, Carson waved his hand as if telling her to leave.
Ines could see Noah standing behind him with a sad expression, but he didn't seem to care much.
While he was watching Emma, Ines looked at his body thoroughly. She checked if he was hurt anywhere or if he had any scratches. However, the armed man's body was completely covered, so it wasn't easy. Soon the door closed and a vacuum-like silence came.
She had no idea what kind of face she should make when looking at him.
"How have you been?”
“...Fine.”
Ines answered with a small smile. It was a voice she had longed for even in her dreams, but she still couldn’t raise her head.
“Don’t you ask me?”
“How... have you been?”
“Yeah. As you can see. I'm okay, right?”
“Yes.”
When Ines didn’t look up at him, he tilted his head. When she saw his face, which seemed slightly sunburned, she smiled awkwardly. Even so, she didn’t forget to check his face for any wounds.
“I’m not hurt.”
When he preemptively spoke as if he had noticed Ines’s behavior, Ines flinched and took a step back without realizing it.
“Ines?”
He came closer as much as he had stepped back while calling her name. His eyes, glancing at her, were narrowed.
“Yes?”
“Do you have something to say to me?”
“Oh, no. Nothing like that.”
At that moment, Carson asked with a face that seemed to see something wrong.
“But... why aren’t you looking into my eyes?”
Ines lifted her lips as if he had seen through her strange feelings. But she couldn’t look at him. It was because she felt like her ugly feelings would pierce through her and come out if she saw his golden eyes.
“Ines....”
“Yes.”
He called again, so she tried her best to sound as casual as possible. But he took a step closer. This time, she didn’t back down either.
“Yes.”
When Ines didn’t look up at him, he tilted his head. When she saw his face, which seemed slightly sunburned, she smiled awkwardly. Even so, she didn’t forget to check his face for any wounds.
“I’m not hurt.”
When he preemptively spoke as if he had noticed Ines’s behavior, Ines flinched and took a step back without realizing it.
“Ines?”
He came closer as much as he had stepped back while calling her name. His eyes, glancing at her, were narrowed.
“Yes?”
“Do you have something to say to me?”
“Oh, no. Nothing like that.”
At that moment, Carson asked with a face that seemed to see something wrong.
“But... why aren’t you looking into my eyes?”
Ines lifted her lips as if he had seen through her strange feelings. But she couldn’t look at him. It was because she felt like her ugly feelings would pierce through her and come out if she saw his golden eyes.
“Ines....”
“Yes.”
He called again, so she tried her best to sound as casual as possible. But he took a step closer. This time, she didn’t back down either.
“Are you uncomfortable with me?”
“No.”
Even though she said no, Carson didn’t seem to believe her.
“I dragged you out of a crowded place without asking permission?”
“No.”
“Then is it because I knelt in front of you before I left?”
She shook her head.
Now, there was only a very small space between them. It was a gap where their breaths could mingle, and it was so close that it would be strange not to look into each other’s eyes.
But Ines stubbornly lowered her eyes even more. She felt him take a deep breath.
“Ines, do you have the gusset I gave you?”
“No, I left it in the room because I was in a hurry.”
When he reached out without warning, she flinched and straightened her shoulders. He seemed to hesitate for a moment at her wariness, but instead, he gently held Ines’ hair in his hands.
Then he took her handkerchief out from his chest. When he grabbed her hair with both hands, she felt as if he was holding her. He smelled familiar as he approached her. And there was a faint smell of gunpowder. Thinking about it, Ines felt her throat tighten. The more she felt that way, the more she couldn’t face him.
Slowly, but with a simple gesture, Carson, who had tied up her hair, silently looked down at her.
Ines hoped and hoped that this moment would pass quickly. She thought that if only today passed, she would be able to see him as comfortably as before. But Carson wouldn’t leave her alone.
“Look at me.”
She bit her lower lip. Her hands trembled.
“If you don’t have anything to do, I’d like to go back.”
“What?”
“It’s late at night, and my lord must rest.”
“What on earth happened while I was away?”
“Nothing happened.”
“Did something change your mind that made you not even look me in the eye?”
Eventually, she stepped back, and he remained silent for a moment. Unable to bear it any longer, Ines spoke first.
“That’s exactly how things are between me and my lord. If you brought me to the reception room tonight, you should give me some instructions.”
“No.”
Even though she said no, Carson didn’t seem to believe her.
“I dragged you out of a crowded place without asking permission?”
“No.”
“Then is it because I knelt in front of you before I left?”
She shook her head.
Now, there was only a very small space between them. It was a gap where their breaths could mingle, and it was so close that it would be strange not to look into each other’s eyes.
But Ines stubbornly lowered her eyes even more. She felt him take a deep breath.
“Ines, do you have the gusset I gave you?”
“No, I left it in the room because I was in a hurry.”
When he reached out without warning, she flinched and straightened her shoulders. He seemed to hesitate for a moment at her wariness, but instead, he gently held Ines’ hair in his hands.
Then he took her handkerchief out from his chest. When he grabbed her hair with both hands, she felt as if he was holding her. He smelled familiar as he approached her. And there was a faint smell of gunpowder. Thinking about it, Ines felt her throat tighten. The more she felt that way, the more she couldn’t face him.
Slowly, but with a simple gesture, Carson, who had tied up her hair, silently looked down at her.
Ines hoped and hoped that this moment would pass quickly. She thought that if only today passed, she would be able to see him as comfortably as before. But Carson wouldn’t leave her alone.
“Look at me.”
She bit her lower lip. Her hands trembled.
“If you don’t have anything to do, I’d like to go back.”
“What?”
“It’s late at night, and my lord must rest.”
“What on earth happened while I was away?”
“Nothing happened.”
“Did something change your mind that made you not even look me in the eye?”
Eventually, she stepped back, and he remained silent for a moment. Unable to bear it any longer, Ines spoke first.
“That’s exactly how things are between me and my lord. If you brought me to the reception room tonight, you should give me some instructions.”
As she spoke as softly as possible, the man who had been quietly listening bowed slightly.
He kept his eyes fixed on her as if he couldn’t take his eyes off her no matter how much he struggled. When their eyes met, Carson smiled faintly.
“For example?”
The distance between them narrowed in an instant without her noticing. The air around them, which had been slightly loose, became taut.
“For example... Prepare some tea to relieve your fatigue.”
“I’m not tired.”
“...”
“Look at me.”
He gently grabbed Ines’ chin with his hand. His lips formed a leisurely smile as if he knew why she was talking so nonsense.
“Young Lady Swenden probably doesn’t know what kind of state I’m in right now.”
When he erased his smile, Ines could see his clenched jaw repeatedly tense and relax.
“Can anyone else in this world control Young Lady’s mood like this?”
His ribcage muscles, sharply raised by the war, trembled greatly.
“You’re too careless. It won’t do any good if I get impatient.”
But Ines wordlessly snatched his hand away and bit her lips
He kept his eyes fixed on her as if he couldn’t take his eyes off her no matter how much he struggled. When their eyes met, Carson smiled faintly.
“For example?”
The distance between them narrowed in an instant without her noticing. The air around them, which had been slightly loose, became taut.
“For example... Prepare some tea to relieve your fatigue.”
“I’m not tired.”
“...”
“Look at me.”
He gently grabbed Ines’ chin with his hand. His lips formed a leisurely smile as if he knew why she was talking so nonsense.
“Young Lady Swenden probably doesn’t know what kind of state I’m in right now.”
When he erased his smile, Ines could see his clenched jaw repeatedly tense and relax.
“Can anyone else in this world control Young Lady’s mood like this?”
His ribcage muscles, sharply raised by the war, trembled greatly.
“You’re too careless. It won’t do any good if I get impatient.”
But Ines wordlessly snatched his hand away and bit her lips
.
“Ines!”
When he finally couldn’t stand her behavior and raised his voice, she bit her lower lip.
“You... What the hell is wrong? Are you doing this because you want to see me go crazy?”
“...”
“Aren’t you going to answer?”
"No.”
“What?”
Carson was stunned by her rejection, which he had never heard before as if he had been hit in the back of the head.
Ines didn’t say no to Carson. This was as natural as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west.
“Just now... What did you say?”
“No, I don’t want to make eye contact with you right now.”
“...Why?”
Carson was really going crazy. His fingertips tingled as he tried to lift her chin and force her to meet his eyes. Was there anything in this world that he couldn’t control?
“Ines!”
When he finally couldn’t stand her behavior and raised his voice, she bit her lower lip.
“You... What the hell is wrong? Are you doing this because you want to see me go crazy?”
“...”
“Aren’t you going to answer?”
"No.”
“What?”
Carson was stunned by her rejection, which he had never heard before as if he had been hit in the back of the head.
Ines didn’t say no to Carson. This was as natural as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west.
“Just now... What did you say?”
“No, I don’t want to make eye contact with you right now.”
“...Why?”
Carson was really going crazy. His fingertips tingled as he tried to lift her chin and force her to meet his eyes. Was there anything in this world that he couldn’t control?
If you try hard and endure, everything will eventually fall into your hands.
He clenched and unclenched his fists several times, trying to calm his mind.
Carson exhaled deeply and slowly tilted his head. When he lowered his gaze enough to meet her eyes, she turned her head to the other side again. He also patiently followed her and moved his head to the other side. His impatience, despite the cool sensation from before, faded away.
However, the moment he saw her cold eyes, he realized. He had to lose now. His instincts were telling him so.
“So why? There must be a reason you don’t want to make eye contact with me.”
His voice had become much softer than before.
“T-That’s..”
“Huh? Did I do something wrong? Is it because I came back too late?”
“...”
“Or did I make you angry?”
Her head snapped up at the question of whether she was angry. When their bright green eyes met, it felt like her choked breath was coming back. But even for a moment, Ines lowered her head again.
“Angry... I’m not. There’s no way I could do that.”
“No, you're angry...”
“It’s not like that, it’s just that I don’t want to see you right now.”
“So why, if you don’t tell me why now, I’ll just think you’re really angry with me.”
“You didn’t keep your promise.”
Her sparkling eyes finally turned to Carson. She wasn’t crying, but her eyes were wet. At that moment, Carson took a deep breath.
“Promise...?”
That sparkling was completely different from what he had been hoping and longing for for the past three months. So this look was like...
“You clearly told me that you don’t like hunting and that you’d never get involved in battle.”
So this was clearly Ines Swenden’s eyes resenting Carson von Raymond. The moment he realized it, he covered his mouth and took three steps back.
“Oh my..."
Ines looked shocked as Carson sighed. She looked as if she had realized what she had done.
"I, I'm sorry. What I mean is, I'm not blaming you, my lord, but you gave me the gusset and said there would be no danger."
She, who had not even made eye contact with him just a moment ago, was making excuses in embarrassment.
"I guess I was so worried that I couldn't sleep for too long and my nerves were tense. And I didn't know you would show up so suddenly... "
He clenched and unclenched his fists several times, trying to calm his mind.
Carson exhaled deeply and slowly tilted his head. When he lowered his gaze enough to meet her eyes, she turned her head to the other side again. He also patiently followed her and moved his head to the other side. His impatience, despite the cool sensation from before, faded away.
However, the moment he saw her cold eyes, he realized. He had to lose now. His instincts were telling him so.
“So why? There must be a reason you don’t want to make eye contact with me.”
His voice had become much softer than before.
“T-That’s..”
“Huh? Did I do something wrong? Is it because I came back too late?”
“...”
“Or did I make you angry?”
Her head snapped up at the question of whether she was angry. When their bright green eyes met, it felt like her choked breath was coming back. But even for a moment, Ines lowered her head again.
“Angry... I’m not. There’s no way I could do that.”
“No, you're angry...”
“It’s not like that, it’s just that I don’t want to see you right now.”
“So why, if you don’t tell me why now, I’ll just think you’re really angry with me.”
“You didn’t keep your promise.”
Her sparkling eyes finally turned to Carson. She wasn’t crying, but her eyes were wet. At that moment, Carson took a deep breath.
“Promise...?”
That sparkling was completely different from what he had been hoping and longing for for the past three months. So this look was like...
“You clearly told me that you don’t like hunting and that you’d never get involved in battle.”
So this was clearly Ines Swenden’s eyes resenting Carson von Raymond. The moment he realized it, he covered his mouth and took three steps back.
“Oh my..."
Ines looked shocked as Carson sighed. She looked as if she had realized what she had done.
"I, I'm sorry. What I mean is, I'm not blaming you, my lord, but you gave me the gusset and said there would be no danger."
She, who had not even made eye contact with him just a moment ago, was making excuses in embarrassment.
"I guess I was so worried that I couldn't sleep for too long and my nerves were tense. And I didn't know you would show up so suddenly... "
But her words could not be continued. Carson came closer than she had moved away and snatched her into his arms.
“I’m really going crazy because of you.”
Even though he had lowered his shoulders and hugged her tightly, Ines’s neck lifted up. He buried his nose in the white exposed nape of her neck and took a deep breath. The frustration that had been tormenting Ines until just now was suffocating her differently.
“What do you want me to do now?”
“So if you don’t go to dangerous places from now on… .”
“I was wrong.”
“What?”
“I broke my promise, just like you said. I lied because I was worried you would worry. I’m really sorry. Please forgive me just this once.”
As Carson continued to apologize, Ines felt all the strength in her body drain away. He must have felt it too, as he reached out his large hands and pulled her back toward him.
“I didn’t want an apology. I was just so worried, and without realizing it...”
“I’m really going crazy because of you.”
Even though he had lowered his shoulders and hugged her tightly, Ines’s neck lifted up. He buried his nose in the white exposed nape of her neck and took a deep breath. The frustration that had been tormenting Ines until just now was suffocating her differently.
“What do you want me to do now?”
“So if you don’t go to dangerous places from now on… .”
“I was wrong.”
“What?”
“I broke my promise, just like you said. I lied because I was worried you would worry. I’m really sorry. Please forgive me just this once.”
As Carson continued to apologize, Ines felt all the strength in her body drain away. He must have felt it too, as he reached out his large hands and pulled her back toward him.
“I didn’t want an apology. I was just so worried, and without realizing it...”
“Yes, you deserve to blame me. It was completely my fault.”
“Are you going to lie from now on?”
“No, no.”
The space between the two of them was completely interlocked. The sound of their hearts beating, no one knowing whose it was, also interlocked rapidly.
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