A calm face, neat clothes, and a calm mood.
'I couldn't do this before.'
The moment I saw my close friend following my husband out of the carriage, I lost my senses.
I cried and cursed, feeling betrayed as if my world was falling apart. and pulled out Penelope's hair.
When the servants separated me, I sat down on the dirt floor and cried.
Not that I've gone through life and worn so much, I don't really remember the feelings I felt back then, but back then, I was devastated.
It wasn't just because of Penelope or Isaac.
I lived my whole life kindly, obediently, and sacrificially.
I thought that was how it had to be. I believed that then everyone would be happy and that I would be happy someday too.
But when I thought about the time I was neglected by my husband, I realized that I was becoming more and more unhappy.
The marriage itself was an unwanted marriage, forced upon me by my older brother, and even the person I loved turned his back on me.
I wasn't the master of my own life.
The moment I realized that Isaac and Penelope barged in.
My heart, which was barely holding in, suddenly collapsed.
Why is the world like this to me?
Why is everyone like this: family, friends, and husband.
Can't I have at least one person on my side?
That day, I lost my temper for the first time.
It was only once in my life that I got that angry and swear.
But I was never allowed to do that.
That incident brought about huge aftershocks.
"Don't complicate things, Bridget! Do you know how much embarrassment you've caused me?"
Even today, the expression on Isaac's face as he glared at me with his teeth clenched as if he was going to strangle me at any moment remains vivid in my mind.
That pitiful expression of contempt. That murderous look in his eyes would haunt my dreams ever since.
I was immature.
I didn't know how to take care of my feelings, how to stand up to injustice, or how to claim my rights.
So I fell flat on my face and begged Isaac.
The employees were the first to notice that the landlady was an idiot who couldn't even raise her voice properly.
Power is at work in all human relationships.
This is true not only between a King and his subject, but even in seemingly equal relationships, such as between spouses, friends, and brothers.
What about the relationship between a landlady and her employees?
The employees looked down and criticized me for losing my authority.
The ridiculous superior was even dragged down as an object of disgust.
"No matter what, it was too much for Madam to grab the pregnant woman by the hair... She could have just said it."
"How can a noble lady be so vicious? I was shocked. She committed violence."
"And what about when she sat down and cried? Thinking about it still makes me feel embarrassed."
The employees felt sorry for me at first, but they enjoyed making fun of me more. They even gave me the ridiculous nickname "Bal-pung-pung" to tease me.
To the common people, this was a very entertaining piece of upper-class gossip. They would pass around this amusing incident like crazy.
My story became increasingly exaggerated and distorted.
"What a shame, Bridget! You have humiliated the Winston family! Do you know what everyone is saying about you? Mrs. Winston in her petticoat, Bridget the swindler!"
My mother-in-law threw a wad of gossip in my face.
It was a very comical drawing of me sitting down with my legs exposed and crying.
It was a fake picture drawn by an unknown illustrator based only on distorted rumors.
But I, who was in a psychological corner, accepted it at face value and bowed my head to my mother-in-law with a blush of shame.
"I'm sorry, Mom."
"Why on earth can't you just sit still and act so ugly? What's so great about a man having a mistress? Tsk tsk, you really are ridiculous."
"I am..."
"This will be used in the divorce trial as evidence that you have undermined the authority of the Winston family!"
Afterward, Isaac and my mother-in-law used this incident as an opportunity to negotiate a divorce from me.
The jury focused more on my behavior, which became a bigger issue in the gossip press, than on Isaac's infidelity.
The situation was not very good.
In that situation, Penelope's filing of a lawsuit for assault was the final blow to me.
Young and naive, Bridget was driven to the edge of a cliff, not knowing what to do.
Suddenly, I became the perpetrator who gave the reason for the divorce.
Not only did I not receive alimony, but I was also in danger of being kicked out of the Winston family, even losing the property I had owned before my marriage.
I shuddered in shame every day as the world pointed at me.
My family considered me to be a very dishonorable person.
"Bridget, the reason you're so aggressive is because you're not in your right mind."
My brother Josh claimed that I was crazy.
"My sister committed this act while she was unable to make sound judgment, so I ask for your leniency, Viscount Winston."
After my father passed away, all decisions in the family fell to Josh.
I was ultimately unable to return to my parent's home.
With nowhere to go, I was forced to enter a convent, which was essentially confinement.
I, who lost my husband, friends, and family, thought about it every day.
Did I do something so wrong that I deserved to be blamed by everyone?
Don't do that.
No matter how upset you are, be rational.
I screwed up.
It's all my fault.
I thought it was like that because everyone said so, and I fell deeper and deeper into depression.
There were more than a few things I regretted.
In that way, I realized too late that nothing could be solved by appealing to people's morality and ethics through emotions alone.
It took me too long to realize that people hate those who make things worse by revealing the truth about the harm done to them, rather than the person who actually did the wrong thing.
If I could go back, I would do things differently.
I would have acted differently from the beginning to the end.
'What should I have done then?'
Self-reproach became a disease, and regret took away the strength to overcome the disease.
I eventually died a miserable death from malnutrition and overwork in a monster notorious for its harsh lifestyle.
But somehow fate took me back in time.
'I changed the past.'
Today, which came again like a miracle, I changed the past.
Just as I wanted to fix it, chewing over it hundreds. thousands of times.
Now no one knew Bridget Bal-bong-bong but me.
'This life has to be different.'
Isaac was standing at the end of the hallway, with the study door open, looking at me.
Despite his urging gaze and cold atmosphere, I was as intimidated as before and did not move often.
Now, I had no desire to look good in front of my husband, so there was no reason to care what he thought.
I will walk at my own pace without being swayed by others.
I took my steps leisurely and leisurely.
***
As I entered the study, Isaac followed me, closing the door behind me, and offered me a seat.
"Bridget, you saw it too."
"Yes, I know everything. I have eyes and ears too."
I naturally intercepted Isaac's words and took control of the conversation.
"I heard that Penelope took good care of you while you were in the Kingdom of Russel."
Isaac looked at me with an expression that seemed to say he couldn't read my mind.
I smiled broadly.
"I am truly grateful. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to follow you after you left without saying a word right after the wedding, but Penelope has been doing the work for me."
"Don't beat around the bush. If you're blaming me, I don't want to heat it, so just leave. If it's women's jealousy, I absolutely hate it."
Isaac glared at me coldly.
Jealousy, I snickered inwardly.
"No way. I just thought it was lucky that Penelope, of all people, was by your side."
"Thank goodness?"
"There is no one who does now know how devoted she was to her aged husband before he passed away. You can tell without even looking how well she served you."
The expression 'service' rather than 'dedication' contained my malice, but Isaac was too distracted to notice.
Penelope's ex-husband, the Count of Bellingham, was already over eighty years old when he married twenty-year-old Penelope.
At that time, the Count of Bellingham was looking for a wife who would care for him as he suffered from an illness until the day he died.
Many nobles are said so to have entered into political marriages regardless of the age difference, but such age differences and absurd reasons for marriage became a laughing stock in social circles.
Regardless of how Penelope really was to her husband, there was actually a mocking connotation to people referring to her a sa 'servant wife.'
Isaac also knew how much Penelope had been the subject of gossip during their nearly four-year marriage.
Of course, Isaac, who was far from the social circle, didn't know the inside story.
He just knew that Penelope was really devoted to her husband.
Isaac frowned as if he was uncomfortable after hearing about his lover's past out of the blue.
Is it your lover's past that you don't want to remember even though you know it?
In particular, it was not a very pleasant experience to hear about one's lover's past from one's wife's mouth.
Isaac thought I was pretending that everything was okay to save my modest face.
Is this what a woman from a noble family is like?
'How convenient.'
He thought it wasn't bad, even though he laughed at me.
"Anyway, I'm glad you didn't take this issue too seriously. Keep doing this."
It was said as a compliment, but in reality, it was complete disregard.
Still, I nodded silently.
Be satisfied and at ease.
Not even realizing that you were eating the cheese that had been trapped.
Bridget, I hate you in another series, but, damn girl!! I love you here!!
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