RAMHM - Chapter 54 < Don't Run Away >



Noevian gently stroked my stiff shoulders as if to comfort them, then left to greet the other mourners.

“Madam, are you okay?”

Neil, who had been watching from afar, approached cautiously and asked.

"... Yes."

I wasn't okay at all. With my stiff neck, I followed Noevian's back with my gaze. And soon I felt the servants' gazes, looking back and forth between me and Noevian, sighing deeply. The sight of a widow calmly welcoming her lover without shedding a single tear was not a very pleasant sight. The gloomy expressions of the servants. And Noevian's relaxed expression.

'Could it be that my methods were wrong?'

But to strike Noevian from behind as Blie Acacia, the only way is to go to his mansion. How can I get there without provoking the formidable enemy that is Noevian Trovica? But...

'Is that really the only way?'

Did my attempt to force my way into the Grand Duke's mansion, ignoring Noevian's warning, lead to the Count's death? 

I had no more tears to shed, but my head started to hurt. My plan, which I had lost confidence in due to the Count's death, was mercilessly crushing me in the name of guilt.

'I'm sick of it.'

I wanted to run away. I wanted to hide somewhere, erase even the person called Blie Acacia from the world, and just rest. I welcomed the few visitors like a puppet with strings off. 

The more I thought about it, the more ridiculous it became. At the same time, I felt like I was slowly being crushed to death in this house full of traces of the Count. I felt even more so when I saw Noevian’s face, which was somber as he greeted people casually. He deceived me. He deceived Rhodnes. Who knows if he deceived Count Acacia, who was in my grasp? 

Two of the people he deceived died, and one almost took his own life. And yet he was so shameless. I stiffened and quietly became angry, and then at some point I started searching the mansion for Noevian, who had disappeared from sight. The intuition that made the hairs on my body stand on end indicated that the Count’s death was due to Noevian Trovica. My head was dizzy and my body was trembling, but my eyes and feet diligently searched for traces of Noevian.

“Sir Neil, have you seen Sir Jimsker or the Grand Duke?”

"Ma'am?"

“Have you seen them?”

Neil, who had been quietly following me, had a serious expression on his face, perhaps because my expression was unusual.

“I saw Sir Jimsker walking towards the stables. I thought he was probably returning from the funeral service.”

“Escort me from afar. Don’t follow me closely.”

“Where are you going?”

“It’s a stable.”

“There are still guests..."

“No one will be interested in me, so just put anyone in front of me.”

I called a maid to guard the lobby and quickly headed toward the back road where the stables were. There were so many things I wanted to ask, so many things I wanted to investigate. All I could think about was making this uneasy suspicion certain in my own domain, not his.

*** 

Noevian's long-time adjutant, Jimsker, stared at his master, who seemed to be in a good mood. It was completely different from the way he had been seen at other vassals' funerals. His eyes were still sallow and tired as if he had not slept well, but his strangely slow gait and movements seemed very leisurely to Jimsker, who had been watching him for a long time.

“Your Highness, are you alright?”

"Hmm."

The unkempt stables stank of stale air, and Jimsker was anxious to get out of the deathly mansion as quickly as possible.

“Sir, come here again tomorrow.”

"... Yes?"

“The Count of Acacia’s will must be somewhere in the mansion.”

“A will... is that what you mean?”

In the dark of the night, Noevian's face was somewhat pale and calm but strangely recalled.

“But how could I just search the mansion without permission?”

“I can’t let a widowed Countess guard this mansion alone. Unless there are special instructions, you will be here for a while to report to work. Before the Count’s sudden death throws the entire Count’s household into chaos, I, as his lord, should look after the will.”

"...All right."

Jimsker was bewildered but had no intention of contradicting Noevian's words. 

***

'A will...!'

As I saw Jimsker mount his horse, I hid in a slightly darker, more secluded place and held my breath. I could hear their occasional conversation.

'The Count's will is somewhere in this mansion.'

It was common sense to look for a will from a dead nobleman. However, it was different for Noevian to pay attention to the will of this insignificant family. For that reason alone, the will must have been very important to Noevian. Noevian could be heard giving Jimsker some advice. 

The will. Where could the will be? If it had been hidden somewhere...

'The key!'

My heart was beating fast. I had the bundle of keys that the Count had left for me before he left for the manor! 

I felt along the outer wall of the mansion as I heard Jimsker leave. As I approached the back door of the mansion, Neil, sensing something unusual, approached me quietly from a distance. I pulled Neil in only after I confirmed that Noevian had re-entered the mansion through the main entrance.

"Ma'am?"

“Please keep an eye on the Grand Duke until he returns to his mansion. If he wants to see me, please tell him that visiting hours are over.”

“Huh? Suddenly?”

“It's an order.”

There was no time to explain everything to Neil. I quickly went through the back door, past the large laundry room, and up the servants' stairs.

'A bunch of keys, a bunch of keys!'

I returned to my bedroom and opened the safe containing Blie’s diary and my jewels, and I saw a velvet pouch in the corner containing a bunch of keys. I held it tightly with my trembling hands and felt its hard and rough texture. Soon, I could hear the guests leaving the mansion through the slightly opened window. I hid behind the curtain and waited for the Grand Duke’s carriage to leave. After all the guests had left, Noevian came out to the entrance of the mansion. In front of the carriage, Noevian, who had been scanning the mansion as if he knew that I was watching, quickly adjusted his clothes and got into the carriage. Every movement was elegant and simple. He then muttered something to Neil, who had followed him and left the Count’s mansion without any regrets. 

After his carriage had completely left the mansion and Neil, who had been watching it all the way, had confirmed that he was guarding the Count’s mansion with the other knights nearby, I closed the window tightly. I made up my mind. I couldn't let Jimsker search the Count's mansion tomorrow and find a will I didn't even know the contents of. 

Tinkle! Tinkle! 

I grabbed the rope by the bedside and shook it, and Jonah and Marge came running.

“Madam! The knight said that you were not feeling well..."

“From now on, do not let any servants come upstairs.”

"Yes?"

Marge asked with a gaunt and bewildered face. I pressed the key ring hidden in my bosom with my hand.

“Don’t ask anything, just do as I say.”

Marge looked as anxious as when I first tried to drug the servants in the Grand Duke's residence. I patted her on the shoulder to reassure her.

“This is for the late Count.”

"... Yes."

Seeing the determined will in my eyes, Marge also left the bedroom without a word. After confirming that all the servants on the upper floor had gone down the stairs and that they were busy cleaning on the first floor, I headed straight to the Count’s office. 

*** 

The office that I entered with a large key was dreary because the owner had not stayed there for long. The office was desolate and cold, without any decorations, and it felt like walking through a coffin the whole time I was entering. 

Knock. 

As soon as I entered the office, I locked the door again. Fearing that someone might be watching this office from outside, I drew the curtains and approached the desk with a candle. Beneath the clean desk, which had not a single piece of paper on it, there was a cold metal safe. After inserting and turning dozens of keys from the key ring, the safe door finally opened with a click.

“...”

A few gold bars were the first thing I saw. And underneath them were a few envelopes. Some were very old and yellowish, while others were fresh and white as if they had just arrived. As I took out the bundle of envelopes with trembling hands, my heart felt like it was about to drop.

“!”

No, actually, what had fallen at my feet was a pink diary that had been stuck between the envelopes like a foreign object. Yes, a pink diary. It was so familiar to my eyes, and I felt anger rising as soon as I saw it. It was exactly the same one I had been rummaging through all night just yesterday. 

When I brought the candlestick closer, wax dripped. I opened the diary with trembling hands. The diary, densely written in Elacon, had quite a lot of letters, unlike the previous diaries which were full of scribbles.

“Why on earth? Why are you here again?”

I was looking for the will. Why, Blie. Why are you here again...! 

[Noevian Trovica, I hate you.]  

“!”

The first sentence of the first page of the diary. The only sentence that can be interpreted without a dictionary.

I closed the diary without realizing it. It was only one sentence, but it was so short that I felt like my breath was stopping. I barely came to my senses, breathing heavily as if time had stopped, and hid the diary and envelopes in the shawl I was wearing and left the office. I locked the safe and the office door tightly as if nothing had happened and ran to my office as if I were running away. The lights were much brighter than the Count’s office, but the excitement and fear that suddenly came did not subside easily. 

As if possessed, I grabbed the Elacon dictionary from the bookshelf and headed to the desk. I walked so hard that it made a thumping sound. The memories and feelings of the day I first interpreted Blie’s diary are still vivid. The fact that I had to interpret Blie’s diary again during my most difficult time was extremely burdensome.

'What kind of words will they use to mock and ridicule me this time?'

Just thinking about it made my head go cold. But contrary to my expectations, except for the sentences that were very difficult to interpret, the sentences that I searched for words like crazy and interpreted were as follows. 

[Regret and guilt are useless emotions.] 

[Count Acacia is also just someone who was in cahoots with Noevian Trovica and will be abandoned.] 

[I feel like leaving everything behind and running away...]

[On the other hand, there are nights when I can’t stand the pity for the life I’ve lost.] 

I swept up my arms that were giving me goosebumps for no reason and took deep breaths for a moment, then exhaled again repeatedly. I felt an unbearable feeling crawling all over my body as if I couldn’t bear it without rubbing my ears and the back of my neck hard with both hands.

'Could this actually be my diary?'

As stupid as it was to think that way, Blie's diary was a mirror of my current state of mind. 

[Do you want to run away?]  

“...!”

I pushed the diary away as if I had touched a very dirty bug. No one was looking at me, but it was as if Blie’s ghost was whispering to me in front of me. Fear and anger towards her surged at the same time. I chewed out my boiling voice as if Blie was in the air.

“Yeah, I want to run away. Why on earth are you doing this? Why on earth do you keep...!”

[It's too late to turn back.] 

A sentence that didn't even require a dictionary to be looked up answered me. I eventually started laughing as if I was about to burst into tears.

“What the hell are you...”

[Don't run away. Enter the Grand Duke's mansion and reveal all the secrets.] 

Ah. How did this happen? What on earth is this woman? 

[Don't run away.] 

How on earth could she possibly write a diary like this? 

[Adrienne Swann Piretta.] 

My name, written in Imperial letters, was proudly placed at the end of the old diary. As if someone had already known I would read it.


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