The difference between awareness and illusion (3)
Ian and I headed to Duke Eldern's office. We needed the Duke's permission to move the knights.
Just then. Kalit was coming out of his office. He approached us with a smile.
"You two are coming together? I'm jealous."
"..."
I clicked my tongue inwardly.
I don't know why he keeps talking seductively even though he's been caught acting. Is it a habit?
"Have you finished talking with the Duke?"
"Yes, I decided to take the prisoner with me when I return."
"I see. When do you plan on returning?"
"I have to make it fit Young Lady's schedule."
"Oh, I guess you don't know yet. I plan to stay for about two weeks."
"I know."
"...Is it okay for you to be away from the palace for so long?"
"I can't leave someone precious to me alone. I'm sure Father will understand."
"Can I ask who your precious person is?"
"You know.
"..."
He lowered his eyes and swallowed a sigh. He had no intention of giving up on the engagement.
"Your Highness."
"Yes."
"I'm sorry, but I think you'll have to go into the office alone. I have something urgent to discuss with His Highness."
"...All right."
I unconsciously looked at his complexion as Ian's voice sank low.
His expression is not much different from usual. But why does he seem to be in a bad mood? Am I imagining it?
"Thank you for your understanding."
"Yes."
As Ian entered the office, Kalit smiled languidly and took my hand.
"I wonder what you have to say to me urgently. Should we go to the reception room?"
"How about taking a walk?"
"Won't you be cold?"
"I think it would be better to cool my head."
"...Let's go out."
We went outside and walked in the garden for a while in silence. I could hear Nadia's footsteps following me from a distance.
After the snow stopped, the weather cleared up as if by magic. The biting wind also eased up a bit. I stopped halfway through the garden and let go of Kalit's arm.
"Your Highness, do you really wish to become engaged to me?"
"I feel the same way. I want you to be my fiancée."
"Your Highness, your engagement with me may be detrimental to Your Highness. But you still won't give it up?"
Kalit, who had been staring at me silently, slowly opened his mouth.
"It's already too late."
"...You're late?"
"If you wanted me to give up, you should have pretended not to know until the end."
"What on earth?"
Kalit lowered his head. His lips, which had come close to kissing me, stopped at my ear.
"I'm sick."
"..."
The lips that had been spitting out a secret voice moved away. I paused for a moment at the unexpected words.
"Sick? What the... I don't understand.'
Kalit straightened his back and brushed his hair back. A leisurely voice continued...
"When I was very young. I put poison in Countess Beatrix's tea."
Beatrix was granted the title of Countess after sleeping with the Emperor while still a maid.
She is Oslo's mother. Oslo was very ashamed of his birth.
"I was caught on the spot. I was blatantly drugged. The royal family was turned upside down."
"..."
"Countess Beatrix strongly wanted me executed. She insisted that I should at least be stripped of my princely title."
A twisted smile appeared on Kalit's lips.
"Father was embarrassed. If I had cried and said, 'I didn't know anything, please forgive me just this once', things would have gotten a little better, but I didn't."
"Why... did you do that?"
"Because I was honest."
Kalit shrugged.
"I felt even more resentful. I was just trying to get revenge on the murderer who killed my mother, but everyone said I was the one who did it wrong."
At that time, there was a secret rumor going around that Count Beatrix had assassinated the Empress.
It seems that the story reached the ears of the young Kalit.
"I admit I was stupid. I should have handled it secretly."
"I was too young to know," he said with a laugh.
"In return for retaining my title as Prince, Countess Beatrix has agreed to take charge of my education."
Unfortunately. Kalit was not ordinary.
He was insensitive to the suffering of others and had no empathy for ethics and the preciousness of life.
Even at that young age, he was a child who thought that he didn't care if anyone died as long as they weren't loved by him.
Such thoughts and actions of Kalit were recorded in detail and reported to Countess Beatrix.
"If I made even the smallest mistake, Countess Beatrix would whip me."
"Later, she even called my servant in for speaking informally to an older chamberlain. She just needed an excuse to harass me."
"..."
"I changed my mind four times in one year. I was beaten to death by Countess Beatrix."
From the fifth start, Kalit completely hid his true form.
He created the perfect Prince with polite speech and a lazy smile.
"From some point on, I started to not show my true self unless I completely trusted the person. I can't even get angry. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't."
"..."
"Halo was my fifth start. I've known him for quite some time, even though I went back to my hometown for a while. I can't reveal my true feelings without that level of trust."
There were only a handful of people who showed their true colors to Kalit, who was not very trustworthy.
That's why he was so angry about Halo's death.
"No one knew I was sick. Not even Countess Beatrix, who watched over me until the moment of my death. She was the woman who knew me best."
"..."
"But you noticed it, even though I didn't show it."
Kalit gently cupped my cheek and looked down at me.
"So how could I give up?"
Surprisingly, I could vaguely understand what he was saying.
When I was chosen as the Guardian, I poured out harsh words to my father.
"Millenia, how long are you going to stay in your bedroom? You need to show your face to the people who have come to congratulate you."
"They're not here to congratulate me, they're just glad they weren't chosen as the first walker! They can see ahead!"
"Why do you think that? For your own sake, you shouldn't avoid people."
"Not for my father?"
"... What did you just say?"
"The Marquis family now has a guardian. How happy you must be. For the next half-century, you will enjoy power on a par with that of a Duke."
"Do you really think so? Do you think your father would be happy?"
"So you're forcing me to attend the party! I want to die right now!"
"Yes. I understand. I won't force you anymore."
Even though I knew it wasn't my father's fault, my mouth moved on its own.
Then I turned around and regretted it so much.
I know that feeling of being out of control, that distant, hopeless feeling. Kalit simply called it illness.
Although Kalit's situation was completely different from mine, I could sympathize with the frustration that came with doing something different from what you intended.
I wonder what it would have been like if someone had appeared at that time who understood my heart.
I guess I tried to hold on to him like Kalit. Just having him by my side would have made me feel like I could breathe again.
Suddenly, the thought of a private meeting with the Emperor came to mind.
At that time, the chief steward brought me in front of Kalit without consulting me and whispered to me.
"I will convey His Majesty's message. Even if you cannot become the First Prince's fiancée, you can still be his friend. This is not an order, but a suggestion."
Kalit said that no one knew about his unusual condition, but perhaps the Emperor did?
As I finally understood Kalit, I began to feel guilty.
His childhood was so unhappy that he couldn't tell what he needed.
I made him even more miserable. I couldn't even imagine how much I had to pay for my sins towards Kalit.
"I will become engaged to Your Highness."
"... Really?"
A wonderful smile appeared on Kalit's face. He spoke calmly to me as he took my hand.
"But I want you to think about it again."
"What?"
"Whether Your Highness wants a friend who understands your true self or a tool to make your dreams come true."
Kalit paused.
"...Are the two different?"
"It's different. If you want friendship from me, I will wholeheartedly be your helper, but if you want me as a tool, I am just a tool."
"..."
"Can Your Highness obtain the peace of mind you desire in front of a mere tool?"
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