HTMSAE - Chapter 59 < It Doesn't Matter >


"I think I kept that promise very well."

Carson smiled faintly at the childish words that expected praise.

"Don't you think so?"

"I think so."

"Promises are something that must be kept by both parties, right?"

"Of course."

Ines grabbed the hand of the man who was holding her head. She waited for a moment until his eyes met.

"Has anything... happened to you, Your Highness?"

'Have you heard anything that hurt or hurt you? Has there ever been a time when you had to make a difficult decision alone?'

Ines asked plainly, holding all the questions she wanted to ask in her eyes. He looked at her for a moment and smiled as usual.

"Yes, nothing happened."

Carson did not open his mouth any longer. Ines could not dare to cross the line he had drawn.

Carson looked as strong as ever as if he was ready to reject any words of comfort. If that’s convenient, she thought, then let it be.

But her heart felt heavy. And then suddenly she remembered what he had said.

“No matter where you go and what danger you encounter, there will be days when you won’t even know that it happened to you.”

Now she could understand why Carson had made such a pained face when he said that.

“Wasn’t there something else I said?”

At that moment, Carson’s soft question flew into Ines’ thoughts.

“That... what is it?”

Ines looked up at him with a face that seemed truly incomprehensible.

Ines, whom she had met again after several months, was shining on her own even in the dark room. Her skin was as glossy as a pearl in the light, and her slightly raised cheekbones were flushed.

All the thoughts that had been terribly weighing on him just a moment ago disappeared into the woman’s slightly parted lips.

If he grabbed her lips now and bit them, could he forget everything that was disturbing his feelings at once?

He swallowed dryly and closed his eyes into her green eyes. He dropped the towel he was holding onto the floor and held Ines’ cheek in his hand.

Her soft cheek naturally dug into his hand as if it was the right place.

Now, there was only one year left, and it was exactly one year before his hand would have to stay here.

“If you don’t remember, there’s nothing I can do.”

When that time came, he would make the eyes that were calmly staring at him tremble. Her eyes, flustered and not knowing what to do, lost focus and became disordered, and eventually, unable to bear it, she decided to dig her nails into his shoulder and make her cry.

“By any chance... did you tell me not to be friends with Sir Marcus?”

His hand froze in shock at the name of another man coming out of her mouth. But he still smiled and said,

“No way, that’s it?”

Ines tilted her head. Her wet hair fell slightly onto the back of his hand.

“Then, what is it?”

The woman’s beautiful eyebrows furrowed slightly. Carson finally realized as he pressed her forehead with his other hand and straightened it.

In the end, that one year was the problem.

If he pushed Ines like this, she would be pushed without even the slightest resistance. Then, when she collapsed on the bed and he climbed on top of her, what kind of expression would she make?

Even if he greedily opened her lips and mercilessly dug into her, she would freeze for a moment and eventually accept him. If she focused her eyes only on him, unable to see anything else, and filled her body with him, he would crack his neck and drive him crazy.

So that was the problem.

What he was lusting after her now was, in the end, a mere gossip about a high-ranking man having a maid.

“I’m asking because the topic came up, but... were you close?”

So that one year was the problem. Even the brief silence of asking as if it was nothing and hearing the answer was unbearable.

“Huh? Did you?”

His mind was completely twisted when he thought that she had changed someone else’s life, not his own. In the past few months, he had been missing her and worrying about her, making ridiculous assumptions and disillusioning himself.

“Can’t you see that I’m scared right now?”

Every time he looked back on the past and realized that her heart was different from his, he was scared like a puppy that got wet in the rain.

That was the time he spent.

Does this woman know the dissatisfaction, insufficiency, and anxiety that he can’t confirm that much time again?

So answer quickly. While I was away from you, did you have another man in your sights?

“No, no. We weren’t close. But... we exchanged greetings.”

Ines said confidently, but it was half a lie.

She didn’t have time to meet him separately, so they weren’t close, but she relied on Marcus in her heart. When she couldn’t breathe and was in pain, he was always by her side.

In the middle of the night, she couldn’t help it, but during the day, he came running to her no matter where she was. It was amazing how he knew and always came to Ines. But since he didn’t get any closer, Ines didn’t push him away.

Her thoughts about Marcus were always the same. She thought that if she had lived without experiencing anything, she would have looked at him in the same way.

It was sad and endearing, like seeing a version of herself that she couldn’t have.

Of course, she wasn’t lying, so Ines could smile brightly in front of her own safety.

Carson patted her head like he was praising a child who had done her homework well. He turned away from the woman’s face, which was blushing happily, and walked to the table set up in the room. As he sat down, Ines sat down across from him.

“Why didn’t you ask why I came today?”

“Ah... Why did you come?”

Of course, it was something she should have asked from the beginning, but she couldn’t ask it because she knew he had met the Empress.

“I came here today because I have something to tell you.”

“To me?”

“Yes.”

He poured two glasses of wine into the empty glass. The only alcohol allowed in the temple was wine. Even then, it wasn’t something easy to see. When she took a sip, the bitter taste tickled her tongue.

“The temple has decided to send a priest and two maids to Landhill soon.”

“Why?”

She licked her lips, which were red with alcohol and bit her lower lip. Carson swallowed a sigh and continued as calmly as he could.

“Louis is sick.”

“Yes?”

He hadn’t intended to say it directly, but the words came out naturally when the red woman in front of him blurred his vision.

“It’s not that she’s sick. She said her heart hurts a little. She said she’s anxious and depressed.”

Ines couldn’t say anything and just rubbed her lips with her fingers. As her neatly cut white nails rubbed her red lips, Carson rubbed his face with his dry hands.

“It’s not serious. It’s a bit of a sham.”

Carson explained the situation in a way that Ines could understand. Even Louis’s cute scheme wasn’t completely a lie.

“So I guess she wants you to stay with her.”

Her eyes began to sparkle with an unknown emotion.

“What do you mean...?”

“Yes, I want you to come to Landhill.”

At those words, Ines lowered her head. When she hid her face, Carson became anxious.

“You're just coming a year earlier. But you can’t go to Swenden. The castle isn’t where it used to be.”

However, he pretended to be indifferent and brought his glass to his lips. He raised his head, swallowed, and looked at her with his eyes down.

It was a habit that he developed after realizing that her feelings were different from his own. He kept checking Ines’s expressions.

However, Ines, who couldn’t know what he was thinking, lowered her head and said nothing.

“So I want to know what you think.”

If Ines were to laugh at the maid, asking where her choice was, Carson would never be able to force her to come to him.

But there was a way to take her, so could he really leave her here?

That was impossible. So he had no choice, even if it seemed uncool. All he could do was ask again and urge her.

“What do you think?”

“Can I?”

She finally raised her head. Carson’s eyes widened at the sight of the woman trembling so much that he met her eyes.

“I...Nes?”

“Can I enjoy that?”

Oh, I had forgotten you. Did I really think it would be okay because I said it was okay?

Ines’s eyes held so much fear that he came to his senses.

“What if God is angry because I didn’t pay the full price?”

He pushed the table to the side and pulled Ines’ arm. She fell into his arms.

“Can I really go to your side, my lord? Because of me... If it's because of me...”

The woman's shoulders, which felt smaller than before, began to tremble sharply. Her chest was so tight that her breathing was heaving.

“It's okay, it's okay.”

“No, no. If I wish for too much and everything disappears, and I end up empty-handed, then.”

Carson held her tightly. What use was the thought of God? If she wanted to go with him, that was fine.

“I won’t be empty-handed because of you, but even so... it doesn’t matter.”

“How could it matter? If I ruin everything.”

Why on earth was Ines thinking like this? Her life, which she had only seen in print, was smooth except for Count Graham’s plot. But there was nothing to hide from her who was afraid.

“If everything goes wrong, we can start over. Because I can do it if you’re here if you’re by my side.”

Ines, who felt uneasy even with his affectionate words, held his collar tightly. The veins on the back of his hand, which he held so tightly that his knuckles turned white, stood out.

“Have you had a hard time?”

Ines shook her head vigorously.

“It wasn’t that the work was hard.”

“Then?”

“Honestly, I was scared. Every time I couldn’t breathe. Every time I think that I might never see you again, my lord.”


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