Shiver, shiver. My teeth kept chattering like a broken nutcracker. I shivered like an idiot and curled up. The cave was somewhat warm thanks to the bonfire the boy had lit.
However, it couldn't warm up the cold that had seeped into my bones while I was struggling in the river...
I thought I was going to die. When the cold river water rushed into my nostrils, I really thought that was the end. But then the boy grabbed me and dragged me to the shore, slapping my cheeks and yelling at me, and that's when I came to my senses.
I glanced at the boy.
He looked like a doll, making me wonder how someone could look like that. My mother said I was the prettiest in the world, but I guess that wasn't true. When I thought of my mother, tears fell again.
"Sob."
"Ha, stop crying."
The boy glared at me nervously, so I quickly shut my mouth.
"Is your mother a concubine too?"
"Huh?"
When I asked blankly, the boy raised one eyebrow.
"Didn't you throw yourself into the river because your mother wasn't a concubine?"
"I don't know what concubine means..."
"Then who threw you into the river?"
When I recalled the white face, my whole body trembled. The mask-like face that had looked at me and laughed at me the moment I fell from the cliff. I thought I would never forget this fear no matter how much time passed. Then the boy's unrealistically beautiful face crumpled.
"You're floating again. Damn it. Because of you, I tore off all the nearby tree branches and used them as firewood."
The boy pounded the ground with a flint and got angry. His face, once as beautiful as an angel statue, became fierce as the devil as he frowned.
"Go out and check. All the trees around here will be bare. What are you going to do if you're still shaking?"
"I'm sorry, hmph..."
"I'm going crazy."
The boy roughly ruffled his hair. His fine black hair tangled wildly.
"I had no intention of saving you."
The boy who had been glaring at me suddenly stood up.
"You made me your benefactor without permission. But you can't just die again without permission."
The boy strode toward me and threatened me. I unconsciously tried to back away with a step due to the strange force, but the boy's arms suddenly hugged my body.
"..."
I opened my eyes wide in surprise. The boy's body was bigger than mine. And he was much warmer than mine. I could hear the boy's voice better as he was tightly hugged.
A low voice muttered.
"This is my first time saving someone. And I... I hate failing more than dying. No matter what it is."
I can't fail even once.
The last words were so small and low that I could barely hear them. The warmth of the campfire and the warmth of the people warmed and melted my body. I nodded, my lips quivering.
"No, I won't die."
"That's right. I'm going through such a hard time."
My heart sank at the voice filled with irritation. I desperately tried not to shiver, but it didn't work. Still, perhaps because the warmth of the campfire added to my body temperature, the cold soon went away a lot. I carefully opened my mouth.
"Uh, brother."
"Who's your brother?"
I lowered my head. It seemed like the boy, like Edward, didn't like being called brother. The dictionary said that older boys should be called that. I overcame my fear and asked a question. A question I really wanted to ask, but was too scared to ask.
"Even with this much blood coming out of your body... can you still live?"
The red liquid gushing from my grandfather's neck. As I imagined that and puffed up my arms, the boy frowned.
"No. Then you'd die."
At those words, the tears I had been holding back burst out. I knew it. Even if my grandfather hadn't died right then, those men would have done it in the end.
Why did they do that? Why did those men bleed from my grandfather's body? Why did they hurt him? Why did they take my grandfather and my mother away from me?
I was old enough to know what death was. Maybe, no. Maybe I could sense that I would never see my grandfather and my mother again.
"Heuh, heuheu..."
As I thought that, my heart felt crushed and split. It felt like even the dust that remained after being chopped and broken was being crushed. I knew the boy would hit me, but I couldn't stop him. A waterfall of sadness burst out of my heart, pouring out through my eyes and mouth.
"Heuh, heuheu."
Now I would be abandoned by this boy too. I knew that, but I couldn't help it. That was the moment when I thought I just wanted to drown myself in my tears and die.
Thump, thump.
An awkward gesture tapped my back. The awkward beat made me hiccup without me realizing it.
"Ugh...?"
"This is a secret."
The boy muttered, still clumsily tapping my back.
"I cried when my mother died, too."
"..."
"So you can cry for one day too. But just really cry for one day. A tantrum can't get revenge."
Revenge? I slowly blinked my eyes filled with tears. I knew what he meant. But I didn't understand it right away.
I... would get revenge? On that white face? Just thinking about it made my whole body stiffen.
"Uh, how could I...?"
"The easiest way would be to hit with a sword... but."
The boy looked at my forearm and furrowed his brow.
"If that doesn't work, then we'll have to find another way. You must be good at something... right?"
When I heard that, something came to mind reflexively, so I nodded slightly.
"I'm good at singing."
That's what my mother and grandfather used to say every day. Then the boy looked at me with his brow furrowed.
"What? Does that mean you can rupture eardrums with sound waves?"
"Huh? Oh, no...."
"Then what? Why are we talking about songs here?"
I lowered my head. I realized that I had given a really stupid answer. I couldn't wield a sword or swim well like a boy. I was small and my body temperature wasn't warm enough, so I had to share his warmth. How could I, a useless person like me, take revenge?
"Relax."
The boy sighed softly after checking my expression.
"You'll have your own way."
"I don't even know how to rupture eardrums with sound waves..."
"There must be another way. Use your imagination."
I stared blankly at the boy's gruff voice. It was strange. There was no trace of affection in his voice, and his voice was just blunt... Why did I feel comforted?
The boy said he was going to return to the capital. He said he was going to take revenge on 'those guys whose only honor in life was that their mother wasn't a concubine. The word 'revenge' sounded ridiculous to me, but when the boy said it, it sounded very plausible.
"Even if you're an illegitimate child, if you accomplish a feat that no one can complain about, you can get the approval of the Senate and become the successor. I'll take the title."
"Title?"
"Fine. Just ignore it."
The boy was three years older than me, but he knew a lot of words. At times like that, he seemed like an adult, no, actually, he seemed even more brilliant than an adult.
The boy said that the capital was a five-day walk from here. It would normally take three days, but if it was true that I had the title of 'assassin, then I would have to hide and go back, so it would take that long. I didn't know what an 'assassin' meant, but I thought it probably meant a scary being with a white face.
We walked along the forest path during the day, and at night, we found a cave that looked like a cave and slept. It was only after three days that I realized something was strange.
"Aren't you sleeping, Brother?"
"If we both sleep, who will watch the net?"
The boy answered curtly as if I was talking nonsense. I was as surprised as if I had been hit on the head.
"So, you didn't sleep yesterday or the day before?"
I hurriedly got up from my seat. There was a lesson my maternal grandfather had taught me over and over again. Don't become a shameless person.
"... I don't want to sleep. If I do, you'll just leave me behind because it's annoying."
I remembered falling asleep quickly after saying that on the first day. My face turned bright red and I walked to the entrance of the cave.
"I'll be the one watching the watch today."
"Ha... Don't bother me and just go in. I can't sleep anyway."
The last words were faint as if he was talking to himself, but I managed to understand them.
You can't sleep well...
I had heard those words from the doctor who was examining my mother not long ago.
"Insomnia?"
The boy glanced at me with a surprised expression and shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know about that. I just didn't sleep well."
"Since when?"
"Well, I don't know. Since the day my mother died."
He blurted out his answer as if it was nothing. However, I could tell. The faint trembling at the end of his voice, and his red eyes staring into the distant sky. It was proof that the story of his mother's death was making the boy sad.
Although he probably doesn't admit it, I hesitated and then cautiously spoke.
"Um, if you can't sleep... Would you like me to sing you a lullaby?"
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