RAMHM - Chapter 12 < Something You Never Had, And Will Never Have Again >



Someone screamed terribly in my head. It was the scream of the dead Adrienne, and of me who was alive now. It was a sound that no one could hear, but it was deafening to me. 

For a moment, my breath caught in my throat. I couldn’t think. The shock I felt from hearing the words directly from him, rather than from the groundless words I heard from other people, was different. 

Noevian, with his eyes calmly seething, continued to pour out his words with a sigh.

“I thought about dying after Adrienne died. Then I thought, Adrienne wouldn’t want that. Then I thought of you. When I see you... Damn, I think of Adrienne! When I’m with you, yes, it’s hard and painful. But even when she was alive, I was in pain.”

“...”

“Adrienne was sick and suffering every day. Do you know what it feels like to see someone you love suffer and suffer to the point of death?”

I don’t know. Yes, maybe I don’t know. I’ve never seen a loved one suffer so much before they die. The most painful sight I’ve ever seen of Noevian is the face of his sobbing at the sight of my dead body at the funeral. And now, the low scream of wanting to die with Adrienne. 

I stared blankly at the face of the man who said he loved his wife but wanted another woman as his mistress. The face of a man who said he loved her but wanted a mistress. It was unfamiliar. 

For a moment, it felt like a dream. Since I woke up in this body, I’ve wandered between dreams and reality every moment, but there has never been a moment that felt like a dream as much as this moment. The flawless, perfect Noevian Trovica. Ascetic and cynical, but was this the Noevian who had poured his unparalleled devotion into his wife?

“...So, you want to spend the night with me?”

The trembling voice of Blie Acacia cut through the silence. I ignored my already wounded and bleeding heart and tried to check again. It was an opportunity given by 'Adrienne' who he could not even recognize. The only man I relied on and leaned on in the desolate Grand Duchy. The only person who supported and cheered for me as a person rather than my illness or suffering. Noevian Trovica, my pride and love.

'Tell me now that you don't want Blie, Noah.'

Please tell me it's all lies. That other people are insulting the dead Grand Duchess. That Adrienne Trovica was born without any traces left behind, so they're just trying to ridicule and trample on her.

"Ha ha h..."

Noevian buried his face in one hand as if mocking himself. Then he laughed with a tearful sound, and suddenly raised his head. His dark blue eyes were like drunken eyes that I had never seen before. And they were eyes engulfed in the 'lust' that I had only seen in books. The eyes of an adult who clearly wanted to share the adult love that he had never shared with the sick Adrienne. I had never received such a gaze from anyone, but I could feel it instinctively. My body trembled even more at the strange sensation of invisible hands scanning my entire body.

“You want to turn me into trash that can’t even be recycled.”

“...Isn’t it?”

Say no, please. I looked up at my husband with a glimmer of hope. But as if this expression had incited him even more, he distorted his face and, unable to control his emotions, hugged me tightly. It was the embrace of my husband whom I had longed for so much, but for some reason, my heart grew cold.

“That’s right, I want you.”

“!”

In his cool embrace, I was becoming rigid.  

'That's right, I want you.'

Hearing a confession of love from someone you love is so bitter and painful that it's truly miserable.

“The Adrienne I could never have, the Adrienne I will never have...”

The blue eyes, unfamiliar but steadily boiling, were so intense that they seemed like they would swallow me up.

“...I want you in front of me.”

“!”

Soon, lips full of the scent of alcohol overlapped mine.

It was a kiss as intense as his gaze, devouring me. It wasn’t the kiss that Noah I knew gave Adrienne. It wasn’t affectionate or ardent. It was just hot, and the scent was strong. The strong alcohol he drank made my mouth tingle. 

Noevian, who acted like he would breathe all of Adrienne’s breath, sucked all of Blie’s breath away as if he would take it away. I was just holding on to Noevian, giving him my lips, and shedding tears. He didn’t care. He just looked at me persistently, kissed me, and took my breath away. 

It was the wide embrace I had longed for, the kiss that had always been lacking...

It hurt so much that my heart was torn apart, and the champagne I had briefly drank was so disgusting that it made me vomit. 

When I finally came to my senses and pushed him away, panting, I saw the pale face of Rhodnes standing below the terrace, watching us. His flashing red eyes were cold, the exact opposite of their color. 

*** 

I left the terrace of the drunken Noevian and ran through the emergency door of the second-floor hallway. Noevian didn’t even look down at me as I ran across the garden. I didn’t dare to look back, but he didn’t catch me and I didn’t feel any gazes, so maybe that’s why.

“...”

A silence more terrible than any scream settled in the corner of the dark garden where I had run. I too could only stand there, dazed. Outside the closed corridor, where there was no sign of people. 

When I saw Blie’s reflection in the glass window, tears welled up in my eyes and flowed quietly. I turned away from Blie’s crying face and leaned against the corridor wall, collapsing to myself. I had to hurry and get back in the carriage, but I had no strength left in my body.

“Ugh... ugh...”

In a place that blocked out the moonlight that was bright enough to be envious, I was crying, shivering from the cold and betrayal. 

Drop, drop. 

Above the teardrops that soaked the dry, dark floor, a shadow even darker than that fell...

“!”

I realized that the dark shadow that covered my tear stains was not a garden tree or anything. I raised my head with a feeling of my heart pounding against my feet.

“...It looks like you need help.”

The man standing there talking about that damn help filled my eyes. His voice was polite and low. That made his voice sound even more arrogant. The voice that said I needed help was the same one I had heard in the hall, but a man with a much colder aura was glaring in front of me. 

It was the Second Prince, Rhodnes. 

*** 

I wanted to tell him that I didn’t need any help, so please leave me alone. 

It must have been a while since I suddenly sat up and faced him. When Rhodnes arrogantly waved his hand, Neil, who I hadn’t even noticed, came up behind him and handed him something.

“...”

I stared blankly at him, my tears welling up. 

Looking down at me, Rhodnes put down something he had received from Neil on the floor. He did it so slowly with an expressionless face that I could barely catch my breath and watched it.

“...!”

What Rhodnes had put on the ground were very familiar shoes. To be exact, the black shoes I had worn to Adrienne's funeral and lost when I ran away from this man.

“It looks like you need help.”

Only then did I notice that my feet felt cold for some reason.

Ah, ah, I really hate that.

“...Am I mistaken, Countess Acacia?”

Rhodnes's blond hair, slightly tilted, sparkled as if sprinkled with gold dust in the backlight. Her face was so innocent that even I, who had run away leaving my shoes behind and lied to Neil when he came to the Count's residence, knew everything. 

Between his sunken eyes and arrogant nose, a faint shadow appeared and disappeared repeatedly every time he tilted his head.

“Thank you...Thank you, Your Highness.”

I didn't appreciate it at all, but I answered in a deep voice. Rhodnes's large hand suddenly reached out in front of me. I accepted the help with a sense of resignation and quickly put on my shoes. I couldn't stand barefoot any longer, nor could I pretend not to know. 

The Prince probably didn't care who I was in the graveyard or what lies I told Neil. He didn't even question me, who ran away after seeing him, or me, who lied to Neil. 

Maybe he was a more affectionate person than I thought. Maybe he just followed me to give me these shoes.

"Now..."

I put on my shoes and tried to get out of his hands, but Rhodnes grabbed my hand tightly as if he had been waiting for me and pulled me towards him. 

When I got close enough to feel his exhalation touch the crown of my head, I looked up at his face in surprise.

“...Don’t you think it’s time to introduce who you are?”

A low voice rose through my body as if crawling on the floor soaked with my tears.

“!”

Knowing everything. Knowing that this body was Blie Acacia. Knowing that the woman who ran away from the graveyard was me. A polite, sweet, low voice. On the contrary, his eyes, like fire holding cold ice, were looking down at me.

“...!”

Those cold eyes from the moment I witnessed Noevian Trovica and his government. Those exact eyes. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I felt shame and humiliation surge up.

'This guy saw it all.'

I saw it all. Something that was neither laughter nor tears flowed out from my frozen eyes and mouth.

'Who am I?'

“...the government of Noevian Trovica.”

At that moment, the nobleman's face began to crack. The words he had spoken impulsively felt like a huge fireball burning his throat. To the man who had witnessed everything, what use was there in lying anymore?

“I am the government of Noevian Trovica.”

And I ended up spitting that fireball at the man. His beautifully sparkling red eyes shook wildly, but he couldn't take his eyes off me. 

I spit it out again, with the anger that was rising and the excitement I couldn't understand. In reality, it was no different from taking out my anger that had been boiling up since a while ago on someone who I didn't want to meet.

“And now, I don’t want to live under his government...”

The audacity of it all burst out like tears welling up from my eyes.

“...Don’t I look like I need help?”

You asked me if I really needed your help. You saw all my flaws and came all the way here to bring up my wounds. You insisted on finding out who I was and kept grabbing my hand. But the shock was short-lived, and his beautiful and sharp eyes as if drawn by someone, slightly curved. As if he was smiling.

“It looks like that.”

I stared at it as if I was possessed, and soon I had no choice but to shake off the hand that the red beast was still holding. This was because the beast spoke so well with eyes that were infinitely affectionate and sweet, yet at the same time as if they were going to kill me.

“Let me ask you again. So... do you need help?”

With an expression on his face like he'd strangle me if I told him I didn't need it.


Previous            Next



Support Novellate!

        Buy Me A Coffee

Comments