IHMEB - Chapter 274 < I Want to Have Kaian >



The familiar and masculine scent of Kaian's body enveloped me.
Kaian was more cautious than ever as he approached me boldly, holding me in his arms.

Thump. Thump.

The moment I realized that he treated me preciously, I thought that I wanted Kaian.

'What's wrong with liking my husband?'

Even though it was a political marriage between families that were enemies, there was a day when I worried about my unrequited love that I couldn't express, thinking that I could want a piece of his heart since we were already married.

'Your smile is really cool.'

Whenever he treated me gently as if there was hope for me too as if he had me in his heart, I was so impatient that I almost went crazy.

Kaian held me in his arms at all times.

It became rare during the early stages of my pregnancy, until I left Rowan, when Kaian was sensitive about Valquiterre and hurt me.

Looking back, my relationship with Kaian was defined by the nights spent.

Even when things were very bad between us, such as the day when I first arrived at Rowen Castle as a food slave.

If Kaian took my body, it was permission for me to stay by his side.

Even if there was no heart, one could still connect with the body.

Many nights of arranged marriages often passed like that.

As a duty and responsibility to prove that this marriage was valid.

Now, I felt hotter than ever.

Emotions that I had not felt in the nights that had passed because I had no choice but to avoid them welled up in my chest. I felt I had to tell Kaian right away.

“Kaian, I love you.”

I was so anxious that he would treat me like a patient and throw me back into bed.

“I want to make you mine.”

I hugged him with my weak arms.

How long had I been lying down?

For some reason, I felt empty and hungry, but I wanted to fill my stomach with something else.

“No.”

Kaian gently smacked his lips as if soothing me.

“Be careful because of the frostbite.”

While holding me, his red eyes looked up at me, confused and slightly clouded as if his heart was running wild with emotion, contrary to his words.

“It doesn’t hurt.”

Bandages were wrapped around both arms and both feet.

I tried to touch Kaian’s shirt buttons, but both hands were wrapped in bandages as if they were wearing mittens, making my movements dull.

‘I have to do it now.’

My mind was completely red, and I was annoyed by the fact that things weren’t going my way.

I looked at Kaian earnestly, trying to clumsily touch the button that wouldn’t come off.

Help me, please do something.

I think I need to take you off right now.

Kaian’s eyebrows furrowed at the attack in my eyes.

“...I can’t.”

“Yes.”

“That...”

I looked down at my blunt hands, brought her right hand to my mouth, and bit down on the bandage with my teeth.

Looking at me like that, Kaian opened his eyes wide and asked,

“What are you doing?”

“I want to touch you.”

“Ah.”

Kaian unconsciously ran his hand through his hair roughly.

In the meantime, I succeeded in undoing the bandage wrapped around my right hand and quickly undoed the bandage wrapped around my left hand.

Kaian said I had frostbite, but since I was from Valmonde, I knew better about the condition.

My hand, which had been unbandaged, smelled of an ointment made by mixing beeswax and perfume with medicinal ingredients.

However, when I opened and closed my fingers, they did not pull or sting, and my skin looked perfectly fine.

“It doesn’t hurt.”

“...”

I unbuttoned the shirt button that had been hindering my desire since earlier and kissed Kaian’s collarbone.

“I will love you.”

***

The night in Valmonde felt strangely different.

Rowen, where the sun sets in the evening and the dawn comes early, and even the early morning sunlight has the anticipation of how much the things rooted in the ground will grow today.

On the other hand, the days and nights of the frozen land, which is said to be half the year, are so strange that it is difficult to explain unless you actually experience it. The rising and setting of the sun are just a light to the frozen world to work for a while.

In Rowen, the sunlight, which was so strong that it could grow sedge every day and make baby-like buds grow into wide leaves the size of a palm overnight, was truly insignificant.

Whether it was the frozen ground, the frozen river, or the frozen lake, sometimes the faint sunlight fell feebly between the large trees whose branches were covered with snow.

The passionate hands that had been pulling out green somewhere were defeated here by the frozen air.

The cold darkness contrasted with the humid and mild south.

The bedroom in the castle of Valmonde was completely sealed off from the outside when the small window with thick, opaque glass to block out the cold and the heavy wooden door was closed, perhaps because of the solid walls built with several layers. 

As they lay there, their bodies overlapped, and in the room where they could neither hear nor feel anything other than each other’s presence, the nights of Valmonde felt much heavier and denser.

“Claudel...”

Kaian exhaled roughly.

A longing gesture reached out to his sweaty cheek.

In Rowen, even at night, Claudel’s pure white body would shine so clearly in the moonlight and starlight that it seemed as if it were shining on its own.

Even though he couldn’t see it that well now, he was satisfied with feeling the body temperature in the cool air surrounding him and holding the person he had missed by his side.

“Kaian.”

It stung.

Claudel only sighed and called his name, but his heart ached.

“I love you.”

The sweet confession endlessly dug into his ears and soon tore through his head to the point of making a mess.

‘Is this what it means to have a connection?’

Kissing the woman’s body and immersing himself in it, Kaian fell into a pleasure that seemed to squeeze his entire body.

The relationship between Claudel and him had never been easy.

It was always difficult, and it felt like an invisible obstacle was blocking their relationship.

Their hands were tense and unstable as if they were reaching out through the iron bars that prevented them from approaching each other.

But now, all the anxiety that had been bothering him had disappeared.

It was true that Claudel had taken off her bandages and was trying to touch him.

Rather than being admirable for her kindness, it was creepy to see Claudel expressing her greed for him.

'I knew I couldn't avoid it.'

He had never been swayed by Claudel's outstretched hand.

It was also true that he had half-resigned himself to the idea that this would happen if she provoked him.

However, he had not expected that he would reach the end of his passion in this way, so he fell into a bewilderingly sensual gesture.

The moment he saw Claudel fall into the lake, his reason and heart froze.

However, he did not think he would lose her like this.

After all this hard work to be together, wasn't it too cruel to part ways like this?

If there was a God, he couldn’t possibly carry all the hard work he had done and do this.

That’s why he didn’t doubt it.

If it was within his sight, he would never miss it.

Kaian believed in himself. Could the river of the underworld that the dead cross be this cold?

Kaian breathed life back into Claudel’s frozen body and returned to the castle, holding her in his arms and plunging into the boiling water just before it was boiling.

“The key to frostbite is to thaw the body quickly.”

Said the resident doctor who had followed Claudel and Julien to the castle of Valmonde to look after their health.

“Claudel. You can’t leave me.”

Kaian whispered endlessly as he held her in his arms and rubbed her pale hands and feet, unable to find any color even in the hot water.

“Because you can’t live without me.”

The moment Kaian spoke softly, Claudel hugged him tightly and responded.

“Yes. So let me live.”

The bedroom in Valmonde, where the darkness covered his eyes, was like a small, cozy cave.

Inside, the two were beasts that had woken up from hibernation.

***

The next day, the first one to come running after hearing the news that Claudel had woken up was Irena. She must have been out of the castle because she was wearing pants, long boots, and a thick cloak.

Irena had been suffering mentally for a while, so her eyes turned red as soon as she saw Claudel.

“Thank goodness.”

“You were worried?”

“You must have drank too much water because you had a fever. I thought you were in trouble because they said it might be pneumonia, but luckily the medicine worked and your fever went down.”

As Claudel listened to her, she could understand why Kaian didn't come to her a little sooner.

A wife who had been sick in bed for days and then opened her eyes and snuggled into her husband's arms.

“You ruined an important event because of me.”

Claudel said with a guilty look, and Irena turned serious.

“Why is it because of you?”

She held Claudel’s hand tightly.

“I think my father made the wrong choice.”

Irena’s eyes showed a complex emotion.

“This could have been avoided. If only the lake’s device hadn’t been activated.”

“What happened to my uncle?”

Claudel asked cautiously.

If she had been dragged into the lake by the deck's current that had sunk in the explosion, the Duke of Vermont would have been no different.

“...I’m looking for him.”

Irena’s short answer made her sense how heavy her heart must have been.

Claudel carefully placed her hand on Irena’s arm and stroked it as if comforting her.

Irena turned her head and rubbed her eyes. Her voice wavered a little.

“Becoming the head of the household. It’s hard.”

Claudel pretended not to notice her sister’s sadness as if she didn’t want to show her crying face.

Knock knock.

Before she could reply to the knock, the door opened and Leonie and Evan came to the bed.

“Honey. Do you know how worried we were?”

Leonie hugged Claudel and burst into tears.

“Mom wanted to go save you. I should have thrown .yself into the lake to save you.” 

She couldn’t do that because she had Julien with her.

That fact tormented Leonie the whole time.

“Mom protected Julien.”

“Still...”

Kaian and Evan quietly watched the two of them embracing each other.

Then Evan winked at Kaian.

“Can we talk privately for a moment?”


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