“Kaian!”
I screamed without realizing it.
“Ahhhh!”
My body froze like a stone.
I had been holding onto my husband’s hand tightly, unable to let go because I was still so attached.
The arrow that flew past my shoulder felt more threatening because it was fast.
I looked at the arrow that was stuck in his chest and slowly raised my hand to grab it. Opening my eyes, I looked like I couldn’t believe it even though I saw that Kaian had been fatally attacked.
Several people shouted and ran around him, but he stumbled forward, bending down.
The scene I saw with my eyes happened in a matter of seconds, but to me, that moment seemed to pass slowly like an eternity.
‘I should have been hit instead.’
If I had, I wouldn’t have seen him suffer like this in front of me.
“Kaian. No. How...”
I was shedding tears that had welled up in an instant as I thought such ridiculous thoughts.
Stand tall.
The man who looked like he was going to collapse with his pale face straightened up and stood up.
Those who were trying to support him all looked at Kaian with astonished faces.
"...Kaian?"
I called him, but Kaian was looking down at his chest where the arrow was.
"Wait a minute."
I turned around after seeing him tighten his grip on the arrow.
"No. Don't touch it. I have to call a doctor. Quickly."
"It's okay."
He grabbed the arrow and pulled it out himself.
Whoosh!
Several people surrounding him jumped in surprise.
However, the terrible thing he had expected did not happen.
Not only were there no blood droplets that I had expected to spurt out from where he had pulled out the arrow but there was not even a single stain on his clothes.
Seeing that, Evan asked in bewilderment.
"Did you wear the armor inside your clothes?"
"No."
Kaian unbuttoned a few buttons, reached inside his clothes, and took something out of his inside pocket.
"Claudel saved me."
The stone was split in half due to the impact, probably because it had been hit almost directly in the middle by an arrow.
Evan, who saw what he was holding in his hand, wondered.
“Isn’t this... a stone?”
My tears suddenly stopped flowing as Evan’s mouth seemed about to say the disparaging remark about stones that he had heard before.
“I was surprised!”
Instead, I suddenly felt angry.
“Why are you acting like you were really hit by an arrow?”
Kaian put the stone in his pants pocket, hugged me with one arm, and covered my mouth with the other.
“Ugh! Ugh!”
“Rohan! How much time do we have left?”
I screamed without realizing it.
“Ahhhh!”
My body froze like a stone.
I had been holding onto my husband’s hand tightly, unable to let go because I was still so attached.
The arrow that flew past my shoulder felt more threatening because it was fast.
I looked at the arrow that was stuck in his chest and slowly raised my hand to grab it. Opening my eyes, I looked like I couldn’t believe it even though I saw that Kaian had been fatally attacked.
Several people shouted and ran around him, but he stumbled forward, bending down.
The scene I saw with my eyes happened in a matter of seconds, but to me, that moment seemed to pass slowly like an eternity.
‘I should have been hit instead.’
If I had, I wouldn’t have seen him suffer like this in front of me.
“Kaian. No. How...”
I was shedding tears that had welled up in an instant as I thought such ridiculous thoughts.
Stand tall.
The man who looked like he was going to collapse with his pale face straightened up and stood up.
Those who were trying to support him all looked at Kaian with astonished faces.
"...Kaian?"
I called him, but Kaian was looking down at his chest where the arrow was.
"Wait a minute."
I turned around after seeing him tighten his grip on the arrow.
"No. Don't touch it. I have to call a doctor. Quickly."
"It's okay."
He grabbed the arrow and pulled it out himself.
Whoosh!
Several people surrounding him jumped in surprise.
However, the terrible thing he had expected did not happen.
Not only were there no blood droplets that I had expected to spurt out from where he had pulled out the arrow but there was not even a single stain on his clothes.
Seeing that, Evan asked in bewilderment.
"Did you wear the armor inside your clothes?"
"No."
Kaian unbuttoned a few buttons, reached inside his clothes, and took something out of his inside pocket.
"Claudel saved me."
The stone was split in half due to the impact, probably because it had been hit almost directly in the middle by an arrow.
Evan, who saw what he was holding in his hand, wondered.
“Isn’t this... a stone?”
My tears suddenly stopped flowing as Evan’s mouth seemed about to say the disparaging remark about stones that he had heard before.
“I was surprised!”
Instead, I suddenly felt angry.
“Why are you acting like you were really hit by an arrow?”
Kaian put the stone in his pants pocket, hugged me with one arm, and covered my mouth with the other.
“Ugh! Ugh!”
“Rohan! How much time do we have left?”
When Kaian shouted toward the ship, Rohan, who had been hanging on the railing and watching the situation with a shocked expression, looked dumbfounded as Kaian could not jump off the ship.
“Huh? I told you earlier that we have to leave right away.”
“That’s right.”
Kaian bowed his head slightly toward Evan.
“Claudel seems to be feeling unwell because she was surprised, so I’ll take you to the cabin and come back.”
“Well. You don’t have to ask my permission for that.”
After making a grand promise to leave the place for a while, Kaian carried me and climbed up the diagonally slanted planks from the dock to the ship.
Once inside the cabin, Kaian closed the door and laid me down on the bed.
“What are you doing?”
“I was just helping you out because you were so nervous that you might trip and fall while you were shivering.”
“Everyone was watching.”
“Who was it that didn’t let you go while looking at me like you were going to eat me while everyone was watching?”
“I did?”
“No.”
“...I did.”
I admitted with a small sigh.
There was a time when I thought he was serious when he teased me.
Looking at his actions, I was the only one who was surprised that he got hit by an arrow, and Kaian didn’t seem to care.
That made me feel resentful, and I glared at Kaian.
“Look at this.”
He showed me the stone that had been hit by the arrow.
“It’s split.”
Since I couldn't see it properly from outside earlier, I also picked it up in my hand and looked at it carefully.
The stone split in half was very smooth, except for some of the places where the arrows were embedded as if it had been split by a craftsman.
The stone had looked very red when it first caught my eye while sloshing around in the lake, but now that it had dried, it had become a dull gray-brown.
However, the cross-section of the split stone was much more vivid, shining like a jewel with a reddish tint.
“You saved me,”
Kaian said as if he was glad of that fact.
“Not the first time.”
“When else have I saved you?”
“Have you forgotten about the crocodile hunt?”
“Huh? I told you earlier that we have to leave right away.”
“That’s right.”
Kaian bowed his head slightly toward Evan.
“Claudel seems to be feeling unwell because she was surprised, so I’ll take you to the cabin and come back.”
“Well. You don’t have to ask my permission for that.”
After making a grand promise to leave the place for a while, Kaian carried me and climbed up the diagonally slanted planks from the dock to the ship.
Once inside the cabin, Kaian closed the door and laid me down on the bed.
“What are you doing?”
“I was just helping you out because you were so nervous that you might trip and fall while you were shivering.”
“Everyone was watching.”
“Who was it that didn’t let you go while looking at me like you were going to eat me while everyone was watching?”
“I did?”
“No.”
“...I did.”
I admitted with a small sigh.
There was a time when I thought he was serious when he teased me.
Looking at his actions, I was the only one who was surprised that he got hit by an arrow, and Kaian didn’t seem to care.
That made me feel resentful, and I glared at Kaian.
“Look at this.”
He showed me the stone that had been hit by the arrow.
“It’s split.”
Since I couldn't see it properly from outside earlier, I also picked it up in my hand and looked at it carefully.
The stone split in half was very smooth, except for some of the places where the arrows were embedded as if it had been split by a craftsman.
The stone had looked very red when it first caught my eye while sloshing around in the lake, but now that it had dried, it had become a dull gray-brown.
However, the cross-section of the split stone was much more vivid, shining like a jewel with a reddish tint.
“You saved me,”
Kaian said as if he was glad of that fact.
“Not the first time.”
“When else have I saved you?”
“Have you forgotten about the crocodile hunt?”
I had been startled by what had happened earlier and answered half-stupidly, but he just seemed happy.
“How generous of you. You even risked your life to protect me, and now you’re forgetting.”
“From what you’re saying now, I don’t think I need to worry about your condition.”
Even so, my face was filled with worry as I fiddled with his clothes, which had been torn by the arrows.
Kaian watched me for a moment and then said,
“Claudel. You saved me even when I was your enemy.”
Without any awareness, I thought it would be better for me to get hurt than for him to get hurt. I was going to die because of Herzol.
But later, I came to the conclusion that I might have liked him back then.
That might have been why I wanted to save him.
“And you saved me too. If it weren’t for you, the arrow would have really been in my heart.”
“I feel strange.”
I looked into his eyes.
“When something like this happens, my body moves like that without me knowing.”
Looking back, it was a moment when I didn’t have time to think deeply.
“I think it would be better for me to get hurt than to see you go wrong.”
“You said you wanted to protect me.”
Kaian grabbed my hand and kissed the back of my hand.
“You let me live. Claudel.”
He realized more than ever that I had saved him, that I had saved him.
Even though Valquiterre had thrown a huge bomb at him that would take away his will to live, Kaian remembered that there was someone among the soldiers who missed their nagging women and worried about him under the guise of nagging.
“Go and protect Rowen. It’s the only place I can return to.”
“...Yes.”
Kaian let out a deep sigh as I touched his hand or clothes with regret.
“If I stay a little longer, I might not be able to send you.”
His voice, which had become a little lower, sounded like it was stuck to my ear.
Kaian put one-half of the stone that had been split in half in my hand.
“I’m leaving it to you because I treasure it.”
“Phew.”
I laughed without realizing it at the playful gesture.
Kaian, who had been staring at my face as if he were possessed, finally took a peek at my smiling lips.
“I’ll get it back when I get back. Take good care of it.”
“Yes.”
As soon as Kaian got off, the boat quickly raced across the water.
I let out a small sigh.
“Revenge. It’s not as good as I thought.”
I wanted to tell Valquiterre directly.
Seeing him was like facing my past of not trusting Kaian.
In fact, if Kaian defined Valquiterre as his own person, it was natural for me to be pushed out.
So, I thought that getting Valquiterre's help would be something that I would not belong to even if Kaian found out later.
Now, we were Julien's mother and father.
The guilt I felt every time I saw Julien grew bigger day by day.
'It was Kaian's fault.'
Kaian would say that over and over again.
It wasn't my fault.
It was his fault for misunderstanding, suffering, drawing a line, and protecting Valquiterre without even asking properly.
But I could no longer convince myself that it was all his fault.
The joy of Julien's birth.
The excitement I felt while the baby grew this much.
Those things would not come back.
The baby could not become smaller again.
At first, it was enough that Julien was safe, but as the days went by, that became impossible.
The more precious and lovable the child was, the more resentful and unfair it was to lose him.
“I thought he would feel much better if you said a word.”
Some of the things Valquiterre had said had really bothered Kaian.
And as I listened to the story, I found myself sympathizing with someone I didn’t want to understand.
“I wasn’t happy at the castle of Valmonde either.”
Would a child who was sent to another's house against his will just because he was raised by parents of higher status and wealthier status necessarily live better?
I knew better than anyone that it wasn't.
Lying on a gold-covered bed, wrapped in soft silk quilts, I knew that my mind had burned away, but I wandered around the cozy log cabin where I had grown up as a child.
That's why I couldn't completely hate Kaian and didn't resent him for being heartbroken by Valquiterre's misfortune.
"Kaian. I hope you return safely."
That way, I wouldn't have to live in a time of resentment.
Carriages lined up at Rowen Castle from early morning.
Most of the vassals followed Kaian to the battle. Then, the responsibility of leading the household fell to the women, and to prepare for any unfortunate events, they were all trying to look good to Claudel.
If something happened to their husband on the battlefield, there could be a fight over who would inherit the property and the lineage when their children grew up.
At such a time, the only person you can trust is the lord’s wife, who will listen to your story and take your child’s side when you share your joys and sorrows.
Click.
The wide hall door opened, and when I entered, the ladies who had been seated all stood up from their seats.
“Duchess.”
“Good morning.”
“Thank you for gathering everyone at this early hour.”
As I greeted them and sat down at the head of the table, one of the women smiled faintly and spoke.
“I was worried because you hadn’t been able to come out of your bedroom all night.”
“How generous of you. You even risked your life to protect me, and now you’re forgetting.”
“From what you’re saying now, I don’t think I need to worry about your condition.”
Even so, my face was filled with worry as I fiddled with his clothes, which had been torn by the arrows.
Kaian watched me for a moment and then said,
“Claudel. You saved me even when I was your enemy.”
Without any awareness, I thought it would be better for me to get hurt than for him to get hurt. I was going to die because of Herzol.
But later, I came to the conclusion that I might have liked him back then.
That might have been why I wanted to save him.
“And you saved me too. If it weren’t for you, the arrow would have really been in my heart.”
“I feel strange.”
I looked into his eyes.
“When something like this happens, my body moves like that without me knowing.”
Looking back, it was a moment when I didn’t have time to think deeply.
“I think it would be better for me to get hurt than to see you go wrong.”
“You said you wanted to protect me.”
Kaian grabbed my hand and kissed the back of my hand.
“You let me live. Claudel.”
He realized more than ever that I had saved him, that I had saved him.
Even though Valquiterre had thrown a huge bomb at him that would take away his will to live, Kaian remembered that there was someone among the soldiers who missed their nagging women and worried about him under the guise of nagging.
“Go and protect Rowen. It’s the only place I can return to.”
“...Yes.”
Kaian let out a deep sigh as I touched his hand or clothes with regret.
“If I stay a little longer, I might not be able to send you.”
His voice, which had become a little lower, sounded like it was stuck to my ear.
Kaian put one-half of the stone that had been split in half in my hand.
“I’m leaving it to you because I treasure it.”
“Phew.”
I laughed without realizing it at the playful gesture.
Kaian, who had been staring at my face as if he were possessed, finally took a peek at my smiling lips.
“I’ll get it back when I get back. Take good care of it.”
“Yes.”
As soon as Kaian got off, the boat quickly raced across the water.
I let out a small sigh.
“Revenge. It’s not as good as I thought.”
I wanted to tell Valquiterre directly.
Seeing him was like facing my past of not trusting Kaian.
In fact, if Kaian defined Valquiterre as his own person, it was natural for me to be pushed out.
So, I thought that getting Valquiterre's help would be something that I would not belong to even if Kaian found out later.
Now, we were Julien's mother and father.
The guilt I felt every time I saw Julien grew bigger day by day.
'It was Kaian's fault.'
Kaian would say that over and over again.
It wasn't my fault.
It was his fault for misunderstanding, suffering, drawing a line, and protecting Valquiterre without even asking properly.
But I could no longer convince myself that it was all his fault.
The joy of Julien's birth.
The excitement I felt while the baby grew this much.
Those things would not come back.
The baby could not become smaller again.
At first, it was enough that Julien was safe, but as the days went by, that became impossible.
The more precious and lovable the child was, the more resentful and unfair it was to lose him.
“I thought he would feel much better if you said a word.”
Some of the things Valquiterre had said had really bothered Kaian.
And as I listened to the story, I found myself sympathizing with someone I didn’t want to understand.
“I wasn’t happy at the castle of Valmonde either.”
Would a child who was sent to another's house against his will just because he was raised by parents of higher status and wealthier status necessarily live better?
I knew better than anyone that it wasn't.
Lying on a gold-covered bed, wrapped in soft silk quilts, I knew that my mind had burned away, but I wandered around the cozy log cabin where I had grown up as a child.
That's why I couldn't completely hate Kaian and didn't resent him for being heartbroken by Valquiterre's misfortune.
"Kaian. I hope you return safely."
That way, I wouldn't have to live in a time of resentment.
***
Carriages lined up at Rowen Castle from early morning.
Most of the vassals followed Kaian to the battle. Then, the responsibility of leading the household fell to the women, and to prepare for any unfortunate events, they were all trying to look good to Claudel.
If something happened to their husband on the battlefield, there could be a fight over who would inherit the property and the lineage when their children grew up.
At such a time, the only person you can trust is the lord’s wife, who will listen to your story and take your child’s side when you share your joys and sorrows.
Click.
The wide hall door opened, and when I entered, the ladies who had been seated all stood up from their seats.
“Duchess.”
“Good morning.”
“Thank you for gathering everyone at this early hour.”
As I greeted them and sat down at the head of the table, one of the women smiled faintly and spoke.
“I was worried because you hadn’t been able to come out of your bedroom all night.”
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