RAMHM - Chapter 4 < My Funeral >

Who in the world could attend their own funeral? 

My real body was right there in front of me. My body would be beautifully adorned and displayed for 100 days. Most royal families held funerals in the same way, even for their spouses. 

Daughters and sons of God. I don’t know if it was to instill illusions in people or if it was a sense of superiority that royals could not be given the same funerals as nobles. 

I remembered the funeral of Her Majesty Empress Letina, who had passed away when I was young. She had also been beautifully adorned then. She was placed in a glass coffin surrounded by flowers and held a funeral for 100 days. That sad yet beautiful scene is still vivid in my mind, but the coffin was now my body. 

As I got closer to the glass coffin, I unconsciously pulled down the net on my hat to the tip of my nose. My face was not known to many nobles unless they were close friends. It was because of my husband Noevian, who rushed to get married as soon as I had my debutante. 

It was nice to have a fresh and healthy body like Blie, but it wasn't until I arrived at this solemn and grand funeral that the reality of it began to sink in.

'This is God's joke.'

This dreamlike reality is not something that should be enjoyed. This is a joke of God. And a very bad joke at that.

'Ah-!'

Among the people praying and singing hymns, I saw 'me' up close, with my eyes closed, surrounded by all kinds of flowers, in a glass coffin. A pale corpse covered in beautiful things, with only its face exposed and its eyes closed. It was exactly like the funeral of Her Majesty the late Empress Letina.

'I'm really dead, I'm really dead.'

The black dress I was wearing, the black hat. The black net covers the front. But it wasn't just those things that were black, it was my heart. It literally felt like my heart was burning black.

“According to Ronta’s law, the royal family and their spouses are to hold a funeral that lasts for 100 days.”

“Glory be to God.”

“An honor for the dead.”

People prayed, hoping for a useless honor when they died. I searched frantically for my husband with blurry eyes. Noevian was standing tall in front of the glass case, staring blankly down at it.

"No...!"

I was about to call his name reflexively, but I met his eyes straight ahead as he raised his head. His name no longer came out of my mouth. He must have seen this 'Blie's' face, but Noevian immediately turned his eyes to 'me' in the glass case.

'That's stupid.'

What did I call him to confirm? 

I thought it was just a pitiful mistake by ignorant maids, but I couldn't let go of the thin thread of doubt that remained in my heart. When I met the cold eyes that I had never received before in Adrienne's body, my head turned white. And then suddenly.

“Ugh...”

Noevian began to cry. It was the first time I had seen him express his emotions like that, so I, who had been among the ladies, stared blankly at him. Until the priest finished his long prayer. Until the others opened their tightly shut eyes. The nobles bowed their heads respectfully to Noevian’s sorrowful face and expressed their condolences. 

I could only stare blankly at the people who had come to my funeral behind them. It was hard to guess how many people had visited this cemetery and then gotten back on their carriages.

'Was I really this great of a person?'

As soon as I debuted in society, I was noticed by Noevian, got married early, suffered from illness, lived in a mansion, and died suddenly at the age of 22. Most of the people who were sobbing were people I had never met. Perhaps none of those people would truly mourn my death. 

What was even funnier was that because of this government’s body, which looked exactly like mine, not to mention my body shape, I couldn’t believe it even though I was looking at my original body in a glass coffin. It took me a long time to accept that I was dead, even though I thought it was real. 

Noevian was right in front of me. I was alive and breathing here. This was also real to me. If only someone had called me Adrienne, not that corpse... 

If only the Duke and Duchess of Piretta had insisted that they were attending someone’s funeral on one of their good days, I could have accepted it. But no one called me Adrienne. 

*** 

When the Duke and Duchess of Piretta arrived at the Trovica Cemetery, half of the guests had already left. The dead Grand Duchess's brother, the Little Duke Gregory, kept trying to sit down as his legs gave out, but his wife, Bianca, held him back with all her might. But her face, visible through the black mesh, was soaking wet.

“Rien..! Aah- Aah-!!”

"Honey!"

Finally, as soon as Gregory reached the glass case, he collapsed. Bianca, who had been screaming softly, also covered her mouth with her hand. Young, beautiful, and pale. So, as the sad corpse filled her eyes, she couldn't hold back her tears.

“You, you son of a bitch!!”

“Honey! Ugh...Honey, stop it!”

“Save my sister! Save Rien!!”

“Honey! We know better than anyone that he did his best!”

Gregory Piretta, who was crying and wailing, was just as noisy as the rumors said. The remaining guests were just silently paying their respects as if it were nothing serious. 

Such an outrageous act was forgivable at a funeral. In front of the dead, whether they were nobles or royalty, there were many cases where people of all kinds would cry, laugh, and do all sorts of strange things. The face of Noevian Trovica, who was called the Emperor's adviser, was already soaked, and so was Gregory, the brother of the Grand Duchess. 

After a long and meaningless fight, Gregory finally hugged the Grand Duke, who was standing silently, and swallowed his tears. The old ladies' prayers also grew louder along with the hymns that were quietly resonating.

“Oh, my God! Please grant the dead an honor!”

Likewise, with black nets drawn before their eyes, they prayed for Grand Duchess Adrienne, whose face they had never seen properly. 

Soon, guests and wreaths from the imperial family arrived. They laid gorgeous flowers in front of the deceased’s coffin and made the sign of the cross to the Lord. A Grand Duchess is a Grand Duchess, after all. Other than that, it was an ordinary funeral, but I, who was among the old ladies, was struggling to hold back my tears. 

I was already shedding tears because of Noevian’s sobbing, and when Gregory and Bianca joined him, I couldn’t bear it any longer. 

*** 

Died in early winter. The night wind was sharp enough to cut through the flesh, even though it had been a few days since I died. The air in the cemetery felt colder than anywhere else. People disappeared one by one, and Noevian went to supervise the people who were moving the glass coffin containing my body to the Grand Duchess’ residence during the night. 

But it would come someday. He was a man who took responsibility for a job he had started until the end. I couldn't go back to the Grand Duke's residence without checking out this cemetery that hadn't been cleaned up yet. My foolishly confident face was numb. It felt like it was hurting as if someone had slapped my cheek. My face, wet from crying, was frozen in the night wind.

'Come quickly, Noah....'

I moved away from my white-shining tombstone. No one could easily see me, but I had a clear view of the entrance to the cemetery. I stood as if I was hiding behind the neatly arranged garden bushes as if the gravedigger guarding the entrance was ready to kick me out at any moment. 

In the cemetery where there was no one but the guard, I waited for my husband. How long had I waited? 

My already pale hands were getting colder and colder, and as I was rubbing them, the sound of horse hooves miraculously cut through the heavy silence. I immediately straightened my frozen body and stuck my face out of the bushes. The gravedigger saluted someone with a military gesture. Without even stopping his horse, he jumped down and entered the cemetery entrance, casting a shadow like a giant ghost from hell. Was it Noah? 

My high expectations gradually subsided. The figure of the man who looked like a warrior at first glance was so huge that it was overwhelming even from this distance as it approached the gas lights illuminating the tombstone. It wasn’t Noevian. His calm gait was not like that, but a much more fierce and urgent gait. 

The man, who had been driving his horse fiercely enough to break the silence, stood still in front of the tombstone without saying a word. The silence was heavier than when I was alone. As the clouds covering the moon cleared, light reached behind the man. Although I was not in the mood to appreciate anything, my eyes were struck by blond hair that was so shiny it seemed violent. At first glance, it looked like silver hair. Who could it be? 

Although he was not shivering from the cold like me, the man stood frozen for a long time at the tombstone without a body.

Even though I could only see his back, I had the illusion that despair was flowing down his huge back. And soon he stumbled.

“!”

I reached out my hand without realizing it, but quickly withdrew it. The man, whose frame was so tall that I had to look up at him from afar when I stood close, immediately fell to the bare floor, knelt down, and barely sat up. I watched it clearly, feeling the blood flow rapidly throughout my body. 

The man, who was still feeling the tombstone that only had my name engraved on it, sat there as if he had lost his mind, and then suddenly began to shake his shoulders. Was he crying or laughing?

'Or maybe both?'

The man who had been shaking his shoulders strangely looked like an angry or crazy person as time went by. And as his body shook, his sparkling hair broke like stars. 

I approached him little by little as if I was possessed. Except for Noevian and his family, no one showed any emotion in front of this useless tombstone.

'Who are you?'

I wanted to ask. Who was he, running so fast in the middle of the night when no one was there, shaking his shoulders like that...

I was walking as if in a trance, and suddenly stopped in the middle of the road.

'What am I going to say when I approach him?'

That person knows me. If he didn't know, he wouldn't be this sad. But how can I explain my current state? 

More than the curiosity that suddenly arose, I was suddenly afraid of how someone would perceive me if they saw me now. 

I naturally backed away from the distance I had come. And what made me stop walking again was when the man's breathing as if he was sobbing, suddenly stopped and his low voice, as if crawling on the floor, seeped into the silence.

“...Adrienne?”

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